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Stuck in a rut - late bloomer

  • 11-07-2016 6:42pm
    #1
    yeezus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6 ✭


    Over a year ago, I came out as gay because I started to be attracted to guys and was turned on by the man in straight porn. The initial stages were crazy - I was attracted to anything male. I was having feelings I never knew existed. I was suppressing the feelings as much as a could. I only realised this all after years of dating girls.

    When I could suppress no more, I started to accept I'm gay. At this stage I hadn't had experience with guys.

    I'm mid-30's now and would like to have a relationship. The thing is, the attraction to boys has left me. I no longer get those weird bodily sensations I was desperately trying to suppress. I am still attracted to the male form, but only in straight porn. Gay porn doesn't do much for me.

    The thought of kissing a boy doesn't appeal to me at all. I've had a few sexual experiences with guys but none have been great. I'm always too nervous to get turned on. I have been seeing trans girls as a sort of a bridge and that has helped (they are aware of my situation, I'm not using anyone). From the type of porn I get off on, I think I am a 'bottom'.

    Have any other late bloomers had this issue? I'm really finding the transition to boys difficult. I'm trying to be patient but I'm getting lonely and would like to at least start dating. I go on dates, but it's usually like going on a date with a male friend, and therefore not something I want to go on a second date. It might look like I'm not gay at all but there have been too many signs for that to be true.


Comments

  • #2
    ongarboy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,201 ✭✭✭ongarboy


    I'm not sure I follow what your issue is. Are you saying outside of straight porn fantasies, you are not attracted to men? Seeing two men doing it together doesn't turn you on but if you see a man with a woman in straight porn, that man does turn you on? I would have thought the male porn actors in gay porn are similar in looks and physiques to the type of male actors cast in straight porn?

    Is it possibly you have a sexual anxiety issue or even erectile dysfunction that perhaps years of sexual suppression or denial has contributed to? I think your issue is less about being a late bloomer (there's plenty of them around and there's nothing wrong with that) and more about being confused as to where you are on the sexual orientation spectrum. Sexuality is quite fluid. Is it possible to seek help from a therapist that specializes in sexuality to help you work through these issues?


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