problem with wine

Chopinlist66

Have re-registered to protect my identity. Have been following this thread, as I believe I have a problem with alcohol. Drinking a full bottle of wine every night, and last night, went out and purchased a second. A very slippery slope, and I have been there before. Feeling absolutely awful this morning, and I want to chuck this disgusting habit in for once and for all, but I need the support of you great guys, petes and Marienbad. I am terrified it will trigger some type of cancer, and that it will affect my job, etc.
Have decided to see my GP today, an new one, as my old one has retired. i need support. My husband is aware of how things are for me, but as a non-drinker for the most part, he doesn't seem to know what to do.
Why? I could blame many things in my life, I have an autistic son, which was really difficult to accept, and i have suffered extreme bullying from unqualified colleagues at work, a situation which has gone on for 15 years. But really, the blame lies within myself. Need to express myself on here, and thanks in advance for reading.

drydub

I'm a week alcohol free at the moment.

Feeling all kinds of great at the moment.

One day at a time and breaking routine is the way to go,for me.
Have you considered buying a half bottle of wine and leaving it until after ten before you have a glass, that way you can't buy more?

The flying mouse

Hi OP

Quitting and staying quit isn’t easy, it’s learning a whole new way of thinking. It’s accepting a new way of life, and not just accepting it, embracing it...I have a friend he's been to rehab 3 times and has been going to AA for over 6 years, and he's still drinking. There's not much I can say to him that hasn't already been said. I've offered all the support I can, but it's not enough.

He refuses to close the door on alcohol, leaves it open just a crack in case he needs to run back to it. And he will, time and time again until he wants to be sober more than he wants to drink. He's not ready to make the commitment needed to obtain lasting sobriety. And no one can help him until he does.

You have to be willing to give it your all, no running to the bottle when things get tough, no looking for an excuse or reason to drink when you think life is unfair, no looking for sympathy, hugs, and pats on the back when you slip because you found another reason to drink.

There is no reason or excuse strong enough if you really want to quit drinking and stay quit!

Getting sober isn't something to take lightly. It isn't something we work at for a few months, it's a lifelong commitment. Until you make that commitment, your next slip/relapse is just around the corner.

Keep posting OP share what your going through as we all can relate here,There is nothing you have said done or tried that a lot of people here haven't done the same, You are not alone.

Chopinlist66

drydub and flying mouse,

Thanks for the replies. Here goes: Went to my gp, and he was quite shocked at the fact I was knocking back a full bottle, sometimes bottle and a half most evenings. My Liver tests are crazy high, so I have to knock this on the head. We could be half way on the road to liver cirrhosis and not even know it. I know the liver can be forgiving it that it is the one organ in the human body that can regenerate itself, though it too has its limits as to what bashing from alcohol it can tolerate. I have also a problem with reflux from all the wine. Not good. My head was fuzzy and thinking not clear. Doc gave me librium for few days, so thankfully don't have the tremors or anything like that. Feel relaxed and calm. However, was afraid of total cold turkey and did have one can of beer last night. But that is it, now. After a bad night, I feel so guilty, not performing to my optimum as wife and mother, but funny, overperform in the workplace, making sure to dot my i's and cross my t's. This has been a cycle for me for a number of years. Visited a Counsellor, who always tried to get me to quit for at least six months so I could appreciate fully what life would be like without alcohol. I dread going out for meals without my glass of vino, can't imagine them being the same. Love watching my soap, glass in hand. Don't get lathered drunk, just nicely relaxed, falling into a deep sleep, then cursing myself upon wakening for being so weak yet again. Have cut down/given up so many times, lost weight, only to regain it. It is a horrible vicious cycle that is so hard to break. But, break it, I must, for the sake of my family and for myself. Don't know if I can even have a social drink.. I want one glass, then two, then three... and you know the rest. There are some fabulous peops on here, and thanks so much. I will keep posting. I have a passion for music, and that hopefully will keep me on the straight and narrow for the moment. I will fully immerse myself in this. Good luck to everyone else!

PMBC

You're doing well and keep it up. Every problem drinker worries about how they will cope without alcohol until they get to the point where they cant cope with it. Just do it for today, tomorrow will look after itself.

peckerhead

OP, at the risk of being way out of line, your drinking sounds very much like mine (with the difference that I'm a man) — both in its typical pattern and in what I suspect may be some of the root causes you alluded to in your first post. My own problem started to creep up on me in my early 30s (I'd drunk as a young fellah too, but never all that much) when I was going through similar pressures in work and also, unfortunately, in my home life. The drink just became a crutch, a companion, something to get me through the day; like you, I wouldn't get absolutely hammered, just quietly pissed until I fell asleep. Basically a sort of anaesthetic, a means to push away all the stuff that was to painful to process — and people, too. Most of my drinking was solitary, and kept 'hidden' by a million little tricks (although not nearly as well hidden as I fondly imagined!). I'd have bottles hidden around the place so that an 'emergency supply' was always at hand. Bottom drawer stuff. A friend once ventured that if I was a woman I'd have been a 'handbag drinker', and she wasn't wrong.

