Telling parents about separation

cmarl

I am really anxious about telling my parents I am separating from my husband of 10 years. They will be totally shocked as I have never let on that we were having any problems. They are not that old and are in good health, it is just the shock and disappointment they will feel that I cant face. The thought of having to tell them makes me want to rethink our decision which is crazy I know but I never have any serious conversations with them. I never tell them my worries, I keep all that to myself so having to discuss this now is a huge challenge for me. Is this stupid? I suppose there is no easy way.

Vel

I can totally understand where you are coming from as I felt the exact same. I knew that my mum's reaction especially would be about how we were letting the kid's down etc.

Honestly, I just blurted it out one day when I was feeling quite low and didn't care as much about their reaction, if you know what I mean! They were upset, especially about how it would affect the kids, but when I explained the situation (without going into too much personal detail) I think they understood why we were doing what we were doing. They could see how badly affected I was and understood the seriousness of it all.

And now they are my rocks and I would never have come out the other side of our split without them.

It really won't be as bad as you expect I imagine

endabob1

My mother is in her 80's and my dad died the year I got married, I dreaded telling her but she was absolutely grand about it. As I explained that we had been having problems long before we actually split and had temporarily separated before and just not told many people, she knew it wasn't a flippant decision and was very supportive.

I was home a few months later and walked out to my dad's grave and when I came home I asked my mother what my dad would have thought about it all, she said "He would just want you to be happy" I think she was speaking for both of them and probably for 99% of parents.

It will be nowhere near as bad as you think

cmarl

Thank you both. Some days I am fine with the decision and feel i would be ok telling them but some days, when I am thinking 'am I doing the right thing', it seems like it will be harder to say it out loud to others as once I do, that means it is real. Anyhow it has to be done. Thanks again.

Funny Feeling

If it helps I am having the same problem...I kind of feel once it is said, I will be free to be me again. My mother is ill and due a major operation, so I don't want to add to the stress.

Vel

cmarl wrote: »

Thank you both. Some days I am fine with the decision and feel i would be ok telling them but some days, when I am thinking 'am I doing the right thing', it seems like it will be harder to say it out loud to others as once I do, that means it is real. Anyhow it has to be done. Thanks again.

That rings so true with me. I didn't want to say it either because, yes, then it means it is real. But I actually found that once I said it and admitted to some select few who I trusted and who I knew would support me, that it took away so much of the internal pressure I was putting on myself and it was the first step in beginning the new chapter in my life.

I know that all sounds a bit Oprah Winfrey!!