Do people date a few people at a time now?

SocratesXXX

I am back dating. I went on a dating website and went on a few dates in the last two weeks 'cause I don't like chatting too much and having a picture of what the person is like and then meet them and it's completely different.
I'm very much a "relationship girl" and am not interested in hook ups. I wouldn't even look at another guy when I'm with someone; I give it my everything, that's just the type of person I am...
So in the past, when I liked someone, I zoomed in on them but I've met someone I liked and mentioned that I would not go on other dates as I wanted to give it a chance and he said like i didn't have to do that and made a point of it so I actually said "fair enough" , maybe i will go on other dates as there is another guy I quite like, we got on like old friends when we went for coffee and I actually would like to see him again.
Only thing is i feel a little guilty dating too guys past a date or two. . It's fun, yes, but for me anyway, is seeming to be a bit stressful and unnatural... am I mad to want to focus on one guy at a time?

SocratesXXX

Would it be possible even to develop feelings for the two of them?

pookie82

It's completely your personal preference as to whether or not you date exclusively until you've ruled someone out, or try a few at a time. I see the latter as a very "American" construct but it's becoming very prevalent here with the popularity of dating apps and choice; I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing.

I wouldn't go saying that on a first or even second date, though, comes across as kind of pushy. "I'm not going to date anyone else to give us a chance" could well freak someone out very early on, sounds a little intense. Like you're putting all of your eggs in one basket with them and investing already. Are you after another relationship as soon as you can get into one, or are you looking to meet someone nice and see where it goes? You need to decide which, I think.

If YOU don't feel comfortable dating multiple people at once, then don't! But do accept that others you're seeing might, and try to hold back your expectation/investment until you're seeing them a while and know it's going well. An exclusivity conversation should happen fairly naturally a couple of months in, if you both feel the same way and have seen one another a lot in that time, but I doubt beforehand.

As a matter of interest, how quickly do you expect someone else to forsake all others after meeting them?

SocratesXXX

Thanks Pookie,
I think that is good advice, yes, I was thinking the same way as well like I don't just wanna be in a relationship for the sake of being in one but the chemistry was great, there was a spark with this guy I had not felt in ages so I wanted to hold off dating, it didn't mean i would jump into a relationship with him just focus on him until i see if it would work.
I didn't expect him to stop dating , I told him I don't mind if he does and I genuinely don't mind if he did, I just said I wouldn't and it was fine if he did. The only reason it came up was that another guy asked me out on a date and i mentioned it and mentioned that I didn't want to go.
I wouldn't expect my date to stop dating others too soon, I honestly didn't care if he dated. He has no dates lined up anyway and went back on what he said anyway and said he was an idiot to tell me to date others . But he can't just be like "date other people" "don't date other people" when he feels like it. I've already made plans now for another date and have it in my head to see what other people are like. It's out of character for me but it's like what you said, I want to find the person I'm best suited to.
Only thing is another guy i went on a date with got super super mad at me for going on pof after we had been on a date and said i shouldn't have done it and should have given him a chance and stuff so i guess different people see it in different ways...

batmanrobin

The biggest thing you'll take away from online dating is that some people are plain weird!

That guy who freaked when he saw you still on pof: (1) he'd have to be on it himself so major double standard (2) avoid these guys. You went on one date. He does not get to dictate that you should be off pof. You owe him nothing.

Maybe don't mention other dates to guys you're going on dates with. There's not really much point to sharing that info. Not when you've only been on one or two dates.

If you'd rather focus one guy at a time, do that, but only because it's what you feel comfortable with. You said you had a spark with one of them? So maybe just hold off if you want on other dates and see if anything come from this guy. As long as you don't become invested too soon, you should be fine.

SocratesXXX

Yeah, that guy, good riddance lol it's a long story, it was strange and actually put me off dating for a while. We went on one date which was a fun date and he asked me to go for dinner the following week but then messaged me saying i should find someone better. I was disappointed like but was like "okay...weird" as we got on well but then he messaged a while later saying he made a mistake ending things and i said i was upset at the time , the moment had passed and that's when he said the reason he did that was 'cause I went on pof and it "wasn't cool" after he'd been on a date with me so he had to cut contact...? He basically tried to make out i was a bad person for going on pof, I would not mind but i only went on it to send him a song but he blamed the whole thing not working out on me!!!! Sorry rant over but that guy still makes me mad when i think about how full of sheeet he is lol
Yeah , i agree it's hit and miss online dating but there are cool people on it. Everyone's on it!

SocratesXXX

I guess it was just i don't feel that spark with many and wanted to see but also like being single so we'll see what happens. Not on any dating site right now so won't be meeting anyone new new 'cause that would stress me. Kinda leaning in the direction of being single for a while now after having wrote what I wrote here. Thanks guys