In a emotional and finanical prision

LegacyUser

So things are a bit crappy.

I'm self employed and unfortunately business isnt the best, and it looks like I could be insolvent.

Ive been with my partner nearly 18 years and our sex life is 0. I think we had sex on my birthday back in early 2014, but I'm not entirely sure. I'm deeply unhappy but being a pathological people pleaser i dont want to hurt her by walking out, anyway I couldnt afford it.

I'm piss poor broke, overdrawn in the bank as usual. I live with my partner in her house

I've spoken to my partner in the past about our difficulties but she doesn't seem that interested in sorting it out. As I live in her house so if I were to leave I would be homeless, and i dont have the funds anyway to move out, I couldn't afford to. I've asked friends causally about moving in with them but they have made it clear it would be for a week or two max.

Not sure what I can do. I have spoken with recruiters about changing my job but being self employed for so long means that a lot of companies wont touch me.

I'm feeling depressed and find it extremely hard to motivate myself.

Any suggestions, thoughts or insights greatly appreciated.

ManOfMystery

You mention lack of sex with your partner, but no other aspects of your relationship. Are you still in love with her? Do you communicate? How is your day to day relationship? It sounds like you feel you're not getting the support you need at home (which is a knock-on effect of any relationship issues) and this is exaggerating the feeling of being pushed into a corner with your other financial issues.

Katgurl

I'm sorry but my reply is going to sound tough but it is well intentioned.

You are behaving like a victim here.

You say business is bad unfortunately as if it has nothing to do with you. Get some advise or some support to turn it around or close it down. You can get a job somewhere, perhaps not at the level you'd like but something.

Why are you overdrawn? Why are you living at 'her' house? What I mean is why did you passively let these things occur? Sit down with her and ask her to talk, see can you come up with a better arrangement. As the previous poster asked, do you love her and want to be with her? All you have mentioned is her home and lack of sex. Was there anything else keeping you together?

I'm not surprised friends aren't offering to house you. This is a completely unreasonable request.

Look you need to eventually be able stand on your own two feet. You may need help to get there. If I was your partner I'd be happy to help if I was convinced there was a longterm plan and I wasn't viewed as a provider of sex and dwellings.

LegacyUser

fair points.

I'm trying to turn the business around but its not easy, I've 3 staff, I really dont want to have to say to them sorry guys but here is your p45, I may have to but it makes me feel ill having to.

Why am I overdrawn, because business is poor and I've cut my salary. I probably take home 1000 if Im lucky this month. I'm certainly not living it up.

I've been with my partner for 18 years, she was previously married. She doesnt want to get married again, she doesnt want kids, I dont get a choice in that, its like it or lump it. Do I love her, yes I do, and I think intimacy is part of any normal loving relationship, its a bit much to think I just think of her as a provider of sex.

I dont expect my friends to house me but with todays rental market and having zero renting background its hard to find a place in a week or two weeks. Believe me last thing I would want to do is to be hanging around my friends places like a bad smell.

BetsyEllen

You say you have no money so I assume you were expecting friends to let you live with them rent free...why on earth do you feel anyone would let you do this for more than week or so?

OP my advice would be to start applying for jobs (if there really is no saving your business) apply for anything you can - you will get something eventually. It may not be a dream job but hey, anything is better than being overdrawn with no income right?
Being unemployed doesn't make you 'untouchable', my Dad ran his own business for years but now works for a company and has been very successful in his role there.

Once you're employed, start putting some money aside for a deposit and then look around for a room to rent.

This is by no means an overnight solution and will probably take a minimum of 6+ months to achieve but from the unhappy situation you have described, I'm sure it will be worth it in the end.
I know you're feeling depressed and unmotivated but no one is going is able to change this situation other than you so you will need to start putting in some effort.

Addle

The redress scheme for cohabiting couples may offer you some relief OP
http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth_family_relationships/problems_in_marriages_and_other_relationships/redress_scheme_for_cohabiting_couples.html

LegacyUser

As you have been co-cohabiting you need to speak to a lawyer as you may have some rights to the property even though you aren't married.

IamAnumber wrote: »

I've been with my partner for 18 years, she was previously married. She doesnt want to get married again, she doesnt want kids, I dont get a choice in that, its like it or lump it.

You did get a choice OP, you made the choice to stay with her for 18 years knowing, I would hope, for a good chunk of that time what her views where. Marriage and kids are deal breakers for many people, from the sounds of the above your OH has been up front about not wanting either, if that was a deal breaker for you you should have walked way sooner.