8yr old son..... He is never happy

Lisha

Evening all.

I'm at my wits end. My nearly 9 year old son is never happy. Once he gets what he wants he immediately wants the next thing. I'm starting to get really fed up.

I suppose we live basically enough. No sun holidays yet. But he has all thefood, clothes, toys, books, games he needs. Gets taken to training and his matches.

But he really focuses on what others have especially foreign hols. He seems to believe any story the other kids tell him, like really late bed times, trips away and loads of sweets etc.

I'm just so pee'd off with his bad attitude.
I try and explain that other families do different things . He seems to understand but then he hears the next story and he is miserable again.

Part of the issue seems to be that there is only 3 boys in his class. Tbh they are very different and not really good friends.

I dunno I just think he is making his life so hard and I hate that I can't help him.

Smondie

When he wants something games etc. Does he just ask and get, or does he put in effort to achieve his goals? For example does he have to save his pocket money to afford a game, do chores to earn it?

Just because they are boys doesn't mean they have to be friends. Has he other friends at school?

Try to point out all the positive things he has.

vicwatson

Growing up.

Lisha

Smondie wrote: »

When he wants something games etc. Does he just ask and get, or does he put in effort to achieve his goals? For example does he have to save his pocket money to afford a game, do chores to earn it?

Just because they are boys doesn't mean they have to be friends. Has he other friends at school?

Try to point out all the positive things he has.

Yes things are earned, even a trip to cinema is a treat and I would point out that it is earned with good behavior .

He has friends and is very happy and involved with GAA and excels at it tbh.

I just think that a positive attitude is a huge help to a person in life. I'm afraid he is limiting his choices by being too narrow minded.

Lisha

vicwatson wrote: »

Growing up.

Ugh I know. I was crap at it myself. I hated how I felt.

Madman2

Wait till he's able to drive . Perhaps start giving him choices of what he can get and what he can do (he should be good without getting rewarded) to earn such treats.

sword1

Most kids the same really, gets frustrating if you devote a day to entertaining them and at the end they they complain that x got xyz ,just kids i try to remind them how lucky they are but you know they don't agree ,just hope some day they might remember/appreciate

LegacyUser

This is going to sound a bit odd and off topic, but it sprang to mind anyway. I saw a thing on Facebook a few months ago, I think it was a piece written by an American primary school teacher (their equivalent). As far as I remember, he was making some observations on the kids of today.

One of the things he noted was that "one of something was never enough". For example he might hand out treats or prizes on the odd day, and say a treat was a small bar or something. He noted that modern kids always say "only ONE bar?" instead of just "thank you".His point being that modern kids always get way too much of everything and are never taught to just accept what they get. It really struck a chord with me as I watched my 2 year old dig into a packet of biscuits and take fists of them - and when she only gets one, she immediately looks for a second for her other hand and gets annoyed when she's told no.

I'm not quite saying that "that's the problem with modern kids", but I do think there's an element of that. However as someone else noted - it's also growing up. I don't think there's a whole pile you can do about it, because to be honest, even if you gave them everything they ever wanted, they'd still want more. And for some reason, these days we feel really compelled to give them everything (and more) and feel like a failure if we don't /can't.

In my long winded way what I'm trying to say is all you can do is encourage him to be open minded and stop focusing on what he hasn't got all the time. I really don't think there's more you can do, and hopefully it will improve as he gets older.

evolving_doors

Lisha wrote: »

Evening all.

I'm at my wits end. My nearly 9 year old son is never happy. Once he gets what he wants he immediately wants the next thing. I'm starting to get really fed up.

I suppose we live basically enough. No sun holidays yet. But he has all thefood, clothes, toys, books, games he needs. Gets taken to training and his matches.

But he really focuses on what others have especially foreign hols. He seems to believe any story the other kids tell him, like really late bed times, trips away and loads of sweets etc.

I'm just so pee'd off with his bad attitude.
I try and explain that other families do different things . He seems to understand but then he hears the next story and he is miserable again.

Part of the issue seems to be that there is only 3 boys in his class. Tbh they are very different and not really good friends.

I dunno I just think he is making his life so hard and I hate that I can't help him.

Give him what he needs (not wants), just tell him you don't have the money and suck it up.

You said he's earned cinema trips with 'good behavior'... maybe he should just have good behavior for it's own reward, not trade good behavior for treats.

If he wants to go to the cinema.. then give him jobs to do.. he does the jobs he gets money, he goes to the cinema.

Don't worry about the other kids, they are probably playing the same game with their parents.

December2012

Separately, if you focus and acknowledge when he acts politely and expressed gratitude, and ignore the rude behavior, he will have more positive behavior.

Lisha

Thanks all for the comments. Bizzyizzy, I totally agree with what you said re 'one is never enough. That us something I've put into place.
One comment I passed to a friend lately was that when we were friends 'we'll see' meant 'no', now it seems to mean yes.

My kids aren't bad and tbh, from what i see they are no worse than most others.

It's just a bit galling at times. My husband had a crap childhood . I think he expects more gratitude as he would have killed for the opportunities we can give ours now.

But it's all about balance I suppose. Thanks again all

Lisha

December2012 wrote: »

Separately, if you focus and acknowledge when he acts politely and expressed gratitude, and ignore the rude behavior, he will have more positive behavior.

This us what I must work on I know. I tend to concentrate on the bad and i need the flip this thank you

Probably not relevant to the OP at all - but I will just throw it out there as a general experience I have had - but I remember someone I talked to who said something similar about their child (7 at the time I think) who never seemed to be happy. The parent I was talking with was telling me about how the child had all the toys they could possibly want. Was taken anywhere they needed to go - football club, friends house, wherever. And they could not understand why the child was not happy.

So I offered to stay over with them for a night and just take an outsider view. And to be honest I did not need to stay over night before I saw very quickly what the issue was. Whenever the child came to interact the parent responded with "go play with some of your toys" "go read or color with those books" "I just bought you a magazine yesterday and you have not read it yet" "Dont you have football to play" "I am making your dinner go see what is on tele until it is ready" "dont you have homework to do?" and so on and so on.

The misery from the child was not because they did not have enough toys - books - sporting events - friends or anything. It was solely because the child was badly and deeply craving attention and investment from their parent. So I cajoled said parent into sitting down and really engaging with the child for 45 minutes in some really involved play. Tele and computer were turned off - mobile phone in the drawer and forgotten. Totally dedicated to the child for 45 minutes. Which I said had to end in the parent praising the child and telling them how proud they were - for whatever they got up to during that 45 minutes.

And at the end of it I am not exaggerating much by saying the child positively _glowed_ with pleasure and happiness. It was a massive eye opener for the parent. They - like many parents in todays demanding the stressful world - simply did not see the woods for the trees on how much a child craves some one on one time with their parent(s). A need that no amount of friends, books, toys, computer games or football clubs can really substitute.

And a big problem tends to be that children of that age can not really understand - let alone coherently articulate to us - what it is they are lacking or craving - so when they start moaning at the parent because of it - it often makes no sense. To them or us. So I can imagine a child saying "Oh but John gets this - and Mikey gets the other - and other kids always have - - -" and so on. When in fact that is not what the child wants at all.

December2012

Yep, kids love love love our attention.

mohawk

Really excellent post taxAHcruel. If I could thank it twice I would.

it's a great reminder for all us parents.