Miss my ex boyfriend

gurI

I really think that my ex is the love of my life. The way i feel about him is just unconditional love, I adore him. I'm crying my eyes out writing this. He was my best friend and I felt like he was my family. He's perfect in my eyes. I'm heartbroken. I really think he was the one and no guy could make me as happy as he did just by existing. What if he was the one?

gurI

gurI wrote: »

I really think that my ex is the love of my life. The way i feel about him is just unconditional love, I adore him. I'm crying my eyes out writing this. He was my best friend and I felt like he was my family. He's perfect in my eyes. I'm heartbroken. I really think he was the one and no guy could make me as happy as he did just by existing. What if he was the one?

There must be a reason he is now your ex.

gurI

He broke up with me. There was no good reason really. Nothing happened like. We had silly arguments but in general we just always supported each other and were always laughing about something stupid , could tell each other anything really, it was a healthy relationship in that sense. It was mainly texting that lead to misunderstandings. I have my suspicions about the reason but i don't know for sure. I just know he is so special to me and I can't imagine loving another man as much. I'd pick him over anyone. I know how rare it was to find what we had like. It doesn't come along every corner... I mean he has probably moved on and doesn't even think of me. I just know how I feeel and whatever he feels or doesn't about me, he still means a lot to me. I wish he didn't but he simply does .

gurI

i've accepted it's over , I don't contact him, i respect him and his decision but i'm still crazy about him. He's the one that got away. I even want him to find someone else if it's not me he wants. I want his happiness. He wants a family of his own and i want him to find it. I have absolutey nothing but love for him. That's why i think he could've been the one.

zcorpian88

Have been there GurI, ended with my own ex after a few problems, one of which was her not wanting a family, among other things (her career eating into what should be our free time)

Was the most complicated situation I've been in ever in my life, all 27 years of it. A lot of me hates her for making me make that decision and at times I hate myself for having to do it.

If there is any way you can salvage something with him, you should talk it out, if not then it's curtains I'm afraid.

KikiDee

Aw OP, I'm sorry for what you're going through. It's not easy.

I was in your position almost 7 months ago and I can promise, you'll move on from this. You can't see it now and you probably won't see it for a while but it does get better. You'll learn to build a life without him and you'll surprise yourself by how well your doing. Take each day at a time and do something for yourself whenever you can. Be it booking a massage or getting your hair done.

Keep the chin up pet.

gurI

Thanks guys, I feel a bit better. I've accepted his decision and accepted he'll settle down with the next woman he is with. I'll always love him and remember him so fondly. It's just life I guess sometimes the feelings you have for someone are not returned. He was my angel , such a beautiful person , i used to give out that he didn't do enough but he was perfect. I mean if it was about kids, he was the only man i ever wanted them with but i never told him... only man i wanted to watch grow old and i never told him that either. My life will be different without him because I don't want all that if it's not with him I've gone back to not wanting kids ever like i didn't before i met him.

njs030

Aw op it's horrible, I was there too not too long ago and you're doing everything right. Trying to keep in touch just makes it harder.

Look after yourself x

gurI

Thanks xx Yeah i wouldn't want to get in touch, he would probably be like a stranger now i think even though it's only been a few months, I would hate to even bump into him , like i wish more than anything that it had worked out more than anything in the world. I would have done everything for him and looked after him cooking for him and cuddling him making him laugh for the rest of his life but I know he's been/ is busy looking for someone else so I actually couldn't take him back definitely not as it would be like he tried to find someone "better" for want of a better work . So there is no way i would go there. He made some decisions at the end that meant i could not go there again. He did not leave it on a good note at all, was really unfair to me, even broke up with me on viber instead of taking me for a coffee and explaining his feelings. So no, don't want him but love him if it's making sense.

gurI

But that behaviour at the end was not him at all, throughout the relationship like he would've driven miles if i was upset or wanted to see him at all hours (not that i would let him but he would ), just it wasn't the best ending, not saying he's a bad person 'cause i know for a fact he is not, he's a kind , lovely person, it's just he did make it so i could never take him back, I'm not going into it but it was too much like but think he was not himself for whatever reason.

Ursus Horribilis

I'm getting a very intense vibe from what you've been writing. You have put this guy up on a pedestal and that's not healthy. Nor is talk such as "I would have done everything for him and looked after him cooking for him and cuddling him making him laugh for the rest of his life" or your comment about going back to not wanting kids again. Were you so consumed by this guy that you were prepared to change for him?

That he broke up with you on Viber makes me wonder was he afraid to tell you to your face for fear of a meltdown? I'm sorry if I'm reading too much into all this or am being harsh. It's just that for someone that's broken up with him for a few months now, you are still coming across in a very intense, obsessive fashion.

batmanrobin

You will get past it, OP. That is a solid guarantee. Right now it's like you're in a fog and can't see past the pain. It will fade, until one day you realise you didn't think about him. You'll have to remind yourself to think about him.

Don't fall into the trap of thinking this guy was the only guy you could be happy with. He wasn't and he isn't. When you're further out of that fog you'll see that.

