Was told my Husband Cheated by a Psychic **Mod Warning Post #1**

LegacyUser

[MOD WARNING - no more off topic posts on the invalidity of psychics etc. We've removed a number of such posts but going forwards cards will be issued]

Sorry, this is a long one! I don't know what I'm looking for. Just need to put this in writing.

Please keep an open mind. I promise I'm not a loon!! Long time poster unreg.

I've been with my Husband for 9 years, married for almost 2. We have a 5 year old Son who is my whole life.

I've been feeling unhappy for a long time now. Realistically since before we even got married. I've played happy family and tried to just get on with it and make it work for our Son. He idolises both of us.

Husband has changed a lot over the years, he's quite controlling and can be a bit of a bully. He has a lot of good points too, don't get me wrong, he's a great father and works hard. But something just keeps telling me that I don't belong with him. It's like a big ball of sorrow in my throat, and it never goes away, you could cut it with a knife it's so real.

Anyway, my Sister went to a psychic/spiritualist recently and told me that she was amazing and was spot on with everything. I was sceptical but I went along to her. I know there are people who will say it's bullsh1t etc, and that's fine, each to their own, but this woman knew me inside out the minute I walked into her room. She knew things about me that my own Mother doesn't know. It was an amazing experience.

Facebook wouldn't provide her with this information. To look at my page I look like a happy newlywed. But she was able to tell me a completely different story, and was spot on.

Anyway, she basically told me that my Husband is a very dark person, keeps a lot from me and he's a different person when he's out of the house. Which is a lot because he works for himself. She described his personality to a T.

She told me that I've been thinking of leaving him and looking at places to live (true), that I need to be very very sneaky about it, and that I have to have to keep deleting my internet history because he's watching everything and he sees everything. She said I need to have a place to walk into because he'll never let me go easily.

I asked her had he cheated on me, she paused and said "you're leaving him anyway aren't you?" and I said yes. So she took her pen and wrote a name on a piece of paper and she said "March or April". I was obviously gutted, but not surprised strangely. April is my Birthday btw. Nice.

She told me so much more, but these are the important bits. She also used Angel cards which I selected from the deck and when lined up, they basically spelled out my entire situation to a T.

So, home I went that evening, not really knowing what to make of it all or where to start. My Husband asked me what was wrong, as I obviously looked a bit 'off'.

So, I told him that I hadn't been sleeping well and that I've been having strange dreams lately, I told him I keep having the same dream where the name ******* keeps popping up, and the month of March/April.

His face dropped, he turned white. I just walked off and started doing some washing, but I was observing him, he and sat in silence for about an hour. He went out for a smoke and when he came back in, the lights were off but I was at the washing machine and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He's usually a very cool and calm person. This behaviour went on for a day or two and then he bit and asked did the dream happen again. This is a man who generally doesn't give two sh1ts about dreams or any of that. He's a very practical and stern person.

Anyway, for days he was going around looking like he'd seen a ghost. And eventually said to me "Just come out with FFS" I was shocked. But I kept playing dumb and still today he thinks I'm just having dreams of this stuff. I know this all sounds crazy, I can't believe the madness of it all.

So, I found an apartment, not far from here, paid the first 2 months, bought stuff for it and the whole lot. Was meant to move in today, and I completely bottled it

I had a massive panic attack in the apartment last night. The reality of taking my Son away from his Dad, even with the intention of letting him see him whenever he wanted, just cut through me. I cried for a solid 2 hours, I could barely catch my breath. I've never felt such sorrow in my whole life.

Called the estate agent and somehow managed to reverse the deal. They've found someone to go into the apartment instead of me. So that's all done and dusted now.

Now I feel like I've let myself down. I thought I was so much stronger than this. I feel like I was given a chance for freedom and I've blown it.

I just feel so so lost.

Thanks for reading.

Sapphire

If believing a psychic gave you 'permission' to leave an unhappy marriage then so be it.

