22 Year Old Frigid

LegacyUser

Sooooo the title probably says it all. Im a girl, straight, 22, and for all intensive purposes, got a rod stuck so far up my ass its coming out the other end, and no, not in a kinky way.

Im going into my final year of college, Im the oldest of all my friends, and the last virgin standing. I know yeeve all heard this before, Gosh knows Ive lurked here often enough to know this is a reocurring theme, but I have my own spin on it, I promise. I, 22andFrigid, got my first kiss aged 19 in my first year of college. Like in Feb/March. This happened a.) because I am by no means attractive, Im a little tubby, healthy BMI but I got pudge, Im a brick in comparison to most girls my age, I tried to fix this, but I think its just in my genes, everone in my family is obese, I eat pretty healthily, last summer I went on a major health kick, cutting out all junk food, only eating 1000 cals max a day, working a high paced job involving lots of lifting and running (kind of, I was a porter/waitress in a very busy hotel restaurant), and going to the gym for 2+ hours daily, I lost a *little* weight, yet when I cam back to college just a few pounds lighter, my friend who had been the same size and height as me had dropped a ton of weight, 2 sizes in fact. Not intentionally, she had also gotten a high paced job and thought it must have been that....so despite doing everything right and my best efforts I just have to accept I can be as healthy as I can but I will always be *a broad girl*. Not to mention I am ugly, facially, and I have a "straight" body type, where my waist has no definition. Its not a secet, you dont have to reassure me Im not, I got my dads features, the potato shaped face, bad skin, awful gummy smile, big over bearing nose, lack of cheek bones, wonky down slanting small eyes. Its fine, Im ok with it, its just something I cant improve on (unless of course I get plastic surgery down the line, but I know I wont), its just a fact of life. and b.) Im awkward, Ive always been awkward. Ive come on leaps and bounds but tbh I cant stand talking to people more than 3 minutes, its just the way I am. I promise this story is going somewhere!

So anyways, somehow, magically, ended up with friends in college (WOOT WOOT), a miracle to say the least given my awkwardness mentioned above, I have a grand total of 0 at home. I am a very happy smiley "polite" person, sounds great doesnt it? Well its not, Im getting bullied and walked over at work over it. People mimicing me, walking all over me; people have my whole life, i thought it would disappear outside my family/after I left school, but nope it appears adults pick up on it/pick on it just as much as teens do. Anyways back on track, Im an awkward shy person, I put on this front, this armour, cause, well Im just a ball of awkwardness inside where I cant even respond to a simple question, hence my polite front, which Im sure at time seems very offish, and I kind of want it to be, Im not comfortable in my own skin, hence Im uncomfortable talking to people and just want them to go away and leave me alone so theyll never realise how actually awkward I really am on the inside. It sounds absurd and contradictory, I know, but thats me for you :rolleyes: I cant think in the monent to respond to people, to give the coreect/witty reply.

Anywho point 1: Im awkward and offish.
Point 2: Im going to be honest here. College is meant to be the slutiest time of your life, a lot of people regret being in a serious relationship throughout their college years as they never got the chance to go wild/experiment. Well I just dont do that, at all. Im a virgin. A big massive stinking virgin, you might as well dress me up in blue robes and start calling me Mary. The furthest Ive ever gone with a boy is kissing, no hand jobs, blow jobs, fingering, cuddling, heck whenever I have kissed lads its been a club drunk eye contact thing, no words or names exchanged. And I was quite content this way for a while till most of my friends went off and went from being in the same position as me to doing ALL of the above in a matter of 2 months of each other (some had gone the full way before but most of us hadnt). Now my friends go off multiple times a week and bring home lads (never someone they know/the same one)/go back to a lads place every night theyre out, they may not always go the full way but something happens no matter what, and as far as I can tell, this is the *average* college experience for people in college not in relationships. Legitamitely, IDK if any of yee ever were or are currently are in college but it seems to have changed A LOT from what Ive heard in the past 5 years even. Some study was done and said the average number of men a woman has slept with by age 30 is 7. That is actually laughable, you can ask people anonymously, students sleep with that many people in anywhere between a year and a month! Trust me, Ive known my friends to do sleep with well over 7 people in a year (not including the people they just do *things* with).

