Does She Like Me

LegacyUser

Hi all, hoping I can get some advice here. I met a girl for tea a few times at the beginning of the summer and we seemed to get on quite well. We have a lot in common so we had plenty of interesting and varied conversations. During those few weeks I thought I picked up quite a few signs that she liked me. She added me on Facebook originally, lied my profile picture, and she regularly initiated chats online. It was during one of these chats that she reminded me that we never met up for tea, as I had only casually mentioned it to her in person previously. She also asked if I was going away with a girlfriend when I mentioned that was going on a holiday in July. Our face to face chats were quite interesting, comfortable, and enjoyable. We regularly spoke about traveling and she suggested she could be my tour guide if I ever visited her country (she's from Europe). When we parted ways for the last time before I went away in July, she asked if she could give me a hug. I agreed of course and we agreed to meet up when I returned. When I came back home however, I asked her to tea on Facebook but she told me she was quite busy for the next few weeks and didn't know when she'd be available. I told her that was no problem, and assumed she might contact me when she wanted to meet up again. Unfortunately it's been over 3 weeks now and she hasn't contacted me to to arrange another meet up or even chat on Facebook. I'm reluctant to contact her because I originally thought that the ball was in her court but now I'm starting to get the feeling that she just doesn't like me. It just seems like such a drastic change from being at the stage that I was almost going to ask her out on a date before I went away to July to now wondering if she even wants me as a friend ever since I've come back. I really don't understand it, she's definitely worth pursuing but I don't want to come across as desperate and unable to take a hint either. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.

s4uv3

I'd guess she's either seeing someone now, or has given up waiting for you to ask her out.
If you want to give it one last shot, I'd ask her for a drink or dinner and make it clear it's a date you want.
"Tea" is what friends do
Best of luck whatever answer you get!

daisybelle2008

confused_rev wrote: »

Hi all, hoping I can get some advice here. I met a girl for tea a few times at the beginning of the summer and we seemed to get on quite well. We have a lot in common so we had plenty of interesting and varied conversations. During those few weeks I thought I picked up quite a few signs that she liked me. She added me on Facebook originally, lied my profile picture, and she regularly initiated chats online. It was during one of these chats that she reminded me that we never met up for tea, as I had only casually mentioned it to her in person previously. She also asked if I was going away with a girlfriend when I mentioned that was going on a holiday in July. Our face to face chats were quite interesting, comfortable, and enjoyable. We regularly spoke about traveling and she suggested she could be my tour guide if I ever visited her country (she's from Europe). When we parted ways for the last time before I went away in July, she asked if she could give me a hug. I agreed of course and we agreed to meet up when I returned. When I came back home however, I asked her to tea on Facebook but she told me she was quite busy for the next few weeks and didn't know when she'd be available. I told her that was no problem, and assumed she might contact me when she wanted to meet up again. Unfortunately it's been over 3 weeks now and she hasn't contacted me to to arrange another meet up or even chat on Facebook. I'm reluctant to contact her because I originally thought that the ball was in her court but now I'm starting to get the feeling that she just doesn't like me. It just seems like such a drastic change from being at the stage that I was almost going to ask her out on a date before I went away to July to now wondering if she even wants me as a friend ever since I've come back. I really don't understand it, she's definitely worth pursuing but I don't want to come across as desperate and unable to take a hint either. Any advice or thoughts would be appreciated.

Listen every situation is different, but if I was in her shoes and since the beginning of Summer all the progress was having cups of tea (?) a couple of times, I would have lost interest and moved on to something more exciting. Sounds like she was trying to move things along by adding you on Facebook and reminding to meet up but doesn't sound like it really gathered any momentum.
Pace is a very subjective thing, and personally I would be keeping my options open and wouldn't take much stock of a couple sporadic 'tea' dates and would have not been able to maintain interest with that. Just my perspective though.
What age are you btw? if you are a teenager any advice might be wide of the mark.

amtc

Tea...are you nuts? I have tea with my mam and my mates as a casual thing at a work break. Now I'm not saying it has to be big romantic date...and if tea is important you both it is afternoon tea week this week. Ask.

LegacyUser

We had only met once prior to her adding me on Facebook and we had never even spoken to each other before May. I thought I was doing the right thing by meeting and getting to know her in a more casual setting before asking her out.

daisybelle2008

confused_rev wrote: »

We had only met once prior to her adding me on Facebook and we had never even spoken to each other before May. I thought I was doing the right thing by meeting and getting to know her in a more casual setting before asking her out.

I'm not sure if I get you on that? You could try asking her to dinner, she might have been put off by the casual nature of a cup of tea, sounds like she was trying to move it on a bit more by asking for a hug last time. Although if after three months you haven't shown real romantic interest you might be wasting your time at this stage, but you'll have your answer and move on.

beks101

Did you actually like this woman? Did you meet her on a dating app or through other means? Were you ever planning on ratcheting up the 'dates' to something a bit less friendzoney and actually making a move on her?

