Pretended I was younger on Tinder and now dating

confusedguy1

I'm in my early 40s (male) and if I say so myself would pass for mid-thirties. Silly as it may seem, I don't like admitting my real age on dating apps as I feel it decreases my chances of getting interest. On Tinder I have said I'm late thirties. Thing is that I have now met this great guy on Tinder and we have been dating for the past three months. He thinks I'm in my late thirties and now not sure how to come clean. I saw his age preference on another dating app as being up to 38 max. He's 33. Any advice? Seems too late to say anything now.

You have to tell him eventually. Might as well bite the bullet and just come clean. Any longer than you've left it and you're just making the deception so much worse.

Merkin

Just come clean.

confusedguy1

Merkin wrote: »

Just come clean.

I know but what if he dumps me? I actually think I love him and he's the one.

blacklilly

You have to tell him the truth, you are being wholly deceitful if you don't. It will likely result in him having serious questions over your integrity also.

Although I cannot understand why you lied bout your age in the first place. Why didn't you come clean within the first few dates? There is a substantial age difference between you and he is entitled to have preferences when it comes to age etc.

Perhaps he will be ok with it but you need to tell him the truth, you've only got yourself to blame for this mess.

As an aside, I once met a guy from online dating who admitted on our date that he lied about his age (he had said he was 36 when in fact he was 42). I wasn't one bit happy and needless to say I didn't see him again.

Turtle_

confusedguy1 wrote: »

I know but what if he dumps me? I actually think I love him and he's the one.

Then you've learned a tough lesson.

eeguy

Turtle_ wrote: »

Then you've learned a tough lesson.

You're going to have a birthday and it'll have to come out before then.

Every month you leave it will only make it worse.

racso1975

confusedguy1 wrote: »

I know but what if he dumps me? I actually think I love him and he's the one.

If he feels the same it wont matter if he doesn't then he is not the one!!!

Ursus Horribilis

I don't see that you have any other choice. The longer you bury your head in the sand over this, the worse the fallout. Do you seriously think you can keep this lie up indefinitely?

Merkin

confusedguy1 wrote: »

I know but what if he dumps me? I actually think I love him and he's the one.

All the more reason to come clean. Say you're sensitive about your age and you thought you might be precluding a lot of people responding by being honest. Reassure him that this is the only lie you've told and that its been causing you upset. I think he'll be fine but you are better to tell him.

KikiDee

You have to tell him the truth OP. If he feels the same as you, he'll be hurt but you both can move past it together. If things between you end, then clearly he's not the one and it wasn't meant to be. You'll have a learned a lesson that you can use going forward. No lies my friend.

Big Bag of Chips

He may have lied about his age too!

Dark Phoenix

rip it off like a bandage - tell him. 38 versus early forties shouldnt be a a big deal, if he thinks its a deal breaker then is he really the one? The longer you leave it the more damaging it is

If I knew you were lying about inconsequential as your age, then it'd make me wonder what else you've lied about/are willing to lie about.

bee06

confusedguy1 wrote: »

I know but what if he dumps me? I actually think I love him and he's the one.

If he's the one he's going to have to find out eventually. When ye go on holidays, when you turn 50 and everyone's wishing you happy birthday for your big milestone birthday, if ye get married. Do you think it's going to be any better in a years time, 3 years time, 5 years time?

December2012

He has the right to be upset. Just tell him, but explain why.

Give him time if he gets upset.

He has his reasons, whatever they are. It may be to do with fertility, personality, shared interests, or something indescribable.

Good luck, come clean and don't lie again

racso1975

December2012 wrote: »

He has the right to be upset. Just tell him, but explain why.

Give him time if he gets upset.

He has his reasons, whatever they are. It may be to do with fertility, personality, shared interests, or something indescribable.

Good luck, come clean and don't lie again

Might not be the issue you think it is

e.r

Get a fake ID and never tell him

December2012

racso1975 wrote: »

December2012 wrote: »

He has the right to be upset. Just tell him, but explain why.

Give him time if he gets upset.

He has his reasons, whatever they are. It may be to do with fertility, personality, shared interests, or something indescribable.

Good luck, come clean and don't lie again

Might not be the issue you think it is

Yes, I know it might not be. I'm around the same age as the OP. But it doesn't matter what I think it is. HE has his preferences. And that is my point.

Turtle_

December2012 wrote: »

Yes, I know it might not be. I'm around the same age as the OP. But it doesn't matter what I think it is. HE has his preferences. And that is my point.

I think the point is that fertility is something of a moot point where it's two men involved...

Actually I was thinking about this. After I broke up with my ex a couple of years ago I got tinder, just to see what's out there. I set an upper age limit based on who I thought would be interested in me, and what I thought might work (same phase of life) but I never would have objected to someone older than that... In fact, in real life I didn't and am now with someone older than my tinder "max age"... And I know some people who just go 5 years older, 5 years younger, and don't even think about it. It's just something that has to be filled in.

But he does deserve to know your actual age...

December2012

Turtle_ wrote: »

I think the point is that fertility is something of a moot point where it's two men involved...

wHOOPS! I missed that! Sorry!

confusedguy1

So I finally told him last week and he dumped me.

He accepted that I was finally being honest about it but he feels that he can no longer trust me as he had been lied to before by an unfaithful ex partner.

Just posting this as a word of warning to anyone planning to be as stupid as I've been. My intentions weren't untoward but I lost out badly in the end.

I'm devastated.