21 and can't drive - not sure if I'm cut out for it?

Lollipop95

As the thread title says, I'm 21 and I can't drive. I'm not sure if I ever will learn. I live in the country so I naturally cannot get anywhere without getting a lift or being picked up. Now my Dad is currently bringing me out for lessons in and out the road. My steering is really bad and I'm a terrible judge at turns.

The road where I live is extremely narrow with an electric fence one said of the road and a ditch the other side, so inevitably I end up going too close to the ditch or electric fence. I can't get the balance right and the car has a beeper which goes off every time I go too near which makes me even more nervous! I find it hard to judge the turns. The car is quite big (it's a qashqai) and I am trying to save up money to buy a micra as honestly, I'd be far more comfortable with a little car. My parents tell me going in and out the road is the best way to learn as it's narrow and at least it's the ditch/fence I'm meeting and not other cars!

My worry is meeting other cars (if I even manage to improve enough to get to that stage). Because my steering is so bad at the minute I'm worried if I ever do venture onto the main road, that I will struggle to

(a) Keep on my side
(b) Keep so far on my side that the car ends up on the footpath!

I'm also stressed about pedestrians when the time comes to go out on the main road as they're another added worry to think about.

I'm just worried that I am just not cut out for driving. I have to admit I do not have a calm personality, I am a worrier by nature and tend to panic..so I'm concerned these attributes would spell a recipe for disaster on the roads and if it's just better if I stay off them for everyone's sake!

I DO want to drive, I'm just wondering if I'm too much of a nervous person for it? I want to drive to have some independence. I'd love to just take off in the car and drive to the nearest town or over to my friends houses without reltying on anyone else.

I would like to have independence and although my parents don't mind giving me lifts (they said although they would like me to able to drive if that's what I want, they would be worrying about me when I am driving) I'd still like to drive just for me.

I'm posting this just for some advance and if anyone else had a similar experience to me. I hope to live in the city as soon as I've graduated from college so getting around wouldn't be an issue, but it'd be nice to be able to drive so I could get places quicker and not take the bus the whole time.

Thanks in advance!

ceegee

Get some driving lessons from a qualified instructor. Being taught by a parent is nearly guaranteed to either shatter your confidence or end in an argument.

I was terrible when I started out, constantly stressed and couldn't see a point where I'd be confident driving. Then i stopped getting any lessons from family members until i had a good few lessons from an instructor. Within a few lessons I had improved enough that I could go for a drive with my father and get home with both of us still talking to each other

VincePP

Try an automatic - it will give you the initial confidence needed without having to think of gears.

Then if you wish, switch to gears.

So many cars have automatic options (even small cars) that you may find you will never need to learn gears.
My oh had similar issues (20 years ago) - got her into a little auto and she was spinning around in no time. She never has even tried gears and whilst probably could do it, its just not an issue.

sullivlo

mod
Have moved to Learning to Drive. You'll get better responses there.

Their charter now applies.

ceegee

VincePP wrote: »

Try an automatic - it will give you the initial confidence needed without having to think of gears.

Then if you wish, switch to gears.

So many cars have automatic options (even small cars) that you may find you will never need to learn gears.
My oh had similar issues (20 years ago) - got her into a little auto and she was spinning around in no time. She never has even tried gears and whilst probably could do it, its just not an issue.

I'd disagree, if you do your test in an auto you're restricting your future options. better to spend a bit of time learning to drive a manual, especially as the majority of Irish cars are still manuals

Loveinapril

ceegee wrote: »

Get some driving lessons from a qualified instructor. Being taught by a parent is nearly guaranteed to either shatter your confidence or end in an argument.

r

You also have the safety of knowing they have pedals and a break on their side of the car to help out if needs be. You can also ask them to take you out to quieter/ wider roads to start with.

Your spatial awareness will improve, it is just a funny thing to get a handle on but proper lessons with an experienced instructor will help you.

Vojera

I didn't start learning till I was 21 or 22 and it did me no harm.

I would advise getting lessons from an approved instructor with a dual control car. Knowing they have the ability to stop the car if needs be might help you feel more at ease.

GottaGetGatt

Just go away now and book a lesson with an Instructor. Every one is an emotional wreck when their starting out to drive, it's natural.