I personally don't believe in them whatsoever. Quacks imo. But, I do believe that people go to them when they know something is amiss, and maybe sometimes need the illusion of guidance towards a solution to a problem they already know they have. Or to get a bit of courage to do something they ordinarily are not brave enough to do.

Very often when we go looking for advice we are just looking for confirmation of what we already know but for whatever reason, were not ready to face. You weren't happy. He's a controlling bully. Those are reasons enough to leave him. Your 'dream' appeared to give him a bit of a shock which likely he long deserved if he hasn't been treating you all that well. Moving out probably made him realise that you are seriously unhappy and something needs to change. You had a wobble in the apartment - that happens, and you might get the courage to move out again if that's what you want.

Do you love him? All this stuff aside, can you objectively say that there are any feelings left in you to save this relationship?

Faith

I'll preface this by saying I don't believe in psychics. My friend and her family are big into them, and she brought me to one, many years ago, who she swore was amazing. Not a single thing the woman said to me was even remotely true or accurate.

If I had to guess about your situation, I'd say your sister sees your distress. Perhaps she knows that your husband cheated on you, and with who. And I'd guess that she's afraid you would turn on her if she told you. My best guess would be that your sister set the whole thing with the "psychic" up, to communicate the information to you.

But. Whatever about the psychic, you are desperately unhappy and you want to leave your husband. You need support in this. Can you speak to your sister about this? If it makes it easier, you can frame it as if you're telling her all about what the psychic said. You need all of the help and support you can get here.

Givepuzzles

Do you know the person he's supposed to have had an affair with? Yeah I kind of expect your sister knows and set you up to be told by someone else.

Jerome77

I heard someone say once, "trust your gut"

Best of luck which ever you choose

December2012

Even if you hadn't seen the psychic there are big problems in your marriage.

Do you want it fixed or do you want to end it?

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.

I can totally appreciate where people are coming from, I was very sceptical going in.

She was able to tell me things about my life that my Sister doesn't know. Also, my Sister and I are extremely close and she would tell me out straight if she knew something. We live in different counties and she doesn't know anyone in my Husband's life. I accept that people don't believe in this stuff, but I can't explain how she knew what she knew.

My Husband doesn't go out much, and he hasn't had a night on the beer in a very long time, so in March or April he wouldn't have been 'out' at all. So my guess is this encounter was in the cold light of day with a prostitute or a work Client. I know alcohol is never an excuse, but it just feels worse that he was stone cold sober doing it.

Thanks again for taking the time guys. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Big Bag of Chips

SoLost33 wrote: »

I've been feeling unhappy for a long time now. Realistically since before we even got married. I've played happy family and tried to just get on with it and make it work.....

He has a lot of good points too, don't get me wrong, he's a great father and works hard. But something just keeps telling me that I don't belong with him. It's like a big ball of sorrow in my throat, and it never goes away, you could cut it with a knife it's so real.

I think him cheating is just a symptom of huge problems in your relationship. By your own admission you're not happy with him. You even think you shouldn't have married him. (I'm assuming you got married for the sake of your child?) Do you think he's happy in the marriage? If you feel like you don't belong with him, how do you think he feels? If you are carrying around an almost palpable "ball of sorrow" do you not think he picks up on that?

He shouldn't have cheated. It's the cowards way. But, you are both choosing the cowards way and ignoring the huge void in your relationship with each other. If you try to make it work for the sake of your son, then I'm afraid you're going to have to try harder. I do believe when you bring children into a relationship ALL avenues should be exhausted before breaking up the family.

So what do you do now? I think you need to face up to the problems in your relationship. I think you need to approach your husband and lay it all out. Decide what you want first. Would you like to try make it work? Properly try? With counselling and all that will entail. Or do you just want to call it a day? You can tell him that you know/suspect he has cheated on you, (maybe don't tell him it was a psychic who told you! Too easy for him to rubbish it then) and ask him where he wants to go from here.