I kept this up for nigh on 10 years, the so-called 'high-functioning' alcholic — always keeping the show on the road, paying the bills, providing for my kids (my wife didn't work outside the home), never dropping the ball at work, etc. I did eventually get a well-deserved drink-driving conviction, but arra shur that's only a minor foul, in this country (at the time, anyway) and even that didn't stop me.

A former wine-drinker like yourself, by the end I was putting away a half-bottle of vodka a day, on average — sometimes a full one — and my liver was the least of my health worries. And I knew vaguely that I was in trouble, but couldn't admit it to myself and, worse still, just couldn't stop — or stay stopped, for more than a few days. I broke my family's and friends' hearts with worry and it was killing me (so I'd drink more) and absolutely ruining my life.

I'm now coming up on 10 years without a drink (he says, modestly clapping himself on the back) — and quitting the booze was the best thing I ever did. Also one of the hardest.

Now, I speak only for myself, and others may disagree here — but here's my 2c.

(a) if, as I did, you drink enough for long enough, you will (by simple habituation, never mind the psychological side of things) develop a tolerance for alcohol and therefore a dependency on it that can only become stronger with time. So this will not fix itself.

(b) IMHO, once you have become addicted (as I was) to any substance, for a certain time, you cross over an invisible line beyond which it becomes impossible — or nearly — for you to be able to use it safely. You mentioned never being able to stop after one or two drinks, despite all the good intentions/broken promises. That was me. I needed to abstain completely. Some people will prefer the 'harm reduction' approach, and believe it's enough to moderate their intake by amount/time limits (not more than a glass/not before 9pm/only on the weekend, etc.). I tried that for a long time, and it was a waste of time — if something didn't come along to give me an excuse to pick up, I would 'engineer' a pretext. I became as devious as fúck, and very adept at fooling other people and myself, or finding justifications for my drinking (and unfortunately I had lots of material to draw on). To be honest, I probably would/could have carried on drinking myself into an early grave had not a sudden crisis in 2006 (which I won't go into) forced me to snap out of it and take action.

(c) The cold turkey was unpleasant, and the cravings were very strong for a while, but the toughest battle was the mental one. It was extraordinarily difficult for me to get honest with myself — completely honest — and to admit that this was something I couldn't solve on my own. Since about the age of 13 (again, due to circumstances) I'd gone through life under the assumption that the most important thing was to rely on your own resources, sort everything out on your own and above all never admit that you needed help or that something was too much for you to handle on your own. This latter trait still dogs me today, I have to admit (like many men of my age, I guess, or maybe all ages). But in 2006, aged 42, I had to finally put my hands up and for the first time in my life face the fact that I needed help, and make the effort to reach out for it.

So now, once or twice a week, I sit in a room with a bunch of other people and call myself an alcoholic. I'm not a posterboy for AA, I'm not even what you would call a 'good' AA member (I remain completely agnostic, for example — and I do understand how newcomers are put off by all the God talk!) But it's a lifeline for me, because I know that isolation was a key part of my drinking and I've learned to know myself well enough at this stage to spot that that's exactly what would lead me back to it. I've met plenty of nutters/@ssholes in AA rooms (and outside them, for that matter!), but I've also met and made friends with some amazing people who have taught me more than all the years of study and all the letters after my name had gotten me. They listen, understand, don't (usually) offer advice and yet are brilliantly supportive when I need it. They also keep me straight and call me out on my bull****, when I need it (both of these happen fairly regularly). And at the end of the day, I've been knocking around these guys for 10 years now and I haven't had to take a drink, even though I've had some really challenging situations to deal with. I tried on my own for 10 years and it didn't get me squat.

Maybe give it a try? By posting here you've already made a good start. PM me if you want any details, and best of luck with the road ahead.

drydub

Delighted you are going good. I think i will go to my GP this year and maybe have a liver function test too. Sometimes we need a push to make the right decision with our lives.

You are doing great and don't beat yourself up about it. It's like training to run a marathon, once you lace up your shoes and get out there you are already doing better...but you cant expect to run a marathon on your first day. You've taken your first steps.

