Socialising without alcohol.

Mr Arrior

Hi
Im just looking for some recommendations on how to improve my social life.

Im a male in my twenties and don't really have much of a social life. One of the reasons I believe is that I dont drink (Never have). Being Ireland, most socialisng involves drinking and I find that I am not asked to go out that often even though I would consider myself good craic. I can count on one hand the amount of people my age that I know that doesn't drink.
I live in a small town and there are very little clubs or societies and what there is does not include people in their twenties

I also find that I struggle to meet women, I wouldn't be the most confident trying to approach women on a night out as you are very aware of what you are doing and I have been rejected quite often when I have tried which kind of puts me off from doing it that often.

Some of it is due to me not pushing myself enough at times but I find that I haven't got much to push myself into. The bar and club scene isn't the most enjoyable when you don't drink.

Any advice?

Fakediamond

Book clubs, running clubs, hill walking clubs, bird watching. Depends on your interests really.

I do agree it's hard to have a social life in Ireland outside the pub scene, but it can be done.

Keane2baMused

Have you tried the meetup yet? It's a great way of getting involved with clubs and social groups. Lots of non-drinkers too!

Mr Arrior

Thanks for the replies. Everything involving those things would be at least 40 mins away. I suppose ill just have to try and go those distances but its by no means handy.

RoYoBo

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. Everything involving those things would be at least 40 mins away. I suppose ill just have to try and go those distances but its by no means handy.

While it's not handy, the one enormous advantage you have in getting there is that you don't drink. I know how difficult it is finding suitable groups and clubs in rural areas, especially with poor public transport. Do you drive? If not, could you learn? That really will expand your possibilities.

Ave Sodalis

Mr Arrior wrote:

Some of it is due to me not pushing myself enough at times but I find that I haven't got much to push myself into. The bar and club scene isn't the most enjoyable when you don't drink.

I object to this. I don't drink and enjoy going to clubs and bars. I know plenty of people like me too. I'm wondering by your phrasing (it isn't enjoyable, as opposed to I don't find it enjoyable) if the reason you don't like it is because you are told by people who are usually drunk how unenjoyable it is.

Not that there's not any problem with finding other ways to socialise, but since you were talking about bars and pubs.

Mr Arrior wrote:

Thanks for the replies. Everything involving those things would be at least 40 mins away. I suppose ill just have to try and go those distances but its by no means handy.

What is in your area? Have you checked? You'd be surprised what little known things are about. My town has a field archery club and I would say only those in it and those who know those in it, know about its existence.

jimmycrackcorm

Fakediamond wrote:

Book clubs, running clubs, hill walking clubs, bird watching. Depends on your interests really.

The probably, most celibate oriented guy I've ever known met his, now wife, after joining a sailing club. He was a farmer.

silverbolt

Hey OP, i dont drink when I'm out (i live back end of nowhere and I drive) and it now doesnt bother me - even if it does get tiresome having to explain to every new person that comes along "no i dont drink, yes im fine, no im not ill, yes im sure"

You can go out and not drink and still enjoy yourself. It helps when youre extroverted though

But id look for mutual interest clubs in order to meet new people including women.

Addle

Being social at your age may involve mostly pub and clubs, but that doesn't have to equate to drinking alcohol.
I'm definitely not an extrovert, and I don't drink alcohol when I go out.
I much prefer to be able drive home at the end of the night.

Mr Arrior

Thanks for the replies. The biggest problem with me not drinking is that there is no drive to go out every weekend which in turns weakens my social circle. I have a good group of friends but they are scattered all over Ireland and none of them are very good at keeping in touch. Haven't a bulls notion how to meet women either atm.

Bunny Colvin

If you can still head out, you'd be in pole position to talk to girls and maybe get some phone numbers. You'll be fully coherent (a novelty in many establishments in rural Ireland) you won't be talking ****e to them and your eyes won't be bloodshot or glassy. It's not exactly like you have to broadcast that you're not drinking either, if they notice then that's grand but it doesn't have to be made into a big deal. What you might lack in Dutch courage, you'll be more able to read if someone's into you or not.
You should look to head out more often, look sharp, be open to engaging conversation, don't just stand there staring into space and be confident(fake it if you have to).

Failing that, there's always Tinder!

Mr Arrior

Mr Arrior wrote: »

most socialisng involves drinking and I find that I am not asked to go out that often even though I would consider myself good craic

Mr Arrior wrote: »

The biggest problem with me not drinking is that there is no drive to go out every weekend which in turns weakens my social circle

So which is it? I thought my social life would end when I gave up drinking but honestly I've never been out as much.

Because I'm driving, I've widened the range of places I can go and people are delighted to come along with be because they're happy to do something a bit different and not have to worry about getting home.

Head off and visit your friends who are scattered around the country and make a weekend of it.

As regards just doing local stuff, as someone mentioned, being the only sober person could be an advantage to meeting women

But honestly, I'm not sure not drinking is the real problem. You give me the impression that you've given up or have no motivation to be out and about at the moment ...?

LegacyUser

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. The biggest problem with me not drinking is that there is no drive to go out every weekend which in turns weakens my social circle.

To be honest OP I don't think the drinking is the issues. I've plenty of friends who don't drink but still enjoy going out to the pub or dancing - one of them is main organizer of nights out and I honestly can't keep up with him he's got such a busy social life. I do drink but certainly not to the quantities of some folk and have pretty much stopped since moving out of a big city and learning to drive. Given the choice between walking home at the end of the night or driving I'm happy to not drink and drive home. I've not noticed a difference in my enjoyment of a night out with or without drink (maybe the following morning lol) I think you're using not drinking as an excuse to not put yourself out there.

