Is it bad form to ignore people on Grindr?

eaglach

It may seem like a stupid question, but is it rude to ignore people who message you on Grindr? I use it purely for "mates and dates" (one of the few, I know) but on many occasions someone would message me and I have no interest in replying.

Not that I'm trying to be mean, but I've sort of become cynical in how I treat the app. If I feel the person is after no-strings I don't bother replying, or if they're not my type.

At the start I always replied to people to be nice, but I'm just getting so tired of writing the same story about myself over and over that I just don't bother writing anything anymore.

Is this the reality of dating on Grindr?

Ten of Swords

eaglach wrote: »

At the start I always replied to people to be nice, but I'm just getting so tired of writing the same story about myself over and over that I just don't bother writing anything anymore.

This, absolutely. I got sick of it so quickly

+1

bonyn

I guess if your bio specifies what you're looking for and it's clear from their message they didnt read it or chose to ignore it, you've every right to ignore them. Otherwise, it's best not getting drawn into a convo. A simple "hey. Thanks for the message but you're not really my type" is the decent thing to do. "Not interested" is quicker but a little harsh

Rick_

The only messages I don't respond to are the ones that just have one word openers like "fun?" "f**k?" "suck?" etc. Those people have clearly not read my profile so I shouldn't bother reading theirs or even responding. I usually just block them. But anyone else, even if I'm not interested, will still get talked to, even if it is just to thank them for the message but that they're not my type and all the best in your search etc.

It costs nothing to be nice. Treat others how you'd like to be treated and all that jazz.

rochey84

eaglach wrote: »

It may seem like a stupid question, but is it rude to ignore people who message you on Grindr? I use it purely for "mates and dates" (one of the few, I know) but on many occasions someone would message me and I have no interest in replying.

Not that I'm trying to be mean, but I've sort of become cynical in how I treat the app. If I feel the person is after no-strings I don't bother replying, or if they're not my type.

At the start I always replied to people to be nice, but I'm just getting so tired of writing the same story about myself over and over that I just don't bother writing anything anymore.

Is this the reality of dating on Grindr?

My attitude is to respond or block, the response could be something like "Hey thanks so much for the message but I don't feel like our profiles match but best of luck" to "I'm really sorry I'm not interested" like a poster below me the one word messages like "f*ck" "s*ck*(not sure why I censored that but it's done now) and "fun" just get blocked at least they know their message was recieved and read and that you're just not interested.

HairySalmon

I never bothered responding to anyone I'd no interest in. It's Grindr, it's not like real life where if someone made the effort to come up to you and you'd no interest you'd let them down nicely.

If people are insulted or offended by people not responding to them they'd want to grow a thicker skin. We've all had people not bothering to respond to us, no big deal, comes with the territory.

rochey84

HairySalmon wrote: »

I never bothered responding to anyone I'd no interest in. It's Grindr, it's not like real life where if someone made the effort to come up to you and you'd no interest you'd let them down nicely.

If people are insulted or offended by people not responding to them they'd want to grow a thicker skin. We've all had people not bothering to respond to us, no big deal, comes with the territory.

Maybe it's just me and my manners but if I wouldn't do it in real life I'm not gonna do it online, so if in real life I'd let someone down gently I'll do it online too. It's not that I have thin skin or I get offended by people not replying to me but I just think it's good manners.

HairySalmon

rochey84 wrote: »

Maybe it's just me and my manners but if I wouldn't do it in real life I'm not gonna do it online, so if in real life I'd let someone down gently I'll do it online too. It's not that I have thin skin or I get offended by people not replying to me but I just think it's good manners.

Well in my eyes Grindr isn't real. You're dealing with lists and lists of guys, and you're not going to be into all of them, so it'd take up so much time to reply to all of them. Back when I had it I never spent all my time on it, so I times I did go on it I wanted to chat to lads I'd actually meet.

