Getting back with an Ex

Young_gunner

Hi

(I know there's a thread similar to this on TLL). Just wondered if anyone had any experience of this or knew of any stories?

The ex and I parted ways about a year ago - just wondered if there are any inspirational stories out there of couples getting back together and being happy after a split.

And don't worry, i'm not sitting at home thinking about the Ex all the time!

smash

Young_gunner wrote: »

just wondered if there are any inspirational stories out there of couples getting back together and being happy after a split.

You looking for movie suggestions or would you like a reality check?

Ursus Horribilis

So why did you and your ex split up? Who ended it? Why are you asking about getting back with them?

DukeOfTheSharp

An ex is an ex for a reason...or a number of reasons. At the end of the day, you didn't work. Anyone I've seen get together after breaking up end up in flames the exact same way for a number of reasons, usually down to lack of maturity or outright incompatibility. The truth is that 99% of the time, the reason people even consider going back to exes is that they look at the relationship through rose-tinted glasses, and the way society frames breakups is really toxic, because we're required to ignore glaring flaws and huge missteps for 'our own good' - which is total crap. Two people break up because they didn't work, throwing yourself back into the fray is a bad idea because usually nothing changes. Now there are always extremes: drug and/or alcohol abuse can be solved, but those are things that fall on one party alone. The point is, relationships end sometimes, and that's that. Move on, don't bother, because from experiences listening to people who get back together with their exes - post the honeymoon period and inevitably worse breakup than the first one - it really isn't worthwhile.

Addle

I've gotten together with a ex after a break up.
I don't have a positive story to share.

Didn't the duke and duchess if Cambridge break up at some stage?!

Colonel_McCoy

Got back with my EX ...........total disaster.............friend got back with his with similar results.

Ex are exs for a reason......no future in the past.

Pawwed Rig

Getting back with an ex is a month of remembering all the good parts with the remainder of the time remembering why you broke up.

SusieBlue

Completely depends on the circumstances.

After 3 months of dating and two months of a committed relationship (so 5 months total) with my OH serious cracks began to show.
I was his first girlfriend and he struggled juggling a relationship with friends, work, hobbies etc.
I was often last on his list of priorities and it really upset me. No effort was being made and communication was horrific, he had never been in a relationship so he had no idea how to work through conflict.

When I told him how upset and angry I was over how I was being treatment he panicked. So he broke up with me and I was devastated.

A week later he showed up at my door a broken man begging for a second chance. You don't know what you have till it's gone, etc. I was still absolutely crazy about him but so cautious and worried about being treated like an option again.

He was like a different man.. It was a completely different relationship. Attentive, far more loving and caring, making a huge effort to see me. Going on dates, booking weekends away, etc. I can count on one hand the amount of arguments we've had since then.

That was almost 2 years ago and I've never been happier.

If you see it as a new relationship rather than a continuation of the old one, and make a conscious effort to work through the old issues it can definitely work.

Young_gunner

I think Mary Macaleeae and her husband broke up at one stage and she got engaged to someone else, only to then get back with him.

My ex broke up with me - still think about her a lot and see her around (which is very annoying)

Still though - you do have to try move on also

pookie82

I have a few happily married friends who broke up at one stage or another throughout their pre-marriage relationships. That said, the breaks were usually short term blips and it only took a month or two to get back on track. Sometimes, depending on the situation, a brief break to reassess can make you stronger and more committed to what you don't want to lose. It can be a wake up call of sorts.

If you've been apart a year or more, though, I wouldn't see the point in going back. Why has it taken so long to reconsider it? Is one party more interested in reginiting than the other? Have there been people in between? That's where it starts to get very messy indeed.

Dee01

Similar to a story above, I broke up with my now husband when we we about 19. I was his first girlfriend and it was just too much pressure for both of us. We remained on good terms and on and off in touch. Got back together 8 years later and are married 2 years. It can work, but not all the time.

Ursus Horribilis

It's a shame you're still seeing her around because that isn't going to help you get over the break up. She had her reasons for ending the relationship and it's unlikely she did it without giving it plenty of thought. Seeing as you're now a year broken up and she doesn't appear to be having second thoughts, it's unlikely you'll be getting back together. In the majority of cases, an ex is an ex for a reason. Did she give you any particular reason for ending it?

Young_gunner

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

It's a shame you're still seeing her around because that isn't going to help you get over the break up. She had her reasons for ending the relationship and it's unlikely she did it without giving it plenty of thought. Seeing as you're now a year broken up and she doesn't appear to be having second thoughts, it's unlikely you'll be getting back together. In the majority of cases, an ex is an ex for a reason. Did she give you any particular reason for ending it?