TBH it sounds like she's lost interest and has moved on. You didn't strike while the iron was hot and now you've missed your chance. I've been in this situation a few times before, leaving the door wide open for a guy to walk through only for him to bide his time long enough for me to get impatient and shut the door. It's that little dating dance we do. As you say, all the signs were there from her end, you weren't proactive enough and now she's not interested.

Next time you like someone don't waste time "getting to know" them, just be direct and get to the point. Take them out for dinner or drinks or take them on an adventure, not for 'tea', which is something you have with your mother.

racso1975

Wow cant get over all the snide Tea remarks. Maybe the guy is shy or hates the pub scene or "old school". Willing to bet if tea was changed to coffee people wouldn't be so judgemental

OP don't be pressurised into getting out of your comfort zone otherwise the date might be a disaster. You are who you are and if going for tea/coffee or whatever is your thing keep doing it. Ask her out again. Worst she can say is no and at least you know where you stand.

If it is no don't dwell on what went wrong. There are loads of people out there who like to take it slow and get to know each other before committing.

daisybelle2008

racso1975 wrote: »

Wow cant get over all the snide Tea remarks. Maybe the guy is shy or hates the pub scene or "old school". Willing to bet if tea was changed to coffee people wouldn't be so judgemental

OP don't be pressurised into getting out of your comfort zone otherwise the date might be a disaster. You are who you are and if going for tea/coffee or whatever is your thing keep doing it. Ask her out again. Worst she can say is no and at least you know where you stand.

If it is no don't dwell on what went wrong. There are loads of people out there who like to take it slow and get to know each other before committing.

Hang on I don't think people are being judgemental about the tea or pressurising him!, he wants advise on a situation with a girl he has romantic intentions towards and wonders why she doesn't seem to be interested anymore. People have suggested reasons from the girls perspective. A 'tea' date doesn't scream romantic intentions and the pace and momentum might have put her off thinking its a budding romance, it would me and I'd wager most women.
The OP of course is entitled to stay in his comfort zone and look for someone with similar or he could make his romantic intentions a bit clearer as suggested. Nobody is pressurising him to do anything.

I don't believe there are 'loads of people' who would think that after three months a hug and a couple cups of tea meant clearly they were romantically interested in you.

Seaba

As Rasco said above - what's with the tea hate?!!
The OP could have asked the girl to a nice cafe in town and both decided to have tea rather than coffee etc etc.

OP, the beverage is not necessarily the issue here, nor the location of the beverage, it's the possibility/probability that the girl thought you were not that interested in her after some of the hints she gave you, more than say a friendship.

I would contact her again - what have you got to lose? You will know for definite then whether she wants to give you another shot.

You would have to be very careful with the wording of the message you send her however because as you say, you don't want to come across needy but at the same time you want to let her know that you like her. I'd even ask for a bit of advice on the wording from a friend, especially a trusted female friend. Perhaps someone on here could suggest a reply!

LLMMLL

Could be many reasons she's not contacting you - though her not liking tea is the most ridiculous one. Are you supposed to take dates on a parachute jump these days?

More likely she is interested in someone else now, or some other non-tea related reason.

Meauldsegosha

You have met her a few times for tea and while you consider these meetings as getting to know each other, she probably considered them dates. The fact she asked you for a hug the last time would suggest that. You went away on holidays, came back asked her on another "tea date". You should have suggested dinner, a drink, walk in the park, anything really that wasn't meeting for tea. She probably thinks you are not interested in her.

Dates are for getting to know someone, don't afraid for ask someone for a date. If you don't like them after a couple of dates, you move on. No harm don't to anyone.

daisybelle2008

LLMMLL wrote: »

Could be many reasons she's not contacting you - though her not liking tea is the most ridiculous one. Are you supposed to take dates on a parachute jump these days?

More likely she is interested in someone else now, or some other non-tea related reason.

Nobody is saying it's because she doesn't like tea, I like tea as much as the next person. It's the development of a romantic relationship. if three meet ups and a fourth is all drinking tea/coffee and chatting in a cafe and only physical contact is a hug the girl requested, why would she think it was even a date or romantic intention? I wouldn't, I'd think we are just pals.

It's speculation, but you know after an initial coffee/tea meet, maybe, cinema, walks, dinner, music gig, hand holding, flirting, kissing is pretty much standard fare in this day and age. If that is too much out of the comfort zone of the OP, that is perfectly OK, but success rate at getting that intention across before the other person loses interest/meets someone else is going to be reduced.

The guy has romantic intentions and wondering why not reciprocated. Why is it unreasonable to suggest that it might 'shocker' I know,it just might take more than tea or even coffee meets for that intention to be clear? And that might be the reason it isn't clear.

If he wants to increase his chances of success or stay in his comfort zone, that's his choice. The fact he is not happy with the outcome at least means he might like to consider the first option.

StripedBoxers

If you want to ask her on a date OP just be up front about it.

Be straight up and say "Hey, XX, are you up for a date next week? I like you and would love take you on a date".

That's it. It's that simple. You'll know pretty soon whether she is into you or not.