I will go through a phase of being able to drink occasionally now, then one or two but its the session drinking or ability to drink an entire weekend that i need to be able to recognise and change.
Ive used the internet forum and reading of others here to help guide me and realise how well im doing or just to vent with people who are in the same or similar boat to me
Chin up , and fair play to you, you are stronger than you give yourself credit for

The flying mouse

peckerhead wrote: »

OP, at the risk of being way out of line, your drinking sounds very much like mine (with the difference that I'm a man) — both in its typical pattern and in what I suspect may be some of the root causes you alluded to in your first post. My own problem started to creep up on me in my early 30s (I'd drunk as a young fellah too, but never all that much) when I was going through similar pressures in work and also, unfortunately, in my home life. The drink just became a crutch, a companion, something to get me through the day; like you, I wouldn't get absolutely hammered, just quietly pissed until I fell asleep. Basically a sort of anaesthetic, a means to push away all the stuff that was to painful to process — and people, too. Most of my drinking was solitary, and kept 'hidden' by a million little tricks (although not nearly as well hidden as I fondly imagined!). I'd have bottles hidden around the place so that an 'emergency supply' was always at hand. Bottom drawer stuff. A friend once ventured that if I was a woman I'd have been a 'handbag drinker', and she wasn't wrong.

I kept this up for nigh on 10 years, the so-called 'high-functioning' alcholic — always keeping the show on the road, paying the bills, providing for my kids (my wife didn't work outside the home), never dropping the ball at work, etc. I did eventually get a well-deserved drink-driving conviction, but arra shur that's only a minor foul, in this country (at the time, anyway) and even that didn't stop me.

A former wine-drinker like yourself, by the end I was putting away a half-bottle of vodka a day, on average — sometimes a full one — and my liver was the least of my health worries. And I knew vaguely that I was in trouble, but couldn't admit it to myself and, worse still, just couldn't stop — or stay stopped, for more than a few days. I broke my family's and friends' hearts with worry and it was killing me (so I'd drink more) and absolutely ruining my life.

I'm now coming up on 10 years without a drink (he says, modestly clapping himself on the back) — and quitting the booze was the best thing I ever did. Also one of the hardest.

Now, I speak only for myself, and others may disagree here — but here's my 2c.

(a) if, as I did, you drink enough for long enough, you will (by simple habituation, never mind the psychological side of things) develop a tolerance for alcohol and therefore a dependency on it that can only become stronger with time. So this will not fix itself.

(b) IMHO, once you have become addicted (as I was) to any substance, for a certain time, you cross over an invisible line beyond which it becomes impossible — or nearly — for you to be able to use it safely. You mentioned never being able to stop after one or two drinks, despite all the good intentions/broken promises. That was me. I needed to abstain completely. Some people will prefer the 'harm reduction' approach, and believe it's enough to moderate their intake by amount/time limits (not more than a glass/not before 9pm/only on the weekend, etc.). I tried that for a long time, and it was a waste of time — if something didn't come along to give me an excuse to pick up, I would 'engineer' a pretext. I became as devious as fúck, and very adept at fooling other people and myself, or finding justifications for my drinking (and unfortunately I had lots of material to draw on). To be honest, I probably would/could have carried on drinking myself into an early grave had not a sudden crisis in 2006 (which I won't go into) forced me to snap out of it and take action.

(c) The cold turkey was unpleasant, and the cravings were very strong for a while, but the toughest battle was the mental one. It was extraordinarily difficult for me to get honest with myself — completely honest — and to admit that this was something I couldn't solve on my own. Since about the age of 13 (again, due to circumstances) I'd gone through life under the assumption that the most important thing was to rely on your own resources, sort everything out on your own and above all never admit that you needed help or that something was too much for you to handle on your own. This latter trait still dogs me today, I have to admit (like many men of my age, I guess, or maybe all ages). But in 2006, aged 42, I had to finally put my hands up and for the first time in my life face the fact that I needed help, and make the effort to reach out for it.

So now, once or twice a week, I sit in a room with a bunch of other people and call myself an alcoholic. I'm not a posterboy for AA, I'm not even what you would call a 'good' AA member (I remain completely agnostic, for example — and I do understand how newcomers are put off by all the God talk!) But it's a lifeline for me, because I know that isolation was a key part of my drinking and I've learned to know myself well enough at this stage to spot that that's exactly what would lead me back to it. I've met plenty of nutters/@ssholes in AA rooms (and outside them, for that matter!), but I've also met and made friends with some amazing people who have taught me more than all the years of study and all the letters after my name had gotten me. They listen, understand, don't (usually) offer advice and yet are brilliantly supportive when I need it. They also keep me straight and call me out on my bull****, when I need it (both of these happen fairly regularly). And at the end of the day, I've been knocking around these guys for 10 years now and I haven't had to take a drink, even though I've had some really challenging situations to deal with. I tried on my own for 10 years and it didn't get me squat.

