New gf questions

movingforward

Dating a new girl and I'm a bit concerned.
Hey everyone. Was wondering if I could get some advice or if anyone has been in a similar position. Started dating a girl about 3 weeks ago. We really hit it off and have chemistry. I have paid for all the dates so fsr as she just srarted a new job and is broke. Just a couple of things that raised alarms. So we became official in the second week after a few dates. And that was wonderful. She has a bestie named eve and I asked if she knew about us being bf and gf and she said no because eve is having a hard time dating. Her other friend Keith who eve also knows ( they have know each other since college. 17 years and are all 40.. I'm 36 )is having a lot of mental problems but eve has blocked him but my girl has spent most the week talking,texting and met him for a pint which I thought isn't a good setting for someone with mental health problems, I asked if he knew about me and she said no that he was just constantly talking at her. I lost my mam a few months ago and I'm afraid I'm prob just over thinking things. I asked in a nice way if there was anything happening with keith and she assured me no. Then the next day she text and said she doesn't like it that she feels she needs to explain herself to me.. I explained I was just being cautious and I I am an ope person who likes to communicate . and a hour after that she texts saying if she got pregnant by Dec she would be happy. I was a bit surprised but also strangely happy. like I say any advice please. My last relationship I walked away and ended because she cheated and I don't want to be a chump again.

I asked about her ex and she said they don't talk that he calls when he is drunk and she blocks his number going to bed. I felt weird about that. And I asked if she was completely over him and she said yes. And she was permanently blocking his number... any advice is greatly appreciated. Is she playing and should I be cautious or just run?

bee06

To be honest it all sounds a bit strange to me. Becoming "official" after only a couple of weeks is moving very quickly and the pregnancy remark is just bizarre. Lots of drama with her friends when they are all 40. If you hadn't said I would have thought they were in their early 20's. And then the stuff with the ex. I'd proceed with caution really especially because of the pregnancy remark. You don't want to be the sperm donor because of her age rather than it being a genuine relationship. Make sure you are taking care of the contraception side.

looksee

You have only known each other three weeks, and on the one hand you are looking to vet her friends, and on the other she is talking about getting pregnant. If you back off a bit and take it a bit more slowly you will have time to find out about each other and your relationship. Does she have a child by the previous boyfriend? If she has then it is understandable that she keeps lines open, otherwise, yes, it does seem a bit odd.

Wesser

I think that before she gets pregnant you need to ask yourself is this s trusting relationship? It does not sound like it. You must have a trusting relationship before you introduce children.

From some of the terms you use such a Bessie etc I thought you were 17....I think you need to ensure you have a mature and trusting relationship before you introduce children.....

El_Duderino 09

What's the rush? Biological clock aside, you can't be pressured into wanting a child by December if you're not sure about the person. Take your time to find the answers to your questions.

movingforward

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

What's the rush? Biological clock aside, you can't be pressured into wanting a child by December if you're not sure about the person. Take your time to find the answers to your questions.

Thank you all so much for your advice. She has no kids. I'm going to back off and take things slowly.. maybe I shall just stay single. This relationship stuff is getting way too hard. Thanks guys.

Dial Hard

Tbh, it sounds like there's a pair of you in it. You're cross-examining her about who she's told about you two becoming official and about her friendship with Keith, while she's sending utterly bizarre texts about not minding getting pregnant by someone she's known a matter of weeks?

I think you'd both be better off single. It all sounds utterly bizarre and downright juvenile.

December2012

movingforward wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your advice. She has no kids. I'm going to back off and take things slowly.. maybe I shall just stay single. This relationship stuff is getting way too hard. Thanks guys.

What's hard? You just take your time. That's all. You don't stop just because she hasn't told her friends about you yet.

What's the point about you paying for things all about?

Merkin

Thread reopened.

RhubarbCrumble

Your dating this lady 3 WEEKS and she's talking about getting pregnant? Sorry OP, but that's just not right, and that's without all the rest of the drama that seems to be thrown into the situation. I think you need to slow things down a little.

miezekatze

Are you sure the text about her wanting to get pregnant was actually meant for you? Seems very strange that she would say that to you after such a short time.