Just keep reminding yourself that this guy broke up with you by text. He didn't have the guts or decency to do it in person.

gurI

Sorry I'm tired now and have a headache but yeah i agree it's probably not healthy I'm just having a real hard time getiing over him as i loved him very much, he's the only person i've wanted a family with yes, he would make a great dad and it felt natural but the other boyfriend i had i didn't want kids with him I would not have no matter what i don't know i can't help how i feel. I don't want them now maybe if i met someone it would be differnet. I know he didn't expect a meltdown for a fact.

Ursus Horribilis

Have you got anyone to talk/cry with? The sad thing is that you're stuck now. You've decided that he was so perfect that you'll never meet someone else you'll click with in the same way. I for one don't believe in "the one". There are other men out there you could click with too. The problem of course is finding them but that's another story...

If you don't have someone to turn to, would you consider giving counselling a go? Even just to get you moving again.

gurI

Yeah there are lots of cool guys out there i know. I think i'll be fine, i have been through all the breakup stages; anger , sadness, shock etc I have let myself feel how i felt and cry and bla bla bla yeah I have friends i can talk to so i'm lucky in that sense. I mean i have settled on feelings that he's special to me right now but i'm obviously not over him fully so maybe my end opinion of him will be different. it's likely. Even after thinking about it properly tonight i feel a little different to be honest.

gurI

Anyway, I've organized my thoughts by posting; he's a great guy but I don't want him and don't care if he's with someone else, 'cause couldn't go back there ever, but wish things could've been different and the love hasn't gone, probably will always think the world of him. And i've realized I won't have any regrets when i'm over him, i did try to fight for him, but he would not let me. It's the first morning I didn't wake up thinking about him so think posting helped. i would love to look into his eyes again but I never will

leggo

Just a rough night OP. Happens and is perfectly normal. You may have more of them, but try moving your thoughts to the future not the past.

SarahMollie

OP, lots of people have been there. When my first (3 year) relationship broke down in my early twenties, I properly fell apart. I couldnt get my head around what had happened and couldnt adjust to the new reality. I wasnt sleeping, wasnt eating properly, got really run down and basically made myself quite sick. I couldnt see a way out of it for months - I was just about existing. To say my parents were worried about me was an understatement. I used to have the radio on 24/7 because i couldn't bare the silence or being alone with my own thoughts. I needed constant distraction just to keep going.

But over time I moved on with my life because I had to. I gradually began to focus on myself, went back to college and did a masters, made loads of great new friends. Social life was incredible and it was a real distraction, and really got me back on my feet.

Honestly it probably took me a few years to get fully over him, and he was the yardstick that I measured any potential new relationship against for a long time. But everything fades eventually. The reality is that even if we met again now we'd be hardly more than strangers.

I've had other BFs since but I've now been in my current relationship for almost 3 years and its so different, but its the real thing. I definitely took lessons from my first relationship, but that doesnt mean that I now view him as the one that got away. He was important in my life for a time, but he doesnt define me, and nor will your ex define you, even though it might feel like that right now.

As the song says "the first cut is the deepest" and thats very true in my experience.

BetsyEllen

OP I went through this exact situation a few months back, am still going through it in a way - I keep myself very busy, try not to think of him but sometimes it just hits me out of the blue.

Yesterday I was at work, in a great mood, having a great laugh with my colleagues and then I went out to the photocopier - I was suddenly hit by an overwhelming feeling of missing my ex which was absolutely bizarre as nothing in particular reminded me of him, it just came out of nowhere.
I done my photocopying in silence trying to hold back the tears.
Weird.
If I had been at home by myself I probably would have given into the feeling and sat down and had a good cry - like you did last night.

I'm sure this will happen a few more times to me, and also you, but I have no doubt that in time it will stop and I will be (hopefully) ready to meet someone new.

Just a little tip for something that has really helped me - the nights I was REALLY bad and felt awful, I found the app Headspace very calming and useful. I still use it a lot now, although more just for a sense of relaxation before bedtime. Maybe try that out, it may help you to get through how you're feeling.
Also, I go for a walk every evening now too. Only for around 45 minutes but it helps clear my head and again, calms me, and I find that since making this part of my evening routine, I feel better about the breakup as the evenings is when I would usually have sat and pondered.

gurI

Thank you guys, I will check out headspace for sure. Sorry to hear it caught up with you at work, sometimes it's strange when it can happen. You will be ready to meet someone, it's good to give you some time after a breakup . Thanx Sarah, nice to hear you got out the other side, Yeah , the first one is the deepest for sure.

It feels like we're not getting the whole story, OP. You mention stuff that happens and another possible reason for the breakup, but you don't really go into more detail than that, I believe?