Now I know what some of yee are itching to type, but hold back those fingers from the keyboard just a moment more. I acually, unbelievably do not feel any pressure to just *be done* with my virginity and follow the crowd, so theres no need to tell me to take my time and only do things when Im ready. Im perfecty ok with doing things in my own time. I mean being the last virgin standing in a large froup of friends most certainly does make me feel inadequate, the odd one out, but not under any pressure. People throw the word virgin out like the way people used to use the word fag. I have been prude shamed by one of my friends even, and theyre all so concerned "if Im ok with being the last one left?" and that "its not a big deal, you could just do it on a ons" etc etc. It obviously is a big deal if theyre all so desperate to go out and find a lad every night theyre out to go home with, its not a "I could take it or leave it" kind of thing now is it? The hormones released from sex are as addictive as drugs. I just dont want to do it on a ons. Id rather it be with someone I know, not that I know any lads really. Id just rather wait, even if it is incredibly weird that Im still a virgin this late in life (like seriously there are people from my leaving cert class enganged and with more than one kid and Ive never done anything remotely sexual).

But heres the thing. Society has made virginity taboo. Society has made virgin an insult, and those who are tofeel inadequate about their virginity. Sex is so predominat in our society how could it not. Now I have a very very low sex drive anyways. I actually did one, now this is going to get a little TMI, put my hands down a guys trousers when I was kissing him, just to try to make myself feel aroused. It did not work. I do get aroused. At the most random times. I think Ive only gotten aroused when kissing maybe 3 times in my entire life. Heh, thats just me.

Just the thing is, I dont want to leave college a virgin, I just dont, cause as odd as it is nowadays to be a 22 year old virgin, its even rarer to be a college graduate and a virgin, but I am so incredibly insecure about everything. My body, my personality, people, like OMG, I am the sweetest person youll ever meet but deep down inside I kind of hate everybody. But I get the whole only do it when youre ready....I just want to be ready.....I dont want to do it until Im ready, but I want to be ready if you catch my drift. Like Im actually quite afraid of the whole concept. Like youre entiely vulnerable naked with one other person (I dont do intimacy in movies or real life so thats just an ewww no), I know theres preventative measures to STIs/Pregnancy but they dont always work do they. And genuinely I have asked my friends, no one uses any sort of protection during oral.....I think I actually am more scared of contracting genital herpes that I am of getting pregnant :P (A kid is just for 18 years, herpes is for life :pac: )

And heres the most unusual concern of all....fecking Catholic guilt and fear of hell. Yep. Im a millenial and I still fear the burning in the wicked fires of hell Premaritial sex is straight up one of the biggest sins, straightforward clean cut youre going to hell if you do it sin. Im a nice person, Im a good person, and I know it seems stupid, but premaritial sex is a mortal sin, yeah the bible is full of stupid rules (venial sins....or a bunch of mumbo jumbo some philospher came up with cause why the hell not) but there it is one of the 10 commandments, break one of these and you shall be purged in the fires of hell kinda thing. I dont believe homosexuality/eating on the sabboth/wearing textiles of mixed materials/etc. are sins, they were just products of the society at that time. I know its completely and utterly illogical, but I just fear crossing that line ya know, its like signing my soul away to the devil, irreversibly. For something, as my friends put it "isnt that big of a deal". But its a fundamental part of the human experience, you kinda got to do it at some point. If you recall earlier....I mentioned trying to turn myself on, I actually felt so guilty after that....

Anyways, thoughts/opinions. I know the things in the last paragraph is stupid, its just something which niggles at me...but the stuff in the paragraph above that, well thats the main issue I suppose....I didnt really have anyone to turn to so I thought Id confess all my secrets and ask for the advice of strangers off the internet instead, like any normal, sane reasonable person would do instead :pac:

CdeC

Hey OP,

I read through your mail and the first thing that pops out is how well you write. it is funny and sharp and obviously something you are good at.
Now for the advice bit. Another thing that comes out is your self depreciation. so you haven't been gifted with the perfect body etc. you seem to have guts and determination. Keep up the healthy living and exercise. If you have a family history of obesity it should be a way of life not just for a few months.

