Ex being very difficult

marzipan74

Just looking for anyone else's experience. I am separated almost four years now and was legally separated in March this year.

I am having an ongoing issue with a joint loan with my ex which we agreed to share between us every month. Every month, he misses the payments and always ends up paying late. The thing is, the loan is actually a mortgage loan so it goes into arrears when it's late. Despite my asking him 100 times to set up a standing order, he still refuses to do it. This was brought up with the judge at the time of my legal separation and it was agreed that the loan would continue to be split 50:50 but it is not mentioned on the actual separation agreement.

This of course is effecting my credit rating not to mention being very stressful. I am also chasing him for money for my daughter's back to school costs. I have contacted my solicitor to see if there is anything she can do but I would appreciate any advice from someone in a similar position. He is just being difficult for the hell of it because he knows these things drive me crazy. I cannot wait to apply for divorce.

Payton

I'm sure your not alone in this situation. All you can really do is go to see the manager of your lending institution with a copy of your separation agreement and explain that you are committed to paying your 50% of the loan through direct debit and you have asked your ex to pay his 50%. Is the loan on the family home where the children are living?
When you received your separation was there an order that he contributes to school/medical costs etc?

marzipan74

My bank have a copy of the separation agreement. Yes the loan is on the family home. I have been paying the main mortgage on my own since October 2013, it has never gone into arrears. The bank's position is that we are both 100% liable for the loan but I'm not willing to pay any more than I am already paying, the main mortgage is over €900 per month which is a lot for someone on their own.

The separation agreement doesn't mention anything about costs for our daughter.

intheclouds

What does "the main mortgage on the loan" mean?

Are there 2 mortgages?

Tasden

Excuse my ignorance if this is all entirely wrong or impossible, but could you not pay the loan 100% yourself from your own account and have his payment redirected into a different account/your personal account, so that if he fails to pay on time it isn't affecting your credit rating and the loan is paid in full, and then you chase up the money that is due to you as opposed to the loan. I dunno if that is even financially possible for you. But it'd mean your credit rating is not ruined. Again I dont know if that's a possibility but something to consider if it is.

intheclouds

Tasden wrote: »

Excuse my ignorance if this is all entirely wrong or impossible, but could you not pay the loan 100% yourself from your own account and have his payment redirected into a different account/your personal account, so that if he fails to pay on time it isn't affecting your credit rating and the loan is paid in full, and then you chase up the money that is due to you as opposed to the loan. I dunno if that is even financially possible for you. But it'd mean your credit rating is not ruined. Again I dont know if that's a possibility but something to consider if it is.

It also means his credit rating remains intact.

Tasden

intheclouds wrote: »

It also means his credit rating remains intact.

No use cutting your nose off to spite your face though. Either way she is chasing him up for payments and being driven insane, that way she needn't worry about her own credit rating on top of it

intheclouds

Tasden wrote: »

No use cutting your nose off to spite your face though. Either way she is chasing him up for payments and being driven insane, that way she needn't worry about her own credit rating on top of it

Yes but I imagine she might have even more trouble getting it out of him if he owes it to her rather than him owing it to "financial institution".

Tasden

intheclouds wrote: »

Yes but I imagine she might have even more trouble getting it out of him if he owes it to her rather than him owing it to "financial institution".

He clearly doesn't care about the risks re credit rating etc if she's having to chase him down, so I don't think he would be more or less inclined to pay either way if that's what you mean? I dunno though.
I get that it's not ideal but if op is so stressed that she's looking for advice here then it's obviously a great source of worry so what I suggested may minimise at least one worry (if financially doable). Legally I would imagine (?) his obligations would be the same if it was court ordered, and it seems like he doesn't really care all that much about his legal obligations anyway so op can either be worrying about him paying to the bank and it affecting her credit rating or just worrying about it being owed to her (although it'd mean she may end up down money wise if she doesn't get it from him).

Like I said I don't know if it's possible or not, just a suggestion!