poor talker / worsening stammer

LegacyUser

Hi there (long winded post!!!),

I am a professional, male aged 40 and currently looking for employment following me leaving my previous job - no big deal - and I will come to that bit later.

Problem is that I just am not a good talker or 'explainer'. I would have lots to say in social and in work situations and would love to express myself verbally better, but as soon as I get to talk I freeze, I get nervous, over think and just cant talk. I get a block and I cant think straight and jumble up words. I then feel inferior to other people.
I am an anxious, quiet person by nature and this is made even worse or is impacted by what I am going to explain...

...I've had a very mild stutter since childhood. Although I'm 40 now, up until the last 2 years, I had the stutter under control such that I was able to go through school, college, many years working without anyone ever being aware of it...apart from me.
I was 95% fluent and stutter would probably only be evident if I talked for a while on say, a phone call where I was complaining to a phone company, or speaking in turn in a formal work meeting (which I always tried to avoid by staying quiet or tuning out!!).

So it never posed a real problem and I never really thought about it too much, I just made sure I never stuttered in everyday communications and the speech flow was good.
I was happy. I didn't really have to try.

It was when I was in a pretty stressful job in around 2014 I really started noticing the stutter getting worse on a monthly basis. This was also I think due to horrible colleagues that were hard to work with in general and the amount of phone and desk talking I had to do in that job, along with some natural anxieties about work in that high pressure office environment.
I am pretty sure these factors may have triggered something off regarding the stammer worsening and now it has since stayed with me.

The more I'm aware and thinking of the stuttering now, the more it seems to crop up. Trouble is now that people who I never stuttered to or situations and words that were never a problem - have now become a major problem.
By this I mean I am stuttering when I speak in a shop/bar ordering, with my family, friends and my partner with words I never ever would have difficulty with.

People close to me are beginning to notice it .....which I find is embarassing at my age.

I am posting this because I want to know can I 'turn back time on my speaking abilities' to pre-2014 when I did not stutter as easily?. This sounds daft but what help is out there?
I mean...can a stutter that nobody notices previously get gradually worse and become a problem in your late 30's???

Getting back to my first point about job seeking, I fear that it is beginning to affect both my quality of life and looking for a job talking to companies, agencies with interviews, selling myself and once I start a job I will naturally need to speak to express myself ...like we all do.

I am aware of breathing exercises, you tube videos, internet advice, books etc and of course the McGuire programme (which I have not tried yet) but I feel that I should not have to change anything at this stage of my life about the mechanisms of my speech - this problem has gotten so worse late in life! I want to speak naturally and freely like I used to.....way back in 2013!!

..So please in advance right now I don't wish to get replies regarding the McGuire programme and its benefits. I have researched this and aware of the stuttering forum on Boards (not too busy over there!) but I would prefer my post to remain on Personal Issues.

By the way I would be able read 1000's of books aloud to myself or even to a crowd without stuttering once!! But once I am conversing direct to someone in person or phone, I stutter. As you can imagine, this makes things more frustrating!!

I have tried medication for anxiety due to the stammer but unfortunately, meds did not assist my speech calming down and fluency. A few beers or a glass or 2 of wine helps a bit, but I cant turn up to work with drink !!

I know stuttering is a very complicated psychological speech impediment and it can worsen due to traumatic experience or a change in personal circumstances... but why now in my case???

I mentioned my previous job, but could the stuttering be an underlying health problem (neurological) perhaps?. I mentioned it to my GP when addressing my anxieties, but are GP's good to talk to about this??.

In summary, the very very mild stutter has gotten significantly worse, just in the last 2 years. Any help or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading my long post.

Taltos

Mod Note
Hi OP, I know you've asked if there could be an underlying medical issue here. Please note per our charter we can't offer medical advice so instead to explore that option please speak with your GP.

zoobizoo

Don't avoid it when it happens.... Confront it.

When you stammer, make a comment about it. You then have the power over it.

LegacyUser

Taltos wrote: »

Mod Note
Hi OP, I know you've asked if there could be an underlying medical issue here. Please note per our charter we can't offer medical advice so instead to explore that option please speak with your GP.

That is fine, was expecting your note!. I would welcome any other advice from users, thanks all.

Annasopra

Have you considered trying toastmasters?

amtc

I sympathise. I stutter occasionally. Probably not of use to you but seems to link to menstrual cycle.