Maybe give it a try? By posting here you've already made a good start. PM me if you want any details, and best of luck with the road ahead.

Great honest post Peckerhead and one in which I can relate to a lot, fair play to you hope it keeps going right.

tuisginideach

Best of luck to you all.

Lady Mac

Well done for taking such positive steps. Please don't look at it as the blame lying with you. Alcohol marketing is so insidious and we're taught from such a young age that alcohol, particularly wine, is the way to escape the stresses of the day.

I finally realised I had to surrender 16 months ago and in the beginning I found it very helpful to read sobriety blogs and books. One that you may enjoy is a blog called Unpickled. Like yourself the writer Jean developed a nightly wine habit yet otherwise kept her life running fine. I can't post a link here by if you google that word it should come up.

And in response to your comment about not being able imagine going for dinner without your wine that was me too. I think I was possibly the worst dinner date for about 6 months because all i could do was stare longingly as the waiter passed with wine and I just couldn't relax but i promise you it got easier and now I pity people who have to have it to enjoy their meal.

Good luck and keep postingx

JupiterKid

Best of luck in your recovery Chopinlist66.:)

I am battling a severe alcohol addiction at the moment and have been for years. And with me it's not a bottle or a bottle and half of wine but 3 bottles a day. Yes, I know that is shocking.:( Been to rehab a number of times but always faltered after I came out of the programmes.

Going to AA on and off but really need to go every day to keep myself sane and sober. I have to beat this addiction or it will kill me - literally. And I really want to live and rebuild my life.

I wish you well. There is support out there. AA and Lifering are great.

greenexile

Hi OP, I don't have much to offer in the way of advice but I understand where you are coming from. I am a female, late 20s and my alcohol intake was destroying my personal and professional life. I am sober for over 4 months now after a major episode in May that gave me the resolve to quit for good.

I started by seeing a therapist who happened to specialise in addiction counselling. I also went to Lifering for a while which I found helpful in my first few months. I use Reddit quite regularly and check their Stop Drinking subreddit several times a day. They have a handy little section that is called the Daily Check In where you can affirm your commitment to staying sober each day. It is also useful for reading stories of people on similar journeys (when I first quit, I thought I was alone in this world....realised quickly that so many people struggle with alcohol). I also read about addiction and found the book 'This Naked Mind' by Annie Grace very helpful. I find that my worst cravings come on Friday / Saturday night so I joined a gym and be sure to attend at peak times to combat my cravings. I also use the word HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired to recognise my desires to drink.

Best of luck with everything, take it one day at a time and look forward to hearing from you!

GE x

aabarnes1

Hi Choppinlist,
Very brave of you to be so honest. That in itself is a great first 'step', you are aware that your life is somewhat unmanageable.
From what I have read of your description and maybe reading a little between the lines, I would suggest, only suggest, you might read the chapters in the Big Book of Alcoholics anonymous that are entitled 'the doctors opinion', 'there is a solution' and 'more about alcoholism'.(Available on line) These few important pages will give you an insight into the disease of alcoholism, and what you can do about it if YOU have made a decision that you are also an alcoholic like us.
I hope this helps you a little, if you need any further info or help, you can pm me anytime.

savemefrom

Hope I've linked the quote correctly.

"Since about the age of 13 (again, due to circumstances) I'd gone through life under the assumption that the most important thing was to rely on your own resources, sort everything out on your own and above all never admit that you needed help or that something was too much for you to handle on your own"


Peckerhead,

So much of what you wrote could be me. I sometimes try to wonder what lies beneath my situation. My mother died when I was 12 yrs old. Dealing with it within the family, meant never speaking about her. And thereafter, I never really open up to anyone. I take on every task in life and try sort it out myself, never saying no or asking for help, be it work or family situations. Is life meant to be be a struggle with a glass on wine at the end of the day to make it all ok.

I think no at last, and find it is time to re-programme my brain, find my self esteem and start to enjoy life before it's too late.

Lady Mac

GE isn't This Naked Mind a great book? I hadn't drank for 12 months by June of this year but was feeling so hard done by and really thinking about drinking again when I decided to download it and it completely changed my outlook. I do get that the sooner we get out of the cycle the better (and being only 30 myself I know I'm lucky to have gotten out this young) and that books like this are probably hard to take in when you're physically addicted but it's a great tool for those at our stage.