Horrible Feeling :(

DonovanBoy21

Hi all,

I've been going out (Relationship) with a girl (She's 21) since July last year, we were really close and just before Christmas we traded love yous for the first time. However, after Christmas she started acting strange, one night randomly saying, ''but what if you're the only guy I kiss/sex with now forever? What if I miss out on being young?'' - This shattered me, but blinded by love we kept going until she broke up out of nowhere stating, ''I just want to be alone, I don't want a relationship.''

Obviously this hurt, and I went NC for 4 months. In the midst of NC, she drunk text/called me a number of times asking to be **** buddies, and how much she wanted to do sexual things to me. I ignored. Then she texts me one night saying, ''would you hate me if I kissed someone else?'' - I stupidly reply, she got it out of me, saying ''have you?'' She claims a guy kissed her and she really misses me etc. I realise the stupidity and immaturity, and we don't talk for another month after this.

However, just 2 weeks ago, I met her (unintentionally), and we spoke over coffee. After 1-2 more meets, we decided to go on 2-3 dates. She instantly starting saying the L word again, which I didn't feel comfortable with, and so I wasn't as quick to use it. Our 3rd date was her birthday (day) and I treated her by buying us an expensive hotel/massage package plus 2 gifts for her and taking her for dinner. I felt we were progressing quite well until the following day.

''Honestly? I don't want a relationship for years, I want to be single.'' - Goes onto say how she intends to hook up with guys on her forthcoming holiday in Greece and how she has also been dating a new guy, but they aren't serious. I try to reply and I'm blocked and given the cold turkey. Am I literally Tom from 500 Days of Summer?

Call it insecurity, but I cannot stop thinking about how the new guy gets to be physical with her etc, and I've had so many dreams about them doing it in his car etc. I can't get out of my head, her texting him sexual things that she'd always text me and my stomach sinks!

Is there anything you guys/gals could suggest? It hurts.

This is my 2nd relationship (I'm 23), my first ended mutually due to long distance. I really loved this girl.

Virgil°

Your only real mistake was giving her another chance. She sounds incredibly immature.

Your best bet here is to ignore her from now on. No contact. I'd wager she'll be in contact soon if/when she gets bored of this new guy.

Call it insecurity, but I cannot stop thinking about how the new guy gets to be physical with her etc

Every time you think this. Just remind yourself, he's probably getting all the other nonsense and headwreck you had to deal with. In the end it's not worth it.

There will be other girls who will give you what you want without all the extra nonsense OP, i promise you that.

HelgaWard

She is unreliable, immature and has treated you appallingly. She obviously wanted to have a boyfriend for her birthday and once she got presents and spoiled she dumps you again. She did the same thing at Christmas. I bet you spoiled and got her nice presents then too?! You deserve better than this. Block her number, unfriend on social media and if you meet her say "Hi" and keep on walking.

Jenneke87

You sound like a really sweet guy and this girl like a headwreckers who playing with your emotions and has treated you badly.

Don't entertain her anymore. Block her nr. fb account, etc. etc. My guess is she just wants to keep you in the background in case her single life isn't as exciting as she hoped it would be.

zoobizoo

Take it as a small (high) price to pay for a good lesson.

We've all been there at that age when you think "she'll be kissing someone else" or "he'll be doing X to her".

Those insecurities / feelings of inadequacy really do diminish the older you get and the more people you go out with.

Repeat the follownig when you want to lessen the pain:

She
-treated you like ****
-used you
-Tells people she loves them and then tells them she will be f-ing other guys
-is Immature
-is Not very nice
-will end up with some poor sap who will put up with that nonsense.

ManOfMystery

She's a user and manipulator. Forget her, block her, and move on.

Dr Strange

Walk...walk fast, walk far, walk head held up...walk. And don't look back.

wirelessdude01

Once bitten, twice shy.

Sunflower 27

I agree with the others. She used you for an ego boost and the generous gift.

You seem like a truly genuine guy who will in time meet someone far more deserving of your time and affection.

I can't help but think she was trying to get you back (in a 'want to hurt you' way) because you ignored her texts.

Block her from your life so you can move on quicker. Take care

screamer

If youre serious about someone you dont worry about sewing your wild oats. When you're imaging her with someone else remember she'll give them the same old clap trap about not wanting a relationship with them either.

