I need help dating/moving on

Shasha2016

I need advice

Basically I was in a relationship for 7 years and it ended about 6 weeks ago...kinda mutual but more my decision, it wasn't going anywhere! Now that I'm single I've been going out every weekend enjoying a few drinks. On a night out in would have lads talking to me but when they try I get really embarrassed and I reject them. I get so nervous!

I've been asked to go on a date and the thoughts of it have me drove mad not because of the man but because I'm so nervous. All I really want to know is it to soon? And will I get over this am I just rusty. I'm only 24 so I don't want another relationship but I've never done the just fun part!

zcorpian88

I say go for it, you've got nothing to lose, if you're not hung up on your ex and feeling good about yourself I say do it. (I'm one for not following the latter half of that advise though)

7 years is a long time to be seeing someone before realizing it wasn't going anywhere though I must say, then again you're young still.

Sure if you have a fellow interested in you and he's not a gobshyte and charms you somehow, why not?

Go for a coffee and keep it light and breezy.

leggo

I'll go one further: not only that but the only way you'll start to feel better about all this is to take the plunge. Once you do, regardless of how the date goes, you'll feel more active and 'back in the game'. It's never a bad idea to start moving on from an old relationship. I don't buy into the whole notion of having to respect your ex by waiting a certain amount of time or anything like that. The only time that you should consider them is if you're thinking you may get back together and if dating others could hinder that, but your post sounds pretty comprehensive on that front. Sure, don't flaunt it on social media or whatever, but the relationship didn't work so the quicker you can start rebuilding your new lives, the better.

LegacyUser

It's only 6 weeks after a 7 year relationship ended, it's highly unlikely you're in a place to be moving on, you still have a process to go through before you get there and you can't really force it. You're only 24, taking a few months of headspace to get ready for the next thing that comes along won't kill you.

batmanrobin

Unless you feel 100% ready to move on then I'd suggest take a time out. Otherwise you'll be using someone else to make you feel better. Has the potential to get messy when you drag a third party into the breakup. Unless of course you find someone who just wants sex and nothing more. In which case you're golden.

Shasha2016

Ahhhhhhh mixed reactions! Well I suggested we meet for a coffee tomorrow or Friday it will be casual and relaxed....hopefully!

leggo

Shasha2016 wrote: »

Ahhhhhhh mixed reactions! Well I suggested we meet for a coffee tomorrow or Friday it will be casual and relaxed....hopefully!

Fair play. Everyone will have an opinion on what is/isn't too soon, but only you can tell how you feel really and if it absolutely was too soon you wouldn't even consider it. I've known people in relationships years who've been ready to move on immediately because, in truth, the relationship was over a long time but only needed to be finished officially in the end. You're dead right to road test it, AND to keep it casual enough that you've no pressure so, if it doesn't feel right, you can back away hassle-free. Good luck!

zcorpian88

If it were me, after a 7 year relationship I'd be sickened whether I finished it or not. I myself have a lot of s**t feelings still over a just shy of 2 year relationship, but I was heavily invested in it and made some ridiculous sacrifices and compromises to keep it going, way more than I should have had to do. If that was a 7 year relationship and it ended the same way, I wouldn't want to get in a relationship ever again, I'd be so done with it, but for me, next time, I'm not going to make anywhere near the same amount of sacrifice so I don't fall as hard if it blows up in my face.

I guess for you it's a whole different story, I would say a lot built up to this mutual/more you decision to end it. You had a much healthier break-up therefore you have a better mindset in regards to moving on, except for have some nerves being it's your first date with a different person since you were 17 and that's a big change. But you'll be fine, turn your nerves into humour and use it to break the ice with the fellow, they can be the best first dates OP.

Good luck

BetsyEllen

A lot of people will say that 6 weeks is too soon but it completely depends on the relationship you have ended.

I was with an ex of mine for 7 years too - by the time we officially split, I was already 'over' him because the relationship had been crap for a long time and I had fallen out of love with him a long time ago.

I was fully ready to meet someone even a week after we'd split.

But then - the next guy I met - I was with him for 2 years and we split in April. I'm still nowhere near ready to meet anyone new as I'm still heartbroken, 5 months later. I have been on a couple of dates but they only proved to me how 'unready' I am.

So there is no set length of time.

OP if you feel ready to meet someone, go for it!
Don't mind what other people say about time, only you know how you feel so do what makes you happy.

I hope your date goes well

Shasha2016

Update on the date-

Went very well he's really nice it was casual and relaxed.

But it made me realise I'm not ready just yet. I need more time. It kinda made me upset the last few days and I was thinking about my ex but I'm sure this will pass in time.

I'm going to enjoy been on my own. Thanks to everyone for your advice

zcorpian88

Good stuff, at least you dipped your toe.

BetsyEllen

Shasha2016 wrote: »

Update on the date-

Went very well he's really nice it was casual and relaxed.

But it made me realise I'm not ready just yet. I need more time. It kinda made me upset the last few days and I was thinking about my ex but I'm sure this will pass in time.

I'm going to enjoy been on my own. Thanks to everyone for your advice

Completely natural and exactly how I felt as well.
You'll feel much better soon and the time you do spend alone can be very fulfilling. I'm a much stronger person for being single for a while.
All the best OP

EmmaMurray2016

Only 'you' will know when you are ready. Took me a long time to get over someone before. I knew I couldn't date anyone else in that grieving time as it wouldn't be fair on the other person, BUT saying that This date could be the best thing ever. You will know on the night how you feel.