What to do?

Bitconfused

Hi all

So I've been seeing a girl for d last 3 months or so, things started fairly slowly but since we've been really getting on and having a great time. We. meet up probably twice a week usually.
The issue is that she is extremely cautious . I've said this her because it was getting to me a little and I wanted to see whether it was me personally or if this was the way she is in general. She said that she does have a lot of barriers up and they are probably hard to break down.
She has had alot of very short term relationships previously and likes to date a lot. I like this girl but am finding it hard to get to know her as she seems to only reveal a certain amount. Usually when a girl is into me it becomes obvious fairly soon. Physically everything thing is great and if that's and indicator that she's into me then she certainly is. I just can't stop feeling that theres something holding her back.
I told her that it's sometimes hard to kno what she's looking for. To which she replied that she couldn't see herself in a relationship because she's too all over the place. It wasnt necessarily what I was asking. I left it by telling her to have a great time on holiday.
Should I just leave this now? It's become a bit of a headwreck now and I'm sometimes getting a weird vibe.

Thanks

ibarelycare

She's told you loud and clear that she doesn't see herself in a relationship. If it's a relationship you're after with her then it looks like you're not on the same page and it's only going to lead to heartbreak for you. Feeling headwrecked is not fun. Move on and find someone who DOES want to be with you.

Virgil°

After 3 months of seeing each other you should have an idea of where you stand. Ideally at this stage you would have agreed to be exclusive.
Shes now blurted out that she has no intention of being in a relationship with you, that's a pretty big red flag.

If it is a relationship you seek I'd be asking her pretty quickly to come down one way or the other. And then make your move from there.
I wouldn't spend a minute more than necessary in this limbo.

leggo

This sounds standard enough: she's telling you she doesn't want a relationship as she's going on holiday? She wants to be single for the holiday, leave the door open to a potential holiday romance. It's textbook. Nothing wrong with it, she's playing the single game, but if it's a relationship you want then clearly you're barking up the wrong tree here.

BetsyEllen

Regardless of her wanting a relationship or not, the fact that you've said it's all a bit of a headwreck is enough.

3 months into a relationship should be bliss - wanting to see each other all the time, texting, missing each other, barely able to keep your hands off each other...it should not be a headwreck and the fact that it is shows you are missing out on something.

I would move on OP.

Bitconfused

I meant to come back to this earlier.

I suppose I should add a couple of things, I suppose I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship but want to feel it out really. I understand that at this stage of knowing each other it should all be exciting and we should be mad to see each other which I think we are. It's just sometimes it's as if she just doesn't let herself go.
One other thing is that she lost her father earlier in the year and from what she has told me was very close to him. Obviously this was a huge event in her life.

I suppose I don't want to throw away something that I see some potential if I haven't given it every opportunity. Has anyone started out like this and developed something? Its not something I've experienced, it's usually always a case where it's a lot easier and more obvious. There are lots of signs that she's into me, it's just she often blows hot and cold

Bitconfused

Bitconfused wrote: »

I meant to come back to this earlier.

I suppose I should add a couple of things, I suppose I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship but want to feel it out really. I understand that at this stage of knowing each other it should all be exciting and we should be mad to see each other which I think we are. It's just sometimes it's as if she just doesn't let herself go.
One other thing is that she lost her father earlier in the year and from what she has told me was very close to him. Obviously this was a huge event in her life.

I suppose I don't want to throw away something that I see some potential if I haven't given it every opportunity. Has anyone started out like this and developed something? Its not something I've experienced, it's usually always a case where it's a lot easier and more obvious. There are lots of signs that she's into me, it's just she often blows hot and cold

Hi lads,

Gonna give this bump. Any views here would be welcome.

Thanks

daisybelle2008

Bitconfused wrote: »

Hi lads,

Gonna give this bump. Any views here would be welcome.

Thanks

Agree with the other posters, she doesn't want to be in a relationship and you are headwrecked, it's only been a few months better to move on now.

I see you posted your initial post weeks ago, did you take on board the advise of the other posters?

