Loving or crazy girlfriend?!

LegacyUser

I wanted an opinion on a disagreement in my relationship that I'm unsure about. First I'll explain what I did to make it fair. I recently gave birth and my stomach was very ugly after the operation. I was feeling down about it and sent a picture to an old friend (guy) who was in my class in school. We were chatting on whatsapp and I sent a photo to see how bad he thought it looked. This guy is engaged and getting married soon but I know he fancied me in the past. Nothing ever happened between us because I never saw him in a romantic way and have zero interest in him. Anyway he replied saying I still look sexy and I have nice boobs and bum and smile. I'm sure he was saying this to cheer me up and nothing else.. The reason I'm explaining this is because it was part of my fight with my boyfriend.
Basically my boyfriend is 'friends' with many girls on his Facebook who he never met. Many of these girls post photos of themselves trying to look sexy (wearing very little). After having the baby, one of these girls began chatting to him in messages on Facebook. She asked him about his career for example "are you a pilot?" and he replied "yes I am hehehe do you like flying?" When I asked him who this girl was he told me he never met her. So I was upset and annoyed about him responding to this girl he never met while he's in a relationship with me.
Anyway yesterday he saw that I had sent a photo of my belly to the guy from my class and he told me I had no right to be annoyed with him about the girl he replied to when I'm there chatting to this guy!!! But I feel these situations are completely different. I knew this guy from school for many years and we were never more than friends. If anything was gonna happen it would have happened in the past...
Am I just being silly and insecure or is him engaging in conversation with any random girl he doesn't know totally different to me chatting to a guy who I was friends with in school?
Also another reason I feel terrible about this is because when we first met, there was a girl on his phone sending him naked photos of herself. I have no idea who the girl was and fair enough he was single before but now he is with me and I suppose I worried when I saw how promiscuous looking this particular girl was. (All of her pics were selfies of her body)
I then explained to him how I don't like him replying to girls and accepting girls he doesn't know on his Facebook. But in his opinion it is totally innocent and he said he will reply to any girl who messages. He said he does not want to be rude and if a girl messages him to say hi and ask what he does, he will tell her. I just don't understand why he'd bother replying to girls he's never met unless he has some interest.. When I told him I don't feel happy with him talking to random girls, he said that I'm insecure and shouldn't have a problem with it. I asked him what he'd do if a girl started sending him naked photos like the girl in his past and He explained if the girl started sending dirty pictures etc he would stop talking.
I don't want to be always annoying him about this but it just doesn't sit right with me. Can you help me please even just tell me I'm being insecure and to cop on....

Merkin

Both of your actions are as bad as one another's. Totally inappropriate and not at all the kind of thing you do when in a loving, adult and respectful relationship. What age are you both? Sounds like you both need to quit social media and go for relationship counselling TBH.

LegacyUser

Sending your "friend" a photo like that is weird. And you're trying to pretend it was a picture of your belly, but managed to include enough for him to comments on your breasts and your bum, so not just your belly at all and your account is dishonest. I'm certain the purported motivation is also dishonest, you really wanted some poor fella to send the picture to who you could rely on to still fancy you enough to say something nice, so you weren't just randomly chatting, you looked him up or keep in touch with him for that purpose. Start by leaving that poor fella alone, he's getting married and doesn't need the potential fallout from his fiancé finding your revealing photos in his phone.

Your boyfriend's actions are no better, the kind of immature nonsense fells who fancy themselves as "playas" go on with.

Really, this fight is only a symptom, neither of you appear to be actually in the relationship at all and perhaps you're held together by a baby. I'm also pretty sure this is a few threads you've posted about this and the others were under a registered account. If I'm right, you don't appear to have taken heed of anything you were previously told and you're just stumbling from crisis to crisis with underlying uncertainty about the relationship. You'll keep doing that until you go right back to the drawing board.

retro:electro

Yes I agree you are both as bad as one another. Also if you just sent him a pic of your stomach why is he commenting on your boobs and bum etc? You sent him a naked pic right?

HelgaWard

Totally agree with the other posters, ye are both as bad as each other. You sound attention seeking. I've had 2 c-sections myself and never felt the need to send anyone a photo of my stomach to find out what they thought about how I look. As if a 'friend' would reply with anything other than a 'you look great' comment. You were looking for a positive reaction and compliments from your friend whether you are willing to admit that or not. Similarly your boyfriend accepting random friend requests and messaging girls he does not know is unacceptable.

Ye both need to cop on and grow up.

ChampagnePop

You've titled the thread "loving or crazy girlfriend", you haven't shown any loving girlfriend behaviour in your post.

I actually think your WhatsApp-ing is worse, although his behaviour is disgraceful at the same time.

You've a child, you both need to grow up.

dmm82

Why do you think it's okay to send pictures to a guy who is engaged and getting married soon but it's not okay for girls to do the same to your boyfriend?

That's seriously hypocritical.

SarahMollie

Two wrongs don't make a right OP.

You two have a baby together, its time to grow up and act like mature adults in a loving relationship.

Said adults tend not to;

-solicit compliments from some poor sucker they know has a soft spot for them.
-friend random attention seekers on FB (who are possible middle aged fat men in reality themselves)

Read back over your own post. Neither of you have behaved totally innocently, no matter how you try to spin it.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here, first I want to thank you all for your comments. I'm totally surprised how badly my behaviour was taken and really do need to sit down and think about it. I always try to be the best I can be in my relationship and do realise I suffer from jealousy. The photo I sent was just of my belly and nothing else. It was the most unattractive picture. The guy was complimenting my boob bum and smile from knowing me and seeing me in person. The reason I sent the photo was because I lost so much confidence and never even showed my belly to my boyfriend. I was showing to this guy to see how bad it was. I wanted to see if the guy who previously found me attractive still did. I guess I was looking for the confidence to stop hiding my belly from my boyfriend. And this guy had messaged me first that day. I didn't just go messaging him first. But what I don't understand is my boyfriends thoughts... What does HE WANT from these girls?? Is it all as innocent as what I want...

ChampagnePop

I'm sorry OP, but what you wanted is not innocent, your behaviour is not acceptable, you deliberately chose to show I male who you know fancies you rather than a plutonic friend. You're not a victim here.

He needs to stop chatting up women too, both of your behaviour is ridiculous.

Is your relationship alright apart from these two issues?

Big Bag of Chips

So... Your boyfriend, the person you are most intimate with, most vulnerable with, who should trust above all others and who should be your support at your lowest time, was the fella you were hiding your post pregnancy belly from, and some fella who fancied you in school was the one you let see it first???? To be reassured that your bf wouldn't find it hideous??

I don't buy it.

As for your bf accepting friend requests from scantily clad girls he doesn't know.... Expect the requests for money to follow soon after. And for things to turn nasty when he won't send it. I know personally of one fella who got caught. Declined to send money and then had a an altered image of himself posted to his page, performing "an act" and claimed he was doing it in front of a child. The guards were involved. The "girls" were 2 fellas in Waterford running the scam all over Ireland.

Both of you need to cop on.

baby and crumble

Loving or crazy girlfriend?!! wrote: »

The reason I sent the photo was because I lost so much confidence and never even showed my belly to my boyfriend. I was showing to this guy to see how bad it was. I wanted to see if the guy who previously found me attractive still did. .

Why does your BF not count as a guy who found you attractive?

Seriously, OP. You're as bad as each other. If my friends sent me a pic of a random body part asking for opinions I'd be gone like a shot. Ok, maybe not like "do i have weird hands" but you know what I mean.

And you really can't give out about him getting messages from randomers when your friends fiance could see your photo and his subsequent comments about your boobs and bum and loose the plot (rightfully so, in my opinion).

SarahMollie

OP, its worth noting that everyone is pretty unanimous about your boyfriend also being in the wrong, but it doesnt mitigate what you've done. The fact that you're both being imature and behaving badly isnt really an excuse.

You should never have sent that picture, unattractive or not these two reasons;
1. you're in a relationship, and this is breach of your BFs trust.
2. your old school friend is also in a relationship, so you've been disrespectful of his fiancee.

If you suffer from low self esteem then thats an issue for you to deal with either on your own or by talking to your BF or other friends. Going behind your BFs back to get an ego boost is just the wrong way to go about it.

Sapphire

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

So... Your boyfriend, the person you are most intimate with, most vulnerable with, who should trust above all others and who should be your support at your lowest time, was the fella you were hiding your post pregnancy belly from, and some fella who fancied you in school was the one you let see it first???? To be reassured that your bf wouldn't find it hideous??

I don't buy it.

Both of you need to cop on.

I don't buy it either.

I think you were fishing for compliments or flirting and being hugely disrespectful to both your own relationship and your friends one.

You cant see that you are steaming mad at some scantily clad women messaging your partner but you did the very same to another woman's husband-to-be? Your reasons are irrelevant and its not his job to bolster your self esteem.