A lot of guys get really offended if you don't reply, but it's nothing personal.

rochey84

HairySalmon wrote: »

Well in my eyes Grindr isn't real. You're dealing with lists and lists of guys, and you're not going to be into all of them, so it'd take up so much time to reply to all of them. Back when I had it I never spent all my time on it, so I times I did go on it I wanted to chat to lads I'd actually meet.

A lot of guys get really offended if you don't reply, but it's nothing personal.

Maybe I'm just so ugly I don't get a lot of messages so am happy to reply to all lol! Each to their own, it doesn't bother me if people don't respond I just always try to respond personally

Annasopra

HairySalmon wrote: »

Well in my eyes Grindr isn't real. You're dealing with lists and lists of guys, and you're not going to be into all of them, so it'd take up so much time to reply to all of them. Back when I had it I never spent all my time on it, so I times I did go on it I wanted to chat to lads I'd actually meet.

A lot of guys get really offended if you don't reply, but it's nothing personal.

It is real. I dont get the suggestion that it's not. Offline/Online - they are both real life experiences.

eaglach

bonyn wrote: »

I guess if your bio specifies what you're looking for and it's clear from their message they didnt read it or chose to ignore it, you've every right to ignore them. Otherwise, it's best not getting drawn into a convo. A simple "hey. Thanks for the message but you're not really my type" is the decent thing to do. "Not interested" is quicker but a little harsh

I tried giving the "you're not my type" response but I received abuse a few times from it. They claimed I was shallow and that I didn't take the time to get to know them! Thought it was best to just ignore messages from that point forward.

To be fair, I do get slightly peeved when someone doesn't reply to my messages, only because the app is so unreliable I never know if they received the message or just aren't interested. Then you send another one and stink of desperation if they received the first one!

J_E

'Sorry, I don't think we're a match', is one of the easiest things you could reply to someone, and is basic manners!

Annasopra

eaglach wrote: »

I tried giving the "you're not my type" response but I received abuse a few times from it. They claimed I was shallow and that I didn't take the time to get to know them! Thought it was best to just ignore messages from that point forward.

To be fair, I do get slightly peeved when someone doesn't reply to my messages, only because the app is so unreliable I never know if they received the message or just aren't interested. Then you send another one and stink of desperation if they received the first one!

I block people who abuse. Simple.

LLMMLL

Personally I think ignoring is politer.

You can't really win as the issue is not your response but that you've rejected them. It always stings so do whichever suit you best.

Iopu

I also think ignoring is politer. If you don't reply they may assume your not interested / busy at work / just don't respond to many at all. Telling that your not interested is more likely to cause offence IMO.
I think I've only gotten the "not my type" message one time. And had many simply not reply.

pauliebdub

No. Everyone does it, some guys take rejection badly and I don't want to enter into correspondence detailing why I'm not interested. it's best not to waste anyone's time I think and it's worse to send a one word reply like "thanks" when not interested.

NikoTopps

I used to respond to every message I'd get just wishing them luck in their search or something. The odd time I'd glance over a message and not respond I'd feel horrible, I'd get such a bad feeling which is bizarre really because it's an online app! I was raised with manners, this doesn't change online so for me it's only polite to message them back barring the one worders (suck, fůck, hung, lookin etc) like others have mentioned.

Almond87

pauliebdub wrote: »

No. Everyone does it, some guys take rejection badly and I don't want to enter into correspondence detailing why I'm not interested. it's best not to waste anyone's time I think and it's worse to send a one word reply like "thanks" when not interested.

To me, it looks like you're wasting my time if you don't bother to reply at all, as I don't know whether I should wait something from you or not. It usually feels a waste of time especially if we started a conversation and you stop to reply all the sudden. And that's quite a frequent thing and shows some serious lack of manners.

In the long run, it's not the app. It's the users.

Almond87

Apart from whether to or not to reply (I always reply unless I obviously deal with someone who didn't bother to read my message), we have another major issue: loads (and I mean loads!!) of Grindr users have no social skills. And when I say that, I mean they are expert in small and poor talk. I couldn't expect to see them bring anything on a table where a partnership is concerned, regardless of its nature.

