Registry office wedding - tip/donation for registrar?

aceygray

I am getting married in a registry office in a few months. My partner and I were discussing our budget recently, and he mentioned having to give a few bob to the registrar. I know people normally pay their priest if having a Catholic ceremony, but is it the norm to pay your celebrant? I would have thought not, since she is employed by the hse, and we have already paid our €200 fee, but I don't want to make a faux-pas!

Did others tip their registrar?

Mrs OBumble

aceygray wrote: »

...since she is employed by the hse

The registrar is a public official A such I'd expect that if the registrar receives any tip or gift (perhaps beyond what they can immediately consume) would be required to turn it over to management, who would be required to put it to official use.

Or maybe I'm just an old-fashioned public servant who learned their ethics in a different country ...

garbeth

Afaik a Hse registrar cannot accept a tip. When We got married he couldn't even have a drink afterwards. He could stay for a few photos but then it was back to the office

lazygal

No, they aren't allowed to accept any money outside the official payments.

aceygray

Thanks guys! I figured it wasn't the done thing, but I didn't know it's actually not allowed. Makes sense though.

anon71

We tipped ours. She had carried out several ceremonies of people we knew and they all tipped also. She was amazing on the day, she even helped my husband set up our room in the hotel as we had brought in our own decorations.

She never mentioned whether or not she could accept the tip, but I definitely had no problem with giving it nor did we think twice about it.

I've been at a couple of civil ceremonies where it was just the boilerplate wording rattled off. Our registrar carried out our ceremony so wonderfully, it came across as more than just her job.

Our budget was very small but I'm glad we included this, to me the ceremony was the most important part of the day and to be honest it's the part I remember most.

To me it's almost like sending chocolates or a thank you card to a nurses station in a hospital. They get paid for their job, are for the most part public servants but it's still nice and appreciated to acknowledge them.

Just my opinion.....

aceygray

anon71 wrote: »

I've been at a couple of civil ceremonies where it was just the boilerplate wording rattled off. Our registrar carried out our ceremony so wonderfully, it came across as more than just her job.

Well we're just going for the basic ceremony, no personal touches - just whatever is legally required. Also, our ceremony is in the registry office, so she won't have to travel & there'll be no room set-up.

Out of interest, how much did you tip?

Mrs OBumble

anon71 wrote: »

To me it's almost like sending chocolates or a thank you card to a nurses station in a hospital. They get paid for their job, are for the most part public servants but it's still nice and appreciated to acknowledge them.

That's why I put in the bit about their immediate consumption.

Thank you cards are lovely. Chocolates are easy share among the entire ward staff. Flowers, they can generally find somewhere for them where lots of people appreciate them.

A 50 (or whatever) euro note .. not so easy to share around. Far to easy to slip in the pocket - and to let it influence how well you care for the person when they come in again next time.


For someone like a HSE registrar, accepting cash could open them up to pressure to do illegal things with the register or the information on it. (Eg giving out addresses.).

Public servants are generally trained not to say anything to the gift giver, but to immediately turn gifts over to management. Best case, it might go into a fund for the staff Christmas party.

anon71

aceygray wrote: »

Well we're just going for the basic ceremony, no personal touches - just whatever is legally required. Also, our ceremony is in the registry office, so she won't have to travel & there'll be no room set-up.

Out of interest, how much did you tip?

€50 in a thank you card. We wrote a lot of our own words. Had a couple of poems, did the lighting of the candles. So it was nice that the person saying the words did put a bit of meaning into it. But whatever feels comfortable for you both is the most important thing.

anon71

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

That's why I put in the bit about their immediate consumption.

Thank you cards are lovely. Chocolates are easy share among the entire ward staff. Flowers, they can generally find somewhere for them where lots of people appreciate them.

A 50 (or whatever) euro note .. not so easy to share around. Far to easy to slip in the pocket - and to let it influence how well you care for the person when they come in again next time.


For someone like a HSE registrar, accepting cash could open them up to pressure to do illegal things with the register or the information on it. (Eg giving out addresses.).

Public servants are generally trained not to say anything to the gift giver, but to immediately turn gifts over to management. Best case, it might go into a fund for the staff Christmas party.

I can't make out if you're joking or serious with this post. If you're serious then I'd hate to be so cynical. Alternatively you should join a creative writing group, you've a great imagination.

Faith

It's highly likely that there are strict rules about the acceptance of gifts. In my field, you cannot accept a gift with a value greater than €25. You have to deny it or return it to the giver. If it's something that can be shared out, then I think you can do that as long as you share it at work, but it's a bit grey.

It wouldn't be uncommon for a public servant to be bound by rules like that at all.

meeeeh

anon71 wrote: »

I can't make out if you're joking or serious with this post. If you're serious then I'd hate to be so cynical. Alternatively you should join a creative writing group, you've a great imagination.

