Is this the end?

LegacyUser

So long story short, after lots of dramas my partner messed up again. He then walked out ( as he usually does) and he is out of the home 2 mths now. There has been no discussion really about what happened only him saying sorry by text 4 days after leaving. I have gotten to a stage where I can't do the leaving bit anymore. If he had come back the next day we could have sorted it but he put my children through the drama again and I felt it wasn't fair on them. I really thought that he would put in some effort to make it right but he was waiting for me, so 3 weeks in I told him he needed to change his address. I was odd and bitter and hated him for doing this to me. I have 3 kids and am on maternity leave/unpaid leave and he just ruined it making me worry about money and how I can do all this on my own.
The last week or so we have been getting on, I have been thinking a lot and realised I have pnd and am being treated for it. I felt that maybe I shouldn't give up on our family and I was going to suggest counselling. Then he sent me a message by mistake that was meant for a friend saying that I had been asking him for loads of money and being a complete bitch and that we were over 2 years ago. all bull, Wtf! News to me! Why buy a house and have another child if you felt like that, trapping me further! I have to say its damn hard having 3 kids under 4 and its exhausting and we barely had times to ourselves, never mind for each other but I honestly thought we would be together forever.
So I'm here now, alone again with the kids in bed. He is off doing whatever he wants. He sees the kids for a few hours during the week but isn't giving me set times so I can't arrange to do anything. I don't know if I want to try to get back, or not. I'm worried sick as I work shift work as does he so I may have to leave my job. I'm so confused and the weeks are slipping away and I'm still in the same position. How can I at 33, with 3 small children ever go on to meet someone else? Will I be alone here forever!

orthsquel

unclestan wrote: »

I have gotten to a stage where I can't do the leaving bit anymore.

Is this for you, the final straw?

unclestan wrote: »

If he had come back the next day we could have sorted it but he put my children through the drama again and I felt it wasn't fair on them.

And it isn't fair on you, either.

unclestan wrote: »

I really thought that he would put in some effort to make it right

He wouldn't make the effort to stay or contact you, or work the issues out, why would you think he would make any effort to make things right?

unclestan wrote: »

The last week or so we have been getting on, I have been thinking a lot and realised I have pnd and am being treated for it. I felt that maybe I shouldn't give up on our family and I was going to suggest counselling.

I think you need to fall back on your support network - have you family or friends you can talk to, or who can help you out? You should speak to various services on the main sticky thread to get yourself help who can help you gain perspective on your situation. Good on you for getting yourself help with PND, but seriously I think you need to take a step back and discuss in depth your situation with someone and gain perspective on it.

unclestan wrote: »

Then he sent me a message by mistake that was meant for a friend saying that I had been asking him for loads of money and being a complete bitch and that we were over 2 years ago.

All very hurtful for you, I'm sorry OP that you had to get that. I think you need to be honest with yourself about what is really going on and who your partner really is.

unclestan wrote: »

He sees the kids for a few hours during the week but isn't giving me set times so I can't arrange to do anything.

You need to get advice on how you can make formal arrangements that he will have to adhere to, so that you can make plans and that it is not at his whim and at his convenience.

unclestan wrote: »

I don't know if I want to try to get back, or not.

It sounds to me like you need to talk to people who can guide you in making clear decisions for you and your children. For what is best for you and your children..... not anyone else.

Gaining perspective on your situation, with support and guidance will give you insight into how you feel. You sound powerless in this situation so in small steps you should seek to regain control. Everything sounds really confusing for you and right now is probably not the right time to make specific decisions about the relationship. What you do need is someone to help you through the confusion so that you can gain clarity and make decisions based on your situation without feeling doubtful or confused about which way is best for you.

December2012

The fact that you end your post with asking about being alone and meeting somebody is telling.

With all this going on meeting somebody else is the last thing for you right now

Maybe you took your ex back so often out of fear of being alone?