Breakups suck, OP. They're not meant to be easy. The best thing to do is to keep yourself busy. Meet up with friends. Grab a bite to eat. Exercise is good during this time.

gurI

Nah nothing, nothing happened, he prob just fell out love. Obviously as when anyone makes that decision to end it he didn't see a future with me if he had any issue regarding wanting a family sooner or whatever he never seriously tried to talk about it to compromise so he just wasn't feeling it i guess. Who knows? I wasn't what he wanted. Starting to kinda have a breakthrough today, not thinking about him unless i see this thread and don't wanna go back in time. Got good advice here and feel like i was being very silly thinking he was my best shot at happiness, I mean i've thought about it before and i've actually had amazing chemistry with other men, just never fell in love with them on top of it so i think i'll find someone I adore even more than i did him. Every day it fades a tiny bit more; how much i care about him. Just yesterday i had a day where everything went wrong and i just missed him and was thinking about all the good things about him but nobody is perfect, i'm not, he's not. I'll try not to think of him as better than he was in reality. I'm getting there

gurI

The full story i mean there was a reason given , it was along the lines of him wanting to be single . But we were friends since 14ish before we got together so cutting me out was awkward in lots of ways i won't get into. They are all sorted now it's all good... but i'm glad he did it cause i would not have moved on as well as (I think i have anyway lol ) I have it there was any contact

njs030

gurI wrote: »

The full story i mean there was a reason given , it was along the lines of him wanting to be single . But we were friends since 14ish before we got together so cutting me out was awkward in lots of ways i won't get into. They are all sorted now it's all good... but i'm glad he did it cause i would not have moved on as well as (I think i have anyway lol ) I have it there was any contact

I get the feeling your very young op and you mention only having one previous relationship, it does hurt more the first few times but you have plenty of time ahead to worry about children if you're youngish.
I'm late 30's and my last ex messed around pretending he wanted a proper relationship when he didn't really and it's unlikely I'll have time to have more children nie, there's nothing I can do about the wasted time but I won't let him waste anymore by crying about it and you should do the same.

The right person won't treat you badly intentionally and will do everything in his power to make you feel good....you will get through this and be a stronger person for it x

gurI

Jesus sorry to hear that, you're still young enough to have kids though if you find your partner soon xxx Don't give up if that is what you want. You could even freeze your eggs so seriously don't give uup or lose hope.
I'm not that young, mid twenties, I think after hearing your story my situation has been put into perspective for me. xxxxxx

Ursus Horribilis

Eh, you think mid twenties is not that young?!?

You're at a great age to meet someone else.

gurI

Haha i didn't mean it like that just thought 'cause i mentioned i knew him since i was fourteen she thought i was a teenager or something. Of course, it's young, even late thirties is young xxxx I just meant i'm not a little kid

SarahMollie

Yeah OP, I met my OH at 27 so yours could be just around the corner.

gurI

Thanks Sarah, the plan is to take a year for myself, no dating, gonna be celibate but it's not set in stone I've a busy year ahead and one thing that was great about the breakup is the freedom and extra time when i need to get a project or whatever done .

SocratesXXX

I know how you feel hunni, was in a scarily similar situation not long ago, this too will pass xxx

njs030

gurI wrote: »

Haha i didn't mean it like that just thought 'cause i mentioned i knew him since i was fourteen she thought i was a teenager or something. Of course, it's young, even late thirties is young xxxx I just meant i'm not a little kid

Ha no I meant you're not old enough to think you won't meet someone better. You will!! One day would look back on it and think how lucky you were to have this time to work on yourself!

LegacyUser

gurI wrote: »

I really think that my ex is the love of my life. The way i feel about him is just unconditional love, I adore him. I'm crying my eyes out writing this. He was my best friend and I felt like he was my family. He's perfect in my eyes. I'm heartbroken. I really think he was the one and no guy could make me as happy as he did just by existing. What if he was the one?

Going through this now except other way around as I'm a man and miss my ex girlfriend. Been going out for over a year and a half and really taught she was the one. Met each other's families, did holidays, everything. Then over 2 months ago she finished it over text saying I have some issues. Can't stop thinking about her and all I want is her. Feels like I have to her fighting for her cos I don't I'll regret in the future of me giving up. Heard s few weeks ago that she is going out with someone else and that really hurts. In early 30's and not the best with women before so keep thing I'll never get over her or meet anyone else. All my friends are engaged or married and I feel like a failure to my family and myself. Sorry for long rant, hope it makes some sense

sheepgobaba

I do believe that when a person ends a good relationship for no good reason, the other person my have a few months missing that good relationship but the one who brokeup could very well have regrets over that for the rest of their life. Throwing away a good thing is something you live to regret not being broken up with. Not saying always but they'll always have the "what if " i had built my life with them instead of throwing them away. Because with getting broken up with , there was nothing you could do.

SarahMollie

I think a big factor is that sometimes the person who does the breaking up has effectively checked out of the relationship a number of weeks/months before actually ending it, so the person who is dumped gets taken by surprise and is way behind the dumper in terms of getting over it/moving on.

Its then nearly a bigger slap in the face when you see the person who's just blind sided you by ending the relationship apparently moving on really easily, but the reason its so easy is that they've been either consciously or subconsciously preparing themselves for being single for a while. It can leave you feeling very helpless/powerless. Its very hard to cope with a decision that is so central to your life that was taken completely out of your hands.

Neyite

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