is this a deal breaker

LegacyUser

If you were to find links to a fetish web site on your Husbands phone, (I admit I shouldn't have been looking, it had been a silly query that resulted in the discovery) will specific searches for his geographical area, would you think this is a sign your marriage is over?

Glitter

What kind of website? Unless it looks like he's planning to cheat or hire a professional I don't see why this should be anything as dramatic as 'the marriage is over'.

There's quite a substantial fetish community in Ireland. Is this aspect of sexuality anything you've ever discussed? He may want to explore it. Or it could all just be fantasy.
The only way to know is to communicate with him.

And, as you rightly point out, you really shouldn't have been going through his phone. Checking his browser history is definitely snooping, whatever your original intention.

meeeeh

Do you think that he is cheating or you or was he just nosing around what is going on in your locality? For anything to be deal breaker you need context.

KikiDee

I guess you need to look at this from 2 different angles. The first angle is, was he planning on pursuing it without your involvement or knowledge? This would be a deal breaker for me. The 2nd being, is it a fetish that you would support or get involved in?

Perhaps it might be of benefit for you to sit down and talk about this with him before deciding if it's a deal breaker for you.

LegacyUser

First of all, don't beat yourself up about looking at his phone. It happens.

Depends on the fetish I would think....is it something that turns your stomach or is it something you would be interested in? Has he expressed this fetish to you before?

The best advice given here, I would agree with it - sit down and talk. he may be uncomfortable but if your willing to participate in this with him, it may open up a whole new world of fun for you both. But on the other hand, if you are uncomfortable with it, let him know....best of luck.

And and I don't think he intends to cheat....I would think he would have covered his tracks better if he was going to cheat IMO

silverbolt

As others have said it depends on the context. It also depends on how open and liberal your sex life is. He may have been looking for ideas for the two of you. He may have a fetish he cant/wont tell you about and looking for advice/fantasy. Or he could be looking for someone to act these out with. Or he may have just been curious.

VisibleGorilla

It is a sign your marriage will be over if it is something you are not willing to explore with him.

Leogirl

VisibleGorilla wrote: »

It is a sign your marriage will be over if it is something you are not willing to explore with him.

Seriously?? I don't think not exploring a fetish together means the end of a marriage. What if it's something that turns her stomach?

lifeandtimes

Leogirl wrote: »

Seriously?? I don't think not exploring a fetish together means the end of a marriage. What if it's something that turns her stomach?

Then its the end of the marriage?

Leogirl

lifeandtimes wrote: »

Leogirl wrote: »

Seriously?? I don't think not exploring a fetish together means the end of a marriage. What if it's something that turns her stomach?

Then its the end of the marriage?

I would hope not. Maybe if it's something extreme or illegal.

kylith

OP, only you can decide if this is a dealbreaker or not. You need to talk to your OH about it in a calm manner and decide for yourselves if it's something either you can get on board with or he can do without.