Be prepared to hear things you mightn't like. If you are feeling miserable, and lost, and alone in your relationship, he will be too. I read somewhere that often it happens that the victim of an affair isn't necessarily the victim of the marriage.

uck51js9zml2yt

SoLost33 wrote: »

I asked her had he cheated on me, she paused and said "you're leaving him anyway aren't you?" and I said yes. So she took her pen and wrote a name on a piece of paper and she said "March or April". I was obviously gutted, but not surprised strangely. April is my Birthday btw. Nice.

This bit of the narrative struck me.

You asked a question, hence giving her a cue. She then verified you were thinking of leaving him anyway. She then gave you an excuse to do so by answering your question positively.
She told you what you wanted to hear despite the facts of it been unclear and unproven.

If you're going to leave you husband do it but please don't base it on the unfounded accusation of a stranger.

You owe it to yourself to try save your marriage (if that's what you want) but don't break up your marriage for the wrong reasons.

xzanti

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I think him cheating is just a symptom of huge problems in your relationship.

I read somewhere that often it happens that the victim of an affair isn't necessarily the victim of the marriage.

Are you serious?

Heavenly Tiny Lemon wrote: »

This bit of the narrative struck me.

You asked a question, hence giving her a cue. She then verified you were thinking of leaving him anyway. She then gave you an excuse to do so by answering your question positively.
She told you what you wanted to hear despite the facts of it been unclear and unproven.

From the original post I'm guessing that the Husband is guilty as sin, based on his reaction. Did you read her post properly? Or did you see the word Psychic and then completely dismiss the entire post as bullsh1t.

ChampagnePop

xzanti wrote: »

Are you serious?



From the original post I'm guessing that the Husband is guilty as sin, based on his reaction. Did you read her post properly? Or did you see the word Psychic and then completely dismiss the entire post as bullsh1t.

Her husband probably thinks she's gone crazy because what she's saying and how she's acting, nothing convincing there to suggest he's cheating

FortySeven

Are you sure the reaction from your husband wasn't worry? You've been thinking of leaving him, he probably feels the change in you but doesn't want to mention it then you come out with strange dreams and names and dates.

He probably thinks you are cracked. I know I would. Find this whole story very strange to be fair.

Removing children from their father on the say so of a psychic is harsh. If you want to leave, leave but forget about the cheating, prostitute idea as you have no proof this happened whatsoever. This smacks of putting the blame on him because you want pastures new.

Taltos

Mod note
OK guys back on topic please. Lets not go down the rabbit hole of psychic, religion or similar. OP has very real concerns about her marriage so lets focus on that please.

Big Bag of Chips

xzanti wrote: »

Are you serious?

Yes. Why? Marriages and relationships are very complex. There are two individual people involved, who sometimes end up pulling against each other, rather than working together. OP describes a very unhappy relationship, going on since long long before March or April. People cheat for a variety of reasons. Which is why, once they eork through the root problems, some relationships can and do survive infidelity. As I said, people and relationships are complex. Things are rarely black and white. I am not blaming the OP for her husband cheating, as I said it is the cowards way. But she had all her plans in place to turn her back on her marriage and walk away bringing her son with her without even discussing anything with her husband. Also the cowards way.

Maybe there are real psychics out there. The majority of them are very good at reading people. OP went with something in mind. She asked, the lady told her what she wanted to hear. She then said something vague to her husband and saw the reaction she went looking for.

Maybe he did cheat, and maybe this is the excuse OP needs to end her bad relationship anyway, but the point is, she shouldn't need this particular excuse. She's been dragging this out, by her own admission, for years. It cannot be a nice atmosphere for any of the 3 of them to live in.

xzanti

Taltos wrote: »

Mod note
OK guys back on topic please. Lets not go down the rabbit hole of psychic, religion or similar. OP has very real concerns about her marriage so lets focus on that please.

Exactly, the OP has stated that the guy is a controlling bully, it worries me that people have bypassed this and gone straight to the Psychic thing.

OP, my heart goes out to you. Nothing that he's done is your fault. You sound like a great Mother who's spent the best years of her life trying to keep her little family together and keep everyone happy. I wish I could hug you right now.