VincePP

ceegee wrote: »

I'd disagree, if you do your test in an auto you're restricting your future options. better to spend a bit of time learning to drive a manual, especially as the majority of Irish cars are still manuals

Yes you've a licence for auto only. But almost every model of car has auto version and sales of autos have grown substantially.

Think if it - most Americans only drive auto. It not as restrictive as some would make out. As i said, wife only has licence for auto - never an issue even for car rental, and she'd never go to gears.

Mother switched to automatic a few years ago - she wishes she did it years earlier.

If someone has confidence issues on driving as op has stated, its a very good option especially as it seems she won't be driving very regularly.

But definitely the op needs to get proper lessons in a learner car - much smaller and dual control. Then she can decide what route to go.

Btw - if i were driving my dads station wagon when i was learning to drive, i would have been scared witless.

Delphinium

Go to a professional teacher and change to another until you find one who suits you. You wouldn't let your father do the work of other qualified people so why would you expect him to be able to teach you to drive. A dual controlled car on a proper road will be so much easier. Good luck and I hope you enjoy many care free miles.

CSSE09

You'll be fine given time and practice, as others have said book a lesson with an instructor who'll have a smaller car, if you like the instructor book a few more. Learning to drive is stressful and you'll have good days and bad, when you have a bad day don't let it put you off driving the next time your out. You'll be flying in no time.

Liam McPoyle

Lollipop95 wrote: »

As the thread title says, I'm 21 and I can't drive. I'm not sure if I ever will learn. I live in the country so I naturally cannot get anywhere without getting a lift or being picked up. Now my Dad is currently bringing me out for lessons in and out the road. My steering is really bad and I'm a terrible judge at turns.

The road where I live is extremely narrow with an electric fence one said of the road and a ditch the other side, so inevitably I end up going too close to the ditch or electric fence. I can't get the balance right and the car has a beeper which goes off every time I go too near which makes me even more nervous! I find it hard to judge the turns. The car is quite big (it's a qashqai) and I am trying to save up money to buy a micra as honestly, I'd be far more comfortable with a little car. My parents tell me going in and out the road is the best way to learn as it's narrow and at least it's the ditch/fence I'm meeting and not other cars!

My worry is meeting other cars (if I even manage to improve enough to get to that stage). Because my steering is so bad at the minute I'm worried if I ever do venture onto the main road, that I will struggle to

(a) Keep on my side
(b) Keep so far on my side that the car ends up on the footpath!

I'm also stressed about pedestrians when the time comes to go out on the main road as they're another added worry to think about.

I'm just worried that I am just not cut out for driving. I have to admit I do not have a calm personality, I am a worrier by nature and tend to panic..so I'm concerned these attributes would spell a recipe for disaster on the roads and if it's just better if I stay off them for everyone's sake!

I DO want to drive, I'm just wondering if I'm too much of a nervous person for it? I want to drive to have some independence. I'd love to just take off in the car and drive to the nearest town or over to my friends houses without reltying on anyone else.

I would like to have independence and although my parents don't mind giving me lifts (they said although they would like me to able to drive if that's what I want, they would be worrying about me when I am driving) I'd still like to drive just for me.

I'm posting this just for some advance and if anyone else had a similar experience to me. I hope to live in the city as soon as I've graduated from college so getting around wouldn't be an issue, but it'd be nice to be able to drive so I could get places quicker and not take the bus the whole time.

Thanks in advance!

I only passed my test (second attempt) about 2 months ago and Im 37!

I had a morbid fear of driving for years due to crashing when I was in my teens.

I got some lessons with a professional instructor, got insured on my o/h's car and just took it in baby steps.

Even six months ago I was a bit wary of driving but this past week I spent most of my time driving around the mountains in Donegal.

You will be surprised how quickly you get used to the car and judging parking, corners etc.

Just take your time, there is no pressure on you to sit or pass a test.

The only thing I regret is taking so bloody long to get my finger out!

