Was I An Idiot To Try Freelancing?

roro1990

I'm writing this message in search of advice, from a place of increasing loneliness and isolation. It's going to be long, so apologies in advance for the length of the message.

So I'm a 25-year-old who graduated from university three years ago. Before getting my first office job, I went traveling on my own for a couple of months. I was amazed by it and vowed to return. Having arrived back from my trip in December 2013, I quickly found a job related to my degree. I worked at it for a year, but I never really enjoyed the actual work. Manipulating spreadsheets and SQL all day starts to wear thin pretty quickly.

I didn't particularly enjoy the cliquey nature of the office either -- the majority of people were sound, but groups began to form and sometimes I wouldn't be included in lunch invitations. That didn't majorly piss me off because I'm quite introverted anyway. The job was a year-long project, and towards the end, I had lost all interest. I still worked, but I didn't want to be there. I was starting to really consider my future and what I wanted from life. There were openings to stay there for longer, but I didn't even interview for them.

The only part of the job I liked was the ready-made social life. Whether going out for post-work pints on a sunny day like today or walking down to the local market on a Thursday for lunch. It was good fun. But not enough to stay working there.

Like many Irish people who don't know exactly what career they wanna go down, I decided to feck off to Australia for a year and see what that was like. I had these expectations that it was going to be the time of my life. I'm a friendly guy, albeit quite shy. I thought that being around other people over there would bring me out of my shell and I'd make ****loads of friends and never return home.

Well, I was wrong. Australia didn't make me anymore outgoing or give me any sense of direction in life -- I found myself behaving exactly as I had done for years. I was quiet unless people tried speaking to me or I had a few drinks. I came home after just seven months away and most of that time was spent traveling in Asia where I had been on my first solo trip a year before.

I arrived back in Dublin last September to the same old **** and quickly regretted returning. although my money was nearly gone anyway. In truth, I wanted to move to Asia because I loved it there so much, particularly Thailand. That's when I got into freelancing. I won't give details of the exact job I do, but I earn 1,500 quid a month, which is more than enough to live abroad.

Since last October, I've alternated between spending time abroad and being here in Ireland. All the time I've been freelancing. I'm doing something I really enjoy, and that's great. also, I come from a pretty small family and my grandmother has a long-term illness. Freelancing has allowed me to help my mother take care of my granny. But there's one big issue with this -- loneliness.

As I mentioned, office work was great for my social life. But everything else, not so much. The problem with freelancing is that I feel more isolated than ever. I hardly ever see anyone beyond my family and two good friends. My facebook hasn't been updated in three months because I feel like I don't exist.

So the whole point of this thread is to ask for advice on my situation. Is it worth getting back into office work just for the social perks? Have I been an idiot to even attempt freelancing without thinking of the lack of communication with other people? Is there a way to carveout a social life for myself ad meet new people as a freelancer when I'm spending half my time abroad and half in Ireland?

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks.

Eric Cartman

Ive been self employed for over a decade and I get exactly what you mean mate. My only advice would be, make friends outside of a work environment. I understand you like the structured social life, so perhaps a class or a hobby/ activity that takes place at structured times. You say you are an introverted person , in the world of freelancing / self employment this is a bit of a negative trait to expanding future employment , so pick something that kind of forces you to come out of your shell. perhaps a sport or playing poker a night a week or some such. Something that involves interacting with a constant group of people on a regular basis. You will make friends pretty easily by doing so.

Also if you know any more outgoing friends in your industry , why not organise to go with them to some sort of conference or event related to your work sector. The after drinks of those are normally quite good networking events and useful for meeting people. Id suggest bringing a friend unless you are decent at opening yourself to joining in to strangers conversations after a few drinks.

Wompa1

I alternate between freelancing and a traditional job. Just do whatever you want. If money isn't important to you, keep on freelancing and going traveling.

BetsyEllen

Could you seek part time work or even volunteer somewhere for a few hours a week?
Whilst maintaining the freelancing.

To be honest I wouldn't rely solely on work to make a social life though; I would also make an affort to get out and join some clubs too - even sign up for an evening course studying something that interests you, you'll meet loads of people that way.

Oh and by the way, to answer your question - NO you are not an idiot for trying freelancing. You are blessed to have the ability/freedom/skill to be able to have a job that gives you so much freedom so try to enjoy it! I'm stuck behind an office desk all day
Once you get the social aspect of your life on track you will hopefully start to see that you are very lucky and I'm sure in a few years you will realise that.

Ursus Horribilis

You're going to have to start making more of an effort to meet people I'm afraid. Maybe the cliques in that first workplace formed without you in them because you weren't making enough of an effort to interact with them?

Isolation and loneliness are potential issues for people who work from home. We have people who work from home where I work and they have to come in at least one day a week so they'll not lose a human connection with their team.

Relying on work colleagues for a social life will only take you so far anyway. If you decide to work in an office again, you could find yourself in one where people don't socialise outside of work. So really, you need to get out of the house and get involved in something where you'll meet the same faces on a regular basis.

LegacyUser

I don't really make work friends, in spite of getting on fine with lots of people in my office, because experience has shown me that once you leave, you can forget at least 99% of those "friendships". That's the way for most people and that's the way it's been for you too or you'd still be friends with your former colleagues. I've found that all my lasting, valued friendships have nothing to do with work, they're either through hobbies or other friends.
I think if you want to build up a social life, look at your leisure time, not your office hours, that way you can build a circle of friends that's not dependant on the office and it won't disappear every time you change jobs.

sozbox

Firstly, well done on giving it a shot and actually succeeding at making it work. Self employment is my dream but I don't have the balls to give it a shot.

Second, moving to Oz didn't fix your friedliness issue because simply changing location won't change who you are, you need that change to come from within. I've had friends think moving away will solve their problems, it never does as they simply bring their inner problems and beliefs with them.

Stay the course and look for opportunities to find friends outside of your freelance time, as someone said, friends are hard to make in the office so going back there won't fix that.

Ursus Horribilis

sozbox wrote: »

Second, moving to Oz didn't fix your friedliness issue because simply changing location won't change who you are, you need that change to come from within. I've had friends think moving away will solve their problems, it never does as they simply bring their inner problems and beliefs with them.

I got a sense from reading your post that you may have been running away from your issues. In a way it's irrelevant whether you're employed or freelance. Being introverted is fine but being too introverted is a whole other kettle of fish. If people think you're not interested in interacting with them, they will give you space. Lots and lots of it.

jester77

Why not just cowork and rent a space for a few hours in the week? Then you have the best of all worlds. You still freelance, you get to hang out with like-minded individuals and other freelancers, plus best of all is you will pick up great contacts for future freelancing projects.

Lux23

When I was about your age,maybe a little younger, I found myself with very few friends. Actually I didn't really have any. So first of all I moved out of the family home and into a house with a mixed crowd - soon I was invited out with them and I made some long term friends through this. Then I joined a couple of message boards (similar to this one) and I went along to a few meets. Not only did this help me to make friends, I also got much better at starting conversations with relative strangers (the key is to ask as many questions as you can!).

I can still be pretty awkward at work but I am much better in social situations.

stillatit

I have been freelancing and contracting for 30 years. It can seem like a "billy no mates" situation, because in most jobs you are regarded as not really belonging. But when you are in work, most people are just colleagues not friends. They might be friendly, but that is not the same thing.

Don't expect work to make you happy, most jobs are pretty routine, with a bit of hassle now and then and the odd really interesting bit. But use the money you earn to enjoy your free time. In many cases freelancers earn more (sweeping generalization).