Please don't let him break your spirit. You are worth more than this x

KKkitty

Don't regard anything the psychic has said. It's ultimately better for you and your child that you leave this marriage. It's better for your child to have parents that are happier apart than together. It will be tough at the start to adjust to single life again but you will find someone who you will love and trust completely. If in doubt, get out.

PressRun

I wouldn't listen to the psychic, but it's obvious you're not happy in your marriage and want an excuse to leave. You don't need to have the excuse of cheating in order to justify ending a marriage that you're not happy in. You're allowed to walk away simply because you don't like what the relationship has become or you don't feel that there's much love left between you and your husband. If you want to leave, then do so. Just make sure you do the right thing by your children in the process.

LegacyUser

Don't believe in psychics (though never say never etc) but imo, the very best ones are extremely good cold readers of people. We all carry ourselves in ways that give off massive signs about who were are. There is a theory that 70% of our communication is actually non-verbal (which would make sense since we evolved without language.) you are probably carrying yourself in a manner that lets observant people see that you are unhappy. If someone read you in that way then the next question is "why is this person unhappy?" and she'd ask a leading question to narrow down the options until she worked out what was bothering you. I only give this preamble because I think the psychic might be right, but not for supernatural reasons but that you noticed something back in April or March (or at least, your subconscious mind did) and she was able to help you express it. Maybe your husband came back with a subtle trace of perfume or maybe he had clearly changed shirts before coming home or something.

On the other hand, leaving all that aside, why are you in this relationship? You married someone you didn't want to marry, that wasn't fair on either of ye, and now you want to walk out with your/his child without even giving him the chance to save his family, which isn't fair on him either. You need to have a proper conversation with him. Maybe you can't bring yourself to do so but I don't see how you can really avoid it tbh? At some point ye'll have to sit down and work something out. You need to be proactive. Write out how you feel, write out what you want, write out what kind of life you want to have. Then confide in your sister and she if she'll give you the moral support you need to start this conversation.

Good luck, I really hope you can find a way to live the life you both deserve and want to live.

SusieBlue

I 100% believe that some people are gifted with psychic abilities. I, too, was once a complete sceptic until I saw one (my first and only time ever going to one, actually) who knew me inside out. Told me things I'd only ever thought about in my head and never said aloud. Recounted stories from my childhood that no one else living even knew about. And it's very hard to explain an experience like this to someone whose never experienced it, so I do sympathise.

That was the one and only time I've had a reading. I don't doubt that there are frauds out there, but occasionally you do come across the real deal.

However, I too agree that you are regarding your reading too highly. The things you are told are meant to purely guide you, and your path can change at any time. You need to forget about what the psychic told you & focus on why you were unhappy enough in your relationship to seek guidance from a reader in the first place.

It sounds to me like you need to leave this man, you will be far happier by yourself than you are with him. You are living in misery. But do NOT do it because the psychic said so. It needs to come from you.

Best of luck. I appreciate what a tough position you are in.

Rubberchikken

op
you say in your first post that you've been unhappy for a long time.even since before you got married. did you love him before you married him/why did you marry him?
i realise your son loves you both. but it won't be enough to make you remain in an unhappy marriage. he will get bigger and will eventually realise how miserable his parents are together.

i'm not advocating splitting up. but i am saying you have to take a hard look at things and see what is the best thing to do in this situation.

to be able to describe someone you're married to as 'controlling' and a 'bully' is sad. a person like that has the ability to affect lives around them in such a negative way and no matter how good a dad he may be, you'll have to ask yourself if he's really worth sticking with for your son's sake.

i'm sorry about the psychic. i don't personally believe it's possible for anyone to be able to know someone's future/whatever they do.
what they are good at is reading people and worried people are very easily read.
sorry to have nothing useful to help you. wishing you all the best.

LegacyUser

(Last one posted too early!)