Speedwell

I moved here from America, where I drove an automatic for 30 years. My first insurance company in Ireland wrote me a policy on my learner's permit with full no-claims bonus (they only do five years, but the no-claims history went back ten years), which was funny. My major malfunction was learning to drive a manual gearshift transmission. I was a nervous wreck (uh, not an actual wreck, thank goodness). What finally got me over the hurdle was realising that every idiot could do it, and I was certainly not more of an idiot than the average driver, so I was probably overthinking things and/or just needed practice. Both were correct. I did pass my driving test finally, and although I know I'd still do better in an automatic, my brain pathways are starting to get rewritten. It will come eventually.

iguana

You really need to get lessons from a qualified instructor. In fact legally you have to do 12 EDT lessons from a qualified instructor so you might as well do them now before you pick up bad habits that need correcting. But even apart from the fact that they are a requirement, for most people they are necessary. Being able to drive is only a small part of what it takes to teach. So even if your dad is a great driver, he is unlikely to be able to teach well. He is also going to be sitting in the passenger seat and if he isn't used to that, be left with the feeling that your positioning is off because he isn't used to sitting so far to the left. And if you are nervous, it might make him nervous which will make you more nervous, all in a big vicious circle and is a recipe for destroying your confidence. Seriously, I'm a 37 year old married mother with a background in managing teams of staff, I went out with my dad for a practice session in between lessons and he had me in tears. If that had been my first time in a car, I'd have quit never to drive again.

Get an instructor, do the EDT, aim for lessons twice a week. And for the first few weeks, stick to driving around your driveway if you can. Practice gear changes and small manoeuvres, like advancing slowly as if in stop start traffic. As you advance on the EDT you can practice reversing and if you have room, 3pt turns and parallel parking. Then once you are a bit more confident you can start going out with your dad again. And if you need it, keep saving and take a weekly/fortnightly lesson once the EDT is finished to make sure you aren't developing bad habits as you form a driving style.

twowheelsonly

1. Get lessons.
2. Get lessons
3. Get lessons
4. Think positively. If 17 year olds and 87 year olds can do it then so can you.
5. Relax !! Steering a car with one finger is not only possible but infinitely more comfortable than being clamped rigidly to the steering wheel with two hands. Try it in an open space just to see and it will give you confidence that the car will do as it's told.Then go back to holding the steering wheel as you should but with a gentle grip.

You're lacking confidence now which is making you tense which in turn is affecting your driving and in particular your steering.
The confidence will come from knowing that you CAN do it - after all, you haven't hit the ditches yet which is a good thing and just goes to show that you can and will master it. If you can successfully negotiate a narrow laneway when you're this lacking in confidence and as tense as you are then you'll be fine in the longer term. It's all about time and getting used to it.

BTW, I have Zero Driving Instructor experience but I have instructed in both Diving (scuba) and in firefighting BA equipment, both of which also start out on the same path with people being tense and nervous. With experience and good instruction both of these should subside fairly quickly. No harm in nerves either BTW (it keeps you sharp) but tension is a different kettle of fish.

Lollipop95

Thanks for all the replies guys The positioning aspect is kind of sorted because the car actually has a beeper (which REALLY frustrates me x1000!) which goes off any time I'm not in the middle of the road or in danger of hitting the ditch or electric fence. It's a 2015 qashqai. It's particularly problematic at turns - as I mentioned at the moment I'm only going up and down the road, which is incredibly narrow.

Another problem I have (and it's happened every single day so far) is the clutch. Without fail, it conks out EVERY SINGLE TIME. I must be releasing it too quickly unbeknown to myself. I'm really weary of it! Anyone have any tips for overcoming this particular problem?

I'm definitely going to get professional lessons (when I do the theory test as I still haven't got round to it) but I'd like to have a basic knowledge of driving first as I didn't think the instructors took on complete novices? And by novices I mean not having a clue about gears or actually getting the car to the start by releasing the clutch properly.

I know a lot of people learn in a field when they're first starting off. Do you think I should try this? And how does learning in a field help, genuine question as I'm a bit puzzled as to why so many recommend learning in a field initially as opposed to a stretch of road

Lollipop95

iguana wrote: »

You really need to get lessons from a qualified instructor. In fact legally you have to do 12 EDT lessons from a qualified instructor so you might as well do them now before you pick up bad habits that need correcting. But even apart from the fact that they are a requirement, for most people they are necessary. Being able to drive is only a small part of what it takes to teach. So even if your dad is a great driver, he is unlikely to be able to teach well. He is also going to be sitting in the passenger seat and if he isn't used to that, be left with the feeling that your positioning is off because he isn't used to sitting so far to the left. And if you are nervous, it might make him nervous which will make you more nervous, all in a big vicious circle and is a recipe for destroying your confidence. Seriously, I'm a 37 year old married mother with a background in managing teams of staff, I went out with my dad for a practice session in between lessons and he had me in tears. If that had been my first time in a car, I'd have quit never to drive again.

