how to stop drinking when no one but you thinks you need to

sarahf2k16

hi,

feeling confused. i need to stop drinking and become teetotal but no one, friends and family, thinks i need to stop but i know i need to. i went 100 days before but got nothing but constant questioning and abuse for it off friends and strangers. i didn't make out i was stopping because i have a problem, just said i wanted to do it as a detox. it didn't work, people kept saying i could still have a few, constant questioning and sly digs and saying i am **** craic when there was other nites they didn't say that because they thought i was drinking when i was pretending to drink .... and i can't away with pretending to drink every night i go out and don't want to become a social outcast.

but the majority of people, certainly around my age - mid twenties - do not seem to get why i would choose not to drink when i can, when its apparently not problematic enough for them to accept, even though i know it is because i cannot moderate my drinking all the time and am known to go on binges.

i don't want to have to justify it to everyone, i know why, and people would constantly nag me to just have one. its hard enough to stop on your own when other people don't get why you need to stop and i want to go off for it good because i still went back to occassional blackouts after my 100 days.

no one believes in me, and i find it hard to believe in myself so don't want the added temptation of people encouraging me to just have a few.

i am actually considering the idea of actually lying and saying i have pancreatis or something just so people can accept that i cannot phsyically drink. it sounds terrible but i am at a loss at what to do. if i say its because i don't want to then people will try derail that decision. my whole identiy has been based on my drink persona but i don't like that person anymore and really need a few months without the external pressure of others.

sorry for the scattered post, my head is fried. any advice would be appreciated.

Sorry I do not have any advice for you as trying to stop myself,I do wish you good luck though and sure someone will be along with good advice....

vkid

It's an Irish thing. I rarely drink anymore by choice... And people do find it odd but if you do things based on what other people think then .that's your decision. If you don't want to drink then don't drink..screw what other people think

Brobromococo

Do you have any support for your decision from anyone in your life? If so, you could spend more time with them, instead of people who question your decision and don't support you. Otherwise just stick to your guns, you know yourself better than anyone else!

sarahf2k16

Deleted User wrote: »

Sorry I do not have any advice for you as trying to stop myself,I do wish you good luck though and sure someone will be along with good advice....

It is so hard. I blacked out the other week and was found walking the main road, which is 100km speed limit, in the dark, alone. I have no memory of this. The bar man saw me when he was driving home so luckily brought me home. I couldn't even figure out which house was mine or unlock my own door with my key.

If I had got hit by a car then people would say sh1t, you need to stop drinking but I was, once again, lucky so it's graaaand just calm down on the drink. It's not grand, I need to stop drinking - I can try moderate but in a few weeks/months, one way or another, I will put myself in a bad situation. I have no right to feel bad for myself when I know what my drinking can do. If I tell people I am simply stopping then no one will take me seriously.

what is the hardest thing for you to deal with?

sarahf2k16

Brobromococo wrote: »

Do you have any support for your decision from anyone in your life? If so, you could spend more time with them, instead of people who question your decision and don't support you. Otherwise just stick to your guns, you know yourself better than anyone else!

My GP. Haha. I actually told my mother and she actually came up with the idea of saying I have pancreatis would be my best option for me but lying seems bad, despite all the lies I have told myself in order to keep letting myself drink.

It sure is,well I have pretty bad anxiety and when I drink it's a binge which lasts 3 or 4 days every few weeks as self medicating but it never cures it...what a shocker lol....I will just keep trying this time I have got rid of my phone so no contact with friends for the near future until I sort myself out...maybe you should try something like that for a while remove temptation and people who do not support you for a while...

sarahf2k16

vkid wrote: »

It's an Irish thing. I rarely drink anymore by choice... And people do find it odd but if you do things based on what other people think then .that's your decision. If you don't want to drink then don't drink..screw what other people think

I am single, in my 20s with no commitments/responsibilities unless you count working and paying my car tax. Ha. It is hard that people will not accept I can't just have a few because when I do drink, I want all the drink. I suppose I don't have the balls or self-belief to tell everyone to screw whatever they think.

delly

Hi OP, I'm in my mid thirties and experienced some of what you are going through.

