Moving house while in early recovery from alcoholism

spottyoppie

Hi all, looking for some advice...
I'm 25 years old and I'm an alcoholic. I've known this for some time but refused to admit it to those around me because I was ashamed, humiliated etc. To cut a long story short, these issues escalated in the past couple of weeks (A&E, binges, huge arguments) and I'm now seeking help and attending AA. I am 14 days sober which is an achievement considering I was drinking every day/night for the previous 2 years.
I'm not really looking for advice about staying sober exactly, more specifically about my current housing situation. I have lived with friends for the past few years but after the events leading up to me facing the problem, my flatmates and I have basically mutually agreed that I need to move out. I'm facing this as a positive thing - a chance for a new start, a change of scenery and to get away from the self-destructive routines and habits that I have formed in my current accommodation.
HOWEVER, I'm really worried about how to manage this in a new house share. All the ads for rooms seem to include the current housemates listing 'chilling with glass of wine', 'socialising together in the pub', etc as part of the environment in their house share. I really want a fresh start and to meet new people as I've become so isolated due to my constant drinking, but I'm worried that my sobriety will impact on this. I don't want new housemates to see me as someone who won't get involved in social activities when I tell them I don't drink. I'm worried too about how to navigate questions like 'why don't you drink?' I don't want people to be suspicious of me and I can understand it would not appeal to alot of people to learn that their new housemate is a recovering alcoholic.
Additionally, I'm worried that the loneliness and fear of moving in with strangers and the knowledge that I may have ruined my friendships with others will eventually lead back to me relapsing.
Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated!!!

intheclouds

Lots of people don't drink and you may as well accept that if you wish to stay sober you will have to say to lots of people, in lots of different situations that you will just have a soft drink. Not drinking is no big deal. If pressed just say "I don't like it". That's it. No one cares, people are wrapped up in their own lives.

You can definitely socialise without drinking and it's fine, just a matter of getting used to.

On the fear of relapse, you need to have proper support and the will to maintain the change. Best of luck!

kyogger

intheclouds wrote: »

Not drinking is no big deal. If pressed just say "I don't like it". That's it. No one cares, people are wrapped up in their own lives.

I disagree. Not drinking is stigmatised in Ireland by a large % of the population. Socialising without it is difficult (not saying impossible). It's pitiful. And the situation is even worse for a 25 year old male looking to house share.

My advice to the OP would be try to find a house where there has been no emphasis on alcohol in the advert at least. Try take up some hobbies where you will meet like minded people who probably don't use alcohol as their main method of socialising.

intheclouds

kyogger wrote: »

I disagree. Not drinking is stigmatised in Ireland by a large % of the population. Socialising without it is difficult (not saying impossible). It's pitiful. And the situation is even worse for a 25 year old male looking to house share.

Perhaps its different as a female but I have never felt stigmatised for not drinking while out socialising, and I have a number of non drinking friends also. No one seems to care.

Xyzforsure

This disease is geographical and will follow you.

Work the programme and you can fight the disease.

ozzy78

Would moving back home to your family for six months maybe be an option? If you had the right support there it could help to get you back on your feet? I know I was lucky enough to be able to do that in a difficult period of my life. Once I got through it I was able to house share again.

Paddy Cow

spottyoppie wrote: »

HOWEVER, I'm really worried about how to manage this in a new house share. All the ads for rooms seem to include the current housemates listing 'chilling with glass of wine', 'socialising together in the pub', etc as part of the environment in their house share.

This strikes me as strange. I'm sure there are some houses where everyone gets on and socialises together but I've never come across it. It any house share I lived in, people pretty much did their own thing. I've become friends living with people but I never moved into a place where it was expected that I would instantly become one of the gang. Most people have their own lives and friends and a house share is just a stop gap. Where are you looking for accommodation? Look for a place that wants professionals. They will just want to go to work and do their own thing and you won't be pressured to go drinking.

Good luck with your recovery.

cazzer22

I have looked for shared accommodation in Ireland many times and I have to say that I don't remember anything about alcohol mentioned in any of the ads. I am currently in a house share and it's very much each to their own. You don't have to tell people your reasons for not drinking you could even use another reason for not drinking (watching your health, trying to save money etc). It's your business and don't feel pressured to share something so personal with people who may only just be flat mates. If your new housemates happen to be having 'wine nights' or 'parties' or whatever you mentioned above you can always go and just be social. It's not all that bad.
If you're asked a question ''why don't you drink?'' don't be afraid of it. You've done a great thing at you're 14 days sober, well done. Be positive because you're already doing really well.