Feel like I'm in with the wrong crowd (College)

LegacyUser

Long story short I moved into college a week ago (roughly), house mates are nice, was talking to one in particular, got friendly with his friends which is basically 30 people from the same town all in the same student accommodation.
I was out one night and had taken panadol which I forgot I couldn't drink with (or at least not excessively) I did and ended up getting sick in a bathroom at a house, so the relationship is kind of tense (the girls anyway, lads didn't care)

The main problem is, I had grandiose ideas of joining entrepreneurial groups, starting a band, performing live get involved etc. These guys aren't too interested. They go to each other's houses and talk and have a good time parties etc, but my house mate for example has no intention of joining any clubs/societies.
I get along well (or well before the incident) with that group even though I was the outsider and it feels like I'm in with the wrong group.
It's just a group of friends going to some lectures and going out as a group.

Do I distance myself from them? I no very few people here, I'm the only person from my school staying in this accommodation.
I'm already tired of partying and drinking, and while I want to meet a girl I also don't want that to be the driving force behind my actions. I want to make the most of college but that means being alone, or at least for awhile..

What should I do?

dudara

Just because you are housemates with them doesn't mean you have to do everything together. It's perfectly fine to strike out on your own and find your own activities.

I don't know if your college has had its Clubs & Societies fair yet? This is where all the clubs and societies in the college set up stands and tell all the freshers (and other students) what they're all about. It's a great way to get involved in new things.

CPTM

Hey Op, I used to be someone with just one set of mates. It stopped me from doing a lot of things because they wouldn't do those type of things with me. I wish I could go back to college and do it all again, I would get involved in so many different groups.

Since I left college I've learned that you can have your core friends but also pockets of friends in the gym, playing music, sports mates, work buddies.

This time of year is the perfect time to join those groups or start bands, and my opinion is that if you start doing these things you like doing, the decision will happen by itself. You'll meet people there and naturally just become closer to the people who enjoy the same things as you do.

freshpopcorn

Well for starters it's good that you get on with your housemates and they aren't driving you insane.
My advice is join clubs and societies and see how they go. You might love them and meat loads of people. There not for everyone. Some people are happy with their friends/neighbours/clasdmated/etc and they've enough going on.
Try and mingle with your class and find a group of friends. If there's a class party head out to it and see who's around.
Remember you don't have to drink to much. I was never into pre drinking so I used always be busy when people were doing that and I used just head straight out to the club/pub.
Between joining clubs and your class. You should be able to find a group of people you connect with and have similar interests. You don't have to be in every bodies pockets the who time. When I was in college I had a very different friend groups and I floated between them.
PS
Another thing I'd say to you is college isn't really like what the movies make it out to be.
Don't worry to much about getting sick at the house party it will happen again and again to other people. My advice is don't worry about the people who act all creeperd/freaked out by it!

LegacyUser

Why does it matter what your housemates or their friends are doing? Why can't you just go and join the clubs you want? Do you think your housemates are hanging around thinking they'd love to play football/start a band/go for a coffee, but they have to hang around with you? You'll make friends through the activities and your classes and the friends you have now will almost certainly not be the friends you have by the end of college. You can also have more than one group of friends and you can do different things with different people at different times.
Get on with what you want to do, it'd be ridiculous to do anything else.

CdeC

I agree with other posters,
you do not have to everything with this crowd. Spread yourself around.
But I wouldn't burn any bridges here. You mightn;t want to go out with them every weekend but they might be good for a party or two down the road.

Just be a polite and considerate housemate. Be social and positive and also be independent and do your own thing.

Best of luck.

MissFlitworth

You don't have to distance yourself & be alone but neither do those people have to be the only set of friends you have, at all. You tend to grow friend groups in college rather than move from one defined group to the next. So you start out

You + Housemates/the first people you sat beside in a lecture > You + Housemates/the first people you sat beside in a lecture + Soc People > You + Housemates/the first people you sat beside in a lecture + Soc People + Random International Students you got talking to > You + Housemates/the first people you sat beside in a lecture + Soc People + Random International Students you got talking to + people you met at a job + someone you ended up talking to on a group trip to Edinburgh...

Don't cut anyone off, just let your friendships evolves as you meet more people & make sure you actively get out and do the things you want to, if hanging in about house parties is not your bag

brickmauser

Collegeguy wrote: »

Long story short I moved into college a week ago (roughly), house mates are nice, was talking to one in particular, got friendly with his friends which is basically 30 people from the same town all in the same student accommodation.
I was out one night and had taken panadol which I forgot I couldn't drink with (or at least not excessively) I did and ended up getting sick in a bathroom at a house, so the relationship is kind of tense (the girls anyway, lads didn't care)

The main problem is, I had grandiose ideas of joining entrepreneurial groups, starting a band, performing live get involved etc. These guys aren't too interested. They go to each other's houses and talk and have a good time parties etc, but my house mate for example has no intention of joining any clubs/societies.
I get along well (or well before the incident) with that group even though I was the outsider and it feels like I'm in with the wrong group.
It's just a group of friends going to some lectures and going out as a group.