I completely agree that it is improper for civil servants to take cash gifts or other higher value gifts. What about tipping someone to bump you up the housing list or to shorten the wait for medical procedure, or to marry a couple that don't know each other but one happens to be a EU national. Not every monetary or higher value donation is a bribe but responsible civil servant should decline it to avoid any doubt in their professional integrity. Chocolates and similar smaller gifts are OK but I certainly wouldn't think tipping is appropriate.

anon71

meeeeh wrote: »

I completely agree that it is improper for civil servants to take cash gifts or other higher value gifts. What about tipping someone to bump you up the housing list or to shorten the wait for medical procedure, or to marry a couple that don't know each other but one happens to be a EU national. Not every monetary or higher value donation is a bribe but responsible civil servant should decline it to avoid any doubt in their professional integrity. Chocolates and similar smaller gifts are OK but I certainly wouldn't think tipping is appropriate.

We hadn't given anything until after the ceremony was over. We certainly weren't looking for any type of preferential treatment. I still stand over what we did. I've no doubt about her professional integrity. As I've said before the ceremony was the most important part for us, we didn't look on her as just a civil servant. And yes, I'm aware that's her job.

And although I've never offered anyone money to shorten the wait for a medical procedure, I've certainly made a phone call to a friend that bumped me up the queue. And I've no problem with that either. I think people are getting a bit mock affronted over this.

Anyway, it's up to the OP to do as they wish. I was simply offering my opinion based on my experience in the real world. I'm off to have a chat with my inner ethics and compliance officer, they've obviously been very lax of late..... 😱 ( That's a joke now)

Mrs OBumble

anon71 wrote: »

I can't make out if you're joking or serious with this post. If you're serious then I'd hate to be so cynical. Alternatively you should join a creative writing group, you've a great imagination.

Ahh, it's that kind of attitude which explains a lot of the stuff that's f*cked up in this country.

Waterford Whispers had a post today about the Irish public begging Brazilian officials to some over and sort of all of our corruption problems. I sooo wish it was true.

anon71

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Ahh, it's that kind of attitude which explains a lot of the stuff that's f*cked up in this country.

Waterford Whispers had a post today about the Irish public begging Brazilian officials to some over and sort of all of our corruption problems. I sooo wish it was true.

Seriously cop on. And how dare you equate an act that I carried out as part of my wedding as having a fu**ed up attitude. A question was asked, an answer was given. I replied further with a tongue in cheek response. I would have thought if you're a reader of WW that you would understand irony. Obviously not.

Post reported.

Toots

Eh, right. Let's all just calm down. Keep it civil, and if you see a post that breaches the forum or site rules then report, don't retort.

meeeeh

anon71 wrote: »

We hadn't given anything until after the ceremony was over. We certainly weren't looking for any type of preferential treatment. I still stand over what we did. I've no doubt about her professional integrity. As I've said before the ceremony was the most important part for us, we didn't look on her as just a civil servant. And yes, I'm aware that's her job.

And although I've never offered anyone money to shorten the wait for a medical procedure, I've certainly made a phone call to a friend that bumped me up the queue. And I've no problem with that either. I think people are getting a bit mock affronted over this.

Anyway, it's up to the OP to do as they wish. I was simply offering my opinion based on my experience in the real world. I'm off to have a chat with my inner ethics and compliance officer, they've obviously been very lax of late..... 😱 ( That's a joke now)

There is no need to get so excited. I was just explaining why cash gifts should not be accepted. If you don't believe me, this is from the Civil Service Code of Practice:

Cash, gift cheques or any vouchers that
may be exchanged for cash may not
be accepted regardless of the amount.

https://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://www.sipo.gov.ie/en/Codes-of-Conduct/Civil-Servants/Civil-Service-Code-of-Standards.pdf&ved=0ahUKEwjkqaHmnNfOAhUqKsAKHQzBAzIQFggdMAA&usg=AFQjCNHD2IdwuOUnEqeS_iBag51ocUtuSw&sig2=IqcTQhCA3H90Wsjz1qAzrg

I'm not suggesting your intentions were wrong however the registrar should not accept money. Personally I would avoid cash gifts.

Mrs OBumble

Exactly.

What I have a problem with is that people have the attitude that it could possibly be OK to give a gratuity to a public official who is performing their duty. It's not. Never has been. Never will be.

anon71

Mrs OBumble wrote: »

Exactly.

What I have a problem with is that people have the attitude that it could possibly be OK to give a gratuity to a public official who is performing their duty. It's not. Never has been. Never will be.

You seem to have a lot of problems with a lot of things on boards.ie. Perhaps you should close your account. Very whiny person. Report away.

michellie

Jesus there's nothing wrong with thanking someone by giving them money. Get over it.

meeeeh

michellie wrote: »

Jesus there's nothing wrong with thanking someone by giving them money. Get over it.

Really? Public servants? Who are explicitly forbidden to take monetary gifts in their code of conduct? Who cares about ethics anyway.

Toots

Enough bickering. If people can't answer the OP's question without being argumentative then I will lock the thread. Last warning.

aceygray

You can lock if you want - I think I have my answer. No money for the registrar, which I was I thought anyway. Thanks everyone.

Toots

Grand so. Best of luck for the big day