Ah I don't really want to get into the particulars of our relationship - I would agree - getting back together looks like a long shot, she's even going out with another guy now

Was just wondering if other people's experiences

Thanks for all the replies

Ursus Horribilis

If she's going out with someone else, it looks like that door has closed. You're grasping at straws and citing examples like the Mary McAleese is going to get you nowhere. I know couples who split up and got back together and seem to be happy now. But in all of these cases it was a short split in the early days. You're comparing apples and oranges here.

Katgurl

my friends got together when she was nineteen, he is a couple of years older. They split up around five years later due to irreconcilable differences (he never wanted kids and was not going to change his mind), remained split up for three years (but hung out a lot), then back together, now married, kids, happiest couple I know.

My bro and his wife got together at 20, split up (initiated by him) for a year or two in mid-twenties also, then got back together. He shagged everything in sight while she was heartbroken until he copped on that he missed her. They are also married now with kids although i think she still needs to exercise extreme patience with him.

Having said that, these are very very rare cases. I daydreamed about gettting my ex back for years and years and i regret it now. It interfered with good relationships I could be having. And I was looking at it all with rosetinted glasses. We split up for a reason. I wouldn't want him back now (finally). You should concentrate on moving on.

batmanrobin

People who get back together and make it work are the exception.

The rule is it just doesn't work.

I feel sorry for people who engage in a light switch relationship. Why would you waste your time with someone you know there is no future with. You'd appreciate people wanting to try a second time, but when it's a third, fourth, fifth time etc, just pull the plug!

KikiDee

WhiteRoses wrote: »

If you see it as a new relationship rather than a continuation of the old one, and make a conscious effort to work through the old issues it can definitely work.

+1 to this

A friend of mine was going out with a guy for years. They broke up after quite serious on-going issues. He went away travelling for a year. When he came back, they met on a night out, the feels were still there. They're now married with 2 kids so getting back with an ex can be a good news story.

kylith

I always said I'd never take someone back after a break up, but when my ex asked me to try again I said ok, because I'd really have loved for it to work with him. It didn't last.

I think that people split up for a reason and if they haven't been apart long enough for that reason to be either forgotten or resolved then the relationship is doomed.

As it was, my ex stressed himself out trying to make me happy but nothing he did, and he's a great bloke, could make me forget the reservations I had about the relationship. In the long run getting back together probably did more harm than good, and hurt him more when I ended it again.

Young_gunner

I guess every relationship and the people in them is just different

Calypso Realm

I believe it all depends on the issues that split you up in the first place and if these are capable of being resolved. However, in some cases the two people are just incompatible.

I'm a firm believer in right person, wrong time-from my own experience and those of others I've known, for instance. I was seeing someone I truly liked when I first graduated but the timing was awful! In truth I wasn't in the right place for a relationship at all....with anyone, because I was stressed (other factors) and generally not very happy. In addition, found out later I wasn't very well. All took its toll on the relationship so we split up.

Young_gunner

Thanks for the replies folks! It's a tricky topic!

Hopefully the universe just has a way of helping things to work out

Faith

I went out with a guy for just under 2 years. We had some tricky circumstances - both in college, living far apart, living with parents intermittently, some mental health struggles. He dumped me, I was heart broken, he immediately started going out with someone else.

Long story short, we got back together about a year later. It happened fairly gradually and naturally, and a lot of our previously difficult circumstances were resolving. There were a lot of speed bumps for the first few months, and looking back, the sensible thing may have been to call it a day again. But we worked through it, grew together as a couple and we celebrated our one-year wedding anniversary this week.

So it can work out, if you work through what make you break up in the first place.

dellas1979

Faith wrote: »

So it can work out, if you work through what make you break up in the first place.

I suppose what I took from your post Faith, is that both have to want to work it out. Not just one person.

So, whatever your case is OP, remember that.

Young_gunner

dellas1979 wrote: »

I suppose what I took from your post Faith, is that both have to want to work it out. Not just one person.

So, whatever your case is OP, remember that.

For sure, great advice 😊ðŸ‘

Young_gunner

It's mad, reading the thread has been so beneficial to me, trying to sort my head out!!! thanks for all the contributions.

Young_gunner

Hi! just wanted to update this in case anyone is reading it.............spent 18 months dreaming of getting back with the ex -what a complete and utter waste of time and energy!

going out with a different girl now, much healthier relationship and i can see, with the benefit of hindsight, i was deluding myself back in 2016.

hard to be too harsh though, it was just part of dealing with a bad break-up.

anyway, hope that helps anyone reading this! or just re-confirms what we already know!

woodchuck

Thanks for the update OP and glad things have worked out well for you.

As the issue has been resolved, I'll close the thread now.