Life and happiness?

vikings2012

Well everyone,

Just curious about people’s ambitions and whether you are happy or not
with your life choices.

I was wondering is there anything you would change about your life
(Personality, education, work, hobbies, fitness etc.).

Recently one of my closes friends, who I taught had everything going
for him and had a brilliant life, told me about how unhappy he is with
his life. It got me thinking is anyone really happy with their life
and their past choices…

Personally, I find very little makes me really happy. Like I’ve done
brilliantly in NUIG and after getting great job opportunities from big companies in Dublin butstill I’m not really happy and I still long for more. It’s the same
with friends I suppose.

I would regard myself as a socially awkward person who over-think
situations. I have 2 really close friends but I always find myself
wanting to make more friends and have a large group of friends like
you so many people have. In saying that, I was talking to someone who
has a perceived large group of friends but he says in reality that
most of them are acquaintances. Maybe it’s just a guy thing that we
don’t have loads of friends in comparison to our female counterparts.

Is there anyone like me that lives there life for “future happiness”.
Right now, I think that I would be happy if I had a newer car, better
physique, travel more and in a relationship but maybe none of that
would make me happier.

From reading this, you might think that this fella has depression or
something but I don’t. Just overthinking life a bit much haha but
would like to learn other people’s perspectives on life and what’s
important to you and what makes you truly happy.

(Tips would also be welcomed ha)

sozbox

Happy? Christ no!

Similar to yourself above, never felt really content with the way my life is, maybe that's a side effect of ambition? I don't know.

What I've found has helped me to slowly become happier is to identify what would make me happy, I'm not talking about vague and unlikely stuff like winning the lotto, having more money, but rather visualising goals and destinations.

Once you do this, it's important to then take some action to get there. For example, I've always had issues with my body image, I'm not obese but I've always wanted to be lean and muscular. I am 100% in control of what I eat and how I spend my time so there was no-one but me to blame for how I looked. Once I realised this I set a plan in place to change my diet, take up strength training and ensure I stick to it.

Guess what, it worked.

I'm now trying to apply this to other areas of my life, work and relationships etc. I believe this is the only way to become any bit content, start by figuring out where you want to go and then head in that direction. The process of getting there makes you happier in itself.

Shint0

Sounds like an existential vacuum where there is a lack of meaning, life purpose and belief system where this type void was generally filled by conventional religion in western society in the past. When a function or structure falls away and a gap emerges it ought to be filled and replaced by some other belief system of meaning to the individual in order to connect with themselves and society.

An example might be through volunteering or humanitarian work, something which performs a positive function and helps to ground the individual in a healthy way rather than more self-destructive in the form of further materialistic pursuits, excess substance use etc.

Olishi4

I read this from a travel blogger a while ago and thought it made good sense

http://www.nohangingaround.com/mass-depression-and-an-experience-called-travel/

Not saying op that you should do the same but i think even having little goals, but something that you really want to achieve has a positive effect and also keeping busy.

Right now my personal focus is learning how to drive. Easy for most, I know but I'm in my early 30s so I've left it quite late to start and I'm really looking forward to having that kind of independence and not relying on a lift, bus or a train

myshirt

We're all on this hedonic treadmill to nowhere!

Shifting goalposts, all the time. You have a job. Get a better job. You have a house. Get a better house.

Perspective lads, perspective. Count your blessings, not your problems. When it comes down to it, all you need is to be fed, rode, wanted, and have companionship. Everything else is superfluous.

Danye

vikings2012 wrote: »

Well everyone,

Just curious about people’s ambitions and whether you are happy or not
with your life choices.

I was wondering is there anything you would change about your life
(Personality, education, work, hobbies, fitness etc.).

Recently one of my closes friends, who I taught had everything going
for him and had a brilliant life, told me about how unhappy he is with
his life. It got me thinking is anyone really happy with their life
and their past choices…

Personally, I find very little makes me really happy. Like I’ve done
brilliantly in NUIG and after getting great job opportunities from big companies in Dublin butstill I’m not really happy and I still long for more. It’s the same
with friends I suppose.

I would regard myself as a socially awkward person who over-think
situations. I have 2 really close friends but I always find myself
wanting to make more friends and have a large group of friends like
you so many people have. In saying that, I was talking to someone who
has a perceived large group of friends but he says in reality that
most of them are acquaintances. Maybe it’s just a guy thing that we
don’t have loads of friends in comparison to our female counterparts.

Is there anyone like me that lives there life for “future happiness”.
Right now, I think that I would be happy if I had a newer car, better
physique, travel more and in a relationship but maybe none of that
would make me happier.

From reading this, you might think that this fella has depression or
something but I don’t. Just overthinking life a bit much haha but
would like to learn other people’s perspectives on life and what’s
important to you and what makes you truly happy.

(Tips would also be welcomed ha)

Would I change anything that has happened? First thoughts I would absolutely! But I can't, so it's a waste of time focussing on that.

But then if I did change anything, that would of altered my journey which is not something I would want. These days, I try to embrace the journey of life (although often that doesn't happen and it's still something I'm learning to do).

I've also struggled with the idea that "If only I had / did / achieved that, life would be perfect" and yet when I reached what I thought would complete me, I was than looking for the next thing.

I've started a gratitude journal the last 18 months as well as trying to meditate more regularly. I'm trying to improve as a person everyday, I'm trying to
embrace the journey, struggles and all as this is where we grow, and live in the present moment as that's all we have. Start enjoying life now.

vikings2012

vikings2012 wrote: »

Just curious about people’s ambitions and whether you are happy or not with your life choices.