Bitconfused

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Agree with the other posters, she doesn't want to be in a relationship and you are headwrecked, it's only been a few months better to move on now.

I see you posted your initial post weeks ago, did you take on board the advise of the other posters?

Thanks for your reply

The consensus seems to be that I should move in now. I suppose I should give an update. Since she has come home from holidays we have met. I had decided that I would hold off in making contact and see how things would play out. Anyway she contacted when she got back and we met up and had a great time as we always do. We had a bit of a chat about things and admitted that she is starting to fall for me possibly. I suppose it was nice to hear because I suppose I'm growing feelings for her.

I was speaking to a close friend of hers and filled her in as to how I think she has a lot of barriers up and is cautious in general. Her friend felt that it probably has a lot to do with her father dying earlier in the year and that she does like me.

The main issue is that I seem to be the one asking to meet up, to which she usually has no problem we really get on and stuff. The vibe that I sometimes get is that she likes going out with me but if she wasn't it would be fine too, which I'm obviously not mad about. She has told me that people have said this about her in the past and it's not to do with me.

What would you lads suggest I do? I had thought I should just wait on her to ask me out? I'm just not sure, as I've said usually when a girl is interested it is blatantly obvious

njs030

Sure you've been given the answer. Tell her you want a relationship and shes either in or out.

If you have to make excuses for someone (especially after 3 months!) they aren't that interested op, give her the choice buy be ready to move on.

Bitconfused

notjustsweet wrote: »

Sure you've been given the answer. Tell her you want a relationship and shes either in or out.

If you have to make excuses for someone (especially after 3 months!) they aren't that interested op, give her the choice buy be ready to move on.

My issue is not that she's not looking for a relationship. I'm not nesscarily looking for one either, that's fine.
I suppose I'm going to take a step back a little and see how she responds.
The main issue is that it's hard to gauge how she feels. Does that make sense?
She blows hot and cold, if I was skeptical it could be seen as game playing, but I dont tink that's the case
The last thing I want is to fully fall for someone and be burnt. No one likes that.

Bitconfused

notjustsweet wrote: »

Sure you've been given the answer. Tell her you want a relationship and shes either in or out.

If you have to make excuses for someone (especially after 3 months!) they aren't that interested op, give her the choice buy be ready to move on.

My issue is not that she's not looking for a relationship. I'm not nesscarily looking for one either, that's fine.
I suppose I'm going to take a step back a little and see how she responds.
The main issue is that it's hard to gauge how she feels. Does that make sense?
She blows hot and cold, if I was skeptical it could be seen as game playing, but I dont tink that's the case
The last thing I want is to fully fall for someone and be burnt. No one likes that.

leggo

What do you want then? I mean you can say it here, you're not putting yourself out there for rejection here, and we may be able to tailor advice a bit better towards that. If you don't want a relationship where's the problem? If it's just a case of wanting a bit of validation then it's something you're gonna have to suck up for the sake of the casual situation you're looking for. She's cautious but likes you and you get to date and (presumably) have sex out of it, which suits you, can you see why I'm wondering what the problem is based on what you're saying? Be honest with yourself here before asking anything of her.

daisybelle2008

Bitconfused wrote: »

My issue is not that she's not looking for a relationship. I'm not nesscarily looking for one either, that's fine.
I suppose I'm going to take a step back a little and see how she responds.
The main issue is that it's hard to gauge how she feels. Does that make sense?
She blows hot and cold, if I was skeptical it could be seen as game playing, but I dont tink that's the case
The last thing I want is to fully fall for someone and be burnt. No one likes that.

No-one can give you any guarantees, but you seem to have enough concerns about her blowing hot and cold and not initiating meeting and you being head wrecked in the early stages, to know that you are taking a big risk. The effort is unbalanced and you don't seem to be on the same page.

The not wanting a relationship bit is confusing, I don't think you are being honest with yourself about that. Decide if you do and then maybe lay your cards on the line in an honest fashion about wanting a bit more, if nothing changes then she is not the gal for you.