Get an instructor, do the EDT, aim for lessons twice a week. And for the first few weeks, stick to driving around your driveway if you can. Practice gear changes and small manoeuvres, like advancing slowly as if in stop start traffic. As you advance on the EDT you can practice reversing and if you have room, 3pt turns and parallel parking. Then once you are a bit more confident you can start going out with your dad again. And if you need it, keep saving and take a weekly/fortnightly lesson once the EDT is finished to make sure you aren't developing bad habits as you form a driving style.

Thanks iguana, what does EDT stand for?

The Black Oil

Lollipop95 wrote: »

Thanks iguana, what does EDT stand for?

It's basically a curriculum you follow under the guidance of your instructor. He/she will take you through something each week. You will need to bring the book with you on the day of the test. http://www.rsa.ie/en/RSA/Learner-Drivers/Driver-Training/Car-Training-EDT/The-Lessons/

The Black Oil

Lollipop95 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies guys The positioning aspect is kind of sorted because the car actually has a beeper (which REALLY frustrates me x1000!) which goes off any time I'm not in the middle of the road or in danger of hitting the ditch or electric fence. It's a 2015 qashqai. It's particularly problematic at turns - as I mentioned at the moment I'm only going up and down the road, which is incredibly narrow.

Another problem I have (and it's happened every single day so far) is the clutch. Without fail, it conks out EVERY SINGLE TIME. I must be releasing it too quickly unbeknown to myself. I'm really weary of it! Anyone have any tips for overcoming this particular problem?

I'm definitely going to get professional lessons (when I do the theory test as I still haven't got round to it) but I'd like to have a basic knowledge of driving first as I didn't think the instructors took on complete novices? And by novices I mean not having a clue about gears or actually getting the car to the start by releasing the clutch properly.

I know a lot of people learn in a field when they're first starting off. Do you think I should try this? And how does learning in a field help, genuine question as I'm a bit puzzled as to why so many recommend learning in a field initially as opposed to a stretch of road

You seem to be worrying too much. I understand it and cliche alert - many of us have been there. A good instructor will provide constructive criticism. There will be people with all levels of ability and none who've sat in their car. If you look on Youtube this guy spends a very long time explaining things to his student, so a good instructor will be clear and answer any questions, not expect you to know XYZ from the start. Btw, I'm not saying videos should be your guide as I know they can make things seem worse.

On the clutch, you have to get a feel for it. Where is this happening, as you set off, hill starts, on the flat?

I take it that's a lane departure feature your Dad's car has.

Get the lessons, do practice in between with your dad. Be patient with yourself.

Lollipop95

The Black Oil wrote: »

You seem to be worrying too much. I understand it and cliche alert - many of us have been there. A good instructor will provide constructive criticism. There will be people with all levels of ability and none who've sat in their car. If you look on Youtube this guy spends a very long time explaining things to his student, so a good instructor will be clear and answer any questions, not expect you to know XYZ from the start. Btw, I'm not saying videos should be your guide as I know they can make things seem worse.

On the clutch, you have to get a feel for it. Where is this happening, as you set off, hill starts, on the flat?

I take it that's a lane departure feature your Dad's car has.

Get the lessons, do practice in between with your dad. Be patient with yourself.

Yes I'm definitely a terrible worrier, that extends to outside driving too! Something I'm going to have to work on there as I know the road is no place for panicked people like myself (at the minute)

The difficulty at the clutch only happens as I'm starting the car up. My dad told me I accelerate too much and to only accelerate slightly and that I'm taking my foot off the clutch too quickly.