Mr Arrior

I see everybody's point but in my own experience, I don't no many that are tea totallers and are also the life of the party. I feel that because you are not drinking, some people just dismiss you as being boring. Thats just what I get at times.

looksee

As the others have said, you are making an issue of the not drinking, is it an excuse? Get your own drinks, don't get into rounds - I don't think most people do rounds now anyway, do they? - and buy non-alco beer or tonic water that looks like a g&t. I don't mean try and fool people that you are drinking, but just don't make it obvious.

If anyone asks just say vaguely, 'nah, you're ok thanks, I'm not much of a drinker, I am fine with this'. Not apologetically or inviting a response, then move on to something else.

If there is so little activity around where you live put a poster up somewhere saying does anyone want to get involved with a walking group, or photography, or geocaching or even pokemon go!

groovyg

Op do you have any interests/hobbies. A lot of meet ups take place in the pub but that doesn't mean you have to drink, they serve non alcoholic drinks in clubs and pubs too. When I started college I didn't meet people through going to the pub, I met people through joining clubs and getting involved in stuff that interested me. I was in a sports club and some of the lads who were training at quiet a high level rarely dank but there was no issue with them heading out to meet people in the pub and not have any alcohol, if they had a race coming up they wouldn't be drinking alcohol.

looksee

Start a fb page for your local area (if there is not already one, if there is, post on it and open discussions about social activities). Invite discussion (and initiate some) about all aspects of the area - just don't accommodate local rows and carping.

Don't omit stuff you are not particularly interested in - such as (possibly) church activities and groups you might not wish to join.

Help get people talking to each other, volunteer for stuff, you will be astonished how opportunities arise if you are looking at a broader picture.

carrollsno1

Ever think of joining macra it's not just for farmers

Hollister11

If you want to go out, I, sorry to say but it will always involve alcohol. You up in the wrong country if you won't to go out and not have people drinking.

Mr Arrior

Thanks for the replies everyone. It all comes down to me just biting the bullet and going out and just trying not to worry about what people are thinking. The drive to go out to a nightclub and bar isn't the same when ya don't drink as opposed to people dying to go out for the sesh (Never got that excitement to go out).

Ave Sodalis

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Thanks for the replies everyone. It all comes down to me just biting the bullet and going out and just trying not to worry about what people are thinking. The drive to go out to a nightclub and bar isn't the same when ya don't drink as opposed to people dying to go out for the sesh (Never got that excitement to go out).

Why are you insisting you have to go to a pub/nightclub when you clearly don't enjoy it?

Mr Arrior

sup_dude wrote: »

Why are you insisting you have to go to a pub/nightclub when you clearly don't enjoy it?

It's mainly because that's all thats near me. I live in a small town and there is no clubs, nothing to do. The only socialising would be when the people my age are out at the weekend.

Dravokivich

Mr Arrior wrote: »

Thanks for the replies everyone. It all comes down to me just biting the bullet and going out and just trying not to worry about what people are thinking. The drive to go out to a nightclub and bar isn't the same when ya don't drink as opposed to people dying to go out for the sesh (Never got that excitement to go out).

I went off drink when I was 20. Still went out to pubs, clubs and house parties. A mate of mine tried to tease me over it, but it was nothing more than an honest joke among friends. No one was bothered by what I was or wasn't doing.

If you've come across people that trivialise your actions that have no bearing on anyone else, forget about'em really. I'd be concerned though if you are building up an expectation of that mindset, when it hasn't been too prevalent. Is it really that you don't drink that makes it difficult to socialise, or is that what you're making of it?

looksee

If you are handy enough to 'night clubs and bars' then you must be in at least a town, or close by to one. I don't get your insistence that socialising has to be in these places. What age group are you? If you are under, say, 20-ish I can understand that you still haven't realised that there are things you can do other than the routine drinking. There could well be people sitting at home wishing there were more to do than go to pubs, but you are resisting any notion that you could do something about it, or find an alternative.

carrollsno1

Join your local macra club you'll have something to do every night of the week and no alcohol involved depending on your area there will be a good variety from soccer badminton basketball jiving public speaking personality competitions the list goes on lots of women in macra too lad

LegacyUser

Mr Arrior wrote: »

The drive to go out to a nightclub and bar isn't the same when ya don't drink as opposed to people dying to go out for the sesh (Never got that excitement to go out).

No it's not OP, you've just decided it must be. It doesn't sound like you enjoy pubs or clubs and rather then just admit that and look at other options you've decide it must be because you don't drink. I do drink but when I say that I mean one pint drunk very slowly over the night and honestly in recent times most of the time I don't drink cus I am lazy and want to drive home. I go to my local pub for pitch and putt quiz nights once a week, cards another night, and live music on fridays...the music is a relaxed session of people just bringing instruments along and playing together. Once a month or so friends and I will go further a field for comedy nights or shows. No one is knocking back drinks at any point on these nights, no one would even notice nor care what other people are drinking the majority of the time. I live in a very small town so it's nothing to do with location.

the fact you say you've never got excitement to go out maybe means your just not suited to that type of socializing so maybe consider taking an evening class (I took french, was an hours drive to the nearest big town for the class but I made lots of friends doing it) and building up both confidence and a social circle with shared interests.