It depends what you mean by happy with them. I was a lay about waster baffoon in my late school and college days. I am not proud of that and it brought me down pretty low in terms of depression and self hatred. But in the end it was the motivation for turning myself around and being who and where I am today. So while I am not proud of that part of my life - I am not exactly unhappy with my choices and so forth either.

vikings2012 wrote: »

I was wondering is there anything you would change about your life (Personality, education, work, hobbies, fitness etc.).

I think what turned me around in my life was that rather than ruminate on my failings - I shifted my focus and priorities towards bettering myself a _tiny_ bit each day. So improving my personality - education - work - hobbies - fitness - skills and more are all an ongoing work in progress.

But I have no long term goals or targets with that really. I just aim to be a _tiny_ bit better in some way when I go to bed tonight as I was when I went to bed last night.

vikings2012 wrote: »

Is there anyone like me that lives there life for “future happiness”. Right now, I think that I would be happy if I had a newer car, better physique, travel more and in a relationship but maybe none of that would make me happier.

It might and it might not. It really depends what the hole in your life you are trying to fill actually is. What is your measuring stick for how you evaluate yourself and your self worth and goals?

If - like it used to be for me - you value yourself in comparison to others then perhaps you will never be happy. Most of my misery back then was sourced from looking at others and realising I was nothing compared to them. This person earned more than I ever would. This guy was more successful with girls than I would ever be. This person was more socially popular and had more friends. This person was the life and soul of parties while I would sit in the corner.

And so on and so on. It was not until I shifted my focus to only comparing myself against the person I was yesterday - did I start becoming happy and also stopped living for future happiness. I became much happier in myself. And the slow daily incremental improvements I made to myself have culminated to the point where a lot of the people I envied and looked up to as unattainable levels of brilliant are now saying things to me like "I wish I could do X like you" or "I really have to get as fit as you" or "How do you have the energy to....." and other comments where I realise it is now them envying me in some ways.

vikings2012 wrote: »

would like to learn other people’s perspectives on life and what’s important to you and what makes you truly happy.

Most of my happiness comes from my relationship and family these days. And from self improvement and investment in my hobbies and self training. I do not have a huge circle of friends by any means - but I have strong close and healthy meaningful relationships with the friends I do have. I also get a lot of happiness from being wanted or needed. I am now in a position where a lot of people in my social circles and family come to me for help and advice on many things. And that does wonders for ones self worth and happiness I find.

smacl

Danye wrote: »

Would I change anything that has happened? First thoughts I would absolutely! But I can't, so it's a waste of time focussing on that.

This. I find I'm happiest when I'm busy working towards some goal or other, chuffed when I get there, despondent until I find the next goal and so on. If I get nothing done in a day I feel pretty píssed off with myself, and feel like if I'm not moving forward I'm sliding backwards. Now 50, I've a fair idea what makes me happy and it is mostly about keeping myself challenged mentally and physically and trying hard not to procrastinate too much. Like most people, being complimented about my work brings out the best in me, so when someone else impresses me with whatever it is they've achieved I make a point of complimenting them on it. Similarly if someone works their butt off trying, regardless of how far they get. Working long hours by myself can get a bit depressing, but by and large I love my work so taking 5 minutes out to post some crap on boards will normally snap me out of it.

All the rest of the advice here is pretty much on the money IMHO. Work at a job you love, be happy, and make just enough money to keep yourself in beer and pretzels. The rest is just junk you don't need that will make you poorer. Oh, and three other things...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5Sn-A7D76o

the evasion_kid

Olishi4 wrote: »

I read this from a travel blogger a while ago and thought it made good sense

http://www.nohangingaround.com/mass-depression-and-an-experience-called-travel/

Not saying op that you should do the same but i think even having little goals, but something that you really want to achieve has a positive effect and also keeping busy.

Right now my personal focus is learning how to drive. Easy for most, I know but I'm in my early 30s so I've left it quite late to start and I'm really looking forward to having that kind of independence and not relying on a lift, bus or a train

Great article...and a road I'm soon to embark on,all going well!

Olishi4

the evasion_kid wrote: »

Great article...and a road I'm soon to embark on,all going well!

Sounds exciting and best of luck. Hope everything goes well on your travels

ThepoolEIRE88

Real happiness or peace will always come from the inside
you have to have acceptance within yourself,
Try and look at your life as a book and try and be like the type off person you would like in that book
''basically be the hero in the story in your own book''
Attaching your happiness to external things is risky ,especially external things that can get taken away ''for instance''
money ,approval ,looks ,status

an earlier poster mentioned improving his physical appearance,which is always a good thing ,
but being happy just because you have a great physique is risky thing because you can get an injury,
and what happens when you can't workout for a year or maybe forever ''Then what''

try and find out what makes you really happy,not just doing things for someones approval, which just seems like happiness
( this one is very important ,I smoked a lot off weed and had a lot off years off failure to realize that one ) and that was just recently

Wesser

I think in life you have toLearn to be content.

I do not think it is normal to happy all the time.

If you are lucky enough to be content 98 percent of the time, Gleefully happy one percent of the time and despondent and despairing only 1 percent of the time you are doing well.

To be content you have to be in the moment. Not in some other moment in the past or future. In this moment right now. This is mindfulness practice.