I ended it-feel v bad

LegacyUser

Am female in my 30s. I was seeing a guy since the end of January. We live 2 hours away from each other.

Today, I had to call it quits. For my own sanity really. But, jesus, it hurts.

He said he wanted to go slow/get to know each other, and I tried to respect that. He also likes a lot of alone time. And he is going through a hard time at the moment. I feel really bad.

My reasons for ending it were, in the last 6 weeks, we've spent a total 6/7 hours together. Still no committment, or even a hint, and not even seeing each other (chatting every day tho-felt like a penpal). But no plans for anything that included me in his life (a weekend away-nothing). I was usually the one who asked if he wanted to meet up (although last weekend, the first time in nearly 4 weeks I saw him for the 6/7 hours). Sounds more ridiculous as I type...

I will miss him so much. I feel I did the right thing for myself. I think I would hate myself if this dragged on for more months. He knows me pretty well. We'd been arguing a lot lately, mainly because we never see each other.

To top it off, because he didnt want to meet, I had to end it by email. Friggin email.

I think I held on a little longer than I should have, because I know how hard it is to be single out there. And maybe was clutching at straws. I feel so confused/conflicted.

I've started to cry at this part, I tried very hard. This is the first "relationship" I've ended. Normally I cling on, till the very very end. I am proud I had the courage to end it, but feel lost and sad.

Yellow pack crisps

Feel sad. Cry. But never sell yourself short. This guy if he wanted you as a gf would have moved heaven and earth to spend time with you. It's better to be alone than feel you are the only one in a relationship as that's far lonelier and isolating.

Ursus Horribilis

Of course you're going to be heartbroken. Why wouldn't you be? You liked this guy a lot. Now you're now grieving what should have been if only he'd been bothered and put in a bit of effort from his end could've been and that's totally understandable. From what you've written here, you absolutely made the right decision. By ending this now, you're giving yourself a chance to heal and to hopefully get back out there and meet someone who will give a damn. Yes, it's hard being single in your thirties but equally, it's hard to be in a relationship with someone who isn't particularly bothered.

Kenny B

Sounds like you made the logical choice, at least you tried.

Leogirl

I understand you're feeling low about this right now, perhaps its because you were the one to end or perhaps you're sad that you invested in something that was not going anywhere.

In time if you think about it- do you you really miss someone you spent 6/7 hours with in 6 weeks?? Someone you argued with a lot?

It sounds like you've gotten out of a situation that would just drag you down+ wear you out. Good on you for having the strength to walk away before you really got hurt.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the words.

We would chat away all day long. And all night long. We never were short on conversation, until this week. I found myself pulling away because I felt he'd no interest in me.

I know its better to be single. Actually said that to a friend on mine yesterday before reading it on here. I think I lost my "standard" of what I was willing to put up with, because I really did like him.

I got a reply to the email (I cringe even when I think about the medium Id to use, but I guess Id no choice). He basically said that we shouldnt have to meet every weekend. That he'd be busy doing his stuff. I dont have a problem with someone being busy. Ive a problem with seeing someone 6/7 hours in 6 weeks! But he doesnt seem to see a difference. And I guess I cant make him see that.

Such a pity and am so sad. We got on in a lot of ways. He just never considered me. Didnt want to or couldnt.

stop animal cruelty

Op the same happened to me just a month ago. I called it off with him also, I felt like it was me in the end making all the effort. The way I see it if he was really interested/liked me, I never would have felt like that. I kept telling myself imagine what it would be like in a few more months time? The same damn thing! Its just fact!

I was reacking my own head, making up excuses for his behaviour, too busy, he doesnt like texting, working long hours blah blah....I was all the same but like I said I made the effort.

I think he was a bit surprised that I ended it, cause he was bit cocky...I have to say I was kinda proud of myself for the fact I wasnt gonna put up being treated like that (again) and took action. But ya its ****. There goes another, another dissapointment, another fail.

UGH MEN!!! I swear their more painful than periods sometimes.

Eimee90

feelreallybad wrote:

I got a reply to the email (I cringe even when I think about the medium Id to use, but I guess Id no choice). He basically said that we shouldnt have to meet every weekend. That he'd be busy doing his stuff. I dont have a problem with someone being busy. Ive a problem with seeing someone 6/7 hours in 6 weeks! But he doesnt seem to see a difference. And I guess I cant make him see that.

You made the right decision op, he was being defensive here. I see my bf every weekend and he wants to. This guy wasn't worth it.

Ursus Horribilis

I wonder did he have another woman on the go? It might be one explanation for his reluctance to meet you weekends. Were you ever in his house or seen out in public with him in his home town?

Kenny B

Ursus Horribilis wrote: »

I wonder did he have another woman on the go? It might be one explanation for his reluctance to meet you weekends. Were you ever in his house or seen out in public with him in his home town?

Who cares?, the decision was made based on what was known not wild speculation.

dellas1979

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

Op the same happened to me just a month ago.

Hi there STC. I actually wanted to send you an IM. But it says your inbox is full.

Irish_Elect_Eng

stop animal cruelty wrote: »

UGH MEN!!! I swear their more painful than periods sometimes.

This made me smile :-)

The opposite sex are totally impossible, until you find the right one that is.....then everything changes. Oh, they are still impossible, but we just don't care.