How to get over someone?

daydrea

Hi everyone,

Basically as the title says I'm finding it hard to move on. About six months ago a friend I had lost contact with made contact with me again. The first time we met up he made a move, tried to kiss me. We had had sex before but he was in another relationship at the time so we stopped talking, as it was obviously very wrong for us to continue. We have a lot of sexual chemistry and generally find it hard to keep our hands off each other. We have also got a deep emotional bond, similar ways of seeing things, sense of humour etc.

We were talking everyday for a couple of months until he confided in me that he wasn't ready for a relationship, even though it looked like we were heading that way. I understood but as time goes on, we are drifting apart more and more,and I still think of him. It's clear he doesn't want, and can't commit to being with me. He also suffers with depression so stops talking with me, doesn't answer the phone, for weeks when he's going through a bad spot.

On the one hand, rationally, I can see why I shouldn't be with him, even if he wanted to be with me too. I can see all the bad points. But on the other hand, I can't seem to let go. I feel a sense of tension building up when we haven't spoken in a while, I look at his name in my phone, daydream about him, then when I talk to him the tension is released. Everytime I get a message I hope its from him. I know it's stupid, pointless,but I dont know how to stop. I'm very fussy and he is the only person I've had feelings for in years.

I think the only way I could get over him is to meet someone new, but there's no guarantee of that happening any time soon. Does anyone have any other suggestions?

LegacyUser

I have been on the receiving end of behaviour like that OP, so i'll give my advice on what worked for me, but I have to be honest, it took a long time. In the end I realised person would never want to be with me in any meaningful way and would only exhibit hot and cold behaviour, and it could have gone on for years more if I hadn't decided myself to move on. He was very quickly 'ready for a relationship' pretty soon afterwards- with someone else :P .Anyhow, main point was I decided to treat my feelings as basically an addiction (some say love is an addiction to a person), and decided that it had to be overcome cold turkey. Delete all conversations, messages, pictures, anything that reminds you of the person. Make sure that you cut off any means for either of you to communicate. I would recommend perhaps giving him a heads up, and just let him know, in a nice way, why it has to be done, and wish him the best. Nice to leave it on as nice a note as possible. It takes a long time, but with no reminders you will slowly start to forget, you don't necessarily need to meet anyone else. Better to be alone and happy than waiting for something that will never happen. Well, anyway, this is just my opinion but it worked for me, and your story sounds a lot like mine except person was not in a relationship when I met them, just general wishywashy behaviour for prolonged periods of time. Life is too short for wishiwashiness :P Best of luck, whatever you decide to do

SarahMollie

OP I think you already know the answer here.

Sexual chemistry does not a relationship make, and the longer this goes on the more you'll be hurt, and the more you'll resent him for wasting your time.

I'd cut contact (doesnt have to be dramatic) but time and space are the key ingredients to getting over someone.

One other thing I picked up on is that you seem to equate "getting over" him with "meeting someone else". They are not the same thing. I'd go so far as to say that you'll struggle to meet someone else unless you first get over this guy.

Keep yourself busy, surround yourself with good friends, say yes to new opportunities. Repeat over and over in your head that this man doesn't want to be wiht you and that you deserve better.

skybhoy121

SarahMollie wrote: »

OP I think you already know the answer here.

Sexual chemistry does not a relationship make, and the longer this goes on the more you'll be hurt, and the more you'll resent him for wasting your time.

I'd cut contact (doesnt have to be dramatic) but time and space are the key ingredients to getting over someone.

One other thing I picked up on is that you seem to equate "getting over" him with "meeting someone else". They are not the same thing. I'd go so far as to say that you'll struggle to meet someone else unless you first get over this guy.

Keep yourself busy, surround yourself with good friends, say yes to new opportunities. Repeat over and over in your head that this man doesn't want to be wiht you and that you deserve better.

Just browsing through here looking for inspiration...as I'm in a fairly confused state atm! Long story but after meeting this girl I instantly became friends with her and after awhile we got together on one night! I feel we just have a spark and a connection it's hard to put into words...after a brid romance things changed for some reason and I still don't know why...we stayed friends during this time and remained close messaging a lot! Eventually I got so confused and weirded out by the whole situation I decided to take your approach.., cut all contact and ignored her. This work for the first few weeks but after awhile I was back to square one thinking about her! Wondering! After 3 months of nothing she texted again 2 weeks ago to meet up at party which I caved and we met. We chatted for abit nothing that serious due to the setting it was more like a catch up! Messaged again in the days after which was nice.
So I'm now back to square one wondering is there an interest on her part? I don't want to come on too strong and like confess my feelings and make things really weird if they aren't reciprocated but I guess I cant go on like this either in limbo.

I honestly don't really know how to approach it anymore, its not as easy as just forgetting it ever happened. We left things saying we should catch up again soon, Debating whether I should try organise something for us to go to or whether I should leave it and wait for her to contact me.