Why can't dating be straight forward?

LegacyUser

i would appreciate other perspectives on the below situation as I'm not sure what's going on myself.

I've been single for 18 months. In that time I've had good and bad experiences of dating. In the last 6 months I've taken time out for hobbies and exercise and I'm very content within my own company. In June I met a really nice man on a popular dating site. He is 6.5 years older and moved back home when his previous relationship broke up.

We met for brunch and a walk for our first date. It went exactly like a first date should, great conversation and lots of laughs. We had two dates in the same week and maintained regularly phone contact.
In total we have had about 12 dates since we met. I can honestly say I've never met someone like him before and we have a natural chemistry that is refreshing.
Recently he told me that he suffered with depression after his last break up but has taken steps to address it so I don't feel it is an issue. He has had a sudden bereavement of a family frienrd and I've had illness in my family in the last week. We had a date arranged for Saturday and he couldn't decide a clear plan on what to do. I asked if he would prefer to leave it and we agreed to postpone out date because he didn't feel he would be good company. We have spoken on the phone since and he asked to see me last night. We agreed to meet in the evening. When the time came, he said he was working late and that he would be free after that. It came to 8pm, I heard nothing. I text once to ask how he was getting on. Still nothing. I tried to call around 9pm and he called back but I missed it. I text before bed saying sorry we missed each other and hope all was ok. I haven't heard a thing from him. It is unusual, but I can't help feel something has changed for him (outside of the obvious bereavement). I want to be there but don't want to come across too strongly either. Should I give him space?
I'm aware this is minor compared to the other issues people experience but I would appreciate other opinions. Thanks in advance. N.

Tigger99

I'd absolutely give him space. He obviously didn't feel up to meeting last night. And maybe he didn't even feel up to texting. Maybe his depression isn't as much in the past as he's let on.

Skibunny77

I would absolutely give him space. He is communicating with you through his silence. He doesn't want to be in touch at the moment. I hope that changes as you clearly like him, but I wouldn't initiate any further contact with him. He knows where you are, he knows who you are. The ball is in his court now.

Yellow pack crisps

Sorry but that is quite common in the dating world. Depression is awful and its an horrendous thing to suffer with but it is not an excuse and should not be used as one to ignore another person who you had made plans with and has tried to communicate with. Silence is not a communication, its just what it means.


Move on and if he does contact you be clear about your own intentions and boundaries.

silverbolt

Depending on how much you like him - Id send him one text - just saying hope your ok, I'm here if you need anything - or something along those lines

Depression can set his mind doing funny things and he may be wondering "why hasnt she text, she cant deal with me, im too much trouble for her, im not worth it, im ugly," round and around in a circle.

One text (to me anyway) says - im giving you space but youre not forgotten about

blacklilly

silverbolt wrote: »

Depending on how much you like him - Id send him one text - just saying hope your ok, I'm here if you need anything - or something along those lines

Depression can set his mind doing funny things and he may be wondering "why hasnt she text, she cant deal with me, im too much trouble for her, im not worth it, im ugly," round and around in a circle.

One text (to me anyway) says - im giving you space but youre not forgotten about

The OP has already text twice with no reply. He did try to return her call but surely he could have replied to her text.

OP sounds to me like he's lost interest (loads of reasons as to why this could be). My opinion is that the ball is firmly in his court now, why should you try to initiate contact again?

Unfortunately situations like this are very common when it comes to dating. Communication skills seem to be majorly lacking with regards to the adult population of this country.

Don't get sucked into something that could quite possibly be toxic

LegacyUser

blacklilly wrote: »

The OP has already text twice with no reply. He did try to return her call but surely he could have replied to her text.

OP sounds to me like he's lost interest (loads of reasons as to why this could be). My opinion is that the ball is firmly in his court now, why should you try to initiate contact again?

Unfortunately situations like this are very common when it comes to dating. Communication skills seem to be majorly lacking with regards to the adult population of this country.

Don't get sucked into something that could quite possibly be toxic

Hi OP here.

Thanks for the replies. I'm not even sure it's a case of me giving space or if he is not contacting for other reasons. Despite his reasons it is not good enough. He knows how I feel about game playing and I've been here as a support and have given him space also.

I've still had no contact since the phone call on Wednesday night. I will give him until this evening and i think I will attempt to reach out once more. It's a shame it's come to this but I should have known better if something seems to good to be true...

Dr Crayfish

No reason to reach out again. He knows how to contact you, your text isn't going to change how he feels you've already reached out twice! Stop fretting and leave it unless he gets in touch. He may just ghost you too, it seems to be the done thing now

LegacyUser

I would suspect the bereavement has set him back a bit and tbh op it might be as well off that you find this out now.