eloping , but in the eyes of church???

lillycakes2

Hi everyone,

My fiance and I are really considering not bothering with the Irish wedding and eloping instead ! The whole big Irish wedding thing is stressing us out already thinking about the cost ! We are currently buying a house/getting a mortgage and that is enough on its own without the added cost of a big wedding. I know you can have a smaller wedding at home too, but we have looked into that and we don't want to hurt feelings by leaving people out etc. We are just not into any of it anyway- being centre of attention and we have been at so many big weddings now, i have started to dread when ever i get an invitation.
So we want to elope......Looking at America as we could honey moon there aswell. But it does not have to be America. We are both Catholic and it is important to us to be married by a catholic priest when we elope, so that we are married in the eyes of our church.
Has anyone done this? I know we will have to do pre- marriage course and talk to our own parish priest to sign papers etc, but id love to hear from someone who did this and it worked out well !!!
Thanks !

lazygal

Would it not cost a lot less to stay here and have a priest marry you in a ceremony with witnesses only? Seems a bit dramatic to elope to America just because you don't want a big wedding.

Icaras

lazygal wrote: »

Would it not cost a lot less to stay here and have a priest marry you in a ceremony with witnesses only? Seems a bit dramatic to elope to America just because you don't want a big wedding.

The problem is it snowballs and everyone and their dog expect to get invited - friends from school, family (aunts, uncles, cousins) who you havent seen for years, friends by association etc. then theirs the whole Joe down the road had 200 at his wedding but its okay your only inviting 100- it turns into a mess. Im going through it at the moment.

OP the good thing about America is it has everything i.e. Vegas for partying, South for food and whiskey, New York for shopping and sight seeing....you get the picture. Also the Euro is strong against the dollar. Best of luck with it.

lillycakes2

Ya , we are saying America as we would be excited to go there as a honeymoon destination!
Honeymoon and wedding all in one ! We just dont want to spend our money on a day we would hate (cake/flowers/video etc etc etc !!!) but we do want a honey moon......
Just wondering though if anyone successfully eloped and had a catholic priest marry them ?

Mrs OBumble

Some people go to Rome to get married, I cannot see that going to the US is any different.

Talk to your own parish priest, and ask if he can put you in contact with anyone there.

Addle

Icaras wrote: »

The problem is it snowballs and everyone and their dog expect to get invited - friends from school, family (aunts, uncles, cousins) who you havent seen for years, friends by association etc. then theirs the whole Joe down the road had 200 at his wedding but its okay your only inviting 100- it turns into a mess. Im going through it at the moment.

Not if you don't tell anyone.

OP, if you want to have a religious ceremony anywhere in the world, you will have to get paper work from your parish office.

lazygal

Why can't you just not tell anyone here you're getting married and have two witnesses with a priest in a church? Will you be telling everyone you're going beforehand or just heading off?

Sapphire

I know someone who eloped. Took a day off work, went off to Knock and got married, not even her mother knew. I presume she had to sort out all the paperwork beforehand but that was fairly straightforward.

Plenty of other couples went to Rome - back before cheap flights if they didn't want the big white traditional wedding it guaranteed that only maybe your parents might fork out for flights.

Why not email some parishes in the US where you are planning to stay? I'm sure they could help you out with what requirements you might need. Then just don't say anything to family and come back from holiday married.

Birdsong

Speak to your local priest, I have no doubt that he knows Irish priests in American cities. Someone who he was ordained with or will have contacts for Irish centres. My uncle is a priest in the states and has done this kind of thing before.

jlm29

My sister in law got married in a church in county Clare (we are not from Clare). We were all there, but equally, she could have told noone and just done it, and then nipped down the road to Shannon and got on a plane to the states. You can still have your honeymoon if you stay in the country to get married, if that would make things simpler.

pwurple

Have you looked into going up north? You don't have to give much notice there, about a month I think

This piece...

lillycakes2 wrote: »

I know you can have a smaller wedding at home too, but we have looked into that and we don't want to hurt feelings by leaving people out etc.

Just be aware, you will hurt feelings by eloping. Your parents will probably be hurt. Siblings maybe. Maybe test the waters there first.


Also, sorry now, I'm going to apologise in advance if this seems harsh, but I would say this to a friend if they mentioned this plan to me, so I'm going to be straight with you too.

If I were you, I'd split the massive blowout honeymoon from the elopement completely. Take the big holiday at a later date. Because doing the giant splashy honeymoon with no-one at a wedding could seem like you want really to spend a wad of cash on yourself, but the family and friends were a bit of a drag, so you ditched them.

I think you may hurt people there too, inadvertently.