If you want to sort this out, you both need to admit you were both out of line. That you both need to be a bit more mature and respectful towards each other now you are a family and need to learn to lead by example to show your child how people treat each other in relationships.

A rule of the thumb is that if you feel your behaviour would be hurtful or disrespectful to your partner - even if its innocent - then stop and think first.

Big Bag of Chips

Again, just to iterate... You think it's ok for you to send pictures of yourself to a fella you actually know, and who you know fancied you. But it's not ok, for your boyfriend to get pictures from girls he doesn't know and is never likely to meet?

People might say you were more wrong, because you know the person, you have history and the likelihood is there for you two to meet again. Your boyfriend on the other hand is being an idiot, but not with "real life", people... As already said, they're probably not even girls!!

KikiDee

Oh OP, come on. The fact that you wanted to send this pic to a guy you admit has a thing for you speaks volumes. As someone said earlier, why not just ask your OH about it?

His actions are just as disgraceful. From personal experience, someone doing this is lacking something in their relationships. You both need to sit down and address what's going on in your relationship. You've got a kid now. Put the big girl pants on.

nikkibikki

Your boyfriends behaviour has made you insecure IMO, understandably so. It would make me insecure too I reckon. My first serious relationship was probably what most people would class as emotionally abusive. I didn't have much self esteem starting off so I put up with the behaviour. When that finished after 2.5yrs, my self esteem started to get better. I know I wouldn't put up with that now, I am much stronger and assertive. I am married to a man who would be devastated to make me feel like that.

Sending that pic to your friend was fishing for compliments for sure. But I think this was a symptom of your insecurity. Your boyfriend is seeing these sexy ladies on fb and you feel inadequate, am I right? If what he is doing makes you feel that way, tell him. If it continues and you are still unhappy, the relationship should end.

Sending that pic was wrong but it was just one pic. Apologise for it. But tell him why you needed the reassurance. Is he not giving you that?

Listen, my stomach is destroyed in stretch marks. I've had 3kids and 2 c sections. I'm 5ft 1in and i had twins nearly 3yrs ago so I was HUGE! I'm proud of my stretch marks, they show what my body went through to bring my beautiful babies into the world. They are worth every single one. My advice is to embrace your new body, stretch marks n all!

racso1975

nikkibikki wrote: »

Your boyfriends behaviour has made you insecure IMO, understandably so. It would make me insecure too I reckon. My first serious relationship was probably what most people would class as emotionally abusive. I didn't have much self esteem starting off so I put up with the behaviour. When that finished after 2.5yrs, my self esteem started to get better. I know I wouldn't put up with that now, I am much stronger and assertive. I am married to a man who would be devastated to make me feel like that.

Sending that pic to your friend was fishing for compliments for sure. But I think this was a symptom of your insecurity. Your boyfriend is seeing these sexy ladies on fb and you feel inadequate, am I right? If what he is doing makes you feel that way, tell him. If it continues and you are still unhappy, the relationship should end.

Sending that pic was wrong but it was just one pic. Apologise for it. But tell him why you needed the reassurance. Is he not giving you that?

Listen, my stomach is destroyed in stretch marks. I've had 3kids and 2 c sections. I'm 5ft 1in and i had twins nearly 3yrs ago so I was HUGE! I'm proud of my stretch marks, they show what my body went through to bring my beautiful babies into the world. They are worth every single one. My advice is to embrace your new body, stretch marks n all!

I think it really unfair to try and say this action is based on the boyfriends behaviour. No mention of problems prior to baby etc.

Op clearly states she felt crap after baby and most people feel she went fishing for compliments from someone she knew had a previous crush on her. Boyfriend chatting and accepting fb requests from randomers is no doubt stupid and immature.

The bottom line is both are looking to get egos massaged by intetacting with people of the opposite sex as opposed to each other.

racso1975

nikkibikki wrote: »

Your boyfriends behaviour has made you insecure IMO, understandably so. It would make me insecure too I reckon. My first serious relationship was probably what most people would class as emotionally abusive. I didn't have much self esteem starting off so I put up with the behaviour. When that finished after 2.5yrs, my self esteem started to get better. I know I wouldn't put up with that now, I am much stronger and assertive. I am married to a man who would be devastated to make me feel like that.

Sending that pic to your friend was fishing for compliments for sure. But I think this was a symptom of your insecurity. Your boyfriend is seeing these sexy ladies on fb and you feel inadequate, am I right? If what he is doing makes you feel that way, tell him. If it continues and you are still unhappy, the relationship should end.

Sending that pic was wrong but it was just one pic. Apologise for it. But tell him why you needed the reassurance. Is he not giving you that?

Listen, my stomach is destroyed in stretch marks. I've had 3kids and 2 c sections. I'm 5ft 1in and i had twins nearly 3yrs ago so I was HUGE! I'm proud of my stretch marks, they show what my body went through to bring my beautiful babies into the world. They are worth every single one. My advice is to embrace your new body, stretch marks n all!

I think it really unfair to try and say this action is based on the boyfriends behaviour. No mention of problems prior to baby etc.

Op clearly states she felt crap after baby and most people feel she went fishing for compliments from someone she knew had a previous crush on her. Boyfriend chatting and accepting fb requests from randomers is no doubt stupid and immature.

The bottom line is both are looking to get egos massaged by intetacting with people of the opposite sex as opposed to each other.

racso1975

nikkibikki wrote: »

Your boyfriends behaviour has made you insecure IMO, understandably so. It would make me insecure too I reckon. My first serious relationship was probably what most people would class as emotionally abusive. I didn't have much self esteem starting off so I put up with the behaviour. When that finished after 2.5yrs, my self esteem started to get better. I know I wouldn't put up with that now, I am much stronger and assertive. I am married to a man who would be devastated to make me feel like that.

Sending that pic to your friend was fishing for compliments for sure. But I think this was a symptom of your insecurity. Your boyfriend is seeing these sexy ladies on fb and you feel inadequate, am I right? If what he is doing makes you feel that way, tell him. If it continues and you are still unhappy, the relationship should end.

Sending that pic was wrong but it was just one pic. Apologise for it. But tell him why you needed the reassurance. Is he not giving you that?

Listen, my stomach is destroyed in stretch marks. I've had 3kids and 2 c sections. I'm 5ft 1in and i had twins nearly 3yrs ago so I was HUGE! I'm proud of my stretch marks, they show what my body went through to bring my beautiful babies into the world. They are worth every single one. My advice is to embrace your new body, stretch marks n all!

I think it really unfair to try and say this action is based on the boyfriends behaviour. No mention of problems prior to baby etc.

Op clearly states she felt crap after baby and most people feel she went fishing for compliments from someone she knew had a previous crush on her. Boyfriend chatting and accepting fb requests from randomers is no doubt stupid and immature.

The bottom line is both are looking to get egos massaged by intetacting with people of the opposite sex as opposed to each other.

dellas1979

First of all, how is he getting all these women befriending him? Is he part of some group or something? It is quite unusual (not impossible) for this to happen, but only if you are looking for it.

Secondly, this feeling unattractive issue. The confidence needs to be built up by you. Not this guy youre sending pics to, nor even your bf.

Answer this honestly, even if your bf said to you "youre the most gorgeous woman" I bet you wouldn't believe him. This is something for you to work on. No amount of affirmation from someone will help, because you've got to feel it yourself.

Finally, tell your bf how it makes you feel and how you are feeling. Be honest. He is your partner. Start with "I feel...." instead of "You are messaging these women and im going insane."

nikkibikki

racso1975 wrote:

I think it really unfair to try and say this action is based on the boyfriends behaviour. No mention of problems prior to baby etc.

I understood his behaviour has been going on for quite a while. Maybe I took it up wrong but that's how it seemed to me. I said it is based on how his behaviour has made her feel about herself.

racso1975 wrote:

Op clearly states she felt crap after baby and most people feel she went fishing for compliments from someone she knew had a previous crush on her. Boyfriend chatting and accepting fb requests from randomers is no doubt stupid and immature.

And I said the same, that she was fishing for compliments. How would you feel if your partner felt they had to get that reassurance from elsewhere? If they felt they couldn't get it from you? I know I'd feel fairly crap if my husband had to get validation from another woman. I'd be devastated and extremely concerned for our relationship.

Not only is it stupid and immature, it is damaging to his partner and their relationship. They both need to take ownership of their destructive behaviour.

racso1975 wrote:

The bottom line is both are looking to get egos massaged by intetacting with people of the opposite sex as opposed to each other.

Agree. They need to communicate and engage with each other for the relationship to survive in the long term IMO.

Sound Bite

Double standards OP!

You are both as bad as each other and seriously need to grow up now that there's a baby involved.

Really immature behaviour which needs to be addressed. Counselling wouldn't be a bad idea.