Back when I was in my twenties, my work crowd regularly went into Dublin on nights out, which I also enjoyed. I lived in Drogheda though, so always liked the comfort of driving in and staying late, then driving home at 3/4 in the morning. It wasn't that I was a non drinker overall, but on nights like that I'd be happy drinking coke and having the craic while sober. For years a lot of the people looked at me like I had two heads because of it, and as the nights wore on, they'd ask me how I did it, sure what was the point.

Even now if I am ever out on a social occasion, or in friends or family homes, the polite refusal of a drink is always met with a 'sure, go on'. I'll never drive even with one, so maybe class me as lazy that I like to drive where and when I want, over having a drink or two.

One thing I've learned over the years however, is that people won't get used to it. People have even said to me that did I think I was better than them for not wanting to drink, which is just crazy. You'll find yourself in the minority unfortunately and will make others feel uneasy, for a variety of reasons.

alittlescared

Hi OP. I'm in the exact same boat. I gave up for 90 days. I told my close friends it was me trying to reset my body so I wouldn't black out anymore. After the 90 days I went back the exact same.

I have responsibilities but still end up asleep in strange places and also walking up dangerous roads. I need all the drink when I'm out.

I would quit but my circle of friends are everything to me and I think I'd be outcast if I became teetotal. It's so frustrating. People will say they're not friends if that happens, I know they are my friends, I really do, I'd be included in all sober activities but why would they continue to include me in the alcohol related activities, they wouldn't...

I feel for you

sarahf2k16

delly wrote: »

Hi OP, I'm in my mid thirties and experienced some of what you are going through.

Back when I was in my twenties, my work crowd regularly went into Dublin on nights out, which I also enjoyed. I lived in Drogheda though, so always liked the comfort of driving in and staying late, then driving home at 3/4 in the morning. It wasn't that I was a non drinker overall, but on nights like that I'd be happy drinking coke and having the craic while sober. For years a lot of the people looked at me like I had two heads because of it, and as the nights wore on, they'd ask me how I did it, sure what was the point.

Even now if I am ever out on a social occasion, or in friends or family homes, the polite refusal of a drink is always met with a 'sure, go on'. I'll never drive even with one, so maybe class me as lazy that I like to drive where and when I want, over having a drink or two.

One thing I've learned over the years however, is that people won't get used to it. People have even said to me that did I think I was better than them for not wanting to drink, which is just crazy. You'll find yourself in the minority unfortunately and will make others feel uneasy, for a variety of reasons.

I appreciate that you get what I am trying to say. I understand, I probably would have said something similar to you in the past because I was completely ignorant to the idea of having fun without drink; could not understand, my ignorance of course so that is why I know how people will react.

I think a lot of is because people don't want others to question their own drinking. It is why my closest, oldest friends are all heavy drinkers; I will get sly digs if I don't do shots, nevermind, drink. I have made new friends too who are much more moderate drinkers but I know that they will still encourage me to drink because it is ingrained that we bond and socilaise through drink.

I am such a heavy, seemingly happy drinker that my sudden refusal of drink would undoubtedly invoke similar, constant reactions as you have described, if not worse.

Brobromococo

sarahf2k16 wrote:

My GP. Haha. I actually told my mother and she actually came up with the idea of saying I have pancreatis would be my best option for me but lying seems bad, despite all the lies I have told myself in order to keep letting myself drink.

Haha well you can hardly socialise with your gp! Just be strong and believe in yourself, tell your friends to stop going on about it, and tell them that you were pretending to drink when you weren't. If they are true friends they will support you without question, otherwise you might find yourself gravitating towards new friends who do support you!

sarahf2k16

alittlescared wrote: »

Hi OP. I'm in the exact same boat. I gave up for 90 days. I told my close friends it was me trying to reset my body so I wouldn't black out anymore. After the 90 days I went back the exact same.

I have responsibilities but still end up asleep in strange places and also walking up dangerous roads. I need all the drink when I'm out.

I would quit but my circle of friends are everything to me and I think I'd be outcast if I became teetotal. It's so frustrating. People will say they're not friends if that happens, I know they are my friends, I really do, I'd be included in all sober activities but why would they continue to include me in the alcohol related activities, they wouldn't...