Thanks for the youtube link, I will make sure to take a look at it!

iguana

I was a complete novice a month ago when I took my first lesson. Had never driven before, no real idea of what a clutch was for. I spent a huge part of my first lesson doing getting in gear while parked. Over and over again until I was confident that I could feel it. It was hugely beneficial as it made me realise how important it is to feel what the car is doing and what it needs me to do. From my first time driving it was obvious to me when I needed to change gears because I can hear and feel the car's need for it. Now I try to go out in my car on my drive for 30-60 minutes every day and practice clutch control, which is necessary for reversing, 3pt turns, etc, as you use it to drive at slow speed.

I seriously think that the way you are trying to learn to drive will turn it into a longer process for you. Book your theory test and get studying. (And your eyetest.) Once you have those done and have your licence, book lessons. Then wait until you are a few lessons in and have built of confidence to drive on the roads with your dad. Don't drive on a public road with before you get your permit, you and your dad could both get in trouble for it and if you have an accident his insurance will be invalid.

CSSE09

Lollipop95 wrote: »

I'd like to have a basic knowledge of driving first as I didn't think the instructors took on complete novices? And by novices I mean not having a clue about gears or actually getting the car to the start by releasing the clutch properly.

I know a lot of people learn in a field when they're first starting off. Do you think I should try this? And how does learning in a field help, genuine question as I'm a bit puzzled as to why so many recommend learning in a field initially as opposed to a stretch of road

They absolutely do start with people with no experience. There's no harm having a drive around the field I did that myself just to practice gear changes, the idea of using a field instead of a narrow road is because there's nothing to hit in a field. That being said the longer you leave off getting proper lessons the more likely you are to get in to bad habits. With an instructor you won't be in a field though, they'll start you off somewhere quiet and gradually bring you to more challenging roads. For example I started off in a housing estate that was shaped like Ū with the bar at the top being the road outside the estate connecting both entrances and I only did left turns and moving off on the first lesson.

Dravokivich

Your parents are trying to get you to do too much too soon.

As someone only getting into the car you need to:

- Practice being able to start off and stop safely.
- Practice going up the gears and down the gears safely.

Right now you are panicked each time you get in to drive the car because of the conditions around you. You have to make a very tight turn on a road that doesn't take too much to be crowded. If you keep doing this it is only going to go against you because you are rushing through everything without having attained the skills to handle it.

To practice the 2 items mentioned above you need somewhere with a lot of space and plenty of visibility. If your parents won't bring you somewhere to help on that, wait out till you arrange something with an instructor. Your parents are too set in their driving and have forgotten what it's like to learn it.

OldNotWIse

Hi OP

I learned at 26. Started in an automatic and then after 2 years went to manual. I got out of the car one day and said I was never trying again, because I couldn't get the balance between clutch and acceleration to move car without it cutting out. I thought there was something wrong with me. I stuck with it and now I don't think twice about it. I felt like a sap driving around the car park with all the 17 year olds who were also learning, but its not about them so don't worry!

Good luck!

Speedwell

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Hi OP

I learned at 26. Started in an automatic and then after 2 years went to manual. I got out of the car one day and said I was never trying again, because I couldn't get the balance between clutch and acceleration to move car without it cutting out. I thought there was something wrong with me.

I started in an automatic and after 30 years (!) went to manual. I had the same issue with clutch and automatic. Finally my driving instructor clued in and told me to imagine a long pole balanced on the back of my hands... as one went down, the other one would have to go up at the same time. Doing this with three pedals (gas, clutch, accelerator) is a bit more like plate-balancing, but thinking of it that way really broke the block and I made good progress then.

Jimbob1977

I learnt to drive in a suburban area at the age of 21. You are never too old

My Dad took me up to Sandyford Industrial Estate in the evenings. It was deserted. Tons of roads and carparks to practice everything. I was kept company by dozens of other learner drivers.

At the start, I was terrified of gear changes. I also coasted around corners (foot pressed on clutch.... like freewheeling a bike).

After a few weeks' practice, my Dad said that he was going to get out of the car and I had to drive around the block alone. This meant I had to drive on a regular public road. I was petrified and sweating, but I gave it my best shot. No major hiccups, so my confidence grew. After that, I was able to take short spins in the suburbs.

If this is feasible....

I'd recommend that a friend sits in your car in a deserted industrial area. Practice gear changes, standard driving, braking, reversing, etc. Then take a spin on a very quiet road. Try a hill start if you can find a wide hilly road where you can't annoy anyone.