I sympathise, OP, I was desperately unhappy in my marriage for about 7 or 8 years. My husband drank too much and did too little with us as a family. I could also have described him as controlling and a bully. It wasn't necessarily that he was directly controlling me or bullying me, but over time, to avoid situations I became more passive. I avoided doing or saying things I'd otherwise say, to avoid argument. I stopped going out with friends because it wasn't worth the hassle of having to get all the children organised and ready for/in bed before I'd leave. He'd huff and puff if he was left with them, because obviously it affected his drinking time, and I'd get calls and texts wondering when I'd be home. I allowed myself to be affected by his moods, so rather than shrugging off his sulk and leaving him to it, I changed myself to accommodate him. I felt controlled and bullied. I remember when our problems eventually came to a head and telling him how it was his fault I didn't go out, his fault I didn't have friends round because it just wasn't worth the hassle, he strongly denied it was his fault. Because he had never directly stopped me, or told me I wasn't allowed go, in his eyes he wasn't controlling me. Maybe he wasn't? But I felt I had no option, or at least the easier option was to just do what gave me (and him) an easy life.

My husband had (has?) a drink problem. He cheated on me. He was a horrible person. I hated my life. I hated the person I'd become because of him. I hated our relationship. But our problems went deeper than just him cheating on me and me feeling controlled and bullied. He had a drink problem. It changed him, totally, as a person. I would never have fallen in love in the first place with the person he eventually became. This time last year was horrific for me. I didn't know what was going to happen, where I was going to end up, or how I'd ever be happy again.

Something happened my husband. He hasn't drank a drop since March. He has accepted all the hurt he caused me over the years. Now that he is sober he recognises the affect his drinking had on me for all those years. The affect it had on his personality, and the knock on affect on everything around him. He has changed. We have been to marriage counselling. It wasn't easy, but it helped. It helped us both see where we might be affecting the other person, and it brought us both back to the beginning. To why we started going out together. To how we used to feel about each other. I love my husband. I love the person he was before the drinking, and I completely love the person he is now. Last year I couldn't see any future with him. Now I am already planning what holidays we will go on in our old age when the children have grown up and left us.

It doesn't have to be the end. Are there any redeeming factors to your husband's personality? Did you ever love him? Would you like to work through your problems and still be together (blissfully happy?!) in 30 years time? This time last year I didn't want to spend the next 30 days with my husband. Now, I can see a very long, and very happy future with him.

Tunage

Do what is right, you are not happy where you are and you never will be. As hard and incredible as it seems to move out and leave, you nearly did and you do have the strength to.

I was in a long term relationship that I ended at the beginning of the year. Things weren't good for a long time and I had a feeling something had happened which changed his behaviour in general and towards me. I had never really suspected strongly that he'd cheated but I went to a spiritual healer (which is what I call her) when I was at my complete wits end.

She told me that he had and who it was with. When he got back from an overnight trip with family, I laid it out to him and told him that I basically knew anyway but needed to hear it come from his mouth and he sang like a lark. She told me what had happened and he confirmed it, denied other parts but confirmed the majority.

You need to leave so that your son has a healthy relationship with both of you instead of living in a tense atmosphere where Mum and Dad don't speak to eachother and are cold. You can't raise your child in that atmosphere. Tell him you know what he did, you don't need to tell him how you found out but you've noticed him change when you mentioned the name and the time frame so I mean it just needs to be said from his mouth for you to really believe it and get the strength to leave.

Thankfully, there were no children in the mix in my situation but I had a settled life and business.
I walked away from it all. I'm still going to counselling and struggling with anger issues but I am so much better off.
Best of luck to you OP... It's f**king awful and it will be awful for a while but it's only a moment in an entire lifetime and your son will thank you in the long run xx

StupidLikeAFox

SoLost33 wrote: »

So, home I went that evening, not really knowing what to make of it all or where to start. My Husband asked me what was wrong, as I obviously looked a bit 'off'.

So, I told him that I hadn't been sleeping well and that I've been having strange dreams lately, I told him I keep having the same dream where the name ******* keeps popping up, and the month of March/April.