Oh, and the "I'm good thanks, I'm hungover. Had so many drinks" is insanely common. I find it sad over 50% of the users start a conversation with this, sometimes even being proud of it. But drinking and being proud of it is just another story and probably needs a separate topic.

ongarboy

Almond87 wrote: »

Oh, and the "I'm good thanks, I'm hungover. Had so many drinks" is insanely common. I find it sad over 50% of the users start a conversation with this, sometimes even being proud of it. But drinking and being proud of it is just another story and probably needs a separate topic.

Ah in fairness, if you are asking someone that question on a Saturday or Sunday, it's a fairly reasonable and actually honest response. I wouldn't judge them or assume they were boasting. I would see it as their ice breaker way of having something to say "oh I drank too much last night, paying for it now, lol".

It also keeps the conversation going eg "oh where did you head to? any craic? I love that place, I hate that place,I've been wanting to go there for ages etc.

Being overly judgmental about such innocuous comments could possibly do less favours for you as regards taking the interaction further than it would the person who enjoys socialising at the weekend.

Almond87

ongarboy wrote: »

Ah in fairness, if you are asking someone that question on a Saturday or Sunday, it's a fairly reasonable and actually honest response. I wouldn't judge them or assume they were boasting. I would see it as their ice breaker way of having something to say "oh I drank too much last night, paying for it now, lol".

It also keeps the conversation going eg "oh where did you head to? any craic? I love that place, I hate that place,I've been wanting to go there for ages etc.

Being overly judgmental about such innocuous comments could possibly do less favours for you as regards taking the interaction further than it would the person who enjoys socialising at the weekend.

I fully agree with you. It could do less favours. But based on my experience, most of the people who broke the ice with "I'm hungover, I drank that much" revealed later on that they weren't really equipped with too many social skills. Again, based on my experience only (might've been too unlucky ever since I moved to Ireland). While in many other countries, people use (or used, at least) to break the ice in more of an original way. And the conversations were a bit more meaningful and not so much small talk like I see here that often (don't get me wrong, there are loads of interesting guys too). And drinking wasn't the main part of the socializing. But again, that's really another story

Rick_

I've seen recently on some profiles "If I don't respond after your 2nd or 3rd message, take it that I'm not interested".

carzony

Been using this app for a while out of curiosity. I am amazed by the amount of guys who are willing to meet without even seeing pics of each other.

Other times you get a good thing going, send nice pics and all of a sudden they vanish.

Rick_

What's annoying is the people you connect well with, you move on to WhatsApp or something to continue chatting and all of a sudden they become silent. You question them and they say they are super busy with work and they are sorry for the late replies or forgetting to reply, yet they are almost always signed in on the apps.

'Forgot' my left toe! If you aren't interested, just say so and stop wasting peoples bloody time!

Ten of Swords

Haven't used it in months. There's no shortage of time wasters but it's not like there isn't plenty of choice too. I would break contact without a second thought if I got a hint of time wasting or just endless messages back and forth with no meetup in sight, too frustrating dealing with that and life's too short. I suppose it depends what people are using it for. I was never interested in making friends on grindr but I've had messages from people who were only interested in friendship, I don't know what kind of reply were they expecting?

That said I did make a couple of friends and guys I sometimes keep in contact with but that was never the purpose of it for me.

JackTaylorFan

I don't personally use the Grindr (not a gay man) but for other dating apps/sites like Tinder, Match, OKC etc. I believe if you are genuinely looking for more than a quick tumble- I would say: No.

Some people really don't put in any effort into messaging - so why would I waste time replying to a "hi" when it literally takes more effort for me to hit the delete button than it did for them to type the message?

Rory28

Whats really annoying is when you see your cousins kid on it and realise he is now 20 and you are old.
(sobs)

learn_more

I much perfer for people not to reply at all than send back saying sorry I'm not interested or something similar.