3 years, no I love you

LegacyUser

Hi all. Was having a conversation with my friend and she was suprised my boyfriend of 3 years still hasn't told me he loves me. I feel loved my him ( most of the time ) and we have talked about future together. We both want the same thing and get on very well etc. Are some people just not vocal about saying these words? Or do actions count more than words?

Magicmatilda

I think actions count way more than words. That said, I would find it odd to be in a relationship for 3 years and never have heard those words. It would be an issue I think for me, but obviously it was not for you until you spoke with your friend. Had it ever bothered you before that? Have you said it to him?

Xterminator

Well it sounds like you have never said it either - its probably unusual but if the relationship is going well and your happy, not sure i would not see it as an issue.

If it bothers; you could be the 1st to say it.

BetsyEllen

If you feel it OP then the words don't matter.
It's probably a little unusual to have not heard it at least once, but then again those 3 words can get thrown around so much with little meaning behind them that I wouldn't let it bother you.

You were happy until your friend said it was weird, don't let her opinion make you question something that you've never felt a need to question before.

SarahMollie

Hi OP,

If it only occored to you based on your friend bringing it up, then I wouldnt worry. Like others have said, theres nothing wrong with you saying it to him either!

My OH took quite a while (over a year) which is considered a long time. We lived together already at that point. But I was never worried, becasue he's just not a mushy guy, but I could tell that he loves me because of the way he acts around me, is protective of me, etc.

There are plenty of couples who are non stop "love you babez" but that doesnt mean that their relationships are automatically any good.

LegacyUser

I do understand that actions are louder that words but I do believe that's there is some emotional issue if a partner can't tell the person they are sleeping with and living with that they love them. There is something amiss. I'm not saying he doesn't love you but there's some issue with his emotions eg doesn't want to be vulnerable / waves to keep you guessing / is going along with the relationship but not sure...

It's just not right.

BetsyEllen

Dolly says wrote: »

I do understand that actions are louder that words but I do believe that's there is some emotional issue if a partner can't tell the person they are sleeping with and living with that they love them. There is something amiss. I'm not saying he doesn't love you but there's some issue with his emotions eg doesn't want to be vulnerable / waves to keep you guessing / is going along with the relationship but not sure...

It's just not right.

I don't think it's a case though of him not being able to say it - he just sounds not very vocal to me!
OP maybe you should say it to him and see his reaction?
If he says it back then you can stop worrying

LegacyUser

Dolly says wrote: »

I do understand that actions are louder that words but I do believe that's there is some emotional issue if a partner can't tell the person they are sleeping with and living with that they love them. There is something amiss. I'm not saying he doesn't love you but there's some issue with his emotions eg doesn't want to be vulnerable / waves to keep you guessing / is going along with the relationship but not sure...

It's just not right.

To each their own, some people aren't vocally expressive. I grew up in a family were we just didn't use terms of endearment like that and when we made an attempt to do so it just felt weird. My husband and I have said I love you on occasion but it wouldn't be a common expression and I honestly don't recall when we said it first to each other but I don't need him to say anything out loud to me, I just knew. Being able to just sit in silence holding another person and just feel the love between you is so much more powerful an expression to me then any words.

December2012

He could say the same about you. Tell him you love him. See what happens.