Am I deluded when I say I'd love to meet someone special?

deluded or not?

Late 40s, separated with grown up children, successful career, own home, good friends, wonderful family.
I'm attractive, healthy, slim and would consider myself to have a higher than average sex drive and always have had.

After my marital breakdown, I'd a 2 year relationship which when it ended, broke my heart and hurt more than the marriage breakup if I'm being honest.
I felt like my heart had been ripped apart and that I'd never love again.

Fast forward 2 years; and a 5 month long distance relationship ended few weeks ago.
Nice guy, but distance played its part plus although I liked him, something was missing, I felt it'd never be more and I suddenly realised that I wanted more.
Yeah, while a F buddy would've been nice some years ago, I now know I'd like more.

Am I deluded?
To think that at 47 I can find a man to love, to have fun with, to share my life with, who doesn't do drama.

I know so many couples who are merely going through the motions in their marriages, the love is long gone, or else the love remains but the passion is a distant memory.
I read about it often enough on boards.ie too.

So what makes me think I'll be lucky enough to find love and passion and someone who'll share my sense of humour etc... when younger women/men can't find it.

I've tried online dating and it doesn't appeal at all.
Too many chancers or else men who I've nothing in common with. Spent weeks online in the past and no mention of a date but they'd happily want to message all day every day, which doesn't appeal to me.

And no, I'm not too fussy by the way.
Just hopeful.
Or am I deluded?
Thanks for reading this saga.

Dr Crayfish

You're not deluded, I believe it happens, happy drama less relationships, although reading boards would make you think couples turn into friends after a year or two! but it gets harder to meet someone as you get older. Then again most people your age have probably had enough of drama. It's not the be all and end all of life if you meet a partner or not. Maybe look at other things in life that can make you feel fulfilled?

Aidan Holland

The problem that you have op is that men your age tend to date younger women as in women in the early 30s.Online dating is crap absolutely but you could try a dating agency or one of those meet up groups. Don't rule out younger men because a lot of young men would find you very attractive.

leggo

Absolutely no reason for you to feel like you're deluded. There are plenty of single men your age, especially these days. It just will take work, being single at any age does. But when you find someone, you've a lot of boxes in life ticked off (home, kids etc) already so you can just enjoy it for yourself, it's the ideal setup in one way with so fewer stresses than on a relationship with people in their 20's who've to go through these trying stages together.

My uncle is in his 40's and we thought he'd be alone forever, just with how late he seemed to be leaving it and how relationships never panned out. He's lived a good life like yourself and ticked off a lot of boxes. We're going to his wedding next month and none of us have ever seen him happier. I can't help but look on at him enviously (a happy envy, mind) for how well things have worked out for him. You only need to find one keeper out there for your life to change forever. It can happen and it happens a lot, just don't lose the faith or that's the one way to ensure it won't happen.

Shint0

Aidan Holland wrote: »

The problem that you have op is that men your age tend to date younger women as in women in the early 30s.

I'm not entirely sure about that and haven't seen much evidence of it really. While older men or men the OP's age might want to date younger women or women in their early thirties do those women want to date them?

OP your dreams are not unrealistic. I have seen women your age and even a bit older meet partners close to your age where kids are grown up. I think these type of relationships can be successful as they have learned from past relationships/marriages and there can be less complicating factors involved than if the children were still younger and dealing with their ex regarding same.

LegacyUser

Oh gosh no op - it's all to play for! Tbh the fact that your kids are grown up will definitely work in your favour. It is a lottery though and it's best to just be happy by yourself and then if you meet someone then we'll and good and if not then it's not the end of the world.

Sound Bite

I don't think you're deluded at all. Off the top of my head I can think of 5 women at work that would have similar backgrounds to you who seem to be very happy with partners they met in their 40s/50s.

1 met via work/industry connections, 1 when training for a marathon, another had some connection to her sister. I'm not sure about the other two.

My Granny (now 85) was widowed at 67. She has had a string of 'gentlemen callers' over the years and is currently being wooed by what she calls a toyboy of 81.

You're not deluded OP, compared to my Gran you're just a beginner.

deluded or not?

