how to stop drinking when no one but you thinks you need to

sarahf2k16

hi,

feeling confused. i need to stop drinking and become teetotal but no one, friends and family, thinks i need to stop but i know i need to. i went 100 days before but got nothing but constant questioning and abuse for it off friends and strangers. i didn't make out i was stopping because i have a problem, just said i wanted to do it as a detox. it didn't work, people kept saying i could still have a few, constant questioning and sly digs and saying i am **** craic when there was other nites they didn't say that because they thought i was drinking when i was pretending to drink .... and i can't away with pretending to drink every night i go out and don't want to become a social outcast.

but the majority of people, certainly around my age - mid twenties - do not seem to get why i would choose not to drink when i can, but its not problematic enough, even though i know it is because i cannot moderate my drinking all the time and am known to go on binges.

i don't want to have to justify it to everyone, i know why, and people would constantly nag me to just have one. its hard enough to stop on your own when other people don't get why you need to stop and i want to go off for it good because i still went back to occassional blackouts after my 100 days.

no one believes in me, and i find it hard to believe in myself so don't want the added temptation of people encouraging me to just have a few.

i am actually considering the idea of actually lying and saying i have pancreatis or something just so people can accept that i cannot phsyically drink. it sounds terrible but i am at a loss at what to do. if i say its because i don't want to then people will try derail that decision. my whole identiy has been based on my drink persona but i don't like that person anymore and really need a few months without the external pressure of others.

sorry for the scattered post, my head is fried. any advice would be appreciated.

Tsipras

You're right it's not easy at first but if you went 100 days you're well able to do it indefinetly
If your friends give you hassle they're not good friends, just tell them it doesn't suit you anymore.. mid-twenties isn't that young I'd have thought a fair few of your friends would have cut-back or knocked it on the head by then, if not they will in the next few years
If strangers give you hassle tell them to f**k off
Well done for trying it's the first step

Kiltris

PM sent.

The flying mouse

Op its hard to break the cycle of drinking especially when everyone else around you is doing it, But if you really really interested in stopping you will have to break your circle of friends for a while at least ,especially as none of them seems to be in support of you, You are talking about your health and mental state here ,You need to take action now.

The flying mouse

Don't know if your in Dublin but another poster put this up, maybe of help ?

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2057628390

Lady Mac

Hi Sarah,

Firstly well done on reaching the point where you have accepted that you need to stop. It's almost 15 months since I stopped and did so for much the same reasons you mention here. I'm a 30 year-old woman and had known for most of my 20's that I was in bother but I worked very hard to hide it. I could moderate 4/5 times and then just loose the plot with it on the 5th time (always the last to leave/go to bed etc). I was blacking out more often than not and also starting to drink more at home after I had my first baby in 2014 (couldn't go out as much so that was my answer!). I can see now that most of my drinking was to do with anxiety.

I'll be honest and say that I found in the first 6 months especially I had to lie low a lot of time. I felt really hard done by that I couldn't drink and didn't want to be tempted or have to explain myself. I was quite devastated that I had to finally stop but I knew I was about to move into dangerous territory. My father is also sober for 25 years after being extremely addicted. I didn't want my son to go through any of that with me so ultimately he was the reason I decided to stop. It was fairly isolating at first but it needed to be done. People just didn't get it. I'm a lot stronger in my decision now so I am going out again a bit more but some of my friendships have fallen by the wayside. Some I'm sad about but to be honest the ones I lost probably weren't true friends anyway. I think that it's such a pity that we don't have a better community in Ireland for people like you and me who don't drink but also don't want to become social outcasts. AA wasn't a good fit for me but unfortunately it seems to be one of the only ways to meet other like-minded sober people. There are so many of us "in between", not yet physically addicted but knowing we have a problem. If there was more support I'm sure more people would stop sooner. I'm part of a private Facebook group of mostly women from America who chat about all of the challenges we face in sobriety and I'm actually considering starting an Irish one too.

I've used so many things to help me get to this point. Here are a couple of the blogs and podcasts I would recommend (it won't let me post links here so just google these if you're interested):

Hip Sobriety
I Fly At Night
Home Podcast
The Bubble Hour Podcast

I read some great books too including Allen Carr and Blackout and I'm currently reading Your naked mind by Annie Grace.

If you ever need to chat feel free to PM me. There's so much more to quitting than just stopping drinking. You need to really look after yourself in the next few months. Go easy on yourself and be very honest with yourself too. You may be surprised by some of your friends too once they get their heads around it so don't panic about loosing them just yet.

Good luck!

Bx

sarahf2k16

Lady Mac wrote: »

Hi Sarah,

Firstly well done on reaching the point where you have accepted that you need to stop. It's almost 15 months since I stopped and did so for much the same reasons you mention here. I'm a 30 year-old woman and had known for most of my 20's that I was in bother but I worked very hard to hide it. I could moderate 4/5 times and then just loose the plot with it on the 5th time (always the last to leave/go to bed etc). I was blacking out more often than not and also starting to drink more at home after I had my first baby in 2014 (couldn't go out as much so that was my answer!). I can see now that most of my drinking was to do with anxiety.

I'll be honest and say that I found in the first 6 months especially I had to lie low a lot of time. I felt really hard done by that I couldn't drink and didn't want to be tempted or have to explain myself. I was quite devastated that I had to finally stop but I knew I was about to move into dangerous territory. My father is also sober for 25 years after being extremely addicted. I didn't want my son to go through any of that with me so ultimately he was the reason I decided to stop. It was fairly isolating at first but it needed to be done. People just didn't get it. I'm a lot stronger in my decision now so I am going out again a bit more but some of my friendships have fallen by the wayside. Some I'm sad about but to be honest the ones I lost probably weren't true friends anyway. I think that it's such a pity that we don't have a better community in Ireland for people like you and me who don't drink but also don't want to become social outcasts. AA wasn't a good fit for me but unfortunately it seems to be one of the only ways to meet other like-minded sober people. There are so many of us "in between", not yet physically addicted but knowing we have a problem. If there was more support I'm sure more people would stop sooner. I'm part of a private Facebook group of mostly women from America who chat about all of the challenges we face in sobriety and I'm actually considering starting an Irish one too.

I've used so many things to help me get to this point. Here are a couple of the blogs and podcasts I would recommend (it won't let me post links here so just google these if you're interested):

Hip Sobriety
I Fly At Night
Home Podcast
The Bubble Hour Podcast

I read some great books too including Allen Carr and Blackout and I'm currently reading Your naked mind by Annie Grace.

If you ever need to chat feel free to PM me. There's so much more to quitting than just stopping drinking. You need to really look after yourself in the next few months. Go easy on yourself and be very honest with yourself too. You may be surprised by some of your friends too once they get their heads around it so don't panic about loosing them just yet.

Good luck!

Bx

Hi Lady Mac,

Thank you very much. I will send you a PM

The flying mouse

Lady Mac wrote: »

Hi Sarah,
There's so much more to quitting than just stopping drinking. You need to really look after yourself in the next few months. Go easy on yourself and be very honest with yourself too. You may be surprised by some of your friends too once they get their heads around it so don't panic about loosing them just yet.

Good luck!

Bx

So true and great lovely supportive post .