Paying for rooms, what should the B&G cover?

GingerLily

What rooms should be covered by the Bride and Groom for a wedding?
If the bridal party are required to stay 2 nights should both be paid for?
What family members will expect free accommodation?

I'm interested in people's opinions on this rather than specific advice!

witchgirl26

Honestly I don't think any rooms should be covered by the B&G. I think it should come down to what's actually affordable for them. A lot of hotels include some rooms in the package.

My sister's wedding included rooms for the parents of the couple. As a bridesmaid I'm staying the night before and of but paying for my own room. No issue with that at all.

I had friends getting married last year where my OH was part of the bridal party and the room for the night of the wedding was included but not the night after. Again no issue.

I never expect my room to be covered no matter how close I am to the couple.

miamee

I don't think there is a definite 'should' about it but most people would cpver the rooms for their parents I think. In my sister's case, they covered the rooms for both sets of parents for two nights. The rest of us availed of the wedding rate for night one and regular rate for night two, no issues.

If it were me, I'd probably do something similar for parents and leave it at that.

AlanG

The only person you should pay for is the priest if he has to travel for the wedding and you are not paying him much. We paid for our priest as he was a family friend who traveled to do us a favor. If you require the bridesmaid and groomsman to be there the night before then you will usually pay for the rooms that night but in many cases they will share a room with the bride and groom respectively and the bride and groom traditionally spend the night apart.
Many people pay for parents but unless the parents are dong the traditional thing of paying towards the wedding I wouldn't feel obliged.
After that it would be unusual unless you had a singer or something like that who traveled and was a friend not charging for their service.

lazygal

I might be in a minority but I think the bridal party's rooms should be covered if the bride and groom have chosen to get married somewhere they can't get home to easily. We had a very small bridal party and one of the reasons was because we wanted to cover all these costs and they were in the budget right from the start. If a couple 'require' people to stay with them for two nights they should pay for this, I don't see why they wouldn't as it is their choice. Certainly any hotel I've been to for a wedding wouldn't be somewhere I'd choose to stay for two nights!
I would also have covered our parents' rooms as a general being good to your family kind of thing, but this wasn't necessary as both sets of parents went home after the wedding.

mcgiggles

My sister covered her bridal party rooms as part of their present but she said it was only because they could afford to. I have 4 BM and 4 GM and we can't afford to cover all their rooms for one night not to mind 2, but they know that and don't expect it. I don't think its necessary, but is a nice surprise if you can afford it. I've been BM twice and had to pay both times. Parents rooms yes, but they are usually part of the package with hotels..

GingerLily

I'm not doing a hotel wedding myself and am responsible for the entire accommodation costs for 2 nights if the venue isn't filled.
Paying for the four bridal party members and their partners for 2 nights is a bit hefty

seamus

I guess to a certain extent you've hamstrung yourself here by obliging yourself to pay for the venue for two nights.

My rule of thumb is that if the B&G require anything of anyone, the B&G cover those costs - this includes the cost of clothing, the hotel, transport, etc. It's unfair to tell someone they have no choice in a matter, and expect them to pay for it too.

If you can't afford to cover everyone for the two nights, then just let each decide what they want to do, let them pay for their own accomodation and then you can cover any shortfall in the bill if they decide they don't want to stay two nights.

Addle

IMO, it depends on where the hosts decide to have their wedding reception.

If forcing people to travel, then they should cover bridal party and their parents accommodation.

Any other guest can make their own mind up on whether and where they want to go/stay.

SusanC10

My answer is it depends. On the circumstances of the Bride and Groom and the Bridal Party. On the Venue and whether people have to travel etc.

For our own Wedding my parents wanted to contribute but instead of giving us a sum of money my Dad in particular wanted to pay for certain things. So among other things they paid for themselves, my 4 Bridesmaids (in 2 Rooms), my Aunt and 1 GM & his fiancee to stay in a Hotel (our Venue did not have Accommodation). 3 of my four BM were still students, 3 were my sisters and that GM was also a student. If Dad hadn't paid for it my Husband and I would have.

I have been BM twice and Husband has been BM/GM also twice and Accommodation was paid for by the Bride/Groom/Parents in all cases. There was also a Wedding in Husband's immediate family where we were not part of the Bridal Party but were offered paid Accommodation by the Groom.

Jentle Grenade

I've been in the bridal party twice. First time the wedding was across the country and the B&G paid for two rooms for the BMs. I didn't expect it but it was nice all the same. The second wedding wasn't exactly near home and the costs weren't covered which didn't really put me up or down to be honest. I preferred being able to book a room with my partner anyway.

lazygal

GingerLily wrote: »

I'm not doing a hotel wedding myself and am responsible for the entire accommodation costs for 2 nights if the venue isn't filled.
Paying for the four bridal party members and their partners for 2 nights is a bit hefty

But you've chosen a bridal party and location, these come with costs attached.

baby and crumble

We're planning to pay for rooms for my parents and 2 brothers the night of the wedding (none of them live near Dublin and they paid for our rooms at theirs so fair's fair!), and also the members of the bridal party who need to stay (ie are not living in Dublin). Should be 2 extra rooms. Our hotel choice is pricey enough for rooms so i don't want anyone in the party to feel obligated to shell out, or to have to book somewhere cheaper for the night.