After you have built confidence with your friend, take lessons. The instructor will know the mistakes you are making and critique them.... coasting, too slow, too fast, spatial awareness.

Cars will beep. They were learners once!

Your initial problem seems to be spatial awareness.... how long is my car, where is the centre of the road, where is the grass verge?

This spatial awareness comes with time! It's like riding a bicycle. A few grazed knees and disappointments before you get the knack of it.

When it comes to driving, practice makes perfect. Take it at your own pace. Find a friend with a high level of patience.

Owryan

Have you passed the theory test? That's the first step. Not sure if you are permitted to do any lessons (with family or an instructor) without it.

Forget about feeling too old. I only started to learn in my thirties and passed my test when I was 39.

Walter H Price

Lollipop95 wrote: »

As the thread title says, I'm 21 and I can't drive. I'm not sure if I ever will learn. I live in the country so I naturally cannot get anywhere without getting a lift or being picked up. Now my Dad is currently bringing me out for lessons in and out the road. My steering is really bad and I'm a terrible judge at turns.

The road where I live is extremely narrow with an electric fence one said of the road and a ditch the other side, so inevitably I end up going too close to the ditch or electric fence. I can't get the balance right and the car has a beeper which goes off every time I go too near which makes me even more nervous! I find it hard to judge the turns. The car is quite big (it's a qashqai) and I am trying to save up money to buy a micra as honestly, I'd be far more comfortable with a little car. My parents tell me going in and out the road is the best way to learn as it's narrow and at least it's the ditch/fence I'm meeting and not other cars!

My worry is meeting other cars (if I even manage to improve enough to get to that stage). Because my steering is so bad at the minute I'm worried if I ever do venture onto the main road, that I will struggle to

(a) Keep on my side
(b) Keep so far on my side that the car ends up on the footpath!

I'm also stressed about pedestrians when the time comes to go out on the main road as they're another added worry to think about.

I'm just worried that I am just not cut out for driving. I have to admit I do not have a calm personality, I am a worrier by nature and tend to panic..so I'm concerned these attributes would spell a recipe for disaster on the roads and if it's just better if I stay off them for everyone's sake!

I DO want to drive, I'm just wondering if I'm too much of a nervous person for it? I want to drive to have some independence. I'd love to just take off in the car and drive to the nearest town or over to my friends houses without reltying on anyone else.

I would like to have independence and although my parents don't mind giving me lifts (they said although they would like me to able to drive if that's what I want, they would be worrying about me when I am driving) I'd still like to drive just for me.

I'm posting this just for some advance and if anyone else had a similar experience to me. I hope to live in the city as soon as I've graduated from college so getting around wouldn't be an issue, but it'd be nice to be able to drive so I could get places quicker and not take the bus the whole time.

Thanks in advance!

I know the feeling OP , I was 21 when i started learning to dive , always loved cars but i found it so unnatural i was terrified by it and totally Panicky to the point were i was actually dangerous, i forced myself to do 15 lessons some of which i was physical sick beforehand with nerves , eventually i just got to a stage where it just wasn't worth it anymore i was dreading it so much and i was so uncomfortable in the car.

So i gave up on it i'm 25 now still cant drive a few of my mates can and they'd rip this piss a bit but it really dosn't bother me anymore , i'm sure some people just aren't cut out for it and i got comfy with that i guess , i will give it a go again in an automatic at some stage in the future but i'm putting myself under no pressure with it.

Kintarō Hattori

OP learning to drive is all about patience. I'm 38 and passed my test in March. Growing up neither of my parents drove, then I moved up to Dublin and my jobs were all based in the city centre so I either walked or took the train, then started saving for a place etc.

So back in 2014 my missus bought me lessons and I was incredibly fortunate that my instructor was easy going and calm. I took the 12 lessons with him and whilst doing that I drove my partners car at the weekends, basically whenever we went anywhere at the weekend it was me who drove. I'm fortunate that out here in north county dublin the roads are often quiet at the weekends so I was able to slowly gain experience without feeling flustered.

I put myself under no pressure and practiced a lot. It's hard to tick things off the list, such as understanding the clutch- you'll simply learn it all through experience. Take your time, progress at your own pace, don't listen to your parents too much. As much as my partner was brilliant, at times I really felt under pressure and so made mistakes.