His face dropped, he turned white. I just walked off and started doing some washing, but I was observing him, he and sat in silence for about an hour. He went out for a smoke and when he came back in, the lights were off but I was at the washing machine and he nearly jumped out of his skin. He's usually a very cool and calm person. This behaviour went on for a day or two and then he bit and asked did the dream happen again. This is a man who generally doesn't give two sh1ts about dreams or any of that. He's a very practical and stern person.

Anyway, for days he was going around looking like he'd seen a ghost. And eventually said to me "Just come out with FFS" I was shocked. But I kept playing dumb and still today he thinks I'm just having dreams of this stuff. I know this all sounds crazy, I can't believe the madness of it all.

This is the bit that stuck out for me.

OP, regardless of the psychic aspect, you are being cryptic and passive aggressive in dealing with your husband. Have you ever tried to address the issues in your relationship with him? Have you ever pointed out that he has become more controlling as the relationship evolved? Have you asked him if he cheated - you have very very light evidence for it, and trying to interpret his reaction to a very vague statement in no way verifies what the psychic said.

Dropping vague hints is really childish stuff. Organising to move out without telling him is awful behaviour, even if you didn't go through with it in the end. You need to have a proper, adult conversation about where your relationship is going, or else tell him you are unhappy and leave him, but stop all this sneaking around as will get you nowhere

LegacyUser

xzanti wrote: »

Exactly, the OP has stated that the guy is a controlling bully, it worries me that people have bypassed this and gone straight to the Psychic thing.

It's because the OP put it in her title thread so people are reacting as it appears to be a big motivator for the OP.

I agree with the first reply OP - if it took a physic saying it to you to leave your husband then fine, to each their own.

You just leave the whole physic thing to one side, you are clearly unhappy with your marriage but you need to address your issues it a much more direct manor. Dropping hints about dreams etc and waiting for reactions...come on OP, your an adult and parent, time to be an example to your child. Sit down and talk to your husband about your issues. If he is as you say and you've been unhappy this long it may not be worth exploring options to save your marriage but you need to come to arrangements regarding separating. You make the comment about letting him see his child...there is no letting in this OP, it's his child and he has rights regarding him. According to you he is a good father and whatever issues you have between you, you don't get to deny him access to his child.

In short OP time to stop hiding, get your head out of the sand and move forward. Yes it's hard, yes it scary but your other options are to stick were you are now which is clearly not were you want to be.

Effects

Don't waste money on a psychic. Spend it on counselling (with/without your husband) instead and then make an informed decision on whether to end our marriage or not.

Eric Cartman

I think you should leave your husband. The poor man must be tormented that his marriage is falling apart because of baseless accusations a stranger made to you. Relationships are about honesty, communication and trust. You have given your trust and communication to a stranger who makes money telling people what they want to hear instead of your husband. Im sure he is going through hell right now for no good reason.

uck51js9zml2yt

SoLost33 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys.

I can totally appreciate where people are coming from, I was very sceptical going in.

She was able to tell me things about my life that my Sister doesn't know. Also, my Sister and I are extremely close and she would tell me out straight if she knew something. We live in different counties and she doesn't know anyone in my Husband's life. I accept that people don't believe in this stuff, but I can't explain how she knew what she knew.

My Husband doesn't go out much, and he hasn't had a night on the beer in a very long time, so in March or April he wouldn't have been 'out' at all. So my guess is this encounter was in the cold light of day with a prostitute or a work Client. I know alcohol is never an excuse, but it just feels worse that he was stone cold sober doing it.

Thanks again for taking the time guys. I don't know what I'm going to do.

You said this about your husband which clears him of any wrongdoing and from here make the leap to him seeing prostitutes. Its getting to the stage where reason has been disregarded and any reason, however tenuous and unproven will do.
You owe it to both you and him to have an adult conversation and seek help.

LegacyUser

Op here.

Update: He has admitted cheating on me. He is now in the process of moving back to his Mothers house.

Thank you for the replies.

Tunage

SoLost33 wrote: »

Op here.

Update: He has admitted cheating on me. He is now in the process of moving back to his Mothers house.

Thank you for the replies.

Best of luck OP... xxx

December2012

Sorry to see this OP