RUN fast and don't look back you had a lucky escape.

Ignatius in bloom

DonovanBoy21 wrote: »

Hi all,

I've been going out (Relationship) with a girl (She's 21) since July last year, we were really close and just before Christmas we traded love yous for the first time. However, after Christmas she started acting strange, one night randomly saying, ''but what if you're the only guy I kiss/sex with now forever? What if I miss out on being young?'' - This shattered me, but blinded by love we kept going until she broke up out of nowhere stating, ''I just want to be alone, I don't want a relationship.''

Obviously this hurt, and I went NC for 4 months. In the midst of NC, she drunk text/called me a number of times asking to be **** buddies, and how much she wanted to do sexual things to me. I ignored. Then she texts me one night saying, ''would you hate me if I kissed someone else?'' - I stupidly reply, she got it out of me, saying ''have you?'' She claims a guy kissed her and she really misses me etc. I realise the stupidity and immaturity, and we don't talk for another month after this.

However, just 2 weeks ago, I met her (unintentionally), and we spoke over coffee. After 1-2 more meets, we decided to go on 2-3 dates. She instantly starting saying the L word again, which I didn't feel comfortable with, and so I wasn't as quick to use it. Our 3rd date was her birthday (day) and I treated her by buying us an expensive hotel/massage package plus 2 gifts for her and taking her for dinner. I felt we were progressing quite well until the following day.

''Honestly? I don't want a relationship for years, I want to be single.'' - Goes onto say how she intends to hook up with guys on her forthcoming holiday in Greece and how she has also been dating a new guy, but they aren't serious. I try to reply and I'm blocked and given the cold turkey. Am I literally Tom from 500 Days of Summer?

Call it insecurity, but I cannot stop thinking about how the new guy gets to be physical with her etc, and I've had so many dreams about them doing it in his car etc. I can't get out of my head, her texting him sexual things that she'd always text me and my stomach sinks!

Is there anything you guys/gals could suggest? It hurts.

This is my 2nd relationship (I'm 23), my first ended mutually due to long distance. I really loved this girl.

You don't have to be treated like that. There is a few things to learn from this the first being that it is not your fault how other people behave and hold themselves only you can be accountable for yourself and your behaviour and honestly in time you will see that this person hadn't really got the qualities that love is built upon. The second one is don't fall into the category of judging future women on this woman's personality for every bad apple there is millions of beautiful ones who want and have the same things you want and admire in life.

I am not defending what she did but to be honest young love can be very fickle and confusing and i would hazard a guess when she has been around the block a few times she will come to regret the way she treated you. Also prepare to be contacted in the future and promised the sun, moon and stars and more and for gods sake have the backbone to politely decline and move on with life and find someone who loves you for who you are and not what they can get from you.

KikiDee

Hey OP,

This girl sounds like a prized b1tch. What a piece of work. I'm sorry to say it seems like she used you to have someone for her birthday. Not cool. Tough lesson to learn but you're better off with this kind of crap in your life. It hurts now but I promise, there'll be a time when the hurt will stop and you can take comfort in the fact that you've had a very lucky escape.

As some said earlier, walk away from this one and walk away with your head held high.

timmy880

You did your best to make it work again and have treated her very respectfully..... She on the other had is an absolute weapon. It's hard to accept now but you'll be happier in the long run without her wrecking your head. If she has blocked you then she has done you a favour. Make sure she is blocked too. I can see her trying to contact you again when she is needy, alone and desperate for attention. Don't give her the satisfaction or opportunity to be an option for her.

Ironically there's a chance she'll be saying in 5-10 years time she never met anyone nice! But you've been very loyal and deserve better for yourself.

DonovanBoy21

Thank you to everyone who replied. At least I'm not alone in feeling like I tried my best for her.

Last night my phone rang (private number) and it was her. I've got her number SMS/Call blocked but private seems to bypass it, I should have hung up but instead asked her what she wanted.

She started off all 'modest' saying, ''I just realised you weren't the one for me and I didnt want to give up so I kept trying. This new guy made me realise how much we weren't right and I can see myself with him for years.''

I tell her I'm hanging up because I don't want to hear this **** and she then gets aggressive talking about all my flaws in the relationship and goes onto say, ''and he does oral better than you ever did and he's just better in bed too!''