Do I distance myself from them? I no very few people here, I'm the only person from my school staying in this accommodation.
I'm already tired of partying and drinking, and while I want to meet a girl I also don't want that to be the driving force behind my actions. I want to make the most of college but that means being alone, or at least for awhile..

What should I do?

Compartmentalize.
Have different mates for different things you want to do.
If you want to party keep in touch with your party friends.
If you want to do serious study keep in touch with study buddies.
If you want to do music have a few music pals.
You should have other interests outside of the group you describe.
Be more secretive and do your thing and do what you want to do.
Don't be a camp.follower because you are not obligated to be one.
If your buddies are dragging you down or holding you down distance yourself.
Long story short you are an adult in the adult world and be ruthless with your time and don't waste time with wasters unless you want to become one.
You sound bright ambitious and you have get up and go.
Surround yourself with like minded people and cull friends who are sucking the air out of what you want to do.

baby and crumble

I moved into a kind of student accommodation in my first year of college (it was a hostel/digs scenario).

I no longer speak or have contact with anyone I lived with in first year, nor anyone from my course or anyone I made friends with in the first couple of weeks of college. The ONLY thing we had in common was our choice of college- and lets be honest for a lot of people, their choice of undergrad isn't always a reflection of their true interests.

However, I met my fiancee in final year doing volunteer work in college, met some of my best friends in my postgrad... See where I'm going?

Most other people in college are in the exact same boat as you- they're new and have great ambition. Don't get stuck in a rut- the choices you make now, whilst not life or death, do play a big big part in your college experience and consequently your entire future.

daisybelle2008

Collegeguy wrote: »

I was out one night and had taken panadol which I forgot I couldn't drink with (or at least not excessively)


I'm already tired of partying and drinking, I want to make the most of college but that means being alone, or at least for awhile..

What should I do?

You have only been there a week. I would relax and go with the flow a little instead of trying to orchestrate a persona. Friendships and interests happen a bit more organically and work out better if you don't force it. Be a bit more open minded and no need to rush into anything.

antix80

Collegeguy wrote: »

It's just a group of friends going to some lectures and going out as a group.

Do I distance myself from them?

They are college mates. By all means, go out, unwind, talk about the girls in your class and bitch about the lecturers.
BUT do the other stuff too. Join a few clubs and societies even if the people in them seem weird. Do some extracurricular stuff outside college too so it's not all about college, study, and your fun, drunken classmates.

It's important your hobbies don't distract too much from your coursework, but make sure college isn't reduced to knocking around the corridors with a few other guys while wishing the 3-4 years away so you can jump into a job.

Charizard

Collegeguy wrote: »

Long story short I moved into college a week ago (roughly), house mates are nice, was talking to one in particular, got friendly with his friends which is basically 30 people from the same town all in the same student accommodation.
I was out one night and had taken panadol which I forgot I couldn't drink with (or at least not excessively) I did and ended up getting sick in a bathroom at a house, so the relationship is kind of tense (the girls anyway, lads didn't care)

The main problem is, I had grandiose ideas of joining entrepreneurial groups, starting a band, performing live get involved etc. These guys aren't too interested. They go to each other's houses and talk and have a good time parties etc, but my house mate for example has no intention of joining any clubs/societies.
I get along well (or well before the incident) with that group even though I was the outsider and it feels like I'm in with the wrong group.
It's just a group of friends going to some lectures and going out as a group.

Do I distance myself from them? I no very few people here, I'm the only person from my school staying in this accommodation.
I'm already tired of partying and drinking, and while I want to meet a girl I also don't want that to be the driving force behind my actions. I want to make the most of college but that means being alone, or at least for awhile..

What should I do?

Youre in college, now is the time to have fun and grow as a person, join groups there will be loads of others in the same situation as you. No need to distance, just do your own thing, you will love it

Ursus Horribilis

The first couple of weeks of college can often be a bit mad. Especially for those who are away from home for the first time and are loving not having their parents keeping an eye on them. It usually calms down after that though you'll get people who'll continue to party hard for longer than they should have.

Because you're in accommodation with so many people from the one town, it's imperative that you strike out on your own and work on meeting new people. It's possible that because there are so many of these people who already know each other in such a small area, the motivation to meet other people won't be there. So start talking to your other classmates, joining up some clubs 'n societies on fairs day and generally making an effort to meet people. That so many of them know each other could work to your advantage here. They may not particularly care that an "outsider" is doing his own thing.