I feel for you

Thank you. I understand completely. I can't handle the constant worry that drink is going to ruin my life and yet I will be so bored and socially lost without it. I have had the most fun on random drunken nights but the worse things have always happened because I can't control my drinking such as 2-8 hour blackouts, lost relationships, dignity, shame, etc.

I love my friends. I love them even though they won't understand that I need to stop before I do something terrible. I don't know how many times I have told myself 3 drinks and then, after 3 drinks I switch off and go mad for the stuff. I don't get sick when I drink too much, I can just keep drinking, I am not able to control it.

If it was cocaine, people wouldn't say just do half a line tonight, they would say stop doing cocaine ffs.

sarahf2k16

Deleted User wrote: »

It sure is,well I have pretty bad anxiety and when I drink it's a binge which lasts 3 or 4 days every few weeks as self medicating but it never cures it...what a shocker lol....I will just keep trying this time I have got rid of my phone so no contact with friends for the near future until I sort myself out...maybe you should try something like that for a while remove temptation and people who do not support you for a while...

I remember having really bad anxiety too, drinking is always the worst when you are doing it to numb anxiety. I ended up going on happy bills, benzos and counselling and this helped me to stop feeling anxiety or getting panic attacks.

I felt the need to get drunk before going to the pub when I had bad anxiety, I could not handle it but now, I don't pre drink now and can walk into a pub and be happily sober for an hour or two anyways.

I thought this meant I could drink normally, without the severe anxiety, but I still have this inherent need to be wreckless and drink.

I do really feel for you though, anxiety is crippling; maybe counselling might help, and I only say that because it helped me, as awful as the idea sounded at first. I should've stayed going.

sarahf2k16

Brobromococo wrote: »

Haha well you can hardly socialise with your gp! Just be strong and believe in yourself, tell your friends to stop going on about it, and tell them that you were pretending to drink when you weren't. If they are true friends they will support you without question, otherwise you might find yourself gravitating towards new friends who do support you!

I have my gp. even my mother said, sure take a few months to calm down and go back to having a few. my father is in aa 25 years and doesn't even cop that i could be a problem drinker because I do seem to have great fun when I'm plastered.

I say my friends would rather I came out as transgender then teetotal. I am from a rural background when every single social outing has to involve drink. If we go to the cinema, then at least a pint or two is expected after the cinema.

sarahf2k16

sarahf2k16 wrote: »

I remember having really bad anxiety too, drinking is always the worst when you are doing it to numb anxiety. I ended up going on happy bills, benzos and counselling and this helped me to stop feeling anxiety or getting panic attacks.

I felt the need to get drunk before going to the pub when I had bad anxiety, I could not handle it but now, I don't pre drink now and can walk into a pub and be happily sober for an hour or two anyways.

I thought this meant I could drink normally, without the severe anxiety, but I still have this inherent need to be wreckless and drink.

I do really feel for you though, anxiety is crippling; maybe counselling might help, and I only say that because it helped me, as awful as the idea sounded at first. I should've stayed going.

I will get it yet or keeping trying until I do..what ever path you take Sarah I hope it works out for you...

twignme

Firstly, well done on identifying the problem you have and wanting to do something about it. It's not an easy thing to do and that's before you add the pressure of your friends.
What about being sponsored for non- drinking? If you selected something really close to everyone's heart and made sure they all got on board with it, maybe they would be more interested in seeing you succeed? It may help to have a target in mind so that they (and you) had something to aim for and they would know that you intended to have a drink again eventually.

sarahf2k16

Deleted User wrote: »

I will get it yet or keeping trying until I do..what ever path you take Sarah I hope it works out for you...

I found allen carrs book on drinking helpful, at least its starting to finally get me to admit the problem, which is not easy, when everyone else just thinks ur a bit craiced, so that might be useful; you can get it on ebook too... hope all goes well for you too.

sarahf2k16

sarahf2k16 wrote: »

I found allen carrs book on drinking helpful, at least its starting to finally get me to admit the problem, which is not easy, when everyone else just thinks ur a bit craiced, so that might be useful; you can get it on ebook too... hope all goes well for you too.

Thanks Sarah,take care

Ave Sodalis

sarahf2k16 wrote:

people kept saying i could still have a few, constant questioning and sly digs and saying i am **** craic

I get that a lot too. They usually shut up fairly quickly when I point out that they need a mind altering drug to have fun.