Farts - Your Proudest Moments.

Irish94

Was working yesterday, serving drinks to patrons in a busy bar in the city. It was quite busy at the time. I had a strong black coffee around an hour before my shift started. I knew after the last gulp, it was game over. The farts were coming out of me like no tomorrow. None crept out of me for the first twenty minutes of my shift, but it was getting harder to control them after that. Another two or three minutes pass, and I bend down to get a bottle of coke for a customer. And suddenly, it slips out of me. Silent, but deadly. I can see various patrons noses starting to shift from left to right. Casually, one man waves his hand across his nose to wave the air away. I can barely hide the smile on my face at this stage. Nobody can tell who it was and any aul crook drinking a pint of Guinness at the counter is most likely the suspected culprit that has let this monstrosity out. I hear an elderly woman to the left of me, mutter 'Lord have mercy' as she turns from the bar and walks away. That does it for me, I can't hold in the giggles any more, I quickly go into the back room and burst into a fit of laughter, knowing full well I did that. And proud, I was.

So, what was your proudest fart to date? :pac:

PowerToWait

Irish94 wrote: »

So, what was your proudest fart to date? :pac:

Can you say nadir?

m1ck007

I usually let a couple of farts out of me to start the day.

Armchair Andy

I once cashed a few hundred thousand yen with a Japanese foreign exchange cashier in Tokyo. That wasn't spectacular in itself but as I handed over my euro I farted, he smiled profusely and bowed emphatically while I cleared off before the stink rose.

Not a word traded.

Captain Chaos

Back in secondary school I stopped a class dead with a silent but deadly ripper. The teacher stopped talking mid sentence, put her hand over her mouth and ran to the door and started waving it back and forward, she then asked pupils closest to the windows to open them. Everyone was wretching and I was trying not to laugh.

She then asked whoever it was to get themselves checked out.:D:D
I was just really nervous of a big exam coming up and my stomach gets in knots when I feel stressed, couldn't help it. Very funny though.

squadro

At the tennis club agm. Full of auld farts anyway.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

In 5th class. There was a girl in my class called Rachel who was always always farting. One day, I farted the loudest fart I've ever had in my life. It was so bad it practically echoed. The teacher looked down the class, and gave out to Rachel. She was laughing so hard she couldn't even tell the teacher it wasn't her.
I was proud.

Toots

Just after midnight when I turned 30, my husband looked at me and said "Happy Birthday! Now you'll have to start acting like a grown up, hahaha!" I responded by grabbing a lighter, and setting fire to an absolute ripper of a fart. The resulting fireball was very impressive, and I still laugh thinking about his expression :pac:

Irish94

Irish94 wrote: »

Was working yesterday,[....]I quickly go into the back room and burst into a fit of laughter, knowing full well I did that

By far the most amusing thing about this is that Toots thanked it.

scudzilla

Went back to Wales for my mother's funeral 7yrs ago, met the family the night before and had a few fizzy drinks.
On the way to the funeral in the car, my Uncle was in front passenger seat, my 3 aunties in the middle, and my dad, sister and i in the back.
I let off one of the smelliest, most rotten farts in history, we were all squished in and couldn't move, all eyes turned to me, well, eyes that were not crying at this point due to the smell, i denied it and my Aunty got the blame :D

My Gf, now wife, was in the car behind us, and she said she thought something was up when the car pulled up outside the crematorium and everybody dived out like the germans did in the war films when someone threw a grenade into a tank

Steve

FlutterinBantam reincarnated!!!

MilesMorales1

When I was maybe 9 or 10, I farted in class, and it was so loud, and so rotten, like ****ing rotten eggs, we all got a 5 minute break outside to let the classroom air out. Hero of the people I am :cool:

Alf Stewart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZRQzW_Ro2o

CINCLANTFLT

I was hungover once... In Dunnes Stores next to the chilled meat counter contemplating what to buy... Left out a silent, but horrid smelling fart... About 20 seconds later a couple came up to get some pork chops, smelt the stench, thought it was the meat and called over one of the staff to complain... I must have been rotting on the inside...

