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  • 07-09-2016 12:34pm
    #1
    SILVAMAN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 730 ✭✭✭


    Friend from abroad contacted me-he's left his job and home.He sounded very down and has stopped using social media so his family cannot contact him.
    He's now coming to Ireland as he feels he can only talk to me about his life.
    Family have made contact with me and it turns out he's bipolar-I didn't know that.
    Anyhow he arrives later tonight....how am I to deal with him/say/talk/do?
    Bit out of my depth here.
    Help and advice appreciated
    Thanks


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    #2
    Speedwell
    Registered Users Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    Silvaman, you feel obliged by reason of friendship to do what you can to help your friend, and that's very good of you. Please remember that you can't help him if you yourself are compromised. I mean that you have to make sure that your mental health is supported, and that you need to still do your own job and take care of your own life. If you have to make sacrifices to support your friend in the short term, make sure you have a plan for the long term that does not include him being completely dependent on you. You're not the cause of his issue, so you're not responsible for solving his problems. If you feel overwhelmed and inadequate, you are not the right person at the right time. If you didn't even invite him, you're not the right person at the right time. If I were you I'd call the Samaritans for advice... they deal not only with people on the brink of suicide, but people facing a crisis for any reason, and I think this is a crisis time for you. I am stable and healthy and have had experience dealing with bipolar people, and even I would find it too hard to have a bipolar friend decide suddenly to come visit me from overseas. I'll be holding you in my thoughts.


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    #3
    SILVAMAN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 730 ✭✭✭SILVAMAN


    Speedwell wrote: »
    Silvaman, you feel obliged by reason of friendship to do what you can to help your friend, and that's very good of you. Please remember that you can't help him if you yourself are compromised. I mean that you have to make sure that your mental health is supported, and that you need to still do your own job and take care of your own life. If you have to make sacrifices to support your friend in the short term, make sure you have a plan for the long term that does not include him being completely dependent on you. You're not the cause of his issue, so you're not responsible for solving his problems. If you feel overwhelmed and inadequate, you are not the right person at the right time. If you didn't even invite him, you're not the right person at the right time. If I were you I'd call the Samaritans for advice... they deal not only with people on the brink of suicide, but people facing a crisis for any reason, and I think this is a crisis time for you. I am stable and healthy and have had experience dealing with bipolar people, and even I would find it too hard to have a bipolar friend decide suddenly to come visit me from overseas. I'll be holding you in my thoughts.
    Thanks-I got a referral for a counselor and am making a appointment for tomorrow.
    I'm fine mentally, though some would like to argue otherwise-serioulsy I have and have never had any issues-he's a good friend and he needs to talk to me, and I'm ok with that. Depending on what I hear/see I'm ready to contact whoever I need to to deal with things.
    It's a long way fro Clare to there.....thanks again.


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    #4
    Speedwell
    Registered Users Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    SILVAMAN wrote: »
    Thanks-I got a referral for a counselor and am making a appointment for tomorrow.
    I'm fine mentally, though some would like to argue otherwise-serioulsy I have and have never had any issues-he's a good friend and he needs to talk to me, and I'm ok with that. Depending on what I hear/see I'm ready to contact whoever I need to to deal with things.
    It's a long way fro Clare to there.....thanks again.

    You bet. I didn't mean to cast aspersions on your mental health! I just meant that whatever you have, you need to protect in order to be in good shape to help your friend. Sometimes that means recognising you can't do the whole job on your own. I'm glad you've reached out. Your friend is lucky.


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