We've also sourced an air bnb close by which has 4 bedrooms, so we're hoping to get that also. Means somewhere for the whole bridal party to get together and prep because as we've both got bridemaids it's a bit complicated as the makeup artist needs easy access to all 7 women on the morning without too much faffing. It'll mean a bit of jigging around to make sure the two brides don't see each other until the first look, but sure it'll be a bit of craic!

GingerLily

lazygal wrote: »

GingerLily wrote: »

I'm not doing a hotel wedding myself and am responsible for the entire accommodation costs for 2 nights if the venue isn't filled.
Paying for the four bridal party members and their partners for 2 nights is a bit hefty

But you've chosen a bridal party and location, these come with costs attached.

True, although in similar situations we've always covered the second day ourselves, which apparently is the B&G's responsibility.

kitten_k

I am doing Groomsmaid next year (actually in the same venue as B&C's wedding). We are paying for our own rooms for both nights and nobody has a problem with it.

Faith

Our parents' rooms were covered as part of our package, so that was grand. For our bridal party, the girls were all local and the guys all traveled in. We contributed 50% of the cost of the rooms for the bridal party. We also offered alternative, cheaper, options than the hotel if anyone wanted them. A couple of them told us not to dream of paying (although we still did), one person didn't stay and the others were delighted to have some of the cost covered. TBH, we quietly covered the full cost of two rooms - one for a person who had travelled from Australia, and other for someone who attended alone, and who was doing a PhD and earning a pittance.

If we had paid the full cost, it would have been well over €1,000. We couldn't afford that, and we felt we couldn't offer to cover the out-of-towners and not the locals, so we made the best compromise we could.

As has been said, the best rule is: If you require it, you pay for it.

mcgiggles

How many rooms are in the accommodation Gingerlily? And how many are coming to the wedding?
How big a chance is it that there would be rooms not taken that you would have to pay for?
Chances are the second night will be more quiet than the first..

GingerLily

mcgiggles wrote: »

How many rooms are in the accommodation Gingerlily? And how many are coming to the wedding?
How big a chance is it that there would be rooms not taken that you would have to pay for?
Chances are the second night will be more quiet than the first..

The second night is the wedding!!!

I know we'd fill the accommodation but it make no sense for them not to stay there so I think we'll just pay and not cause a fuss. The bridal party will be more than deserve it I'm sure!!!!

mcgiggles

ahhhhhhhhhhh okay apologies!! I didn't even think, I just thought you meant day of and day after

jennyhayes123

I wouldn't expect to be paid for as long as it's an option whether to stay or not. I was bm for a wedding and the Bride insisted we stay in the hotel, I refused as I was pregnant and not going to be drinking anyway. She went mad, I couldn't see the big deal as on the night myself and my husband got in one lift, her and other bm's got in other lift (her husband stayed up drinking) I don't understand what the big deal on us not staying was as they didn't get up next morning to see guests anyway.
She was a nasty piece of work and that was only the tip of the Iceberg for the pressure she put on us. Needless to say we drift apart after the wedding

Bacchus

First off, as pointed out, there's no responsibility for you to cover the bridal party rooms. That's a decision entirely up to you and depends on your relationship with those people (are they the kind of people to get pissy with you for not paying for their room?). Also, it depends on how many are in the party. 1 groomsman and 1 bridesmaid won't be as big an expense as 4 of each.

That said, your wedding requires they stay 2 nights. To me, that's going a bit beyond the normal requirements for your bridal party so, personally, I'd pay for one of the nights as a goodwill/thank you gesture. It's up to you though and how you think they will react to your decision. The argument is there that you chose them to be part of your day and you choose this venue and are requiring them to stay 2 nights.

Bacchus

jennyhayes123 wrote: »

I wouldn't expect to be paid for as long as it's an option whether to stay or not. I was bm for a wedding and the Bride insisted we stay in the hotel, I refused as I was pregnant and not going to be drinking anyway. She went mad, I couldn't see the big deal as on the night myself and my husband got in one lift, her and other bm's got in other lift (her husband stayed up drinking) I don't understand what the big deal on us not staying was as they didn't get up next morning to see guests anyway.
She was a nasty piece of work and that was only the tip of the Iceberg for the pressure she put on us. Needless to say we drift apart after the wedding

Quite possible she had to fill X amount of rooms in the hotel or she was paying for them.

Mimibogg

Our hotel covers rooms for B&G and parents of B&G as part of the package. My parents are divorced and with new partners so I have to get an extra room for my mam and step dad. We are also paying for a room for my stepdaughter and niece as they are teens and for my sister and her partner who are travelling home from Australia for the wedding. So we are looking at paying for an extra 3 rooms on top of the complimentary ones.