My two best friends have never noticed me stuttering. But I have developed so many coping mechanisms...I will leave a room when meeting intros on...I will lead into my name with a quip or by spelling my name as it is unusual. I'm great at crossword s as synonym s.

Esel

It may well be that the stress you felt in that job caused you to stammer more. Most stammers can be exacerbated when under stress. Hardly anyone is perfectly fluent. Stammerers, in my experience, can vary from severely blocked to almost fluent depending on circumstances.

You say "I feel that I should not have to change anything at this stage of my life about the mechanisms of my speech". I don't see that as constructive. Maybe not the Maguire programme, but maybe a speech therapist, relaxation techniques or hypnosis could help?

Accepting that you do stammer, and saying that you sometimes do (i.e. when you are under pressure and stammering!) could help too.

Even though the S&S forum is fairly inactive, there is some good info there. Also, by starting a separate thread there you might get more appropriate advice, as sufferers and therapists would be more likely to see the thread (via Followed Forums etc.).

LegacyUser

Esel wrote: »

You say "I feel that I should not have to change anything at this stage of my life about the mechanisms of my speech". I don't see that as constructive. Maybe not the Maguire programme, but maybe a speech therapist, relaxation techniques or hypnosis could help?

Even though the S&S forum is fairly inactive, there is some good info there. Also, by starting a separate thread there you might get more appropriate advice, as sufferers and therapists would be more likely to see the thread (via Followed Forums etc.).

I will look into speech therapy over the McGuire programme, but i have associated this with children and helping their speech development?.
I would try hypnosis to get the idea that I am 'talking to someone' out of my head. I need to forget that I stammer when only talking to people. I need to forget that such a condition exists!!!

What is relevant to both my points above is that, like many other stammerers, is that I do not stammer when reading aloud to a group or on my own.

I have consulted the S & S forum many times, with some good insight into stammering. Would need to go un-regd if possible or set up a new account, as this is an embarrassing problem and dont want it associated to my other many posts and user name.

ongarboy

come on cork wrote: »

I have consulted the S & S forum many times, with some good insight into stammering. Would need to go un-regd if possible or set up a new account, as this is an embarrassing problem and dont want it associated to my other many posts and user name.

I wonder does the problem...or at least the exacerbation of the problem lie therein what I've highlighted in bold above. The fact you have such a hang up and shame about your stammer so much so you wouldn't want virtual and online strangers on a discussion forum to somehow associate you with the fact you have a stammer is most likely detrimental to you progressing out of this dilemma. If you weren't as bothered and learned to accept your stammer, I'm pretty sure your actual stammer would occur much less frequently.

When most of us can occasionally get nervous speaking in public, we can tend to every so slightly stammer or um and ah but while we like to come across as confidently articulate and well spoken at all times, it doesn't stress us if we occasionally stutter. I'm pretty sure if I was terrified of stuttering or being perceived as a stutterer, I would end up stammering so much more often. If you can change that mindset and be more accepting of your condition, I really think it would be of benefit to you as all that stress and shame would be reduced and this would translate into improved speech ability.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Esel

come on cork wrote: »

I will look into speech therapy over the McGuire programme, but i have associated this with children and helping their speech development?

By 'over' do you mean 'before'?

Speech therapy is not just for children - rather it is for speech development / improvement at any age, for any reason / condition (e.g. after a stroke).

come on cork wrote: »

I would try hypnosis to get the idea that I am 'talking to someone' out of my head. I need to forget that I stammer when only talking to people. I need to forget that such a condition exists!

Try it, but not for those reasons. Try meditation; try singing too. Keep trying.

come on cork wrote: »

What is relevant to both my points above is that, like many other stammerers, is that I do not stammer when reading aloud to a group or on my own.

I could not have read aloud to a single person, never mind to a group! ...

Edit:

You might gain by printing out your first post in this thread. Copy it into a word processor, increase the font size, add some white space, print a few copies. Use this as source material.

Add more source material.

Get some A3 paper, a few different coloured biros, draw a few / many spider diagrams and mind maps.

Get creative. Link points to other points. Grow your diagrams and maps. Get more A3 paper.

See new links. Drill down, up, across and back. Diagonally, clockwise, counter-intuitively.

Insight will come - sooner or later.

Think backwards, from effect to cause. Pause, think some more. It's not you, it's you.

tl/dr Speak. Your listeners do not judge. They probably do not even notice.