Not able take or give compliments

LegacyUser

Hey. I have come across a problem I've had all my life, but only realised I had this problem recently. I am really bad at taking or giving compliments.

Whenever I receive a compliment I get somewhat flustered and I don't know how to respond beyond saying "thanks" or just ignoring it. I really like getting compliments because I don't get them very often, but I'm not sure of the proper etiquette. Should I give a compliment back, even though at the time I hadn't planned on giving one until the person said one to me?

This kind of behaviour has affected (I believe) relationships in the past. One example is where I was in bed with my new girlfriend, and she might say "you've an amazing body" or something like that. I'm not being cocky here by the way - I go to the gym 7 days a week so I would like to think I have a better than average physique.

I never know how to reply to a compliment like this. Saying the same thing back would have been so forced, and she would know I was only doing it do be nice because she was a little overweight. Don't get me wrong, I liked her body the way it was, but saying something like that to her would have made us both feel silly.

I always seem to get caught off guard on these things as well. I have lamely tried to give a compliment back, but they instantly come across as laboured because I'm trying to think of something to say to be nice in a split second, and I'm not very good with words.

Or maybe I'm just a dick, I don't know.

What's the best way to handle these situations for a socially inept person like myself?

quickbeam

Replying with just "thanks" is perfectly fine.

Alf Veedersane

It probably just means you're Irish

Seriously, I wouldn't take it as an indication of your social skills. If I think of all the people I know, the ones who come up with a 'thanks' in reply to a compliment are doing the best in that regard. Most of us just get flustered and mutter some gibberish

December2012

Can you give a compliment without being prompted?

Can you tell your girlfriend that she's sexy, has a great bum, makes you happy, etc?

Can you compliment somebody's cooking or hard work?

LegacyUser

December2012 wrote: »

Can you give a compliment without being prompted?

Can you tell your girlfriend that she's sexy, has a great bum, makes you happy, etc?

Can you compliment somebody's cooking or hard work?

I do give the odd complement for things like having food cooked for me or when someone helps me out. But I very rarely give a compliment unprompted. I'm always worried that I'll just sound odd, or that they'll think I'm weird, especially if there was no cause for me to say it.

Maybe that's something I should start doing. It's very unlike me, so I don't know if that will weird people out even more! And replying with thanks is probably the best I can do when I get complemented, that way I won't appear like I'm trying too hard!

December2012

It won't sound insincere if you mean it. If somebody looks nice, or says something funny, then you won't sound fake to say that.

dee_mc

beartitan wrote:

I do give the odd complement for things like having food cooked for me or when someone helps me out. But I very rarely give a compliment unprompted. I'm always worried that I'll just sound odd, or that they'll think I'm weird, especially if there was no cause for me to say it.

The 'compliments' you describe yourself giving are based around saying thanks for someone, along the lines of 'thanks for dinner, it was nice'.
When you think about it, what 'cause' does your girlfriend have to say that you have a great body? She's not just stating a fact, like saying 'you have a body', she's saying something nice with the intention of making you feel good about yourself and expressing that she fancies you.
Do you think it sounds odd when she tells you you have a great body? No, because you know it's a sincere compliment. Saying the same thing back won't necessarily be true or sincere or even make sense, so focus on something you really love about her and just tell her, sincerely. Ok it doesn't come naturally to you, but it's a learned behaviour and as such can be practiced.
I'm of the belief that giving a compliment 'in return' is really weird and unnatural so would just stick with saying thanks and maybe adding that you appreciate it or that it means a lot to you. So your girlfriend would probably be delighted with the odd spontaneous compliment. She knows you so even if it does sound a bit stilted or odd the first few times I'm sure she will still appreciate the effort and the sentiment.

Katgurl

well you do fancy her physical appearance I assume so you must think she has nice something (soft skin, hair, eyes, breasts) I assume. I don't know why you think it would sound funny just because she's a bit overweight, beauty is in the eye of the beholder not just an indication of time spent in the gym.

In response to your question, it's fine to say thanks when given a compliment.

Regarding giving other people compliments just comment when something occurs to you; ie. "your hair looks nice today" or "I like that dress on you".

My ex used to tell me things like "you're the best looking girl I've ever seen" or "your body is absolutely amazing". I can tell you right now that I'm not the best looking girl anyone has ever seen and my body is pretty average but I knew he was caught up in the moment and it didn't sound silly.

FizzleSticks

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