College friends/ but not really friends :/

dazey

So - basically I'm lacking in social skills. Others in my life (mainly family and those who really get to know me) disagree, and think that I am very finely tuned into others' emotions, motivations and thoughts.

I try, and it generally always backfires. The real area this social weirdness for want of a better word manifests itself is in my dealings with people in work. It's like I don't understand or know the unwritten rules, and usually make a mess of things. I am capable, but in work I end up trying to speak to people or get on with people, and usually it's like they see right through it - they see I'm over compensating - and it repels people.

I've noticed the same trend emerging in my old college friends. I am the one whose opinion matters the least. I was always considered the joke of the group, picking a different career path to the majority (and a less traditional one), and while I'm now permanent, they see me as the airy fairy awkward one with the 'different' opinions. What they don' see is me in my corporate world making some successes. If we have a group event I'm the last one to be consulted, we are currently planning an outing - I suggested one venue for an activity . . . let's say bowling, and another member of our group higher up on the chain chose a different venue, and the different venue got picked. This regularly happens. As in they never, ever take my opinion into account. I met with them at Christmas, and I got upset at the lack of engagement - little eye contact, little questions about me or how I was getting on. It bothered me, and my then new-ish boyfriend could see it happening too. I mentioned it to one of the real social heavyweights in the group (loads of friends, popular with everyone) and she said she couldn't imagine them treating me that way.

That doubly hurt, because it's as if their belief or faith in me as a person with a valid opinion is really really low. The final straw was when I got into a bit of personal trouble a while back, and admittedly made a mistake, although not involving them. In the background to all of our dealings is that time, and how really they all think I'm an eejit.

I don't really have many friends, so this college group provides me on occasion with some sense of belonging, but there doesn't seem to be any affection there. If I raise any of this it will immediately get their backs up, and I think it will repel them further.

What to do?!

Buckfast W

My advice would be to ditch these people and concentrate on your real friends. My girlfriend was in a similar situation with girls she went to school with, anytime they met up or suggested where to go they never took her opinion into account or looked down their noses at her when they did meet. She just had enough one day and hasn't seen them since. Friends are people you can rely on and have a good time with, not people who make you feel small. I don't always see my friends but when I do we have a laugh and make fun of each other but nobody lays into someone unless they've done something to deserve it.
Ditch the bitches :-)

That_Guy

little questions about me or how I was getting on. It bothered me, and my then new-ish boyfriend could see it happening too. I mentioned it to one of the real social heavyweights in the group (loads of friends, popular with everyone) and she said she couldn't imagine them treating me that way.

Just on this.

Did you ask them how they were getting on etc? Initiate questions that could easily be reciprocated in kind?

If yes, then are these people really worth your time? I've gone through so called "friends" like this and while it isolated me somewhat, I was able to actually find a core group of real friends in the end.

We rip it out of each other but in a non-menacing way and I can talk to them about anything and we respect each other's opinions etc etc.

If they are not valuing your input/contribution and it's making you feel small and you're resorting to writing a post about it, then I think you need to do yourself a favour and just remove yourself from these people.