Now with that you need to focus on your strengths. what are you good at, are you good natured, a good laugh, musical whatever!! These are what you need to focus on to try and firstly boost your own self confidence and then also attract others to you because believe me confidence in yourself will make you stand out.
Be realistic though, pulling guys in a club isn't the same as developing a meaningful connection. Have you any hobbies?
My advice is create interests pursue them. Meet people and make friends with men not just pass each one over until you find the right lad. Men as mates will lead you to meeting lots of men and different types not just the drunken coppers types. you'll be losing that virginity in no time. You say you don't really know any men, well that should be the first task. Men as mates!!!! Have fun.......relax and rest will follow.

Another thing you say is "I kind of hate everbody". ?? this is a strange thing to say. There still might be some of that self hating going on here. Again, focus on your strengths not your weaknesses.
Accept yourself, learn to love yourself.

Lastly, don't wait too long. All that religious ****.....put that to bed. You're overthinking it.
Always!!! use protection, condoms, never compromise.
There are STI's like HIV which nowadays is not a death sentence but it will change your life.
If you are still having some trouble, you could talk to a therapist who specializes in sexual issues. Just to get some of this stuff off your chest.

Best of Luck OP. At 22 not that big a deal.

: )

There's a difference between cutting calories and eating healthily. Eating just 1000 calories a day might not actually help you lose weight. You're better off visiting a nationalist or even visiting sites like eatthismuch, which can generate a calorie count that you should be achieving to lose weight and it might turn out that you're eating much less than you should be.

It's probably a lot more frequent than you think to be a virgin at your age, if not a lot older. People are just a lot more hesitant to talk about it.

I've never understood the taboo surrounding being a virgin, but there is also a taboo around sex still too and being promiscuous.

You tend to beat yourself up a lot. And you're a great writer.

I'll put it this way - there's a person out there for everyone. As someone once said in a thread years ago, "Even Christy Brown has a bird". You just haven't found that person yet.

silverharp

op I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself, despite what you think "society" is trying to tell you really are your own captain on this one and in any case not everyone is out there humping like rabbits. You will be done with college next year and a new phase of your life will start, focus on your studies this year and what you want to do later, part of that will of course be how you want to approach relationships which is up to yourself but you shouldn't see "losing your virginity" as an accomplishment or a goal in itself. it is certainly not something a guy will judge you negatively for and trying to keep score with your friends or whatever is kind of dumb anyway.

Faith

Wow, OP, there's so much going on in your post that I'm overwhelmed by it! I can imagine how conflicting it all must be for you.

I'm not going to try and placate you by saying "I'm sure you're beautiful". It's not going to help, is it? I know that because I was where you were when I was younger. I hated myself, I was significantly fatter than my friends, they were all having sex and being in relationships and I was like "Guys... wait up!". Funny thing is, 10 years later and I'm the only one who's married .

The main thing I'm getting from your post is significant levels of anxiety. You're anxious about so many things. That must be exhausting for you! Does your college offer a counselling service? I think you'd really benefit from talking to a professional about your worries. We can try to help in rationalising them here, but I doubt we'd do much good.

The one thing I'll point out is that the reason behind the Bible prohibiting premarital sex is that it was a way to ensure the paternity of a child. If a woman only has sex with her husband, there can be no doubts about who the baby's father is. That's all. As you said, many "sins" "were just products of the society at that time". Premarital sex is a sin for exactly the same reason. If the Bible was written today, when contraception is freely available, you can be sure that it wouldn't be included .

Lavinia

tbh opening post is so long i apologise i have no nerves/time atm to read it through
anyway IF your problem is being frigid id only ask if you can get the "o" thing yourself.
if you can - then you are not frigid.
then it is something else in question.

sorry again i will try to read all of that when i get the chance... :-o

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Think you're putting way too much pressure on yourself tbh. Most people assume that other people are having more fun, are having better lives, are getting all the luck etc. It's just how we're designed to experience the world (alas). We have an in-built ability to pick up on news that everyone is doing better/feeling better than us.

However, that's not to say there aren't things you can't work on. Firstly, you need to address your own self image, I don't just mean looks, I mean you need to give yourself credit for being who you are, what your good traits are, what you are good at.

Also, you are young, now is the best time in your life to get in shape. All you can ever hope to be, at anything you ever do, is be the best version of yourself. That's true for exams, true for work, true for fitness, true for health. Maybe you have an in-built body shape, maybe you just haven't worked out the right diet and exercise for you yet. You have nothing to lose by getting nutritional advice and fitness advice imo.

Also, on the religious hang-ups. If I could do one thing in this life it would be to quash the hateful religion we teach in this country. I don't mean Catholicism, I mean the Irish version of it. The one where we're all doomed and sinful etc. Now, I don't think you have to stop believing in an all-loving God, but no God who is all loving would endorse the crap we teach in Ireland, teaching kids about hell, about suffering, about sin. If you believe in God, I would at least say you should believe in the version if Him that wants you to be happy, that wants you the loved, that wants you to live your life to the fullest. There is a body of thought that the commandment "Thou shalt not commit adultery" is actually a mistranslation, the word "adultery" is a mistranslation of the word "rape", which is radically different meaning. My point is, even the experts aren't sure what something as universal as a commandment is meant to say, why should you worry about something as crazy as enjoying yourself? Any all loving God will understand I think, and of course, He's all-forgiving too so don't worry unduly anyhow.

Good luck with it OP. It's a strange age but I guarantee you aren't alone in feeling out of place. If anything, most people at your age has some sort of the same confusion going on.

Fakediamond

Wow, OP, so hard on yourself. TBH, it doesn't really matter what you look like, it's not about that, no matter what the magazines say, it really is about the persona that you are projecting out there. If you are giving out untouchable vibes, which you seem to be acknowledging, then you are fulfilling that prophecy and no one will approach you. As other posters have said, you are funny, self-deprecating, razor sharp wit, etc. are you kidding? People love that, and that includes men! As a (married) friend of mine says, she was a late developer and didn't really "do it" until her thirties. Lots of young women just do it the first time to fit in, ready or not. You're an independent thinker, who doesn't want to follow the herd, be proud of yourself, while not holding yourself back because of body image, awkwardness, or whatever. Think of the poor lads, lots of them feel awkward too!

Get some interests where your witty intellect gets a chance to shine, and be open to the possibilities.

Thanks for your bravery in posting, you're helping lots of others too by posting on this topic.

ivytwine

Ah OP I'd love to be your mate. You're a great writer, you're funny, intelligent and witty. Your college friends can see that. I bet you use humour a lot don't you? I'm sure if they knew how overwhelmed you're feeling they'd be heartbroken and wish they can help.

i can identify with a lot of what you're posting, I could have written it myself back in college. All that stuff about not feeling as pretty as the other girls and the self deprecation, the zoning in on certain features... Been there. And it's great because you get a laugh and everyone thinks you're the best craic. But there's a little sting there every time you make fun of yourself for laughs. And you just want a nice boy to give you a big hug and tell you you're wrong.

Your post was pretty long so I'll just address the points that jump out.

Please, please, please forget surveys and Internet click bait and magazines. It doesn't matter if you sleep with one person or one thousand. Say it again- it doesn't matter if you sleep with one person or one thousand. I've friends who have been with their boyfriends since school, others who'd take home a different lad every night. It doesn't really matter how conventionally attractive you are either- or your weight. Plenty of heavier girls attract men. Although I'm kinder to myself these days, im well aware I'm no supermodel, but I don't seem to do too badly either.

And SLING THE BIBLE ON THE FIRE WHERE IT BELONGS! Ok that's easy for me to say, I've been a nonbeliever since I was a young teen, but if hell exists having sex won't get you there. As already mentioned it was a way to control paternity. Sex was the final blow in religion's coffin for me. When you have it- even when you kiss a beautiful man and feel his hands on you- you will realise that it's the most wonderful thing in the world, and there is no way it can ever be wrong.