Gatica

I don't think anyone should be obliged to be covering anyone's room unless you're expecting and demanding people to stay over, like your bridal party. Our parents paid own rooms and so did wedding party. I regret not covering the wedding party's cost though.
We paid the night before for my bridesmaid and me to stay over though. We've been in wedding party before and we paid for our own room for 2 nights as well. I'm sure we'd not have been expected to stay the second day, but I know there's no way my OH would've missed it or wanted to not stay there the day of the wedding either. However, we know that even if we weren't in the wedding party, we'd have wanted to stay there anyway, so no extra expense as far as we're concerned.

Shybride2016

We stayed in the hotel the night before the wedding and had a relatively small one as we felt it important to us to have as little cost on the bridal party as possible.

My MOH and I stayed in one room the night before, and then she stayed on in that one the night of the wedding. We covered both her nights.
Our Best Man was travelling from the UK so stayed the same two nights and we covered both also as a thank you to him and also his wife who made our bouquets as our wedding present.

Both sets of parents rooms were covered for the night of the wedding. Groom's parents stayed the night before also but paid themselves for that, even though I would have liked to cover it but I stayed out of that conversation!

As Bridesmaid for my friend before my own wedding, the bride and groom paid for my accommodation the night of the wedding also.

IME the wedding party's rooms are paid for by the bride and groom but if you have a large amount of bridesmaids and groomsmen then I see how the expense would add up.

For my hen weekend, my MOH paid for my ticket to a show we went to. Then with the others on the hen clubbed together to pay for my dinner and I never bought any drinks, despite trying! Also, my MOH did a lot of work organising the weekend by herself and had lots of lovely little touches which all add up money-wise so by the time the wedding actually came around I wanted her to have as little expense on the day as possible.

I think the parents of the bride and groom should be paid for as well as the bridal party if they're needed the two nights. No other family members unless they're part of the wedding party should expect their rooms paid for.

Whatever you do decide, please let the bridal party know in advance whether they need to pay for their accommodation. I've seen a few embarrassing conversations at check-out time with people thinking their rooms were covered when they weren't.

GingerLily

The accommodation has to be paid for in advance so there will be no issue of surprise bill at checkout!

cursai

If you can't pay for all the people who have done you a favour by being in your bridal party then don't have them do it. This goes for everyone in the bridal party. Each of them will feel obliged after being asked to attend the wedding and each night. To think otherwise is rude I think.

theteal

I would echo that there is no "should". We booked out 2 small hotels and paid for everyone for the night of the bash - we did drag them up the side of a Spanish mountain, seemed fair. In saying that I don't like the thought of people being "required" to be there for more than the night of the shindig. If they were "required" for any amount of time, I'd probably pay for this period.

Either way, communicate with everybody and get feedback so there are no surprises/issues

MadDog76

As others have said, if the B&G require anything then they should pay for it ........... "I'd love you to be my BestMan .......... we're getting married in Las Vegas and staying in Caesar's Palace for 3 nights, you'll also need a tailored Armani suit so you'd better start saving now! ".

"Eh ......... I'm sorry, I won't be able to make your Big Day(s)."

tritriagain

cursai wrote: »

If you can't pay for all the people who have done you a favour by being in your bridal party then don't have them do it. This goes for everyone in the bridal party. Each of them will feel obliged after being asked to attend the wedding and each night. To think otherwise is rude I think.

100%. If you can't afford to do right thing don't have big wedding.

liquoriceall

How would people feel if you were part of the bridal party, with your room not being paid for but it was in your home town so you went home?

MadDog76

liquoriceall wrote: »

How would people feel if you were part of the bridal party, with your room not being paid for but it was in your home town so you went home?

That would be a personal choice .......... if the B&G aren't insisting on you staying the night but you want to stay the night then obviously you can, and pay for it, as it's your decision to stay.

liquoriceall

MadDog76 wrote: »

That would be a personal choice .......... if the B&G aren't insisting on you staying the night but you want to stay the night then obviously you can, and pay for it, as it's your decision to stay.

Is there any particular reason you underlined some words?

Gatica

I agree. If the bridal party has the option of staying at home but stays at the hotel, then it's their own decision and own expense, and can't expect B&G to be paying for it.
Where people are having huge bridal parties, I think it's unfair to be changing the goalposts, either you feel you should pay for your bridal party or not. It shouldn't depend on whether you opted for 1 BM or 12. If you feel you should pay for your bridal party but went with huge numbers and then can't afford it, well, I 'd say tough. It's like having a 200 people wedding where you can't afford to feed your guests, but would've been ok if it were 60.

Faith

liquoriceall wrote: »

Is there any particular reason you underlined some words?

To emphasise them, I'd imagine.

StripedBoxers

I was bridesmaid once and the wedding was abroad, B&G didn't cover any travel/accommodation expenses (and they were never expected to) however the bride did pay for her own hen and for her bridesmaids, she wouldn't take any money for it.

Personally, if I was getting married, I would pay for the bridal parties rooms, I just feel that if we are expecting people to stay somewhere, then we should be the one to foot the bill, and any costs associated with their accommodation would be in the budget from the start.

MadDog76

liquoriceall wrote: »

Is there any particular reason you underlined some words?

Yes, yes there is ........... to emphasise the individual's own choice(s) when discussing who should pay for x, y and z ......... obviously.

Faith

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