Relationship Advice!

HUSYERNAME

This is going to be quite lengthy but hopefully some can read and offer advice of some sort!

Basically I've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years now, recently moved country and into our first own place together. Everything on that front is fine! The issue involves affection or moreso the lack of affection! My boyfriend has never been super cuddley or affectionate in any way, always reactive if that makes sense. We don't cuddle, get close, he dosent plant a suprise kiss on my forehead, he dosent initiate sex etc. I cuddle, kiss and 95% of the time initiate our bedroom activities. More recently out of frustration I don't even bother to try and get a cuddle or a kiss or something more, because I know what the response will be... I'm too warm, ahhh go away, you're too needy, we always have sex (in reality 2 times per week at a push!). I am sick of being 'rejected' so to speak and therefore am becoming unhappy with my relationship. However I love him.

I feel that now that we have moved in to our own place I am noticing it as an issue much more, I don't feel loved and its really beginning to affect me, to the point of contemplating downloading Grindr for a quick fumble to feel affection, lust etc. (but I know that's not the answer and I know I wouldn't bring myself to do that on him!). It gets to the point where I am jealous of other couples when I see them touching hands over a meal in a restaurant, resting on eachother in the park. I just want that affection so much. I am from a very affectionate family, and that's just what I'm used to.

I have brought this up a number of times over the past 2 years. Trying to make him understand that I need to feel loved, I need affection. He responds by saying 'we do cuddle', 'you're so needy' or gets annoyed by the conversation and trys to change the subject.

I really don't know what to do at this point, especially since we have moved into our own place, we are both well known and loved by each others families etc. So seems such a shame to end it, but to be honest I see no other way.

Thank you for reading and many thanks in advance for any feedback/advice!

X

bonyn

Twice a week and you're complaining? You're going to download grindr for a fumble? Rude question but do ya actually cum when you do have sex? And if you're so sexed up the rest of the time can you not, you know, take care of it yourself?

Honestly i cant see why people would want to share a room all the time, let alone a bed! And nothing worse than when you're trying to relax or watch a film and someone decides it would be a great time to crowd you out. Your bf obviously likes his own space so try respecting that. If you can't, yea, guess you should end it.

Ten of Swords

Op if your boyfriend has never been particularly affectionate then this is not a surprise and moving in with him was never going to have any bearing on this however I can see where you're coming from, there is a degree of continual rejection you can tolerate before you reach a certain point where it changes from a minor annoyance to a big issue. This is clearly having an effect on your self esteem.

You say you have tried to bring this up with him over the course of your relationship, have you approached this light heartedly or have you really tried to make him understand how important this is to you and how it is affecting you? You're not going to get affection or closeness from a random stranger during a hookup, that makes no sense at all, so if this is a red line issue for you then at least have the conversation with him and decide, together, if there are changes and compromises you can both make or if it's not going to work long term.

If he was never affectionate in the past then you were obviously drawn to him for other reasons and were willing to overlook this at the time, has he distanced himself from you more or are you craving more attention that you would have in the past?

bonyn wrote: »

Twice a week and you're complaining?

Well you're easily pleased :rolleyes: