Work = life = lost

LegacyUser

Hi all

I had written out a really long post, but it was too much, so here’s my issue:

I’m having a really bad time in work due to hours and stress. It was on and off bad for two years, quite bad for seven months, and now really bad for the last two months. I loved my job, and I worked really hard to get here, and this current project is huge and it was brilliant and really great experience, but I am finding it hard to cope at the moment.
Working maybe 75 hour weeks at the moment, but am always (except now when I’m losing it) on call. Emails and requests coming in constantly. Really exhausted – like, can’t speak properly sometimes exhausted. I’ve gone past the point where I feel sick to my stomach with tiredness, and I’m now not even sure what I’m running off. Work is really pressured and huge opportunities to make mistakes. I’m going from work to bed, but I’m not sleeping very well. Haven’t really had an appetite in maybe a month. Trying to just eat and keep fuelled, but I have no interest most of the time.

Trying to keep – a. on top of things, and b. motivated, and c. friendly / normal – but I’m turning / I have turned into somebody who just isn’t who I am. I’m coming across as a schizophrenic, but more just some demanding bitch who doesn’t even know what she’s talking about. I’m not sure how to try and get things done that I can’t do myself without being demanding / unreasonable and asking other people to work horrible hours. Trying to get things done, but I’m not a project manager, and I’m just too tired to be able to do this.

I’m so emotional. I’m doing this “act as if” thing where things will be fine and we’ll get stuff done and we can all do reasonable hours. And I can fool myself with this a lot of the time. But, if I try to talk or think about anything other than tunnel vision work, I just have to fight back from crying. This isn’t great, as I can even hear myself going into high pitched panic when I start to talk about hours and deadlines – it’s actually really destroying, and I need some time away from all of this to get myself back down to the ground. Twice this week so far, three times last week, plenty exhausted already, I get up after sleeping for maybe four broken hours, and I end up crying in the shower so I can't even put my contact lens in, and then I put on my happy face, and this is draining, and I don't think it's fooling anybody anymore.

End of it all – I really did work so hard to get to this job, and it has so much that I love. This project is huge, and I was so excited to be on it. I was here from the start, and I want to see it through. I used to want it to go on forever. But, today, there was a misunderstanding that it might be ending sooner than expected, and all I could feel was relief. Even if it meant leaving where I’m living, which is an amazing place, I don’t have any enjoyment in any of this anymore, and maybe it would be best to go back and have a normal life. A lot of the life that I built up here is pretty much gone because work leaves me unable to commit to anything.

I know that nobody’s irreplaceable, and certainly I’m more replaceable than I was back when I could think more straight, but it would mean even more hours for the rest of the team if I walked. It would take a bit of time to train somebody else in – especially where we just don’t have time. If I leave, also, I’m afraid I would regret it, as this really was a fantastic opportunity – it just all went a bit wrong in the last while. But I hope it will get better again, maybe.

I think a few weeks away could fix all of this, but I won’t be able to do that until maybe August. Even then, there’s so much going on, and this is a case where you can get behind in an hour, let alone three weeks. Some of the team is going away in the next while, and I’m honestly dreading it, as we do have support, but it’s going to be busy to get new people up to speed and keep up with regular work.

Last thing – and this is probably killing me the most – is that I’m completely falling behind. I used to know our side of this project fairly well. We’ve got some new stuff in recently, and I don’t really have time / ability to remember / concentration to get up to speed with this. I still want to be able to deliver from our side of the project, but I can’t / don’t know how to do lots of this. So, tiredness, and lack of knowledge mean that I can’t do my job properly the way I want to. This, coupled with the fact that so many of the parties are under pressure and we can’t keep them all happy, means that I can’t even look back on my day and think “at least I did a good job”, because there are always more requests, and always more changes, and always parties who are not happy with how other things were done.

I really, honestly and truly don’t know what to do.

And this was the short version!

Esel

Here is my short version:

Look after number one. Don't worry about what will happen to others if you get ill / have to take a break. Anyone could break a leg tomorrow, or die, or have a breakdown.

Your health is way more important than any project. No-one is indispensable.

The_Honeybadger

OP your current work situation is not sustainable. You are working almost double what a normal person working a normal job does. You need to speak to your employers and figure out a way to ease the burden. If you don't you will undoubtedly burn out (if you haven't already) and be no good to them or to yourself.

If you can't come to a workable agreement with your employer then I'd be looking for a new job quite frankly. Life is too short to be working 70 hour weeks.

jimmycrackcorm

I think you need to do some serious evaluation about why you are spending 75 hours a week working. Evaluation from the point of view that you are getting zero benefit from it, your employer won't actually care and if they had to cut or downsize, you can be sure that your efforts don't mean a thing.

If you do properly evaluate then I suspect you'd find that the reason you are so stressed and over worked is because the person responsible for that is you driving yourself. Working in IT, I know there are times extra hours are needed but most of the time you have to realize you need your free non work time for your health and wellbeing.

Keane2baMused

In 20 years time you won't look back fondly at days your life was at a standstill and you gave every bit of your time and energy to work.

You need a break. Whether that's a long holiday coupled with a big cut back in your working day or a change in career that's something for you to think about. But what you're doing isnt mentally or physically sustainable.

Fakediamond

I think when you work such long days,you're too exhausted to think straight so maybe that's part of the problem of not feeling as if you're effective. Do you have a manager you can talk to? I know there can be busy peaks in any job, but working at maximum peak all the time just isn't sustainable. You're heading for burnout or are already there and it sounds like extra resources (people) are required to get this job completed.

HardenendMan

You should aim to work smarter, not harder. I've been in your position. For 2 years I was a project manager on a huge project. My only time off was 8 hours to sleep. And I couldn't sleep with the worry.

It was some journey. I do value the experience, but if my present day self was doing it I would have a much easier life. You need to stop and think about why there is so much work to do. Plan everything. That will minimise the fire fighting.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I know how you feel as I was in a similar position myself a number of years ago. I was working long hours. I was not sleeping well and had no time to have a life. I started to look for another job and took some holidays and the odd sicky for interviews.
I got a nicer job with better money. A few years later the ex company let go a lot of staff and paid them very poor redundancy.

I have watched people working long hours and putting work before family, freinds and life in general and being honest it never works out. In some companies the more you do the more they expect you to do. Working long hours in a stressful job will lead to burn out/ a brakedown or poor health. Also in 10 years time do you want to look back and say it was great working 75 hours a week or do you want to say I had a great holiday, met the love of my life or have some other great memories.

At this stage I would speak to your boss and let them know of your work load along with the hours your working. The reality is you can't keep working these hours otherwise your health will suffer.
Stop dealing with emails after x time in the evening. Stop taking the phone calls. I would not be taking on training staff on top of what your doing at the moment. If your boss is not willing to do things to help you I would do the following.

Go to your doctor and tell them about your job, the hours your working, how you feel and that you have no life. Get your doctor to do a blood tests to check your not lacking in Iron ect and that your throid is working properly. You are suffering from stress and they could sign you off work for a few weeks. This will give you time to rest and eat better. After a week or 2 you could start to look for a new job.

Yes you told us you worked hard to get this but no job is worth what you going through at the moment. I think some time off will help you see this. Also if your not stressed you will sleep and eat better.

LegacyUser

Hi all

Thanks very much for your replies! And for the people who have been in the same situation - that helps a lot.

@ HardenedMan - is there any advice you can give in particular? I know I am not working efficiently. The tiredness is an absolute factor, but I am not really working this weekend, so I plan to sleep a lot. I'm also going to take some time to automate some of our processes. This will be helpful - I just haven't had a chance to do this so far.

The problem is - the priorities keep changing. So we can come in with a plan to do X, then Y, then Z. Then an email comes through to say Z is vital and needs to be done immediately, X has changed, but Z needs to be done with input from X and Y. We're not in a position to challenge this.

I don't want to go to the doctors and get a sick cert - I really just want to be able to figure this out and handle it. Not to get into specifics, but we have communicated the need for more support, but it is what it is for the moment.

LegacyUser

I worked in construction on a major project a few years ago.I was one of the site management team.The project nearly killed us.Like, people I had worked with for years became complete strangers after a year or so, because the stress had such an effect on them, their personalities changed.The days and weeks after the deadline was met, everyone went back to their normal selves and it was terrible to see in a way, becsuse it really showed how much stress we were all under.

You already know what you need to do.The thing is that you're in so deep you can't see the wood from the trees.Seriously, if you walked away from this, in a month's time you would be looking back in disbelief that you even got this far under that amount of stress.Something will give OP and it will probably be your health, mental or physical (or both).And worse, it may not give until you stop going like this-you won't know the extent of damage until it's over.
You are not working in a normal way and it needs to stop.I'd echo all suggestions made here.Number one is eithe reducing your wokload drastically by talking to your employer, or walking away from the job or project.It's the only way I'm afraid because at the end of it all, you're the one that will suffer.Don't make a martyr of yourself for a job. Itt's not worth it.

Molly999

Get out. I don't admire at all people who do this to themselves. You are going to wake up one day, be 40, alone and no friends. But hey, at least you will have wonderful memories of those 75 hour weeks.