I think OP talking to someone, a counsellor in college, or even doing some CBT to help with the overthinking, would do you the world of good. You need to realise you're a person of worth, of value, and you deserve love too.

LegacyUser

Just the thing is, I dont want to leave college a virgin, I just dont, cause as odd as it is nowadays to be a 22 year old virgin, its even rarer to be a college graduate and a virgin...

Why, honestly? There is no rule on this. It's just an expectation, probably one to take with healthy dose of salt. I'm not criticising you, btw. I've read what you've said and have some understanding. I'm 10 years old than you haven't dated or slept with anyone - not due to religion. I know it's hard in your 20s around this topic, it can be messy. But, as you said yourself, you're a good, nice person. It doesn't matter that you've had no genital contact with another human being. Stay focused on being comfortable in your own skin, you'll be fine. Nothing wrong with being shy, either.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Struggling

I can assure you that everyone is not 100% honest with their college experience. I'm out of college 6 years so maybe I'm too old to know how it is now but none of the girls I lived with ever brought home guys. It just wasn't a thing. Honesly your friends sound like they're on a slippery slope into pregnancy or sti-ville. It sounds all competitive to me. Whoever brings home the most guys is the best looking. I actually cringe for your friends.

Many people are virgins at 22 and older. I imagine especially for guys this is the case. Its no ones business but your own so just do what u want to do.

Tom1991

I could of wrote similar myself but from the opposite sexes point of view at 22.
I was a nervous obese wreck at the best of times.I lost loads of weight and still didn't have any more luck or interest.Put it back on unfortunately.
What changed for me was I started saying and acting what I felt like doing and being my true self.im a sarcastic self deprecating man and proud now.
The second you stop worrying about what u think u should do or people want is when I find the romance side of life starts taking care of itself.

LegacyUser

Dear All,

OP here. I just wanted to say thank you for all your kind words and advice, some of your replies were very sweet

I just thought Id point out to Lavina, I dont even know what the "o thing" is :pac: So I guess thats a solid no :P

Alot of your posts were very eye-opening, particulary about the religious bit of my post, which TBH I was kind of moritified to put up, even as an anonymous user on a public website Yee actually really put my mind to ease about the whole thing

CupOfTea, I would like to apologise if I offended you. I read over my post and yours and realised it may have been somewhat insulting (I have been the friend who sits by and listens to her friends complain how theyre so fat whilst wearing a size or 2 below I do, if youre fat what the hell does that make me? :P Same idea just different example I suppose).

Anyways, your replies were all so lovely and kind and positive and I just wanted to say thank ou to each and every one of you for:
1.) Actually taking your time to read my essay of a post and
2.) Taking the time to revel in it, think it over and write a reply

So yeah, I just wanted to say thank you to all of yee

Ursus Horribilis

I hope the posts brought some clarity to you. Your head must be an overwhelming place to be sometimes...

Here's something else to ponder. Even if you lose your virginity and start having casual sex, there is no guarantee it will make you any happier. It's something that floats some people's boats but there are plenty more people who either have no desire to have casual sex or have tried it and found it did nothing for them. For many people, the sex they have with a person they've got some emotional connection with is far better than the awkward bumping of uglies with some random bloke they pulled in a nightclub or swiped on Tinder. Having sex will not change you as a person or solve your issues. You'll still be you, only you'll know what it feels like and where everything goes.

Your friends sound like they're at the more extreme end of the sexually active scale. If I was their parents I'd be asking questions about their dedication to their studies but that's another matter entirely. Who says your college days are supposed to be the sluttiest of your life? Is that some sort of idea that has crystallised in your head because you can't/won't get laid? I'm probably showing my age here but I don't consider giving handjobs/blowjobs/sleeping with half the campus to be the pinnacle of one's sex life.

You are definitely being too hard on yourself. Just because you aren't classically beautiful does not mean you can't be attractive. There are lots of people out there -male and female - who are a bit unconventional looking and don't have the physiques of a supermodel. Yet they are attractive and don't do badly for themselves. What does a lot of people in isn't their looks but their demeanour. If you are someone who isn't happy with who you are and give off certain vibes, you can scare people off. Desperation is one that sends them running for the hills.

Under_Graduate

Would I be completely out of place suggesting a male escort?

There's some serious babes, and I'm not gay, but them are some pretty dudes.
Plus, I think that will help counteract the imbued catholic morals, by going against them like a cheese grater.
Anyways, google is your friend. Most people know where to look anyways.

Personally, super interesting thread.
A lot of these on personal issues are.
But - I don't think you're entirely wrong about being hung up on sex.
The catholic culture in our country down plays it's importance in our lives.
It can be very defining regarding ones character development and, believe it or not - lifestyle choices, career paths etc.
It's huge.

That being said, taking another point of view - you're young, prime of your health, working, have friends, a social life, educated.
Pffff - just enjoy.
At that age - well, I don''t want to high jack the thread with my problems but - I was insomniac, severely underweight (yes, I actually envied people that could eat a square meal and put on weight), barely functional, socially withdrawn, and a chronic low mood - not to mention unemployable and basically bed ridden.

You got the world as your oyster so - enjoy.
And like I said - one night stands are touch and go.
An escort experience is professional, and great.
If it's sex you want to experience - and I applaud being open and, most importantly, honest with yourself, about that - then that's what I'd recommend.

coleen

First off you are a very talented writer so what ever you are doing in college you are a great communicator.
Now All my family are obese but I work hard at being an average weight so you can do that maybe you need to go to a dietitian to get a good plan.
So for the next part I would get some personal development mentor to give yourself a sense of confidence and wellbeing. It is much more important to be happy in your own skin that it is to give your virginity to some guy who is a bit pissed in a nightclub.
You need to start valuing yourself and seeing yourself in a better light then things will happen for you.

beks101

I wasn't much younger than you OP when I lost my virginity strictly to "get it out of the way" and it was with some complete random that still makes my skin crawl to think about.

Too many of us do this. And regret it ten years later, when they realise how awesome and fun and fulfilling and life-affirming sex with the right person really can be. Or the wrong person. But just someone who you have a connection with who isn't there to tick a box and who cares about you and your orgasm in the way that he should.

All these tales of promiscuity are nothing to be envious of, trust me. 2 to 1 says they're not actually happening as they're told as most people at your age will tend to embellish upon these things; and even if they are, these are largely empty experiences that IME many if not most people forget or regret years down the line. Hookup culture can leave you a bit sad and empty at the end of it all. And it can exacerbate all kinds of insecurities. Honestly, you don't need the trouble of it.

You're not hideous and you're not this big awkward ogre you seem to think you are. You're a funny and chatty and witty 22 year old who is far too hard on herself and letting the actions of others make her feel inadequate. Perhaps it's a symptom of being 22. I'd say if any of us were to pick apart our physical features as harshly as you have, we'd have a similarly exhaustive list. Personally I gave up that ghost many years ago when I realised that A. no-one, not a single person, was judging me as harshly as I was and B. who you are as a person and how you treat others has far more power and longevity in terms of attracting the right people into your life. Far more than a fit body and a pretty face. You'll learn this in time.

Stick by your principles and stay true to yourself. It's not a race. You're not a lesser person for not having the sexual experiences of your peers. And you're certainly not alone, as others have mentioned. Walk with your head held high, smile at people and get involved with as many different groups and hobbies as you can, not just your immediate group of college mates. Hang out with people who make you laugh and who make you feel appreciated. You're a 22 year old with a wonderful sparkle and a bright future ahead of you. Don't sweat the small stuff.

Sligo1

OP, from your post it doesn't sound like you're frigid! You probably just need to find some one you really fancy to get your juices running! Now that's obviously gonna be difficult if you're so down on yourself and unattractive as you say you are. But confidence is a big attraction to a lot of guys I hear. Get some lessons in flirting and see how you go.

Also, please pm me when you have written your first book or blog. You are wasted here. You are are great writer! Very very funny and witty and smart! I could read you all day.

