Am I wasting my time?

LegacyUser

For the past couple of months I've gotten talking to someone through a mutual friend. Obviously, we've a good deal in common, have good fun texting each other regularly and all of that. The problem is that over this time, we've agreed to meet on three occasions and each time she has 'postponed' at the last minute. I'm not really sure what to make of this. I think it would be understandable to draw from this that she is not that interested, which is fine, but in between these ill-fated arrangements she seems genuinely interested, and genuinely interested in meeting up. I'd appreciate what people might think of this situation and whether I should continue to pursue it. Thanks!

Keane2baMused

Sorry OP but she is using you to pass the time by the sounds of it.

Once, maybe even twice you could explain for postponing last minute but a third time is ridiculous.

I wouldn't waste any more time on her.

njs030

What were the excuses? We're they reasonable and could happen to anyone or do the seem a bit unlikely?
Most importantly is she making the effort to set something else up or is it up to you?

LegacyUser

notjustsweet wrote: »

What were the excuses? We're they reasonable and could happen to anyone or do the seem a bit unlikely?
Most importantly is she making the effort to set something else up or is it up to you?

The first excuse was that she had to go to an end of year college event, the second was that she decided at the last minute to visit family abroad, and the third was that she would be extending her stay abroad. After postponing the second time, she suggested a specific date

Irish_Elect_Eng

I would give it at least one more try.

njs030

gokwib wrote: »

The first excuse was that she had to go to an end of year college event, the second was that she decided at the last minute to visit family abroad, and the third was that she would be extending her stay abroad. After postponing the second time, she suggested a specific date

Being abroad is a pretty reasonable excuse

Give her one last chance then forget it!

s4uv3

I'd ask something like, "So when are we going to go on that date, or am I wasting my time here?"

If you don't get a definite one then, give up and move on

Virgil°

s4uv3 wrote: »

"So when are we going to go on that date, or am I wasting my time here?"

While its certainly good advice to ask her to meet you definitively on a set date, i would not phrase the question like this. It sounds kind of bitter.

Ask her to give you a specific date of her choosing when shes back and then see. If she postpones again I'd just drop all contact completely and write her off as a time waster.

retro:electro

s4uv3 wrote: »

I'd ask something like, "So when are we going to go on that date, or am I wasting my time here?"

If you don't get a definite one then, give up and move on

Do not do this. Even if I was really into a guy and he sent me this message id call it quits there and then. It's arrogant and passive aggressive.

Conor Bourke

When you're chatting to his girl has the conversation come around to the context of your meeting? Do you see her in a romantic light? If you do, have you told her? Is it possible that you're more invested in this than she is and she doesn't realise how you feel, and therefore doesn't place as much significance on you both meeting up?

LegacyUser

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

When you're chatting to his girl has the conversation come around to the context of your meeting? Do you see her in a romantic light? If you do, have you told her? Is it possible that you're more invested in this than she is and she doesn't realise how you feel, and therefore doesn't place as much significance on you both meeting up?

Yeah, I was up front early on that I was romantically interested and she made it known that she'd also like to go out together some time. In response to the last question, I'm sure it's nonetheless possible that she doesn't place as much significance on us meeting. Probably more than possibly given that I'm here posting this here!

Anyway, thanks guys for the responses. I'll tell her to hit me up with a certain date when she's back and if there's any more deferrals I'll draw a line under it

blacklilly

anna080 wrote: »

Do not do this. Even if I was really into a guy and he sent me this message id call it quits there and then. It's arrogant and passive aggressive.

I disagree, they've been texting for sometime, he's arranged to meet her on 3 occasions, has continued to be in contact with her even after she cancelled each and every arranged meeting.
What's wrong with him asking the question?

If people were more upfront and honest we'd have a lot less sh*t to contend with.

retro:electro

blacklilly wrote: »

I disagree, they've been texting for sometime, he's arranged to meet her on 3 occasions, has continued to be in contact with her even after she cancelled each and every arranged meeting.
What's wrong with him asking the question?

If people were more upfront and honest we'd have a lot less sh*t to contend with.

It's the wording of it, it's quite aggressive and confrontational.

m-a-i-

anna080 wrote: »

s4uv3 wrote: »

I'd ask something like, "So when are we going to go on that date, or am I wasting my time here?"

If you don't get a definite one then, give up and move on

Do not do this. Even if I was really into a guy and he sent me this message id call it quits there and then. It's arrogant and passive aggressive.

Pretty much mirroring the "don't say that" opinion. It comes off as rather aggressive and as a victim of that text I was genuinely hurt when it was sent ( I had been ill for quite some time and had to bail on a few dates. I was shocked when I got that and replied as such telling him that he obviously was if he was that impatient etc...


on that note it could be something completely genuine like what happened myself that she has had to bail on you. You have every right to know so don't be afraid to text her asking is everything ok and you might be getting the feeling that she isn't interested. If that is the case you'd prefer if she told you and let it be.

Whats meant to be won't pass you OP x