Strange problem

LegacyUser

My partner got a cat about 6 months ago and it's not getting on with my own cat. It chases my cat out of the house and out of the garden too.

I have spoke to my partner about this and how I don't think it's fair on my cat as my cat lived here for years first. He says he is not willing to rehome the cat and he would leave if the cat had to leave too.

When he got the cat I told him a lot of effort would be needed to get the cats acquainted. He didn't put any real effort in and I was left to try and lead this.


I am just looking for outside opinion on this. I don't think it's fair on my cat. I understand giving up the cat will be very hard but I can't see any other option.

Ursus Horribilis

How long are you living with your partner? I don't like that his way of dealing with this issue is to say either your cat goes or he goes. I also don't like the way he behaved towards you when this cat was brought into the house. He left it all to you and now it's gone wrong. Personally, I'd keep the cat and let him go but then I'm an animal lover!

gossamer

He would leave if the cat had to go? That is odd behaviour.

Ursus Horribilis

Am I right in assuming your partner moved in with you? How long have you known him and been together? It's just that this cat issue seems to be a symptom of a much more troubling problem. Is he a controlling type or someone who gets his own way? It's very odd that instead of trying to reach some sort of reasonable solution, he goes straight for the "either it goes or I go" option. That's classic manipulation in my book.

Ursus Horribilis

Ok, I stand corrected on that. I'll re-edit.

Fakediamond

Are both cats male and neutered? It seems to be an issue of territory and difficult to resolve. Sounds like his cat has assumed dominance over yours. I actually agree that it's not fair on your cat, who's been there for years! Cats hate stress and hate sharing their space with other cats.

Keane2baMused

It will take a long time for the cats to adjust to one another.

Tbh if he would leave over a cat I think there are bigger issues in the relationship.

LegacyUser

If you've had cats for a long time then you should know that it takes a while for cats to warm to each other, especially when a new cat comes along. It's very unfair on both cats that both of you are considering, fighting even, which cat has to go. You don't have to get rid of either cats at all, let them warm to each other. My cats did the same.

Tbh, I can see why he would be angry as I too would refuse to 'get rid' of the cat. If you think a cat is as disposable as your post suggests, then I don't think you should have a cat either.

Agree with other posters that the 'my cat was here first' is a very childish way to act. Also, if he is willing to leave then you certainly have more issues than just the cats.

Don't like to come across as harsh but I just hate when I see posts like this in regards to animals, cats especially.

twill

I understood from what the original poster said that the partner decided to bring a new cat into the household. The new cat is vying for supremacy and the partner cannot be bothered to ensure that the older cat is not bullied. The original poster is right; this is not fair on the older cat, and it is up to the partner to do something about it.

Victoria.

They should sort it out amongst themselves and a dynamic will be reached. It's always the same when another pet come into a preexisting pet's territory.

The best thing to do is take it slowly, continue to show your own cat attention and preferential treatment such as locking the other in the utility room while you have some quality time with your cat watching tv. Not long periods, just an hour or so.

Each cat should have it's own 'place' whether that be a cat bed or some place it has like hiding on top of something or behind something because cats feel safe when they have somewhere to retreat to.

If you're going out don't leave both cats together unattended in case it gets violent but at some point one of them will probably assert dominance and then it'll basically be over. The subordinate cat will be in that role as will the more dominant one and they'll each know their role and be more secure. It's the power struggle that's the problem but once it's sorted it'll be better.

Also, make sure both cats are being fed and that the more dominant one isn't bashing the other one when it tries to feed. You might be best to feed them separately at the start.

intheclouds

Introducing new cats to each other doesnt always work. We had to give up after 18 months of trying to introduce 2 cats to each other. It was making one of the cats ill from stress. We did all of the things you are supposed to do. Some cats just cant live together. They dont always sort it out and the more dominant cat may continue to bully and injure the less dominant cat. It can mean a very hard life and extra vet bills for one cat.

If the new cat has only been around 6 months and your partner put no effort into managing the situation then I think it is fair to ask him to rehome the cat.

The other option is for you to rehome your cat. Its just not fair to one cat to be bullied by another and it will end up having an effect on the cats health due to stress.

Ursus Horribilis

Regardless of the cat issue and the good pet advice being given here, what about his threat to leave?

sReq | uTeK

Loveinapril wrote: »

Cats can often take time to get to know each other, even if it is just to grow a tolerance of each other. I think it is completely unfair that you would even suggest he rehome the cat. Keep the cats things (toys, food, litter trays etc.) separate and maybe chat to the vet about how to calm your cat down."My cat was here first" is such a childish way to manage a situation like this.

Did you not read the post......the partner hasn't BOTHERED to try and get the cats acquainted and he's said he will leave if the cat goes.

@OP thats a serious warning sign for the future, i'd be calling his bluff and showing him the door, you can be guaranteed the cat will be gone soon. If not you're well rid.

If the cat does go, under no circumstances should he give you an ultimatum like this again.

batmanrobin

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

what about his threat to leave?

Yup, this is actually the biggest issue here. Has he ever made a threat like that before? I wouldn't be too keen on feeling like I had to walk on eggshells lest my partner threaten to leave.

Also his lack of interest in making sure the cats got on is not good. Did he just get the cat on a whim? Was it discussed at all? Did you two talk about what you would do to help the new cat settle in?