Feel like my life has fallen apart - Need some advice

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I'll try keep this as brief as possible. Just turned 30. Returned from Oz in March. Met the bf over there. We got on really well, but it wasn't without difficulties. He followed me to Ireland for a 3 month stint. Things have been difficult for me since I got home, a close family member has started drinking again who was sober during my time away, and another family member is behaving in a not so good manner. My partner returned home 2 months ago and we have been arguing non-stop for a few weeks over various issues. I've had health issues and been up and down with various hormone medications and weening myself off antidepressants. We both said if we weren't so far apart these would be resolved much easier. He has now broken up with me and I'm absolutely devastated. He has been really harsh about it too and blocked me off his social media completely. This is not just a fling, we had planned to build a life together. I can't believe he's been so cruel about it. We applied for a partnership visa, for which our docs need to be lodged soon. He's talking about cancelling it. Everything else that's going on in my life was so much easier when I had him to pick up the phone to and had my plans to go back to Aus. I guess I just didn't realise that at the time. I'm now in a position where I'm living back at home at 30, I've no savings, I finish my job within a week, my car is about to fall off the road and I'm clinging on to every tiny glimmer of hope that he might change his mind. I know it doesn't sound like it, but I'm genuinely such an independent self sufficient person. I don't know how things have got so bad.

He's blocked you off social media and has broken up with you. The first thing you have to do is respect his decision, harsh as you feel it is. I'm sure, on balance, that your problems weren't easy for him to deal with either, especially from a distance, but that is really beside the point and harbouring hope of a reconciliation will hold you back. Stop getting in touch, you must delete his numbers etc., to move forward.

Whatever plans you make now have to be independent of your heartbreak, and only in your own interest. You can still make plans to either return to Oz or go somewhere else, you just have to tap into your independent self sufficency that you relied on before your partner came on the scene.

First let the worst of the split pass by over the next weeks, then recognise your role in your families problems - you didn't cause them and are unlikely to be able to resolve them - then plan a bright, new future for yourself.

LegacyUser

Candie wrote: »

You can still make plans to either return to Oz .

No I can't. I'm too old and have done the working holiday thing. I can't get sponsorship from my home country.

antix80

Hi op. Make a GP appointment. It's necessary before adjusting your medication and if you're in emotional turmoil that may worsen depression he might want to discuss treatment options.
It sounds like it's over between you and your boyfriend. I don't think he's necessarily being cruel. You just have to realise that your relationship is over and he decided the downsides (living abroad, having arguments) outweiged what might have been.
As for the no house, no car thing... get a job. Save a bit. Rent a nice place. Get a car loan. Return to the dating game when you have had time to mourn & sort yourself out. I'm not trying to be cruel. You're in a bad place right now and it will pass.

LegacyUser

antix80 wrote: »

Hi op. Make a GP appointment. It's necessary before adjusting your medication and if you're in emotional turmoil that may worsen depression he might want to discuss treatment options.
It sounds like it's over between you and your boyfriend. I don't think he's necessarily being cruel. You just have to realise that your relationship is over and he decided the downsides (living abroad, having arguments) outweiged what might have been.
As for the no house, no car thing... get a job. Save a bit. Rent a nice place. Get a car loan. Return to the dating game when you have had time to mourn & sort yourself out. I'm not trying to be cruel. You're in a bad place right now and it will pass.

It was my docs suggestion to come off the medication, just feels like it's really bad timing right now but i'll be okay. I just can't believe he's left me high and dry like this, total turn around in such a short space of time.

antix80

Were you dating long?

LegacyUser

antix80 wrote: »

Were you dating long?

Just over 14 months. He came to my home country and lived with me here. I lived in his parents house when I was in his country for a couple of months. We were planning a life together.