Teyla Emmagan

I would be concerned too if I were you OP. And asking myself questions like "does she want my baby or any baby?". Because that's really not normal in the timeframe. She doesn't even know you.

And you are being just a TAD insecure about whether she's told her mad friends about you.

It all sounds nuts to me, sorry.

Big Bag of Chips

I can understand why you'd wonder if she's told her friends. If you've become official now surely the first person she'd tell is her best friend? On the other hand, she seems a bit of a "fixer". In that she feels the need to take on everyone's problems and be involved in fixing them. And then using them and their problems to dismiss your understandable questions about your relationship. If I'd become official woth someone, and they had been to see their best friend(s), I think the first questions I would ask was "Did you tell them?". I'd think it's normal conversation, not inquisitive or controlling or anything else.

If she blocks her ex every night going to bed, why does she unblock him in the morning? Seems like a lot of arsing around.

And as for the text about getting pregnant???? She's 40. Her time is running out. She's looking for a baby, and is not too bothered who the daddy is. Sounds like she has set herself a deadline for the end of this year. If you break up with her, don't be surprised if she is pregnant by December, by the next fella that comes along, or the one after that.

Everything you have said about her screams "immature". 3 weeks in and you are already on the internet with doubts. Stick it out for another while, it might just be the settling in phase. But DO NOT have unprotected sex. Even if she tells you she is on the pill. See how things pan out over the next few weeks. If you're still uncomfortable you're allowed walk away (so long as she's not pregnant).

squonk

I too thought you were all college age or in your 20's! Seriously, having gone through that whole high drama phase of my life, Im happy now that things are a bit calmer. Why would you want that sort of crap in your 40's? She sounds like a bit of a headwrecker to be honest.

The pregnancy thing is just crazy. You're together 3 weeks and she's talking about getting up the duff! That's a deal breaker really. She's interested in your sperm and that's it! What happens after she gets pregnant? You'll be on the hook for funding her and the child no doubt. Why you'd want any of this I don't know! Personally speaking if I'd gotten a text like this I'd have been off!

Ms Doubtfire1

uhm. RUN...

Ursus Horribilis

squonk wrote: »

The pregnancy thing is just crazy. You're together 3 weeks and she's talking about getting up the duff! That's a deal breaker really. She's interested in your sperm and that's it! What happens after she gets pregnant? You'll be on the hook for funding her and the child no doubt. Why you'd want any of this I don't know! Personally speaking if I'd gotten a text like this I'd have been off!

^^ This was the first thought that crossed my mind when I read this. She's interested in your sperm and your wallet. Why you're "strangely happy" is beyond me.

silverbolt

movingforward wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your advice. She has no kids. I'm going to back off and take things slowly.. maybe I shall just stay single. This relationship stuff is getting way too hard. Thanks guys.

You dont have to do that,

You both just sound like youre getting a bit too far ahead of yourselves. youre caught up in the rush of things.

Slow down take a breath and relax about it. she needs to do the same.

as for the mental health problems her friends have, when you get to our age weve all got ghosts. you need to work out if thats something you can deal with.

As for the pregnancy thats a massive NO NO NO NO. She really needs to not be talking about things like that.

daithi7

To paraphrase the immortal words of Gandalf, before falling into the abyss to fight a demonic monster in Lord of the Rings:
' Run, you fool, Run!!'

Shemale

Do yourself a favour, she is inside your head, willing to let you spend your cash on both of you and her cash on boozing with friends and talking about kids.

I would get out of there, talk of pregnancy is mad given how insecure you are, she might have said it to reassure you but she might just want kids with anyone.

Last thing you want is to get her pregnant, have her dump you and you pay for a kid for 20 years while dealing with a woman you could resent.

log.lady

I'd say tread carefully and don't rush things. You have only been dating for a few weeks so i can see why she'd be reluctant to announce the news yet in case her friends are nosy and will quiz her. The baby remark is really strange and i would advise you to be very careful here....I can see why it made you happy because it implies that she is looking at long term relationship with you which is simply not possible after just a few weeks. There is a chance she said it to keep you while trying to figure out things out so maybe just slow things down a bit.