Now, that obviously stings an awful amount but at the same time, I can tell you that our sex was absolutely incredible, and I mean that. She reached the big O multiple times and it was passionate and rough how she liked it. From this, I again can only imagine she's trying to ''get one'' on me.

This morning I went to Three and bought a new SIM, which will end all communications with her. It really sucks being treated like this when you saw someone as your 'princess' and want the best for her.

Bunny Colvin

DonovanBoy21 wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who replied. At least I'm not alone in feeling like I tried my best for her.

Last night my phone rang (private number) and it was her. I've got her number SMS/Call blocked but private seems to bypass it, I should have hung up but instead asked her what she wanted.

She started off all 'modest' saying, ''I just realised you weren't the one for me and I didnt want to give up so I kept trying. This new guy made me realise how much we weren't right and I can see myself with him for years.''

I tell her I'm hanging up because I don't want to hear this **** and she then gets aggressive talking about all my flaws in the relationship and goes onto say, ''and he does oral better than you ever did and he's just better in bed too!''

Now, that obviously stings an awful amount but at the same time, I can tell you that our sex was absolutely incredible, and I mean that. She reached the big O multiple times and it was passionate and rough how she liked it. From this, I again can only imagine she's trying to ''get one'' on me.

This morning I went to Three and bought a new SIM, which will end all communications with her. It really sucks being treated like this when you saw someone as your 'princess' and want the best for her.

Jesus, this is just like the other thread! Where are these people spawning from?

Look, it's obvious that she is craving your attention, otherwise she wouldn't be playing mind games with you. Whatever way her mind works, she for some reason, wants to hurt you and belittle you - maybe that's how she gets her kicks.

The simple advice is to rise above it all. It's easier said than done but when you look back, you'll realise what sort of person she is. Thank your lucky stars that you now have no ties to her. You were unlucky, don't beat yourself up. Every relationship you have is a learning curve and she's given you something to think about in the future, not that you did anything wrong but you'll be able to spot this type of person in the future. The good news is that there are plenty of girls out there and the majority would never behave like her. Keep your head up and try to forget her and all of her bull****.

HelgaWard

DonovanBoy21 wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who replied. At least I'm not alone in feeling like I tried my best for her.

Last night my phone rang (private number) and it was her. I've got her number SMS/Call blocked but private seems to bypass it, I should have hung up but instead asked her what she wanted.

She started off all 'modest' saying, ''I just realised you weren't the one for me and I didnt want to give up so I kept trying. This new guy made me realise how much we weren't right and I can see myself with him for years.''

I tell her I'm hanging up because I don't want to hear this **** and she then gets aggressive talking about all my flaws in the relationship and goes onto say, ''and he does oral better than you ever did and he's just better in bed too!''

Now, that obviously stings an awful amount but at the same time, I can tell you that our sex was absolutely incredible, and I mean that. She reached the big O multiple times and it was passionate and rough how she liked it. From this, I again can only imagine she's trying to ''get one'' on me.

This morning I went to Three and bought a new SIM, which will end all communications with her. It really sucks being treated like this when you saw someone as your 'princess' and want the best for her.

What an absolute B with an Itch. Honestly this girl has no respect for herself or anyone else. Absolute dirt bag. Onward and upwards OP.

The Princess Bride

Having read all you've said about this girl, OP, I'd say you deserve better and I hope in time you put this relationship behind you.

Although she treated you horribly, and the most recent phone call was hurtful, I'd hazard a guess that this girl is deeply flawed as a result of her having been abused.

Not your problem luckily, but she needs to seek professional help instead of jumping from relationship to relationship.
I wouldn't be betting her current beau will be a long termer either somehow.
Very sad.

Best wishes to you, look after yourself and try stay busy to get away from thinking about her.

Givepuzzles

You've had such a lucky escape!

leggo

Yeah, the more I read her behaviour the more I think "low self-esteem/abuse victim passing on unhealed trauma." Which is weird because I read the OP like, "meh, she's young, that's natural enough even if it is a bit low." Her ideal scenario seems to involve you wanting her and her rejecting you. I get that it's tough now, I've had the whole jealousy thing done to me too, but rest assured it'll help you heal a lot quicker too and not look back down the line. Just stay strong for now.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.