Can physical attraction grow?

SocratesXXX

I was seeing someone I wasn't crazily attracted to , I know sounds mad but i always said i wasn't into looks so i gave him a chance 'cause he had a great personality and other things going for him, we'd stuff in common and on paper it looked great. Just thinking back as I realized i ended it not long in for no reason really and was wondering if anyone has experience where you've grown attracted to someone over time? Just curious, I'm trying to remember if it has happened to me but don't think so?? Anyone know if it's possible? I know it's common for attraction to fade but grow??

beks101

I think you're just second guessing yourself now because of the "on paper" stuff.

I've been there. You meet a really decent, genuine person who ticks all the boxes after years of crappy dates and think he's so great, but....

To answer your question, everyone has their own experience of attraction. For some people it's that instant magnetic "wow", for others it's something that can build as they get to know the person and click on various levels.

Most people usually know their own style though. It sounds like your head was telling you "perfect" but your gut was not on board so you made the right decision for the both of you. If you flip the tables, I doubt you'd be too happy with someone stringing you along because you had a "great personality" and they hope that they may feel someone more for you one day.

Trengle

SocratesXXX wrote: »

I was seeing someone I wasn't crazily attracted to , I know sounds mad but i always said i wasn't into looks so i gave him a chance 'cause he had a great personality and other things going for him, we'd stuff in common and on paper it looked great. Just thinking back as I realized i ended it not long in for no reason really and was wondering if anyone has experience where you've grown attracted to someone over time? Just curious, I'm trying to remember if it has happened to me but don't think so?? Anyone know if it's possible? I know it's common for attraction to fade but grow??

Why would you want to be with someone who you aren't attracted to? What's the point?

SocratesXXX

No hon, it was a question; obviously not actively seeking guys i'm not attracted to lol That would be a bit too weird even for me I want to know if attraction can grow is all

SocratesXXX

Yeah Becks, I mean, I always had this very specific type for years when I was young; the guy HAD to have long hair, and be really tall, i was just so silly but I've been attracted to different types of guys (thank God right?) for years now and I don't want looks to be a barrier but everyone is attracted to different types so I guess there has to be some instant attraction.. that's what i'm thinking

leggo

I mean, sure, attraction can grow while you're with someone. That's love like. And physical attraction can grow out of the added emotional attraction.

But can it grow from nothing? No, not really in my experience. If you're with someone because you think it's a smart move, then sure there's no harm in giving it a few dates and seeing if there's a spark, but if it's still not clicking for you then that's pretty much that.

Usually these kinda feelings and doubts creep in during the sucky part of being single when you kinda wish you had someone around at that moment and starting doubting past decisions or looking at people who are out of your life for a reason with rose-tinted glasses. But beks hit the nail on the head: how would you feel if someone was seeing you 'just in case' you eventually became physically attractive to them? It's not what you'd want and it's not what others would want with you, so you're better off looking around a bit more for someone new.

Arrow in the Knee

Reminds me of the Mermaid Theory.

The Mermaid Theory is the theory that a man will eventually want to sleep with any woman after a period of time, no matter how initially repugnant. The theory is so called because sailors (according to Barney from How I Met Your Mother) would spend so long at sea that they would eventually come to view manatees as beautiful mermaids.

silverharp

I can understand not noticing somebody at one point and then an attraction happening later and then you get together but not starting a relationship because it mentally makes sense and hoping the rest follows. It seems very caviller.

blue note

I think the answer to the question is yes, but with a massive YOU'D BE INSANE TO HOPE FOR IT caveat.

We've probably all had a friend or two who you never noticed being attractive before and then one day the smallest thing can happen and suddenly you think they're the guy from the diet coke ad. Maybe you see them dressed in hospital scrubs at a fancy dress party and that's kind if your thing and suddenly you realise he's gorgeous. Like in teen comedies when the geeky girl removes her glasses!

However, that is the time to think about dating them! You can't date someone hoping one day to find them attractive. That's not fair to you or them.

SarahMollie

I've definitely developed an attraction to someone based on chemistry/connection growing during a friendship, which then developed into a relationship. You know those situations where maybe they're not your usual type, but yet you can chat for hours or they you just always want to be around them because the personality connection is so strong, that you reassess your original opinion.

However, to go into a relationship before the chemistry has developed is unlikely to work IMO. You do need chemistry, but you don't have to have thought they were drop dead gorgeous at first sight.

Leafchick

I think physical attraction can definitely grow once you start having a physical relationship with someone, chemistry is a very strong thing.

However I would say it's very very unlikely that you could start a relationship with someone, start the physical side of things and not have that chemistry or physical attraction develop early on but instead develops some time into the relationship.

Neyite

Mod:

Closing this for review.