In relation to road positioning, remember that driving operates from a set of rules, so generally speaking you know what other people are going to do and what you need to do. With cornering take it slowly and learn how to take the corners and where you need to position the car. No-one is going to get annoyed with you for being careful. A common mistake is to try and take the corner too quickly- in this situation for a beginner the car may not fully be under control so taking it easy is the way to do it.

You can do it, you just need to pace yourself- it's not a contest and it's all about practice.

As I said at the start, my family had no car growing up and I passed at 38. I'm no genius- if I can do it then you really can too. Please ask if there's anything I can help you with.

Barbes

Lollipop95 wrote: »

I'm definitely going to get professional lessons (when I do the theory test as I still haven't got round to it) but I'd like to have a basic knowledge of driving first as I didn't think the instructors took on complete novices? And by novices I mean not having a clue about gears or actually getting the car to the start by releasing the clutch properly.

Instructors certainly do take on complete novices - that's what they're there for!

You've said something very worrying here. You haven't passed your theory test, which means you don't have a learning permit and you are not insured to drive. Do not drive again until you have done so.

And when you get your permit, do not drive your parents' car - or any other car - until you are insured on it. The only exception is when you're getting a lesson from an ADI (Approved Driving Instructor), as their insurance covers you.

Agent Smith

ceegee wrote: »

Get some driving lessons from a qualified instructor. Being taught by a parent is nearly guaranteed to either shatter your confidence or end in an argument.

This.

I'm almost 31, and took the plunge there 6 weeks ago.

You Really have to go out with a professional. Go with the professional for the first few lessons. They have seen it all, and Will know what you need to practice.


Once you've gotten a bit of confidence, then go out with your folks.

Assets Model

I was TERRIFIED of driving. I didn't start taking lessons until I was and passed my test 4th time at 28. I went to paul at the park school of motoring he was amazing. without him i still wouldn't have learned.

Ursus Horribilis

I didn't learn how to drive until I was 22 and can still remember how daunting it was. Even though it was a Ford Fiesta I was learning in, I might as well have been in a tank as far as I was concerned. What also threw me at the time was being so far over to the right hand side in the car and trying to judge that. I learned how to start the car and get it moving in a field so that wasn't too bad. When I first tried driving on a road -a private laneway that went past our house - I very nearly scraped the car against a wall Thankfully things got better after that and I'm so glad I stuck with it.

What the others are saying about driving lessons is very true. What I'd also like to add is that when you're driving your parent's car, you're going to be extra stressed out. I got my first car early on and that was such a liberation. At least if I did any damage to it, I wasn't going to have to go back to my parents and break the news. My learning to drive came on leaps and bounds when I wasn't borrowing my mum's 2 year old car and worrying about damage. The same logic I'd apply to a driving instructor's car. They'll have dual controls so nobody will be coming to any harm. Driving is all about practice, practice and more practice. It doesn't feel like it now but after a while it all becomes second nature to you.

MissShihTzu

OP - Don't even worry about it. At 21, it's just the right age to start learning. I was driving at 19 and I learnt to drive in London where I'm from.

OTOH - My husband passed his test four years ago at 47. When we met, I didn't know he couldn't drive and never bothered to learn as his Dad and BiL were always around to give him a lift if he needed one. I made him learn, and he's glad he did.

But I can't stress enough how important it is to get proper driving lessons with a qualified instructor. Having your parents teach you is a recipe for disaster.

languagenerd

I was utterly terrified of learning to drive. I never wanted to do it, I felt like I was far too nervous a person to even be able to do it and I put it off again and again. Finally mustered up the courage/ran out of excuses at 24 and had to just go for it.

I'm not going to lie - there were a LOT of tears, arguments, "**** this, I'm giving up!"s, nightmares, conk-outs, really stupid mistakes, pleading with my accompanying driver to swap seats to get me out of a tricky situations... But I got there. Passed my test a couple months ago at 25 and since then, I've been able to drive myself to work and start paying back lifts I owed people. I even drove the entire M7 recently, something that seemed completely beyond the realms of possibility a year ago.

I spent 7 years telling people I just wasn't cut out for driving, but, with a ridiculous amount of lessons, I got there. If I can do it, anyone can It just takes time, practice and probably a degree of acceptance that it's going to be really bloody frustrating for the first while.

