It is just time to part ways

lulu1985

I am going out with my other half 6/7 years. In that time we have a child together and live together. when our child when only a baby he was in hospital for 11 weeks suffering mental illness... That hit me hard and I had to cope with him and a small child afterwards to so while I was pregnant we had no sex because he felt it was strange and I was too tired to function. Then when he was sick he couldn't do anything I work full time and anything extra I can get because he can't work due to illness. He's coming around slowly but now when he looks for sex I really don't feel it at all i feel terrible but I'd rather if I could get my sleep... I don't know how I feel about him anymore sometimes I feel so in love with him then he starts talking being paranoid etc and I just can't listen to him and I get annoyed. I know I'm the selfish person here... At times I wasn't him to do days put wi me n baby and he just says oh I don't think I'm ready for that just yet...he says it's crowds etc feels like I'm stuck to the house always or where he wants to go if I suggest anywhere he always comes up with an excuse and he questions everything. So i don't know if this is just broken or am I just being the bad guy here?! Or are we best to split?

Xterminator

Hi OP

There is a problem in the relationship and if you dont try to fix it, neither of you will be happy. And the communication seems non existent (based on what you have shared).

however if you just give up without trying is that fair on you; your partner or the baby?

I would suggest that you explain honestly to your partner that you are not in a good place, (he should suspect things are not good himself anyway) and explain how you feel. Perhaps some couples counseling could get you both talking to each other, and see if the relationship can be saved?

Good luck

Big Bag of Chips

Days out don't have to be in crowded places. Quite often with depression/anxiety etc the thoughts of going somewhere is the worst. But if people can motivate themselves to get out they can often enjoy the day. You could suggest a drive up the mountains, or out to a forest or lakes somewhere where there's not likely to be crowds, but you still get to go out.

It's tiring living with someone with mental health issues, but maybe if you went to his doctor with him. Both of you have a chat with the doctor. Find out what he feels he's able for, and what the doctor suggests. Maybe if the doctor suggested days out he'd be more likely to take notice than you suggesting it. It's easy to dismiss our partners because they're familiar!

Edit: maybe a "break" from the relationship would benefit you both. Yes, he's suffering but you're suffering too, and if you don't get help or a bit of a breather YOU'RE going to end up unwell yourself.

LegacyUser

Hi lulu1985,

You had a baby, your partner has a mental illness and your working full time and doing extra hours to keep the bills paid. Is your partner claiming any funds from social welfare? Have you looked into family income supplement - if your working and your income is below a certain amount you may be entitled to some extra money each week. I know you could be a while waiting for this but it may be worth looking into.

In regards to your parnter I would say to him that you want to go to x next Sunday. Like a pervious poster said here it does not have to a busy place but the reality is that you, him and the baby/child need to get out of the house, spend time together and have some thing small to look forward to.
I would get some medical advice in regards to this.

At this stage you need to say to your partner that you are not happy with how things are between you. The truth is you working long hours to keep the bills paid and he needs to realise that you need to feel that your important here to. I would tell him that he need to start making an effort with you - ie going out more, be willing to go to counselling ect.

Could you get a few euro together and contact a freind to see if they would go away with you for 2 or 3 nights. Even if you can't go away now try to plan to go away in the next few months. It will give you something to look forward to. I think a brake away even for 2 or 3 nights would do you good. As one of my freinds said to me recently - I never knew how much I needed a brake until I spent some time away.

The reality is that you have been dealing with a lot over the past few years. You need to mind yourself. I have seen people push themselves hard due to work, stress, dealing with family issues ect and then they end up with health issues or getting sick.
I would get medical advice re your partner. I would get a full health check with your own doctor and get bloods taken to make sure your hormones, iron, vit b, thyroid ect are working as they should be.

I hope the above helps you. Good luck