Thank you all. I did try meet up groups before but there was only one man!
As for being happy? I'm very very happy, if I never met someone it would be okay.
But I would like to share some new memories with someone, not to mention the physical side which I'd miss if it wasn't happening.

I'd have no issues with a younger man either. The only grey area is my family is complete and I won't be having any more babies.
Other than that I'm very easy going and relaxed.

LOLA08

I don't want to hijack your thread, but I am in
a similar position except early 40's never married and no children.
I have tried all avenues to meeting someone special from online dating to joining clubs, hill walking etc, I'd like to think I will meet someone to share my life with. But it does seem harder as you get older. thing is I see so many single men in and around my age but they don't seem to be interested in having long term relationships. or maybe that's just the once i bump off.
So if anyone as some magic advice please feel free to post it

LegacyUser

I don't believe you are deluded at all.

I wonder are single men of 35+ less interested in marriage/relationships than single women of 35+

My experience would say yes, however I am working off a tiny sample size

Shint0

LOLA08 wrote: »

I don't want to hijack your thread, but I am in
a similar position except early 40's never married and no children.
I have tried all avenues to meeting someone special from online dating to joining clubs, hill walking etc, I'd like to think I will meet someone to share my life with. But it does seem harder as you get older. thing is I see so many single men in and around my age but they don't seem to be interested in having long term relationships. or maybe that's just the once i bump off.
So if anyone as some magic advice please feel free to post it

This might be relevant to the OP as well but possibly once single people reach a certain age they might have just resigned themselves to never finding a suitable long-term partner and just gave up. They might have adapted to and become comfortable in their way of living and might find it hard at this stage to change their lifestyle to include a partner. It might come as a surprise to them if somebody was interested in them for a long-term relationship.

LOLA08

Shint0 wrote: »

This might be relevant to the OP as well but possibly once single people reach a certain age they might have just resigned themselves to never finding a suitable long-term partner and just gave up. They might have adapted to and become comfortable in their way of living and might find it hard at this stage to change their lifestyle to include a partner. It might come as a surprise to them if somebody was interested in them for a long-term relationship.

I agree with this, over the years I have become very independent, because I have to be, plus set in my own ways and routine. It was only when someone pointed out to me that I seemed resigned to the fact that I would not meet someone and that I was not making much of an effort that I decided I'd like to try. It hasn't happened but at least am open now to meeting someone now.

Emme

deluded or not? wrote: »

Thank you all. I did try meet up groups before but there was only one man!
As for being happy? I'm very very happy, if I never met someone it would be okay.
But I would like to share some new memories with someone, not to mention the physical side which I'd miss if it wasn't happening.

I'd have no issues with a younger man either. The only grey area is my family is complete and I won't be having any more babies.
Other than that I'm very easy going and relaxed.

Meetup is good for making new friends or finding people with the same interests. Sometimes people do get together but it doesn't happen very often. There are Meetup groups with a dating focus but I have found that the nicer groups don't revolve around dating. The better ones revolve around socialising and common interests.

Dating agencies are expensive and I would have my reservations. They tend to have several women in their 40s/50s to every single man. They do a great hard sell but when it comes to delivering it's a different story. In fairness dating agencies can't perform miracles, they have to work with what they've got. If a man in his 40s/50s can meet women socialising or through friends and family why would he bother paying big money to sign up to a dating agency? If such a man can't meet somebody socalising or through friends/family he might live in a remote area, work unsocial hours or be a little "different" and not always in a good way.

Be honest and upfront that you won't be having any more children. Like one poster said some men in their 40s and 50s want to date women in their 30s. This may because they want children or because they don't find women their own age attractive. Sadly this is case with quite a few men.

Despite all this don't give up hope. You may meet somebody at this stage, you may not. Don't make meeting a partner the focus of your life. Get out and have as much fun as possible. Widen your social circle. Be willing to date "outside the box", ie somebody older, younger, foreign or who lives some distance away from you. A friend in her 40s who for years was doggedly determined never to date somebody younger is now dating a younger man.

Good luck.

Sunflower 27

Not deluded at all. People meet every day and the notion that men go for younger women is a gross generalisation.

I met my partner in my 40s. Love him to pieces (and he is three years younger).

Live your life, enjoy it and see what happens