Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Depressed and exhausted all options

  • 09-08-2016 3:08am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    No friends, alienated from rest of family, complete lack of desire or will to live, <modsnip>

    I spend my days just lost in thought. 7 odd billion humans in the world and I feel entirely alienated from everyone, not just family. There is no joy whatsoever in my life and it's been like that for several years now.

    I've gone to psychiatrists and have been given various anti-depressants. Nothing worked. Have gone to psychologists and tried cognitive behavioural therapy. Nothing. My parents are sick with worry about me, and I don't feel anything. I don't feel any guilt whatsoever for the sheer anguish I am causing them. I don't feel any desire whatsoever to get up and help myself.

    That therein is my problem: do I even want to be helped? No amount of therapy/drugs/etc can work if the person doesn't want help. <modsnip>

    Some days I don't get out of bed. Some days I don't even sleep. Sometimes I just refuse to eat even. I don't necessarily crave death, but I have no desires whatsoever to continue this life. I am a complete shell of myself. I don't recognise myself anymore. Things that once mattered to me I don't care for anymore. All I ever feel these days is anger, and a very unhealthy form of anger at that. And I just let it build up inside me, never to see the light of day.

    I just don't know what to do anymore. Can I be helped if deep deep down I actually don't want to be helped? I literally hate my life. I could easily go back in time and wipe the last decade of my life and say with 100% certainty that there isn't a single moment that I would lament being rid of.

    I've had enough. I don't want to continue on like this, but what options have I got if I don't want to be helped? What if I'm just destined to suffer in silence for the remainder of my days? Not that I believe in destiny and all that jazz. Drugs, therapy, counselling have all failed. I don't see any other avenues to take.


Comments

  • #2
    team_actimel
    Closed Accounts Posts: 785 ✭✭✭team_actimel


    I'm so sorry to hear you've been going through this for such a long time.
    Did you alienate yourself from your family or did something happen? It is very easy to distance yourself from family and others but you shouldn't cut them out completely.

    Personally, having suffered myself for many years on and off, I find routine keeps my head clearer and stops me getting into a deep depression again. Do you work, or if not, consider doing a couple of hours of volunteer work a week?
    A lot of the time we need a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. Do you go for walks? Listening to music while walking out in the fresh air can be calming.
    I notice you posted at 04.00 this morning. I used to do the same, staying up till 6 in the morning trawling the net, then sleeping all day and even then not wanting to get out of bed.
    Even though you think deep down you don't think you want help, there has to be a part of you that wants to live, there is hope.
    But for someone or people to help you, you need to give a bit yourself. Allow some small change or some shape of routine in your life.


Advertisement