... Also as I approach old age, I am learning to never trust a fart.. Sharting myself quite a lot these days...

the_pen_turner

i was at a meeting one day with a college of mine. he was talking to a group of 15 women from the proposed job site. I was only sitting in and there to help with drawings etc

he has a habit of small farts coming out every so often.
he was talking away and let out a small noisy fart . I was getting the next drawing ready as he slipped it out.
I had one brewing for a while and new that was the opportunity

I did a drive by on him and let out a silent but violent one as I passed him.
the timing was perfect. I just sat down in my seat as the first few women started getting a whiff.
he went bright red and looked really embarrassed . . all I could do was hold in the laughter.

he still gets slagged for it years later

Steve

CINCLANTFLT wrote: »

... Also as I approach old age, I am learning to never trust a fart.. Sharting myself quite a lot these days...

QFT

Stigura

This one just never gets old, for me!

cowboyBuilder

Alf Stewart. wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qZRQzW_Ro2o

f*cking vile ..

Call Me Jimmy

cowboyBuilder wrote: »

f*cking vile ..

well la dee da

sligojoek

I once farted in a crowded lift. It was wrong on so many levels.

Seriously. One day I was tiling a bathroom. I felt a big one coming on and knew it was going to be stink. I went down the hall to where my two mates were working in another bathroom. I went in and complimented them on their work and made some idle chat and let one silently go. I promptly left and closed the door. A minute later the two boys started blaming each other as they'd both been out drinking the night before. They busted out the door, empty reaching. Once they saw be busting my hole laughing, they knew who the culprit was. I was lucky I didn't get a few slaps.

fergiesfolly

Perfume shop in the Canaries.
Heavy night, the night before and didn't want to be there, but got dragged along.
Snooty auld horse of a manager started following us around the store, the second we walked in, giving us dirty looks.
Normally, I'd hold back or step outside if I was going to let one rip, but this time I couldn't care less.
The odour that emanated from my rear end would have dropped a rhino. I walked around the store, letting this stench seep out as I travelled.
Looked back as I left the store to see same manager spray copious amounts of perfume, while trying not to gagg.

Rosie Rant

I will always remember "the Room-Leaver" with fondness. I'm a nervous person; I have social anxiety among other things. When I'm particularly nervous about something it can have rather-eh- explosive results. I think I was worried about an interview I was due to have the following morning when I had a silent but violent moment. My OH gagged and had to leave the room. He still mentions it years later.

gammygils

Playing a Gaelic Football match. Minor Championship a way back. A fine Summers evening.
Had a dirty big salad; eggs and scallions salad cream,etc.
Was holding all through the match squeezing me hole.
Anyways ball came in I got it, was being tackled by tough defenders. Struggling, I let rip a rasper of a fart accidentally. They started laughing and I got through for goal and buried it in the net. We went on to win that game.
But I still get slagged for it

zzfh

feed of guinness the night before and maximuscle cyclone the morning after=game over./thread

DEFTLEFTHAND

I distinctly remember an event last November where I omitted a long and loud sounding bang from my ass. I was asleep at the time and the force of the fart wakened me.

I was reduced to tears through laughter before falling back to sleep again.

blade1

My favourite

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyJpQy7aXHQ

zinzan

I'd been seeing my missus for a while and had been keeping them in but I'd been on a bender the day before and I was going green and feeling sick with the effort at keeping it under wraps so I got to a point where I had to let it go - I knew it was going to be bad so I apologised in advance and let go for all I was worth - it was absolutely rancid, completely stank the room out for ages - it was heavier than air too - for the next while every time we went into the room it was like the draught was stirring it up from the floor.. pretty embarrassed but so proud of it at the same time!

King of Kings

i farted once on the dart at rush hour and a caused a women to initially gag then puke all over the carriage.
she was morto - I still laugh about it

MarkY91

On holidays we were sitting on the balcony with them white plastic chairs. I got up and farted on my friends head. As doing so he panicked and a leg of the chair snapped and he ended up sprawled out on the ground

source

In 6yr of secondary school, during my English pre I felt the urge to let one go.

The study hall was full as all the leaving certs and junior certs were in there for exams. The seat I was on was one of those hard plastic ones with a convenient hole at the base of the back.

Anyway I decided as I was in such a public place to let it out quietly. I figured it would be loud if I just stayed sitting normally, so I leaned forward began to push.

A loud fart ripped through the study hall reverberating on the back of the chair I was on.

As I sheepishly looked around my best mate who was sitting behind me was shaking his head and laughing his ass off. The whole hall was looking in my direction, so I did the only thing I found think of.... stuck both my arms in the air in victory.