Lavinia

22andFrigid wrote: »

I just thought Id point out to Lavina, I dont even know what the "o thing" is :pac: So I guess thats a solid no :P

ohh sorry :')
o stands for

orgasm

pardon me being feeling a bit odd to write it like so :'o

I just thought to say that - if you can get yourself there to the "o" thing - by yourself then you are definitely not frigid. simple as that
not sure if it helps

Tordelback

Hey OP, just a small observation to add to the good advice above. I was in a long-term and often long-distance relationship the whole way through college (still am!), and used to get quite jealous of my friends' procession of partners. Not that I wasn't happy with my partner (still am!) but the whole bed-hopping ride-after-the-club thing just seemed like an exciting scene to be part of: novelty and experience, all that.

Recounting this rather unflattering feeling to two of my best friends years later when we were all happily married, and they fell about laughing. Tutns out that their own sexual escapades had been exaggerated (if only by omission), most retreats to the bedroom with a skinful had resulted in little more than a cuddle, and they had many regrets about how they had treated and been treated: they reckoned I had had more and better sex in college than any of them. And my partner was studying abroad most of that time!

So take your perceptions of people and their own accounts, and particularly the nonsense that are surveys, with a grain of salt. Not everyone is at it like rabbits in college, even if it seems like they are. Come to a sexual relationship at your own pace, with your obvious wit and warmth you'll have no trouble. Nothing, absolutely nothing, is as sexy as a sharp mind and a sense of humour. And remember, sex should be as much a good laugh as some life-changing sacrament.

Under_Graduate

<SNIP>

Mod: Your post was of absolutely no help to the OP and didn't add anything to the thread. Please remind yourself of the basic standards required when listing in this forum.

LegacyUser

I lost my virginity to a random guy I was snogging in a nightclub just because I wanted to get it out of the way. I wish I hadn't because it was not a great experience. I didn't tell him I was a virgin but must have been obvious to him straight away. I hadn't got a clue what I was supposed to do and the whole thing turned out to be embarrassing and not sexy in any way. It was only afterwards when I had sex with someone I actually liked that I got any enjoyment out of it at all.

I also tried casual sex and found that wasn't great either. It must work for some people otherwise there'd be no one night stands. For me they were not worth the trouble and I will not be having any again.

Under_Graduate

Under_Graduate wrote: »

<SNIP>

Mod: Your post was of absolutely no help to the OP and didn't add anything to the thread. Please remind yourself of the basic standards required when listing in this forum.

Actually I thought it would assist in alleviating the insecurity surrounding her friends comments regarding their sexual activity.

Merkin

Under_Graduate wrote: »

Actually I thought it would assist in alleviating the insecurity surrounding her friends comments regarding their sexual activity.

It didn't assist at all. And in light of the recent post I've just deleted, if there is any further back chat you can take a break from the forum.

LegacyUser

CupOfTea, I would like to apologise if I offended you. I read over my post and yours and realised it may have been somewhat insulting (I have been the friend who sits by and listens to her friends complain how theyre so fat whilst wearing a size or 2 below I do, if youre fat what the hell does that make me? Same idea just different example I suppose)

Hey OP. No need to apologise, you certainly didn't insult me. There were some people on that First Dates show recently, mid 20s who have always been single. I was quite concerned about my non-experience as I got into my late 20s, as a 30 something I'm not too bothered about. I know you said you don't feel pressure to be 'just done' with it or the follow the crowd, but at the same time you're somewhat hung up on the college aspect. Maybe you need to get away from that crowd and mix with different people, if even just to have other hobbies too. As you get older, people don't pry as much about relationships. Well, maybe elderly relatives might. Nobody should feel under pressure to tick a certain box to achieve a status, that seems to be where some of the hype comes from. If anyone was particularly nosey I'd just laugh it off, put it back on them and say the seem more uncomfortable with it than I am. The response there would probably be 'you're in college, you should be having sex...' As for that front of armour you talked about earlier, it'll serve you for a while, just watch it doesn't consume your life.