Stevegpz80

Lollipop95 wrote: »

As the thread title says, I'm 21 and I can't drive. I'm not sure if I ever will learn. I live in the country so I naturally cannot get anywhere without getting a lift or being picked up. Now my Dad is currently bringing me out for lessons in and out the road. My steering is really bad and I'm a terrible judge at turns.

The road where I live is extremely narrow with an electric fence one said of the road and a ditch the other side, so inevitably I end up going too close to the ditch or electric fence. I can't get the balance right and the car has a beeper which goes off every time I go too near which makes me even more nervous! I find it hard to judge the turns. The car is quite big (it's a qashqai) and I am trying to save up money to buy a micra as honestly, I'd be far more comfortable with a little car. My parents tell me going in and out the road is the best way to learn as it's narrow and at least it's the ditch/fence I'm meeting and not other cars!

My worry is meeting other cars (if I even manage to improve enough to get to that stage). Because my steering is so bad at the minute I'm worried if I ever do venture onto the main road, that I will struggle to

(a) Keep on my side
(b) Keep so far on my side that the car ends up on the footpath!

I'm also stressed about pedestrians when the time comes to go out on the main road as they're another added worry to think about.

I'm just worried that I am just not cut out for driving. I have to admit I do not have a calm personality, I am a worrier by nature and tend to panic..so I'm concerned these attributes would spell a recipe for disaster on the roads and if it's just better if I stay off them for everyone's sake!

I DO want to drive, I'm just wondering if I'm too much of a nervous person for it? I want to drive to have some independence. I'd love to just take off in the car and drive to the nearest town or over to my friends houses without reltying on anyone else.

I would like to have independence and although my parents don't mind giving me lifts (they said although they would like me to able to drive if that's what I want, they would be worrying about me when I am driving) I'd still like to drive just for me.

I'm posting this just for some advance and if anyone else had a similar experience to me. I hope to live in the city as soon as I've graduated from college so getting around wouldn't be an issue, but it'd be nice to be able to drive so I could get places quicker and not take the bus the whole time.

Thanks in advance!

In the same boat as you I suffer badly with anxiety I had 25 lessons to get me to pass today with only 3 minors second test first in June had 14 grade 2 mistakes. Relax keep at it don't run from the anxiety you got to push back against it. I was terrified learning to drive a car

OldNotWIse

I started at 26. You won't regret it

ligerdub

Stick with it. You'd regret giving up.

I'm sure a very high % of people thought they could never learn, I know I thought it.....I gave up trying for about 2 years.

I went back once a week then for an hour each time.....then two.

I suggest learning in a smallish car and from a qualified instructor. If possible get your own car and keep practicing start and stop, hill starts, turnabouts.....the basics of how to use the car and mirrors, observation basically. I had great difficulty in judging space to the edges of the car, that comes with time, but the other things are picked up by repetition and motor skills.

Where you're living might be a factor too. I know I wouldn't be all too happy about driving down rural rounds, certainly while learning.

Vel

38 here and passed first time in May of this year.

Hands down the absolute best decision I ever made.

I can recommend a really, really great instructor in the South Dublin area who specialises in nervous drivers. PM if you wish

ozbackineire

I didn't learn until i was 29, i had stopped and started for year's and swore i would never ever do it.
I eventually was told i wasn't going to be ferried around by my parents or other half for the rest of my life so to learn or get used to public transport.

I took 12 lessons and 2 pre-tests and passed 1st time in July last year. It is hands down the best thing i have ever done. The freedom you will have is incredible.

Pugzilla

Get a motorbike first, will make you a way better car driver in terms of observation and alertness. Also cars aren't very scary after spending time on an engine with two wheels.

CoffeeAnathema

I'd advise getting lessons as early as possible...or you'll end up in your mid-*mumble*s with no confidence to do so and prohibitive insurance rates even if you did try. I'm probably never going to be able to drive now. that's the reality.

Pugzilla wrote: »

Get a motorbike first, will make you a way better car driver in terms of observation and alertness. Also cars aren't very scary after spending time on an engine with two wheels.

I'd love to try that, but I also think the combination of glasses and visors wouldn't work out well. Also, the roads around here would destroy a bike anyway.